Again, ques. for the les.& bi girls.

[Xectxny19X]

*WARNING* Major ranting AHEAD!

Okay, I just wanted to know how some girls deal with this type of situation and their feelings on it. And if it's already been covered, just point me to the right thread. Thanx! Here goes...Scenario, you're a girl lesbian or bi. This guy ask you out and you just say you're not interested in guys flat out. Then, he goes to a friend near him or says it to you himself that the only reason you rejected him was b/c you were into girls in a laughing and mocking kind of way. Okay, I'm bi and I swear I wanted to go right up to him and tell him I wouldn't go out with him if I was strictly into guys. That's my fury but then when I count to 10, I just felt bad for thinking that way and should just cool it down since I was the one rejecting him. I don't know. How do you guys usually handle it and how do you feel? Thanks much!

 

[Never]

I think you need to put yourself in his position. You see an attractive girl, maybe you make eye contact with her but... is that interest you see? Maybe she didn't really see you. You spend a few minutes trying to relax, trying to act cool. In reality you're winding yourself up but you're too busy making sure your fly isn't unzipped and your breath doesn't smell like onion rings to notice.

Then: the approach. You sort of walk up to her. Maybe she sees you right away and she watches you as you walk so you have to make sure you have a cool, confident walk. Or maybe she doesn't notice you and you sort of have to hover right beside her for what feels like five minutes before she looks up at you like you're a humongous jack in the box that just sprang up from the ground.

You promptly forget that great line about how great she looks and how you think she's interesting. Instead you give an absolutely moronic smile and say, "Uhhh, wanna do out on Saturday."

Now she's looking at you like you're a dead fish that just crawled up from the sewer and asked for a kiss. "No, no thank you. I'm just not interested in guys." She replied.

Great job, jerkass. You had to hit-up the lesbian.

You're still grinning like an idiot and you swear you hear your buddies laughing behind you. You want to be anywhere but here. But while you'd love the earth to swallow you whole it's not going to happen. No, you have to somehow make it back to your friends with some shred of dignity. Your mind reaches for the first thing it can.

"Ohh. I get it. But if you weren't into girls, you'd want me." You make certain to say this just loud enough so your friends know what's up.

"No, not really," she replies, also in a voice loud enough for your friends to hear. "I was lying to spare your feelings. I'm really bi. I'd just rather throw myself in front of a moving bus than go out with you."

Yep, you're stud numero uno. Time to crawl back to your friends so you can suffer humiliation from them for the rest of the night.

 

[Xectxny19X]

i know...i know....

 

[John Doe]

I think you need to put yourself in his position. You see an attractive girl, maybe you make eye contact with her but... is that interest you see? Maybe she didn't really see you. You spend a few minutes trying to relax, trying to act cool. In reality you're winding yourself up but you're too busy making sure your fly isn't unzipped and your breath doesn't smell like onion rings to notice.

Then: the approach. You sort of walk up to her. Maybe she sees you right away and she watches you as you walk so you have to make sure you have a cool, confident walk. Or maybe she doesn't notice you and you sort of have to hover right beside her for what feels like five minutes before she looks up at you like you're a humongous jack in the box that just sprang up from the ground.

You promptly forget that great line about how great she looks and how you think she's interesting. Instead you give an absolutely moronic smile and say, "Uhhh, wanna do out on Saturday."

Now she's looking at you like you're a dead fish that just crawled up from the sewer and asked for a kiss. "No, no thank you. I'm just not interested in guys." She replied.

Great job, jerkass. You had to hit-up the lesbian.

You're still grinning like an idiot and you swear you hear your buddies laughing behind you. You want to be anywhere but here. But while you'd love the earth to swallow you whole it's not going to happen. No, you have to somehow make it back to your friends with some shred of dignity. Your mind reaches for the first thing it can.

"Ohh. I get it. But if you weren't into girls, you'd want me." You make certain to say this just loud enough so your friends know what's up.

