After prom: How far is too far?

[rikaaim]

Okay, I'm not a parent, yet. Nor in the next year do I think I'll become one. Not too many years gone by I was a high school guy with a steady girl going to prom. Of course, prom has always had it's glamorous rituals and myths. One being that of the after prom.

A local woman, doing what she feels to be best for the kids of an area high school, was recently on a call in radio show stating what she was planning to do for the high school students for after prom. Certain the students are going to go out and drink and have sex, she sent out a message loud and clear on 700 WLW that her place was the place for after prom. Her after prom includes such delights as the bowl of condoms and the alcohol supplied.

Many callers phoned after her saying how she was immoral and certainly against the law with the alcohol. One caller went so far as to cite the listing that here in Ohio a parent who hosts a party with underage drinkers can face up to a year in jail, and loose almost all of their personal property, including their house.

I agree the alcohol is a big no no. But the condoms? Should this one parent take it upon herself to make sure the kids, all the kids, are safe (number one)? And (number 2) if so, what exactly should she allow them to do? Are kids really just going to get drunk and have sex after prom? Sex seems to be a given. But is it? Not always. Is she in the right in doing this? Has she gone too far? Should she just stop with passing out condoms and allowing the kids to have sex at her place? Should she not even do that?

 

[Guest]

She's an idiot.

 

[rikaaim]

She's an idiot.

Just all around an idiot? Perhaps the idea of keeping the high school teens under one roof is good in theory, but not principal? What are the odds that those same teens, who would have been at her house, would instead drink anyway and be on the road trying to get home?

What about providing protection for sex? Is that also a bad idea? I fully understand that the teenages own parents should be involved in these sorts of decisions, but is her handing out condoms any worse than the schools counseling office or a free clinic?

Let me clear my question up a bit. I'm not saying you're wrong. In fact, I don't think it is up to her to take on the responsibility of these young lives. However, I can see why she's doing it. In fact, in her own mind she probably thinks she's a hero for saving the lives of those who would drink and drive. Or, saving the future lives of young girls who might get pregnant or pass STDS.

 

[Guest]

If she provides illegal alcohol to my child I'll make certain she's arrested.

There are many things available for kids after prom. Our area high schools have all night parties at the school, for example. They are well attended.

Sex and drinking is not a given for prom.

 

[rikaaim]

If she provides illegal alcohol to my child I'll make certain she's arrested.

There are many things available for kids after prom. Our area high schools have all night parties at the school, for example. They are well attended.

Sex and drinking is not a given for prom.

I'm glad to hear that your area schools do take the matter under consideration. The matter being what kids can do after prom to continue to have fun. Isn't that what it's all about? Having fun with friends? Alcohol, she should absolutely face punishment. The thing that caught my interest most was the other callers being so outraged at her passing out condoms. Though, it was to their kids. Then again, they are just sitting in a bowl. The kid is the one to ultimately grab a condom. After what you said, it sounds like this sorta party would get the "kids" to grow up too fast. Not so much innocent fun, huh?

A friend of mine at works was saying how she was approached by one of the shcool districts. They were taking gift card donnations to raffle off as prizes for the school's after prom. When I graduated, my girlfriend at the time was a senior. So, I got to go to one last prom even though I graduated. They did an after prom in the shcool where the gym was filled with giant inflattable apparatus(es?) Anyway, there was a huge obstacle course, tug-o-war, bungee run. The point being that the school was finally doing something organized for everyone. The auditorium also had movies running all night. Each person paid an extra few bucks, but they got food, a safe place to stay, and plenty of things to do. And, yes, there was a raffle of prizes at the end too. The only catch was that each student had to stay all night.

 

[Guest]

I'm glad to hear that your area schools do take the matter under consideration. The matter being what kids can do after prom to continue to have fun. Isn't that what it's all about? Having fun with friends? Alcohol, she should absolutely face punishment. The thing that caught my interest most was the other callers being so outraged at her passing out condoms. Though, it was to their kids. Then again, they are just sitting in a bowl. The kid is the one to ultimately grab a condom. After what you said, it sounds like this sorta party would get the "kids" to grow up too fast. Not so much innocent fun, huh?

After what I said?

Kids may or may not be drinking, but it isn't this woman's place to buy booze for underage kids. The same thing with sex. Whether or not they are having sex it is certainly not this woman's responsibility to enable their trysts with a room and available condoms.

Schools and clinics pass out condoms along with information.

This woman wants to give them out like party favors.

