Agony Aunt's Dilemmas

oggbashan

Dying Truth seeker
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Jul 3, 2002
Posts
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I have a book of extracts of letters sent to Agony Aunt Dorothy Dix (originally published 1954).

How would you answer?

"For the enclosed five cents please send me self-confidence and sex appeal."

"There is a great void in my life to be filled, so I have fallen in love with a dentist."

"What I feel for her is not really love. I think it is what they call inflation."

"Miss Dix, is my boyfriend a good Catholic or is he trying to get rid of me? He has given me up for Lent."

"My doctors have diagnosed my case a nervous prostitution."

One for Perdita:

"My husband has a disease called gondolier."

Og
 
"For the enclosed five cents please send me self-confidence and sex appeal."

Five cents? Have you lost it?

"There is a great void in my life to be filled, so I have fallen in love with a dentist."

Oh. Oh. Oh, I see. You mean THAT void. Ahem. Of course.

"What I feel for her is not really love. I think it is what they call inflation."

We do not talk about those inflated dolls in this column. Hummpph!

"Miss Dix, is my boyfriend a good Catholic or is he trying to get rid of me? He has given me up for Lent."

(no idea)

"My doctors have diagnosed my case a nervous prostitution."

How nervous are you? How much for one night?

One for Perdita:

"My husband has a disease called gondolier."

(leaving it for Perdi.)


Thanks Og, had fun. :)
 
More...

"Please help me. I am a Canadian girl in love with the mounted police."

"I have just found out that the man I am engaged to is already married. Wouldn't I be justified in breaking our engagement?"

"Everybody warned me he would seduce me but I wouldn't believe them, so I found out the hard way."

"I know he loves me because he kissed me on the back seat."

"You speak of girls having a technique with boys. Just where do you buy this technique and how do you use it?"

"My mother saved us from being raised in the traditional Southern way of growing up with only average intelligence." (This is an American book published in New York)

"I have been an adolescent for the past six or seven years. When will I grow up to be an adulteress?"

Og
 
"For the enclosed five cents please send me self-confidence and sex appeal."

Five cents? That wouldn't buy a nipple on a hooker...

"There is a great void in my life to be filled, so I have fallen in love with a dentist."

I like being drilled too...

"What I feel for her is not really love. I think it is what they call inflation."

You're in love with a bicycle pump?

"Miss Dix, is my boyfriend a good Catholic or is he trying to get rid of me? He has given me up for Lent."

Start to worry if he isn't Catholic...

"My doctors have diagnosed my case a nervous prostitution."

Ahhh yes...the Happy Hooker syndrome...
 
Re: More...

"Please help me. I am a Canadian girl in love with the mounted police."

You must dismount immediately, those boys are infamous for their cold proboscii

"I have just found out that the man I am engaged to is already married. Wouldn't I be justified in breaking our engagement?"

Yes. And you would be even more justified in booking an appointment with a psychiatrist/trauma counsellor. Alternatively have a loooooong talk with your mum.

"Everybody warned me he would seduce me but I wouldn't believe them, so I found out the hard way."

There is nothing wrong with lessons hard won. They are the only way you can graduate from the School of Hard Knocks. But be warned, the entry exam for the University of Life is a doozy.

"I know he loves me because he kissed me on the back seat."

You must ask yourself this question; Does he love my heart or my seat? If you can answer that, then good luck.

"You speak of girls having a technique with boys. Just where do you buy this technique and how do you use it?"

The techinique is available from all reputable book shops and leading chain stores. You may, however, be unwilling to pay the price.

"My mother saved us from being raised in the traditional Southern way of growing up with only average intelligence."

Your point being?

"I have been an adolescent for the past six or seven years. When will I grow up to be an adulteress?"

I know it seems like a long time but think how long it's going to be before you are a co-respondent.

Gauche
 
oggbashan said:
One for Perdita: "My husband has a disease called gondolier."
Impossible, gondolier is a woman's disease, acquired and lifelong, but not fatal, after one's first trip to Venice. (Well, perhaps fags can catch it too. ;) )

Perdita (cannot really joke about gondolieri :) )
 
More ...

"I would like to have your definition of a perfect lady - I must have it before this weekend."

"I had the most tactful of stepmothers. She died ten years ago."

"He wants to date me for a night club but how can I accept when I have no night dress?"

"I am interested in being a nice girl and well thought of, but not, of course, if it is going to interfere with my popularity."

"I have six children by my present husband, who is of a cold and frigid nature."

Og
 
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