"No, not really," she replies, also in a voice loud enough for your friends to hear. "I was lying to spare your feelings. I'm really bi. I'd just rather throw myself in front of a moving bus than go out with you."

Yep, you're stud numero uno. Time to crawl back to your friends so you can suffer humiliation from them for the rest of the night.

You just perfectly captured a typical male's experience, thoughts and emotions in that situation. I'm impressed.

 

[sexy-girl]

it doesn't bother me when this happens really ... like never and stu said it's difficult to be rejected and usually the guy will cover up that rejection by trying to make it humourous in some where he can believe he's still coming out on top

what annoys me is when after you've rejected the guy by telling him you're gay he then tries to start a conversation with you about being gay and asking all stereotypical questions ... you know that he's not really interested in the conversation or worse he still has some slim hope of convincing you


i don't mind having conversations with guys it's just when it's these annoying false little conversations

 

[SweetErika]

*WARNING* Major ranting AHEAD!

Okay, I just wanted to know how some girls deal with this type of situation and their feelings on it. And if it's already been covered, just point me to the right thread. Thanx! Here goes...Scenario, you're a girl lesbian or bi. This guy ask you out and you just say you're not interested in guys flat out. Then, he goes to a friend near him or says it to you himself that the only reason you rejected him was b/c you were into girls in a laughing and mocking kind of way. Okay, I'm bi and I swear I wanted to go right up to him and tell him I wouldn't go out with him if I was strictly into guys. That's my fury but then when I count to 10, I just felt bad for thinking that way and should just cool it down since I was the one rejecting him. I don't know. How do you guys usually handle it and how do you feel? Thanks much!

Maybe I've been out of the dating world too long, but as a bi woman I wouldn't say, "I'm not interested in guys." I'd simply tell him, "Thank for the offer, it's very flattering, but I'm not interested/I'm not dating right now." If sexuality did come into it, I'd be upset, but would understand that his response is likely an ego-salvaging measure as others have said.

 

[deezire1900]

Well put SE.

I get hit on by guys all the time and asked out...i usually flirt a little so that they feel ok about themselves, then tell them I am not really out and about right now. Everyone is happy, and I didn't have to tell some guy I don't even know that i am into chicks only.

To me that is PRIVATE...don't get me wrong...I am out with a capital T!

 

[ethicalslut]

Another thing to consider...

I had friends in college who would use the "I'm into chicks" as an excuse to get guys off of them at clubs. Of course, it usually attracted more guys than it repelled (given the pervy let's see what we can get these college chicks to do nature of the guys you meet at most clubs ), but that could be part of it.

 

[John Doe]

Well put SE.

I get hit on by guys all the time and asked out...i usually flirt a little so that they feel ok about themselves, then tell them I am not really out and about right now. Everyone is happy, and I didn't have to tell some guy I don't even know that i am into chicks only.

To me that is PRIVATE...don't get me wrong...I am out with a capital T!

Don't you mean out with a capital O?

 

[Lake4321]

it doesn't bother me when this happens really ... like never and stu said it's difficult to be rejected and usually the guy will cover up that rejection by trying to make it humourous in some where he can believe he's still coming out on top

what annoys me is when after you've rejected the guy by telling him you're gay he then tries to start a conversation with you about being gay and asking all stereotypical questions ... you know that he's not really interested in the conversation or worse he still has some slim hope of convincing you


i don't mind having conversations with guys it's just when it's these annoying false little conversations

I've never hit on a girl that turned out to be bi/les, but I wouldn't be so sure that the conversation is always false. He may not have any expectation of bedding you, but he may find that chatting to a bi/les girl (esp about her sexuality) is intriguing/arousing/interesting, and it just might be legit.

 

[Xectxny19X]

I used to the "I'm flattered but I'm not interested in dating right now," or "I'm not available" and those didn't work for me. I've been using the "I'm only into girls" routine hoping that he may tell his friends that I am and that they won't be asking me out either. That's been working for me so far. The only exception is most of the guys must make a rude comment about that first. I do understand how guys feel about being rejected and do count to 10 each time I want to say something back. It's just that when I get rejected, I don't make a rude comment to her or to my friends about her. I just tell my friends she said, "no," or something along those lines and they would cheer me up.

