After prom: How far is too far?

[CharleyH]

Okay, I'm not a parent, yet. Nor in the next year do I think I'll become one. Not too many years gone by I was a high school guy with a steady girl going to prom. Of course, prom has always had it's glamorous rituals and myths. One being that of the after prom.

A local woman, doing what she feels to be best for the kids of an area high school, was recently on a call in radio show stating what she was planning to do for the high school students for after prom. Certain the students are going to go out and drink and have sex, she sent out a message loud and clear on 700 WLW that her place was the place for after prom. Her after prom includes such delights as the bowl of condoms and the alcohol supplied.

Many callers phoned after her saying how she was immoral and certainly against the law with the alcohol. One caller went so far as to cite the listing that here in Ohio a parent who hosts a party with underage drinkers can face up to a year in jail, and loose almost all of their personal property, including their house.

I agree the alcohol is a big no no. But the condoms? Should this one parent take it upon herself to make sure the kids, all the kids, are safe (number one)? And (number 2) if so, what exactly should she allow them to do? Are kids really just going to get drunk and have sex after prom? Sex seems to be a given. But is it? Not always. Is she in the right in doing this? Has she gone too far? Should she just stop with passing out condoms and allowing the kids to have sex at her place? Should she not even do that?

Alcohol is a no-no for the underage? Really Rik. Here we have an enlightened parent who knows the kids are going to drink and do drugs. She's offering them to do it at her house and I also assume she's offering to see them safely home and to make sure that no drunk chick gives a BJ in the middle of the party or ends up getting her name and photo posted with a condom saying "most used condom" the next day at school (happened at my - in Canada - Commencement party to 2 chicks. I felt bad for them, even if I didn't care for those two chicks). I think the woman is being responsible. She knows the score. The kids are going to do it anyway, why not make the end year party chaperoned and safe?

 

[Stella_Omega]

This happened to me. But my date was gay and that was the plan. I did sleep over and we went to the beach.

I pretty much had to out my date to my parents to get permission to be virtuous and trusted.

Last weekend, my son asked for a ride to a female friend's house. I said he could get a ride one way only-- I didn't want to make the round trip twice-- so he should take public trans to and I'd pick him up that night. he told me he'd probably sleep over, but I remember this mom not allowing boys to spend the night.

"Maggie's a lesbian," Son explained.

"And her mom knows this?"

"Yeah, they had the talk and everything," he said dismissively.

Some things occurred to me;

A; Does this mean that girls can't spend the night?

B; I am sure she'll have sex with boys too, sooner or later. If not already. Should I have the talk? If so-- with her first, or her mother first? Mom is a wonderful wonderful woman, by the way, really supportive of her kids.

 

[SlickTony]

Is it still hard to procure condoms anywhere? Because everywhere I go to shop, be it Publix, Walgreen's, or Wal-Mart, there they are. Plain ones, ribbed ones, ones with lube ones without, ones with spermicide and ones with out, latex and non-latex, etc., etc. Right next to the several different kinds of personal lubricant and the foam spermicides...all of which is right next to the Gyne-Lotrimin and the Vagisil, which is next to the sanitary products which are next to the incontinence products (ah, the Stages of Man!) I know that if you buy a bottle of booze, you get it up to the checkstand and a sign goes on the cashier's display advising the cashier to ask for ID--not that anyone does that to me these days--but does any such circumstance obtain with buying condoms? (I wouldn't know, honestly. I haven't bought condoms since 1975.)

 

[rikaaim]

Alcohol is a no-no for the underage? Really Rik. Here we have an enlightened parent who knows the kids are going to drink and do drugs. She's offering them to do it at her house and I also assume she's offering to see them safely home and to make sure that no drunk chick gives a BJ in the middle of the party or ends up getting her name and photo posted with a condom saying "most used condom" the next day at school (happened at my - in Canada - Commencement party to 2 chicks. I felt bad for them, even if I didn't care for those two chicks). I think the woman is being responsible. She knows the score. The kids are going to do it anyway, why not make the end year party chaperoned and safe?

The no-no here is that it is illegal. Of course, that doesn't stop many fine adults from doing illegal substances or activities. And hell, who's to say it's even a big deal if she didn't spout her plans on air. Your point at the end is most likely the point she was making at the time. If they are going to do it, why not in a safe and supervised manner? Good point, however, there is an if in that statement. If they don't do it, then she just admitted that she is willing to do illegal acitivities for minors. There in lies the no-no. Again, I don't have kids, so I can't chime in from the parent perspective. However, if you think that it's understable why she's willing to go against this portion of the law, that's fine. I understand it too. If you think it's okay for her to go against the law and everyone should back off. Fine. If you think that now everyone knows what's going to happen. Great. Those that don't want to go to her sorta party, don't go. Fantastic. However, I don't think Johnny Law will be so willing to let this one slip. This lady could become a fine example to other would be willing parents.

 

[WRJames]

I would not have let my children, at that age, go to a house where I knew booze and condoms were being supplied. There was a fad, in those days, for the high school kids to go down to Cancun for Spring break -- I'm not sure what the parents were thinking (?). It seemed obvious that the kids were headed off for a weeklong orgy. The only circumstances that I could think of where a party of the type proposed here would be acceptable would be if the parents of the participants gave approval, and possibly supervised. Somehow, I think the kids would find that a bit unsettling.

When I was that age, the drinking age was eighteen. There was some drinking in high school (I had a friend whole brought in a thermos of "orange juice" to school every day). Of course, in college, drinking was legal -- which made it boring. Most people were getting high on something other than alcohol.

 

[sr71plt]

I would not have let my children, at that age, go to a house where I knew booze and condoms were being supplied. There was a fad, in those days, for the high school kids to go down to Cancun for Spring break -- I'm not sure what the parents were thinking (?). It seemed obvious that the kids were headed off for a weeklong orgy. The only circumstances that I could think of where a party of the type proposed here would be acceptable would be if the parents of the participants gave approval, and possibly supervised. Somehow, I think the kids would find that a bit unsettling.

When I was that age, the drinking age was eighteen. There was some drinking in high school (I had a friend whole brought in a thermos of "orange juice" to school every day). Of course, in college, drinking was legal -- which made it boring. Most people were getting high on something other than alcohol.

Agree. My daughter once took off on short notice to drive with friends from Virginia to Tennessee looking for the original Colonel Sanders drive-in (in my Thunderbird). But I only found out after the fact and I was in another country at the time. But it's the last time she ever did that.

 

[xssve]

At issue here is simply the difference between a chaperoned event conceived to prevent alcohol related tragedies, sexual or otherwise, and pandering.

To be sure, the line between between servicing a need and promoting or enabling it is an ambiguous one, but then there is a often a tremendous gulf between how we think things "oughta be" and how they really are, including of course, the kinda shit we did when we were teenagers.

So the flip side of this, is the difference between the risk of pandering, or possibly more accurately, providing a safe, normative environment for the sorts of things people are doing anyway, vs. promoting an abstract illusion of propriety and thereby forcing people to go slinking around doing it, at potential risk to the public.

It's no wonder to me that people who cannot drop the act and touch base with reality now and again cannot imagine that anyone else, even a teenager, is incapable of doing it.

In fact, current studies indicate that teenagers who are sexually active are at much lower risk for other high risk behaviors, including drug and alcohol abuse - there are typically standards to maintaining relationships.

In short, I don't think hosting a drunken orgy is exactly what this woman has in mind, but naturally, the thought is very appealing to the imagination.

Presumably, if it's an open house, her detractors are welcome to drop in a see for themselves, no?

I'm sure that would be enough of a buzzkill to ruin anybodies prom.