Advice On Winning A Heart...

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

I am absolutely, 100 percent, head over heels for this girl. I liked her from the moment I saw her, over a year ago, and I guess - more than liked her from the day I started talking to her late last year and found out she was bi. She is just, absolute perfection, at least for me. But I found out she had a boyfriend. A couple of weeks ago I found out they had broken up and she seemed to have a sudden interest in talking to me a little more. But whenever I am around her I get really nervous and I just never say the right thing. I guess my question is - what do I do now? What do I say to "wow" her? I think I need some pointers in how to be smooth, because I definitely lack in that department.

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

Hello???

26 views and no replies? I know this is not the usual type of post for a site like this, but I'm sure someone else has had a similar experience. If you have ANY advice, please post!

 

[LoveItAll3]

try just talking to her. ask her questions and just chat. at some point just ask if she would like to go out with you.

 

[Fallen_Angel_Eyes]

Advice

The best plan IS always to get to know her. If you get her mobile phone number, you can text her. Make her laugh, IM her, anything, just be there. If you really want this girl, you don't have to make your move just yet, you can wait to be her friend, then later you can tell her how you feel. If she's just left a guy she'll probably (as most bi girls do) be craving a woman's touch, but don't fall into the trap of being the rebound girl on a one night stand, and then being just a 'good friend'

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

Thanks to both of you. Fallen Angel Eyes, I didn't even think about the friend thing. If it was ever just a one night stand type thing with her, I would be devastated to know that it didn't mean as much to her, or at least half as much to her, as it did to me.

I guess one of the problems too is that - she already knows how I feel about her. I told her the very first time I talked to her, anonymously of course. So now whenever I'm around her I act like I never told her anything and that's what makes it so awkward, at least for me. I'm never sure of rather to flirt with her or to just play a completely friend role? I do flirt a VERY little bit online, but in person not at all.

 

[RawHumor]

How did you tell her anonymously?

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

Hey Raw Humor, I instant messaged her from a screenname that I made up just to talk to her. I never talked to her or flat out hit on her before that because I thought she was straight until I instant messaged her.

 

[RawHumor]

So you know her in real life, but have really only talked to her via instant messenger online, where you knew show she is but she didn't know you you are?

Just trying to get the whole picture.

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

Yeah, sorry Raw Humor, I met her early last year at a conference at another school, but I never even introduced myself by name. I got her screenname from one of our mutual friends and that's how I started talking to her. I've seen her like 4 times in person since I started talking to her back in December, but only one of those times was actual planned "hang out" time.

 

[Xectxny19X]

Hey there, this all sounds really sweet and maybe a little angsty for you? I was in the same boat in April, but unfortunately it didn't pan out so well. agggh....it's kind of heart-warming to read what you've done so far w/ this girl.

Can I ask what were your 'hang outs' w/ her? Where it was, what time and how long it lasted? Maybe I can give you input with some more 411 furnished? *smiles* I feel like I'm getting just a little part of a situation that I should know more about before I babble about what I think should be done. *reassuring smile*

I can understand about not knowing what to say around someone you really like(really, I have posted about this just like you! My proof: here & here LoL. Don't worry, this board has been through it before! *giggles*). What helped me was sitting beside her for more than 10 mins. w/o looking at her until I was done with being nervous *chuckles.* So I guess I don't advise dinner, where you might have to sit facing her the whole time if you get tongue-tied like I do seeing the person.

Goodluck. Oh, I hope you don't take too much of a long break from writing. Your stories are a delightful read.

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

Hey Xectxny19X, yeah, "angsty" would probably be an understatement. As bad as I KNOW this sounds, I just feel like it's my turn. I've been waiting for nearly a year for them to breakup (I know, that's horrible) and now well...it should be my turn! lol On our one official hangout thing or whatever, we went to a musuem (yes, I am a nerd) and to eat after that. We sat at the bar part so we didn't have to face each other. But even so I couldn't look her in the eye, and I still can't. I don't know why. The other times I saw her it was either at her job or something else for school.