A friend of mine at works was saying how she was approached by one of the shcool districts. They were taking gift card donnations to raffle off as prizes for the school's after prom. When I graduated, my girlfriend at the time was a senior. So, I got to go to one last prom even though I graduated. They did an after prom in the shcool where the gym was filled with giant inflattable apparatus(es?) Anyway, there was a huge obstacle course, tug-o-war, bungee run. The point being that the school was finally doing something organized for everyone. The auditorium also had movies running all night. Each person paid an extra few bucks, but they got food, a safe place to stay, and plenty of things to do. And, yes, there was a raffle of prizes at the end too. The only catch was that each student had to stay all night.

Yes, our area schools had huge carnivals and the kids were required to stay all night. It's a good plan.

 

[rikaaim]

After what I said?

Kids may or may not be drinking, but it isn't this woman's place to buy booze for underage kids. The same thing with sex. Whether or not they are having sex it is certainly not this woman's responsibility to enable their trysts with a room and available condoms.

Schools and clinics pass out condoms along with information.

This woman wants to give them out like party favors.

Forgive me for mis-interpreting. I'm very schleepy. Then I do wonder what her true motives are...

She gave off the appearance of self-rightous for the kids sorta schpeal. And everyone who called was basically saying the same thing as you. Who is this person to decide that all of this is okay?

I think my initial reaction to that is, who's to say she can't? Sex amongst consenting teens of appropriate age isn't illegal. She can even let her own children drink under her roof without legal reprocusion.

That was my first response to this topic de jour. This does make me wonder what she really gets out of it. Maybe she charges some sorta cover. Maybe she just wants to be the really cool mom with the kids. Who knows? Tough to say.

 

[galaxygoddess]

I have to wonder what angle she is playing.

I had a better typed out response just now, but it was lost... *shakes fist.


Anyhow, follow me for a minute here...

Did she give out her real name and address? WAS it real? did anyone check?

Is she being harassed at home yet?

Here's my thought. It seems a little TOO far fetched.

I mean she's either:

#1 really this stupid
#2 looking for publicity for her "cause"
#3 trying a bassackwards deterant
or, my honest opinion
#4 setting up some form of sting operation

"hey free booze! no reprocussions!" then you walk in, are met by a cop, or your own parents for that matter, and BAM scare tactic from HELL!!! WEE


I dunno, this sounds... fishy.

 

[rikaaim]

I have to wonder what angle she is playing.

I had a better typed out response just now, but it was lost... *shakes fist.


Anyhow, follow me for a minute here...

Did she give out her real name and address? WAS it real? did anyone check?

Is she being harassed at home yet?

Here's my thought. It seems a little TOO far fetched.

I mean she's either:

#1 really this stupid
#2 looking for publicity for her "cause"
#3 trying a bassackwards deterant
or, my honest opinion
#4 setting up some form of sting operation

"hey free booze! no reprocussions!" then you walk in, are met by a cop, or your own parents for that matter, and BAM scare tactic from HELL!!! WEE


I dunno, this sounds... fishy.

Sure it does. This was on the mid-day show of the A.M. giant 700 WLW. Who knows what she's really getting out of this. She called in. Said what she's doing. Then everyone else started calling and giving their two cents. The hosts of the show tried to get Kelly, the woman, to call back to explain further after some callers brought up similar details that Sarah has, but she never did. Sting operation? I'm gonna kinda rule that one out. Cincy doesn't seem clever enough for that. The first three I could buy here easily. I see stupid people all the time. Cincy is so confused about people rallying for causes that aren't causes that it's every day practice any more. And I believe some people are just so far backwards that they believe they are they only ones going forward. She could fit into any one of those three.

 

[cloudy]

If she wants to supply those things to her own kids, well....that's her choice. Supply them to mine? No f'ing way.

As an aside, I'm very open with my kids about sex, and have even told them that I realize they're going to have sex before I would say they're ready, and that if they don't feel comfortable buying condoms, at least let me do that for them. I'd rather have them alive than maintain my innocence about their sex lives. It seems to have worked so far....my daughter called me the morning after she lost her virginity to tell me about it - at the age of 21.

 

[rikaaim]

If she wants to supply those things to her own kids, well....that's her choice. Supply them to mine? No f'ing way.

As an aside, I'm very open with my kids about sex, and have even told them that I realize they're going to have sex before I would say they're ready, and that if they don't feel comfortable buying condoms, at least let me do that for them. I'd rather have them alive than maintain my innocence about their sex lives. It seems to have worked so far....my daughter called me the morning after she lost her virginity to tell me about it - at the age of 21.

