Advice? Professor/student relationship.

[AquaStarryNight]

.....

 

[tandoor]

Part of life is learning that there is a time and place for everything. I suggest you focus on learning from the man, not on fucking him. The damage that could do to your career is far greater than any fleeting pleasures you may derive from the sexual experience.

 

[MsTexas]

Just as some background, he's married (no kids)

Why would you wanna break up a marriage for your crush?

Not to mention student/professor relationship are probably against HIS teaching requirements and he could get fired.

 

[AquaStarryNight]

I'm not looking to break up his marriage, actually. And as an aside, university policy on professor/student relationships is that they're prohibited while you're actually a student in a class taught by the professor. I don't have him for class next semester, so technically it's not against university standards.

This really isn't just a typical "my prof is hot and I wanna fuck him because I'm horny right now" kind of thing... and while I do appreciate the feedback, I've considered the pros and cons of pursuing this for about 6 months now, and I'd appreciate if moral commentaries could be kept to a minimum.

 

[carverII]

Walk away from it. As a fellow student and husband to a professor, I can say this with all confidence; nothing good will come out of this.

He is married. He is a professor. Unless he is willing to jepordize both, you will not have a chance.

 

[StevenWill]

Simple

You can't have this discussion outside of the moral arena. You have already established that you want a physical relationship with a married man. That being said, just be honest with him and lose the school girl flirtation approach. Go to his office and tell him how you feel. It is called being an adult. He might appreciate that and you will have your answer right away. I have been a college professor for 28 years. College women flirt and I take it for what it means, very little.

And a little reality check. Even if you are not in his class, he might want the relationship to be in secret, secret from his wife and from his colleagues. Even if a relationship with you does not violate his contract, his colleagues will think less of him and his performance evaluation at the end of the year might reflect that. In short, there is no way for him to have a carefree, consequence-free fling.

This is one of those situations where the fantasy is much better than the reality could ever be. In relationships between people who care about each other, both parties must consider the consequences for not only themselves but for the other person as well.

Good luck.

Dr. Steve

 

[fire_breeze]

I don't want to sound preachy, so if I do, I apologise, but just to add something: it's pretty common to have crushes on both parts, but that doesn't mean that it is wise to pursue it. I know I've had several 'grad crushes' on my professors and I've been recipient of some of those crushes (they were that obvious...). We flirted, we teased each other, hell, we even went drinking together. But, nothing happened because that's all that it was: crushes based on intellect. Having something physical would have lowered my respect for them and vice versa; however, this is just my opinion based on who I am.

If you decide that you want to pursue something, then do as Dr. Steve suggests and go to his office, as an adult, and level with him what you want. However, just to forewarn you, he may not be inclined to pursue anything, for a number of reasons. If he does, then have fun and be careful that your contact within the academic sphere remains professional.

 

[PhDinSB]

You might want to check the official university regulations again. At my school, the policy is written where it is prohibited to have a relationship with anyone that might be a possible student or supervisee at some point.

That said, everyone else seems to be giving you the right advice. It's not so much that he's a professor that's a problem, it's that he's happily married. And I know that lit is a place where we can indulge in some of our secret fantasies like this one, but I think it's safe to say that we can all agree that secret extramarital affairs are generally not a good idea. Especially if you expect that it will progress beyond a secret extramarital affair.

Now keep in mind that if you're just looking for an exciting fuck and he's willing to accept the risks that come with having an affair, and you have no qualms about possibly ending a marriage and a career in one fell swoop, and you are not afraid of how you will be perceived by the university community if word of this gets out, then I guess you're in the clear. We're all adults here. But I think for most people, the negatives far outweigh the positives.

 

[Oliver_Klozoff]

When the flirtatious emails ended, that was probably him walking away from the possibility of an affair with you. If you pursue one anyway, you will probably be rejected, and you will have lost the rest of your relationship with him.

You should find yourself a sexual outlet elsewhere, and pursue a platonic relationship with your professor. Which is not to say that you won't be able to flirt with him.