She's just so hard to read. I wrote her a poem, and sent her flowers and stuff for her birthday. I never got anything in return, except she called me "sweet" and that was all I really needed. But now I'm just getting kind of tired of waiting and not knowing an absolute answer as to the way she feels about me and if there is ANY chance of anything with us in the future.

I'm going out of town for about a week today, but I will reply on here and to PM's as soon as I get back. Thanks for all the feedback again.

 

[Xectxny19X]

Waiting for the breakup sounds acceptable to me, I can completely respect that. The key thing is that you waited and didn’t do anything until she was officially single. You must really like her. I don’t think I’d be able to wait for anyone I like who was in a relationship. That’s a “I don’t think.” I’m understanding you fell for this girl before you knew she was taken?

I think your first hang out at a museum was a great place for a first hang out. There’s no way I think that is being nerdy – more artsy and interested in things is what I would call it. *reassuring smile* So you were sitting next to her at a bar and still felt tongue-tied? Bars aren’t very ideal places. I think the atmosphere isn’t very ideal for a romantic & comfortable setting (it is what you are aiming for isn’t it?). Do an activity together – something you’ve been interested in doing & fun and hopefully she likes it, too. Ask her opinion. Think of a couple of things. You need to think of a place, activity or something that will make you comfortable, relaxed and whatever else you need to be in order to display who you are.

Yes, I know that you want to ‘win’ this girl. What’s important is that you will win her with who you are. If you don’t win her that way, it’s really her loss.

Have fun over the week. I’m hoping for mostly good updates from you. *smiles*

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

Xectxny19X, I hate to tell you that I have no good updates. I called her right before I left for out of town to ask her if she wanted to go eat at the restaurant where our mutual friend works, and she never called me back. While I was gone, I sent her a text message, and I'm new at texting, but other people got my texts, so I'm pretty sure she got it and just ignored it. I don't know what to do. I think I'm just going to have to ask her point blank - do I have ANY chance? Or either just not say anything until she starts talking to me.

I did fall for her before I knew she was taken and before I knew she was bi (I just happened to get lucky on that one). It was love (at least like) at first sight. I really feel like I met her for a reason, something drew me to her. That's what makes it so hard for me just to get over her.

 

[Xectxny19X]

Hey girl! I am so sorry to hear that. *taps the seat next to me* Join the club! I'm just teasing. C'mon...smile! Well, I think you've shown clear signs that you were interested in her by inviting her out and texting her. It's time you let her do something. Or perhaps, give it a week before you text her a 'hello' again. Maybe it's not that she's not interested in you but new to this whole girl-girl interest thing. Who knows, but I feel you have done your part.

Trust me I know what you are feeling -- maybe not as much or even more so. Perk it up ms. girlie! We'll see what happens okay?

 

[Sallad]

From what I've read you're about to get too persistant. Trust me from experience on this part: If you play that you need her that badly, you WILL become a doormat. At this point it may be best to just let her know that you're aware that maybe she's not ready for a relationship with you, but you don't want to lose her as a friend.

Be the friend that treats her like a queen. If it's meant to be, she'll come around but just becareful or she'll walk all over you. I hate to say it, but a lot of women can be like that, especially a woman who just got out of a relationship and is feeling a bit scorned.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

Thanks for your advice Dallas. You're definitely right, I'm just being really impatient. I guess the horrible thing is that I wouldn't really care if she treated me like a doormat, as long as she was with me, lol. I'm only being half-serious about that.

Xectxny19X, I think it's a week today since I texted her. It'll probably be a while before I text her again just because I don't know what to say next. And she's not new to dating girls, she has more experience than I do. But she did tell me she usually dates kind of masculine girls, and I'm very girly, so I don't know if maybe that's not good.

Thanks for the advice, you all. It is really, so helpful.

Xectxny19X, can you receive any PMs? It says I have to contact the moderator or something?

 

[Sallad]

It's been a week since you last tried to contact her? If so, just send her a text something to the effect of "Hey, haven't heard from you in a while. I just wanted to make sure everything's okay." Mention something about a date. You know how us women always want what we can't have!!!