 

[Never]

You just perfectly captured a typical male's experience, thoughts and emotions in that situation. I'm impressed.

Thank you.

 

[deezire1900]

Don't you mean out with a capital O?

Nope, I meant T, but it shows your lack to think ouTside the box. lol

 

[Mermaid]

I used to the "I'm flattered but I'm not interested in dating right now," or "I'm not available" and those didn't work for me. I've been using the "I'm only into girls" routine hoping that he may tell his friends that I am and that they won't be asking me out either. That's been working for me so far. The only exception is most of the guys must make a rude comment about that first. I do understand how guys feel about being rejected and do count to 10 each time I want to say something back. It's just that when I get rejected, I don't make a rude comment to her or to my friends about her. I just tell my friends she said, "no," or something along those lines and they would cheer me up.

Never add the "right now" a desparate man can read that as "I'll have a shot later." And so many men want to be the one to convert you. LOL You're a challenge. And they think that it's their dick that's gonna make ALL the difference. That's a rant for another time.

What I do if the guy is sweet and humble, and I have time. I'll walk him back over to his friends, telling him the "my sig. other wouldn't want me to get to know you better." Deposit him back with his friends, look at him like he's the stud, turn around and walk away.

If he's a dick. I use the just say no method. "Wanna..." "No."

My weak spot is if they ask to dance. I love to dance and really will try to dance with anyone who asks. But at the end of the dance I make sure to thank them and walk away.

Xectxny19X, you have the added problem of being so gorgeous. Makes everyone want to have you. That causes problems for you sometimes, huh?

 

[John Doe]

Don't you mean out with a capital O?

Nope, I meant T, but it shows your lack to think ouTside the box. lol

Oh please, divergent thinking is one thing, but using the letter from the middle of the word is just ignorant. Makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine.

 

[grungalunga]

Just found your topic -

This would be a good spot for a "chasing amy" reference, but i really cant think of anything.

As a guy, all i can say is we handle rejection in different ways. Sometimes, we go to our cars and punch onthe steering wheel over and over, sometimes we slap ourselves in the head saying, "stupid, stupid stupid", sometimes we eat to cover the sting of rejection, and sometimes we need to laugh it off by joking.

 

[MintSoda]

I've got one simple question to ask...why do you care even a little what some dopey drunken guys at a bar think? If they aren't even worth talking to, what does it matter if they say something rude about you? That's just showing their insecurity and overall pitifulness. You shouldn't be angry at people who have to lie to themselves and their friends to make themselves feel better, you should feel sorry for them that they have to do that to validate their own sexuality to themselves.

I'll admit, I've used the "I'm only into women" card before to get a guy to go away. Informing them that I'm seeing someone doesn't usually work. It's the guy conquest thing where if he just pushes hard enough he can make me forget about someone else. "He's not here right now" is a famous response to "I'm seeing someone."

If you KNOW he's unattractive and kind of rude I'm pretty sure his friend's do too when he comes back with the "um...she's a lesbian or something" story. We've all got those friends that tell us white lies to preserve some dignity, we know they aren't true, but we're too good of friends to call them on it.

Think of it this way, horny guys in a bar/gym/coffee shop/bus stop/dark side of the moon are a dime a dozen...he just went back to his friends and made sure a handful more weren't going to pester you. The way I see it is he just saved you twenty minutes of guys you aren't interested in hitting on you and if he did it loud enough with in the ear shot of Uma Thurman who was suddenly curious and approached you...okay so that's never really happens, but a girl can dream can't she?

 

[CURIOUS1026]

Makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine.

