age and sex

[smilesalot]

First of all I am new here and have a question for anyone on this board. Is there some unspoken word about what is too big of an age difference in a sexual relationship? To me it is no big deal but to most of my so called friends it is a huge deal. The reasoning behind this question is that i am dating a guy who is almost 2 times my age which makes him only 3 years younger than my parents. I'm only 20 and most of my friends feel like I am throwing my life away. Does anybody here have any experience in this area and if they do let me know how I can handle my so called friends and their reactions to my relationship

 

[goddess_euphoria]

I say as long as you're happy, go for it. (cause it really shouldn't matter, as long as the two of you get along)

 

[Guest]

All things considered with the "minor/adult no no" thing, I think age is unimportant. It's merely a number and should not stand in the way of love or lust. I have been with men twenty plus years older than me before, and up to 4 years younger. Of course, that was sexually with. As for mixing in dating to it, I typically won't date men younger than me, nor will I usually date a man more than 10 years older than me. I see it as someday I want to have more children. I don't want my husband to be 60 by the time the kid(s) graduates from high school.

 

[smilesalot]

It's a very sexual relationship but it is more than just the sex, which is incredible, might I add. With this guy I can be my true self and not feel like a slut where as in other relationships I always ended up feeling like trash. He is an amazing individual and he makes me happy. Course I have thought about the children aspect of it and we have even talked about it a bit. I want children but at 20 I can hardly talk care of myself so I plan on holding off on that for the time being.

 

[Vlad]

I'm 29 and I live with two 21 yr old young ladies and it doesn't bother me, so have fun..

Vlad

 

[forgetunome]

It's nobody's business...

...but the two concerned! And if he makes you happy well...I say go for it!! I've seen many relationships work quite nicely with the age difference. And as long as the two of you care for each other and are happy that's all that counts. You can't live life trying to make friends happy...not that you try to hurt....but if this man makes you happy that's what matters!! What do you think...that's the important aspect!!

 

[Ambrosious]

My wife is 9 years younger than me and her mother is 9 years older. It could have gone either way there. Still could. LOL Age just doesn't matter to me.

 

[Darowyn]

It's likely to be more of a problem for your parents.
If your lover is of their generation, then they might have to acknowledge that you have grown up!
Strike any chords?

 

[#1derfulGuy]

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, & ENJOYED THE SEX GREATER

I've been there Smilesalot. I dated a woman your age and I happened to be her father's age, which is 38 (she's 21 now). We dated for a while then split up. Months and guys later, she realized that she had feelings for me and we dated again. It all went well until her parents found out (I had no idea that she had not told them). Her Mom was furious for her dating someone as old as her father. Other than that, we enjoyed each other's companionship and, to this day, we are still friends & lovers.

 

[Guest]

Other than that, we enjoyed each other's companionship and, to this day, we are still friends & lovers.

Good for you! My former Dom was 18 years older than me (which puts him abouot 10 years younger than my mother). He graduated HS the year I was born! lol At any rate, to this day he has been the best lover I've ever had (sawwy babe...I'm sure that will change after we meet in person! ). I learned a lot from him and always had a good time with him. At one time we had been talking about things like Marriage. The first time he told me he loved me I damn near had a heart attack. Then I started thinking about what I posted earlier in this thread... About not wanting my husband to be 60 by the time the kids graduated from high school. ~sigh~

 

[RonG]

Is it okay to have a differing opinion? In my observation, the guys I know in the age range around 40 who troll for young girls right out of high school or early college have a really hard time dealing with mature women. 7 to 10 year age differential is one thing but when a guy around 40+ is dating someone 20 years younger it may not be due to a wonderful confluence of people destined to be together forever.

I wish you the best, just that I have seen a whole bunch of these guys go from young thing to young thing creating a whole bunch of hard feelings. I am sure there are some wonderful examples of couples where age doesn't matter. But most of my observations have been of the sort where the guy is not real grown up.

 

[smilesalot]

thanks for the advice. Logically I know that this guy should be dating my mother, who is only 3 years older than him, and not me. But then somethings in life are not logical. My life is my choice and my choice alone. No, I haven't told my parents yet but how do you look at your 40 year old parents and tell them you are screwing and having a relationship with someone only 3 years younger than them? Not the ideal situation, that's for sure. I know my parents won't take it very well but that is to be expected. no father in his right mind wants his 'baby' to be having sex, let alone with someone 2 times their age. Anyway, for now I am going to stay in this relationship and hope that things work out for the best between he and I. I honestly love him so that should be all that matters, right?

 

[whatsinaname]

I honestly love him so that should be all that matters, right?

Bingo.

 

[Wil_E_Harden]

YOU GOT COMPANY!

My darling is 22 (23 in two months.) I am 54.

We became friends long ago, via the Web, without knowing anything about each other except gender, and built our relationship entirely in our minds. It was strictly a case of common interests and kindred hearts. The friendship did not begin with sex - but it sure expanded there, at first on the 'Net.

She is a mature, stable, gentle, sweet, kind, determined, intelligent, observant, feisty, funny, playful, reliable, honest and interesting person. She loves beauty. She gives more than she takes. She observes, analyzes and responds. She goes to bed late and gets up early. She eats too little unless reminded, worries about what others think of her, and is most happy when she is the center of approving attention (yep, she's personally insecure). She doesn't know much about things mechanical but gets her hands greasy on the car motor when the need arises, and through persistence, the willingness to ask, and sometimes luck, many times actually figures out what's wrong.

I love her, love her, love her. I take a breath each morning and think there must be molecules in it that had also passed through her lungs. I stand in the rain knowing that some parts of that heavenly river once passed over her body in the tub. The same golden sun which shines on me shines on her. The same moon which glows above lights her evening sky, too. (We are not presently living near each other, but that will change.)

She loves me. We respect and admire each other. We are friends. When we make love to one another the act humbles and enlarges us both. We know the reality of our age differences are significant - but we have found that to be another source of interest for us each. Our world views are not so different, but are focused from different perspectives and for us that is a dynamic, positive aspect of our friendship.

If you love your older man, and you are both friends, then stay with him and set aside the age differences. Test the relationship, over time, in stress as well as joy. If it stands and enlarges you both - to hell with anyone else's opinion. Don't worry - be happy.