I'm very happy to see that you are one of the minority active parents trying to protect their kids in a healthy manner of communication and support. This woman's idea of protection seems to be saying, "You know what drinking is. You know what sex is. You can do it here, or somewhere else. At least if it's here, I believe you'll be safe." That's not very constructive or truly supportive. It's kinda naive. The biggest harm that everyone seems to agree on is that she was involving other parent's kids. At the same time, I'm sure if one of the teenagers is going to that party, they won't tell their own parents. Had she not broadcasted this over the radio, I'm sure this whole thing would have been the underground secret for this prom year.

 

[English Lady]

How old are the kids? I think it was a mistake to say it on the radio, but I'm not sure it was a mistake full stop.

Maybe she was going to limit the amount of alcohol available and monitor those who drank it? That's surely better than them getting their own alcohol and drinking themselves into a stupour or worse?

And I think I'm pro the condoms, too. It seems responsible to me.

When my husband and I talk about the future and Boo's teen years, we both say we'd be happy to have her and her friends in our house than out wandering the streets aimlessly. Would I offer them alcohol? Not without discussing it with their parentsd first, no. I don't want to get myself or them in trouble. (the drinking age is 18 here, very few people don't drink below that from 15/16 onwards)

I don't think I'd be handing out condoms like sweets, but if it came up in conversation, I'd certainly discuss sex with them and encourage them to talk to their parents. I would buy them condoms if I thought they'd be trying it without otherwise, though.

I want Boo to be able to talk to me about everything,I don't want her to have to hide a thing. I'd prefer to know and help, than remain clueless 'til something goes wrong.

 

[rikaaim]

How old are the kids? I think it was a mistake to say it on the radio, but I'm not sure it was a mistake full stop.

Maybe she was going to limit the amount of alcohol available and monitor those who drank it? That's surely better than them getting their own alcohol and drinking themselves into a stupour or worse?

And I think I'm pro the condoms, too. It seems responsible to me.

When my husband and I talk about the future and Boo's teen years, we both say we'd be happy to have her and her friends in our house than out wandering the streets aimlessly. Would I offer them alcohol? Not without discussing it with their parentsd first, no. I don't want to get myself or them in trouble. (the drinking age is 18 here, very few people don't drink below that from 15/16 onwards)

I don't think I'd be handing out condoms like sweets, but if it came up in conversation, I'd certainly discuss sex with them and encourage them to talk to their parents. I would buy them condoms if I thought they'd be trying it without otherwise, though.

I want Boo to be able to talk to me about everything,I don't want her to have to hide a thing. I'd prefer to know and help, than remain clueless 'til something goes wrong.

The age of the teenages would be 16 at the youngest and 18ish 19ish at the oldest. The legal drinking age here is 21. The condoms were in an accessable bowl.

Change your opinion of the lady? Sorta like the tradition of Beggar's night. The condoms sitting in a bowl like a bunch of Hershey bars.

 

[English Lady]

The age of the teenages would be 16 at the youngest and 18ish 19ish at the oldest. The legal drinking age here is 21. The condoms were in an accessable bowl.

Change your opinion of the lady? Sorta like the tradition of Beggar's night. The condoms sitting in a bowl like a bunch of Hershey bars.

16 is the legal age for sex here, so it seems fine to me and the condoms in a bowl? Well you can look at it a few ways. Your way is one, that it's encouraging things or there is the view that if the teens had to ask, they wouldn't, they'd be too embarrassed and maybe risk without.

I think she's thinking that they're likely do it anyway, so she'd prefer them to be in a safe environment. I think it may be a good idea, to be honest, I don't think she's encouraging an orgy -just encouraging them to be sensible.

But I really don't know, without knowing exactly what she planned to do.

 

[Emerald_Dragon]

I think a far better idea would be an after prom party like the one we had my JR. year in school.

After the dance the autotorium was turned into a casino with fake money. With the fake money you could buy some really nice prizes that had been donated from local buisnesses. There were also some really nice door prizes like small tv's and 'boom boxes' (yes it was the 80's). Pizza was brought in there were tons of games all night. We also went four blocks to the local movie theatre and saw a movie for free.

The doors to the party were locked and once you left you couldn't get in. It was the same thing with the movie (it was a smaller school so it was easier to keep track of people). You had ten minutes to get to the theatre and then the doors were locked. Names were taken so people could get back to the main party.

Everybody had a great time and a lot of people walked out with some really great prizes. We also stayed safe and sober.

A lot of schools do this. My nephew's school did for his Sr. prom about 6 years ago. My sister and some other mothers also created and starred in some hilarious skits that had the kids on the floor laughing. They did the same thing with graduation night.

You dont need to provide alcohol and condoms. You need to provide alternatives that are fun and safe. All it takes is some organization and creativity.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

How 'bout this: The boy takes the girl home when the event ends. If they like each other they have a quick smooch at her door. He goes home and goes to bed. She does the same. Separately.

