Advice..

SubKekiLee

DrkSwords pet
Joined
Jun 21, 2007
Posts
2,593
okay I am coming here to ask for advice cause I have an issue I need to get over and I think with listening to some advice it might help me and my new Sir... For some of you know I was with someone for quite awhile this year and out of the blue he just dissapeard like I was the weekly garbage to never speak to me again... and I got blasted by some who thought Id moved on too quickly and decided to submit to a WONDERFUL AMAZING man who makes me feel complete and whole... and I am happy to be his Pet...
BUT because the last one just left without saying goodbye, nothing , I keep having flashbacks and become very insecure at times about My Sir, just up and dissapearing and leaving....He has promised me he would never do it and I belive him.. and that I am a permanant part of his life and his heart. He doesnt deserve to be compared to the last one in anyway cause my Sir makes the last one seem like a peice of garbage.
I know some of you might think I moved on too quickly and I didnt give myself time to heal.. and everyone is entitled to thier opinion it is a free country and I appriciate it.. but please dont give me advice as to end my new relationship.. Im just looking for advice as to help me overcome the fear of being left and deserted. Because I truly belive this one is the one who I can submit to for a LONG time.. Each day is a blessing with him in my life..;)


Thanks gang! :heart:
 
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i was nervouse about that due to a number of smaller reasons that added up(short previous relationships, LDR, etc). some things that helped me feel like a more permenant part of A's life was meetng his family and spending time with his friends
 
Enjoy every moment...every talk....every play time... Savor it...Treasure it.

TRY not to think about "forever." Forever comes from one day building on another..on another..on another... You don't wake up one day and all of a sudden it's "forever," and your goal is accomplished. It is a constant process.

Make sure that he knows that you are insecure/fearful...not because he should fix it, but because it will give him insight into who you are and how you think. There is nothing wrong with being scared of being hurt again. If you weren't i would be worried. No one wants to hand someone their heart, just to have the other person throw it away. At the same time, trust him when he says he cares about you, isn't leaving and isn't going to hurt you. Have faith that you have met someone who is a "man of their word," and ENJOY IT.

:rose: You know i'm here for you if you need me.
 
HottieMama said:
Enjoy every moment...every talk....every play time... Savor it...Treasure it.

TRY not to think about "forever." Forever comes from one day building on another..on another..on another... You don't wake up one day and all of a sudden it's "forever," and your goal is accomplished. It is a constant process.

What she said.
And just so you'll know, it's not just men who disappear.
 
Damn HM! I'm convinced and I no longer even have a Dom and never had that issue...can I come lay on your couch? :kiss:

HottieMama said:
Enjoy every moment...every talk....every play time... Savor it...Treasure it.

TRY not to think about "forever." Forever comes from one day building on another..on another..on another... You don't wake up one day and all of a sudden it's "forever," and your goal is accomplished. It is a constant process.

Make sure that he knows that you are insecure/fearful...not because he should fix it, but because it will give him insight into who you are and how you think. There is nothing wrong with being scared of being hurt again. If you weren't i would be worried. No one wants to hand someone their heart, just to have the other person throw it away. At the same time, trust him when he says he cares about you, isn't leaving and isn't going to hurt you. Have faith that you have met someone who is a "man of their word," and ENJOY IT.

:rose: You know i'm here for you if you need me.
 
HottieMama said:
Enjoy every moment...every talk....every play time... Savor it...Treasure it.

TRY not to think about "forever." Forever comes from one day building on another..on another..on another... You don't wake up one day and all of a sudden it's "forever," and your goal is accomplished. It is a constant process.

Make sure that he knows that you are insecure/fearful...not because he should fix it, but because it will give him insight into who you are and how you think. There is nothing wrong with being scared of being hurt again. If you weren't i would be worried. No one wants to hand someone their heart, just to have the other person throw it away. At the same time, trust him when he says he cares about you, isn't leaving and isn't going to hurt you. Have faith that you have met someone who is a "man of their word," and ENJOY IT.

:rose: You know i'm here for you if you need me.

Amazing advice :rose:
 
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mis...

Thank you. Just...yeah....Thanks. :rose:

(Sometimes you feel like you don't fit in...and then you suddenly realize that you do...we all do..in our own way..)
 
A heart wounded is not easily and sometimes not ever fully healed. That's okay because we can still go on. We can still choose to take the risk to make ourselves vulnerable to others because without taking that risk, there is NO chance we can ever get what we want or give what we want.

As time goes by, your trust more and more. You heal just a tiny bit. Your confidence grows baby step by baby step.

Good for you in deciding to open yourself up again!

I won't fault you for what some might call a rebound relationship. You want to know why? Because my marriage of 15 (17 if you include pre marriage) years is still rock solid and what some would call a rebound as well.

So if others don't like it or don't think it wise, too bad. This is your life, your heart and your decision. No matter what happens, try to treasure the good times.

*hug*
 
You are very wise, Nikki.

HottieMama said:
Make sure that he knows that you are insecure/fearful...not because he should fix it, but because it will give him insight into who you are and how you think. There is nothing wrong with being scared of being hurt again. If you weren't i would be worried. No one wants to hand someone their heart, just to have the other person throw it away. At the same time, trust him when he says he cares about you, isn't leaving and isn't going to hurt you. Have faith that you have met someone who is a "man of their word," and ENJOY IT.