 

[Xectxny19X]

haha...that is so true...geesh...some girls and mind games. It's just so daunting sometimes! So if a girl doesn't mind you calling her every other day, she probably really likes YOU and not the drama! *chuckles and shakes head disapprovingly* This is all just my opinion of course. *winks* Don't mind me.

 

[Sallad]

haha...that is so true...geesh...some girls and mind games. It's just so daunting sometimes! So if a girl doesn't mind you calling her every other day, she probably really likes YOU and not the drama! *chuckles and shakes head disapprovingly* This is all just my opinion of course. *winks* Don't mind me.

Don't worry Xectxny, you're absolutely right. I guess that's why I don't get along with most girls *hehe*

 

[Xectxny19X]

GIRLS! curses...curses! hehehe...okay, I'm sorry, but I just totally embarassed myself by pouring my heart out to one! Since everyone is going she sooooooooo likes me, so I make it clear-cut known to her that I like her. Then, she gives me every excuse in the world about why she hasn't contacted me. MIND GAMES=not interested...but it's really fun playing with your emotions though. *sighs*

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

You're right Dallas, it's just kind of hard to do that because she already kind of knows how bad I want her, lol. But I will try to give her the impression that I am going out with other people...even though there is definitely no one else.

Xectxny19X, I understand what you mean about pouring out your heart. I'm not good with games at all because my heart is always so much on my sleeve. I actually wrote this girl a poem, back in February maybe, a while ago. Really heartfelt, all of that good stuff. But all I really got back was that I'm "the sweetest girl in the world" and when I asked her if she liked the poem she told me she did and it made her smile. But I never really asked her how she felt about me because I was terrified to, terrified to push her by asking her too many questions about how she felt. But because of this, I have no idea how she feels. So I understand what you mean about the embarassment. I feel like I made such an ass of myself in front of her and with everything I've done for her, and now she probably doesn't like me at all in the same way I like her, and I'm screwed. Oh well, what can you do.

 

[Xectxny19X]

*smiles* I can go on and on, but I'm not going to! Contact me on Yahoo sometimes, when you get a chance okay? Take care!

 

[RawHumor]

You're right Dallas, it's just kind of hard to do that because she already kind of knows how bad I want her, lol. But I will try to give her the impression that I am going out with other people...even though there is definitely no one else.

Xectxny19X, I understand what you mean about pouring out your heart. I'm not good with games at all because my heart is always so much on my sleeve. I actually wrote this girl a poem, back in February maybe, a while ago. Really heartfelt, all of that good stuff. But all I really got back was that I'm "the sweetest girl in the world" and when I asked her if she liked the poem she told me she did and it made her smile. But I never really asked her how she felt about me because I was terrified to, terrified to push her by asking her too many questions about how she felt. But because of this, I have no idea how she feels. So I understand what you mean about the embarassment. I feel like I made such an ass of myself in front of her and with everything I've done for her, and now she probably doesn't like me at all in the same way I like her, and I'm screwed. Oh well, what can you do.

Unfortunately, it seems like she knows how you feel but either does not feel as strongly, isn't into women for dating/romance/sexual fun, or knows that she can have you if she wants you, which has perhaps lowered the appeal factor.

I would never tell you to forget her, as I've been in very similar shoes to yours in the past (though in a guy/girl sorta way, but still dealing with interpreting the words/actions of a female LOL), and I know that, in many ways, holding onto SOMEthing is better than letting go completely.

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

I think I'm just not going to do anything for a while. Not talk to her or anything, and eventually, hopefully, she'll just end up talking to me. I'm just so worried that I'll miss my chance (if there is even one at all) and she'll start dating someone else while I'm trying to play hard to get. But you're right RawHumor, I can't forget her completely. I think that'd be impossible. But maybe I can get thinking about her down to only every OTHER five minutes.

So I plan on not talking to her for now, it's her move, but...when I went out of town I bought her present, nothing huge, just a keychain, but I need to find a way to give it to her and I have no idea how without talking to her first...dammit. lol. Leave it in her mailbox? No, nevermind. That would probably just be creepy and stalker-like, lol. I'll just mail it, I guess. Is mailing it a good idea?? Thanks guys.