 

[Gizzmotick]

Just all around an idiot? Perhaps the idea of keeping the high school teens under one roof is good in theory, but not principal? What are the odds that those same teens, who would have been at her house, would instead drink anyway and be on the road trying to get home?

When I was still in school, my mother pretty much said that if I ever wanted to drink... tha was fine, but I had to do it at home as she did not want me out on the roads. Interestingly enough, while many of the other kids around me were trying to figure out how to drink and then get home without getting caught... I already had it figured out.

1) I think this woman is foolish to broadcast that she will supply booze and condoms on the radio.
2) She puts herself at HUGE risk for any kind of lawsuit if a girl gets too drunk and then gets pregnant. Nothing to say that the post-prom partiers are actually going to take AND use said condoms.
3) I personally feel that the best ideas have already been mentioned here such as the all-night carnival/parties hosted by the schools or local businesses. However I do have one question in regards to those. If someone did get tired... and their date did not - were cots or anything available for napping/sleeping? Perhaps I'm thinking of how I react to the thought of an all-nighter now... but even in High School I didn't like them all too well.

 

[jomar]

How 'bout this: The boy takes the girl home when the event ends. If they like each other they have a quick smooch at her door. He goes home and goes to bed. She does the same. Separately.

Not even a handjob?

The after-party thing is big all over now. They have it at the YMCA here. It's a good thing and the kids have a lot of fun. They even have kids trying to get in after they've graduated. Why miss such a good time when there's plenty of other weekend nights to drink and screw.

And as for the woman, her heart might be in the right place, but she ain't too bright.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

LOL!

You will burn for eternity, Jomar! (screws face into righteous indignation and wags finger)

 

[Recidiva]

It's too much like the creepy 37-year-old dude that hangs out at the high school party.

It's just too inappropriate to be a good thing.

Certain things have expiration dates.

Alcohol's just illegal, so I'll let the law handle that one.

Condoms - it's none of your business. If an 18-year-old manages to go to prom and dress themselves, they should be able to secure a condom along with a tux or a dress or a date or a limo.

It's condescending, it's intrusive, it's setting a bad example. Being overly concerned with the partying needs of a previous generation just reminds me of the dude at the high school party or the guy that invites all the kids to play at his house on his X-Box. It's a sexual predator's tactic, try to avoid it.

 

[rikaaim]

It's too much like the creepy 37-year-old dude that hangs out at the high school party.

Being overly concerned with the partying needs of a previous generation just reminds me of the dude at the high school party or the guy that invites all the kids to play at his house on his X-Box. It's a sexual predator's tactic, try to avoid it.

This sort of thinking makes me wonder what she's really after. Perhaps she gets off knowing that certain activities might be going on in her house. Yes, the biggest question does remain. Why would she go on air to say all of this? Perhaps just to cause controversy, and then ratings for the station. Which is likely the biggest reason they let her on the air.

 

[sr71plt]

How far is too far after the prom? Cleveland. Not a mile beyond Cleveland.

Seriously, we had a couple do that here too--they are are each serving 3-6 in a prison, they've divorced, and their house burned down since they entered the slammer.

 

[Stella_Omega]

How 'bout this: The boy takes the girl home when the event ends. If they like each other they have a quick smooch at her door. He goes home and goes to bed. She does the same. Separately.

Be prepared to pug your ears against the deafening laughter.

I've counselled a number of kids whose parents hadn't bothered. My daughter, and one of the young men, council their friends. I would not keep a bowl of condoms out, but I've slipped them to people on occasion. There has been underage drinking at parties at my house, but not officially condoned. Everyone stays overnight, in one huge puppy-pile-- there's not much privacy for real sex, but this has more to do with the particular culture of my children's friends than it does anything else. I certainly wouldn't publicise any of this on the radio!

What was she thinking? She was thinking, as so many of us do, that she'd shock people into understanding the reality-- as she sees it-- of the situation. I'm sure she was saddened and even surprised at the response she got.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Slightly off topic, but I think the whole "underage drinking" in this country is about as productive as the "war on drugs." Let the kids drink starting in high school in safe circumstances where they can learn what it's about, and can avoid the "forbidden fruit" syndrome and the sneaking it in dangerous circumstances ("booze-cruising" was a popular weekend pastime of my adolescence). I think we could avoid many of the current problems if we got reasonable about this, like the Euros.

 

[Recidiva]

How 'bout this: The boy takes the girl home when the event ends. If they like each other they have a quick smooch at her door. He goes home and goes to bed. She does the same. Separately.

This happened to me. But my date was gay and that was the plan. I did sleep over and we went to the beach.

I pretty much had to out my date to my parents to get permission to be virtuous and trusted.