I liked everything you said, but especially this part that I quoted. Very good advice. :)
 
I am going through the same thing. Being hurt over and over - I lost my job a few months ago - the confidence just isn't where it should be.

Then, I realized something that I had learned.

I am still giving control to those asshats that screwed me. That by allowing myself to feel insecure about myself and my accomplishments - and the people that DO cherish me, I was short changing myself.

So, I take the conscious effort, that when I have one of those self defeating thoughts, I tell myself that this is a new situation. That I am a great woman and worthy of all the good things in the world. I take charge to no longer give those that have screwed me the power to keep on sabotaging my efforts.

I see my work, and I am well loved in in my new job. I quit living in fear that I'm going to be released at the drop of a hat cause I looked at the senior partner funny. (I'm being serious - this is why I was let go).

I see the men that ARE interested in me. Not the fucktards that cheated on me and put me down. I have friends that I've had for decades that LOVE me. That think the world of me. That there are men that ARE interested in me and CHERISH me.

Like HM said - I take it one day at a time. One hour at a time. When I get those self defeating thoughts, I just stop myself and remind myself that this time is a new situation. That I'm a great woman.
 
coy_one said:
I am going through the same thing. Being hurt over and over - I lost my job a few months ago - the confidence just isn't where it should be.

Then, I realized something that I had learned.

I am still giving control to those asshats that screwed me. That by allowing myself to feel insecure about myself and my accomplishments - and the people that DO cherish me, I was short changing myself.

So, I take the conscious effort, that when I have one of those self defeating thoughts, I tell myself that this is a new situation. That I am a great woman and worthy of all the good things in the world. I take charge to no longer give those that have screwed me the power to keep on sabotaging my efforts.

I see my work, and I am well loved in in my new job. I quit living in fear that I'm going to be released at the drop of a hat cause I looked at the senior partner funny. (I'm being serious - this is why I was let go).

I see the men that ARE interested in me. Not the fucktards that cheated on me and put me down. I have friends that I've had for decades that LOVE me. That think the world of me. That there are men that ARE interested in me and CHERISH me.

Like HM said - I take it one day at a time. One hour at a time. When I get those self defeating thoughts, I just stop myself and remind myself that this time is a new situation. That I'm a great woman.

I don't know how to bold something that's in a quote, so I'm going to just quote it below:


When I get those self defeating thoughts, I just stop myself and remind myself that this time is a new situation. That I'm a great woman.


I think this sentence is SOOOO important!!! I think that once you've been cheated on once (for my experience), that you start to doubt your self-worth. I think if it's happened more than once, it becomes that much harder to trust again.

I sometimes wonder if the people who cheat ever truly realize how incredibly destructive, how damaging, how life-changing their behavior is to their partners? They may apologize, they may say they understand that they hurt you, but do they realize that they have changed you and how you approach future relationships because of their betrayal? I think it changes something inside when you've had that happen to you, especially if it's happened more than once. That's why I think what coy_one said about reminding ourselves that "this time is a new situation" is so critical to starting off on the right foot in a new relationship.

It's not really our partner's job to make us trust them, assuming they haven't done anything to betray that trust. It's our job to remind ourselves that this IS a new person and IS a new relationship, and just have faith that they won't do anything to betray our trust. That's not to say that if you communicate your insecurities to your partner that they can't do things of their choice if they desire to help take away some of the doubts.

What I think is also critical is realizing that, yes, I was cheated on in the past, it hurt more than words can express, BUT I'm OK. I survived despite the incredible pain. If my new partner cheats on me, yes, I'll be devastated, but I WILL BE OK.

I think that if we spend too much time worrying about being betrayed again that we miss out on all the great moments of a new relationship. If we can come to the realization that we will survive if betrayed again, then it allows us to relax and enjoy the ride.

I wish you lots of luck!! :rose: :rose: :rose:
 
Thank YOU!!!!! You guys rock.. I love that you have givenme good advice.. and that you are so good to me... Just thanks.. I know this will help me get over the issues sometimes have...

:heart:
SKL
 
Im not sure if I have any advice for you sweetie. If you got dropped like trashed, at least the relationship was over. As for speed there's alrways the "rebound" cliche, and that helps some of us, I cant fault you for that. If its genuine, that much better for you.

I've been trying to think about more profound things to say, but with all my crap, Im running out of room for thoughts. Both you and I are encountering new emotional states and dont know quite how to deal with them.

Just know I and everyone else will be here, with more calmer heads than you may think.

Love ya.
 
While rebound relationships are notoriously ill advised, there are always exceptions just in all things. When you go through something like you have, an ending without the opportunity to know why and thus have closure, no matter how long you wait to begin another relationship there is always going to be that little niggling kernel of doubt and insecurity in the back of your mind, the pit of your stomach. It's only natural...after all if you have no ieda what happened the last time, you are going to be subconciously running through all the possible reasons without any definite answers, which in turn gives yoiu nothing to build on, nothing to feel you can improve on, or even help you know what to avoid in the future. All you can do is believe in yourself and realise that you survived the last time, you do not need someone to complete you and aid in your survival, you just need to believe in you and know you will never let yourself down.

Catalina :catroar:
 
If it weren't for the fact that HM posted almost 11 hours before I read the OP, I'd accuse her of reading my mind and typing faster than I do.

Great response!
 
I wanna thank EVERYONE for thier advice it was all great ADVICE and Im working on it day by day...Thank you again from the bottom of MY :heart:

You are all my friends and Im glad to be a part of this forum...
 
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