LMAO. Good one

 

[Xectxny19X]

awww...I haven't even updated myself on my own question! Thanks you guys for the answers. They were really cheerful as those type of approaches really do annoy me! Again, thanks and I'll keep everything said in mind so I can simmer down the next time. *smiles and hugs!*

 

[Xectxny19X]

The way I see it is he just saved you twenty minutes of guys you aren't interested in hitting on you and if he did it loud enough with in the ear shot of Uma Thurman who was suddenly curious and approached you...okay so that's never really happens, but a girl can dream can't she?

oOh hmm...Angelina Jolie...*sigh* aggghh and I've been fancying Mia Kirshner now a days *ducks my head*

 

[Frimost]

I think you need to put yourself in his position. You see an attractive girl, maybe you make eye contact with her but... is that interest you see? Maybe she didn't really see you. You spend a few minutes trying to relax, trying to act cool. In reality you're winding yourself up but you're too busy making sure your fly isn't unzipped and your breath doesn't smell like onion rings to notice.

Then: the approach. You sort of walk up to her. Maybe she sees you right away and she watches you as you walk so you have to make sure you have a cool, confident walk. Or maybe she doesn't notice you and you sort of have to hover right beside her for what feels like five minutes before she looks up at you like you're a humongous jack in the box that just sprang up from the ground.

You promptly forget that great line about how great she looks and how you think she's interesting. Instead you give an absolutely moronic smile and say, "Uhhh, wanna do out on Saturday."

Now she's looking at you like you're a dead fish that just crawled up from the sewer and asked for a kiss. "No, no thank you. I'm just not interested in guys." She replied.

Great job, jerkass. You had to hit-up the lesbian.

You're still grinning like an idiot and you swear you hear your buddies laughing behind you. You want to be anywhere but here. But while you'd love the earth to swallow you whole it's not going to happen. No, you have to somehow make it back to your friends with some shred of dignity. Your mind reaches for the first thing it can.

"Ohh. I get it. But if you weren't into girls, you'd want me." You make certain to say this just loud enough so your friends know what's up.

"No, not really," she replies, also in a voice loud enough for your friends to hear. "I was lying to spare your feelings. I'm really bi. I'd just rather throw myself in front of a moving bus than go out with you."

Yep, you're stud numero uno. Time to crawl back to your friends so you can suffer humiliation from them for the rest of the night.

I have read this before but I just wanted to say I loved this response, it shows a depth of character and emotion to really place yourself in another's shoes (especially of the opposite sex) and display a deep understanding of their humiliation, The trait of empathy is sadly a rare gene in today’s young women, its good to see some women still have it no matter their sexual orientation. Its a shame more straight women do not share your personality traits and emotional EQ, there would be a lot less confusion between the sexes if they did.

 

[MaxLongfella]

awww...I haven't even updated myself on my own question! Thanks you guys for the answers. They were really cheerful as those type of approaches really do annoy me! Again, thanks and I'll keep everything said in mind so I can simmer down the next time. *smiles and hugs!*

As a straight guy, I'm curious - what led up to the asking out? Was it alot of pleasant conversation, or a right away "Hey whats up? Lets do something"

If it was good conversation, try to be as nice as possible when saying "I don't go for guys". Follow it up with something like "I like talking to you though, I'd like to hang out as friends" or something. If it was just some guy acting like a tool at a bar/club, then there you go - he's a tool, fuck him.

Theres girls I've struck up a conversation with, and found out they were lesbian later. Some were bi, some were only a little bit into guys, etc, etc. Now me, I considered it off limits, but cool people are cool people, so I'll hang out with anybody I enjoy being around.

I guess what I'm saying is, try and keep the decent guys as friends, forget the asswipes, and don't let it bother you I can say that I've learned that, hanging out with some gay/bi guys im friends with, I had shitloads of guys hit on me - assuming that since I was friends with gay guys, I was too. I told them no thanks, but kept on bs'ing with them (Didn't want to lead them on, thats not cool). Some kept pushing the subject, and those I wanted to hit. If they didn't get the idea, I got up, no matter how much they needed my fist to their face.

Some people suck, just focus on the ones you want to