Advice on how to handle this?

[JagFarlane]

Forget it...

 

[gauchecritic]

Try thinking of her as a woman instead of a child-witch.

 

[oggbashan]

As you are not directly involved, not being a parent or grandparent, all I can suggest is that you help her family whenever you can without being judgemental about it.

The difference between a girl who gets pregnant and one who doesn't could be a couple of seconds and a torn rubber.

I had to deal with a girlfriend's younger sister who became pregnant at age 12 and didn't know which of three or four stable boys was responsible. Her parents, sister and I had no idea that she was sexually active. I continued to treat her as I always had done - the younger sister who was sometimes in the way but who was a person in her own right.

Og

 

[JagFarlane]

Try thinking of her as a woman instead of a child-witch.

-sigh- This is not worthy of a true answer

 

[IsabellaKing]

Wish them luck and happiness and be there to support them should they need it.

 

[JagFarlane]

As you are not directly involved, not being a parent or grandparent, all I can suggest is that you help her family whenever you can without being judgemental about it.

The difference between a girl who gets pregnant and one who doesn't could be a couple of seconds and a torn rubber.

I had to deal with a girlfriend's younger sister who became pregnant at age 12 and didn't know which of three or four stable boys was responsible. Her parents, sister and I had no idea that she was sexually active. I continued to treat her as I always had done - the younger sister who was sometimes in the way but who was a person in her own right.

Og

Now this is good advice and I do thank you for it.

 

[English Lady]

It will be tough I'm sure, but I agree with Og, right now she needs your support and as much understanding as you can muster.

It is not something that can be undone, a baby is coming and that baby and his/'her mum will need lots of love and help. Jennifer knowing you are disappointed with her will not make this situation any easier so do your best to help out and be supportive, it'll be the best for them and I think the best for you, too.

 

[gauchecritic]

-sigh- This is not worthy of a true answer

Ok then what about... not making it all about you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

This girl was never raised to consider abortion as a possibility, huh?

Your girl is going strictly by instinct. Of course she loves him! her hormones are leading her brain. I always say that Mother nature wants us to make babies real quick-- but us humans have other imperatives, and we need to be able to resist those instincts if we are to reach our potentials. making a baby is NOT, any longer, our first priority.

I'm with ogg, give her the same love you always have-- and a new baby to love!

But these first few years will be the easy ones. When the baby turns four, and the mom is twenty, that's when she'll need a lot of support and training, to get her past some building resentments, as her human nature reasserts itself. Same with her cousin, come to that.

At the same time-- I had my babies well into my thirties, and if there were a way to do it, I might have rather had them young, simply for the energy that a younger woman can bring to mothering!

 

[R. Richard]

Everything I have read in this thread focuses on the girl and her family.

Actually, it takes a boy and a girl to produce a baby. [Don't try to give me no shit about no star in the east type of thing. Also don't use double negatives.]

It may come as a shock to some of you, but there are now tests that can positively identify the sperm donor. [Ask Bill Clinton about the details.]

The boy, and his family, bears responsibility, just as much as the girl and her family. Someone needs to take the boy and his family, smack 'em upside the head and get 'em involved financially. [You need to be a bit careful with the wage earner(s), as they need to remain in shape to continue to earn the wages that make their financial involvement practical. However, they most likely need to be motivated.]

What you're discussing is a system problem. System analysis techniques are needed here.

 

[JagFarlane]

Everything I have read in this thread focuses on the girl and her family.

Actually, it takes a boy and a girl to produce a baby. [Don't try to give me no shit about no star in the east type of thing. Also don't use double negatives.]

It may come as a shock to some of you, but there are now tests that can positively identify the sperm donor. [Ask Bill Clinton about the details.]

The boy, and his family, bears responsibility, just as much as the girl and her family. Someone needs to take the boy and his family, smack 'em upside the head and get 'em involved financially. [You need to be a bit careful with the wage earner(s), as they need to remain in shape to continue to earn the wages that make their financial involvement practical. However, they most likely need to be motivated.]

What you're discussing is a system problem. System analysis techniques are needed here.

Oh they know well whom the father is...and he has admitted to it. However it is a bit more difficult than just a smack upside the head. Even our cousin who already has her child has had many an issue over this with the fathers family. He wants nothing to do with her or the child...but his mother does. However, the problem comes when she wants to take the child for long periods of time and trys to force the issue that she is the grandmother and has all rights to take the baby whenever and for how ever long she wants. I do know that she does get the baby and they are trying to work with her, but these are just some of the issues that'll be raised over time.

 

[R. Richard]

Oh they know well whom the father is...and he has admitted to it. However it is a bit more difficult than just a smack upside the head. Even our cousin who already has her child has had many an issue over this with the fathers family. He wants nothing to do with her or the child...but his mother does. However, the problem comes when she wants to take the child for long periods of time and trys to force the issue that she is the grandmother and has all rights to take the baby whenever and for how ever long she wants. I do know that she does get the baby and they are trying to work with her, but these are just some of the issues that'll be raised over time.

You say, "He wants nothing to do with her or the child." Obviously, the problem is one of education. The father needs to understand that he has two choices in the matter:
1) Pay with money.
2) Pay with hide.

You might be surprised, but a couple of instances of 2), administered by a pro who knows what he is doing can cause the reluctant father to eagerly embrace 1).

 

[JagFarlane]

You say, "He wants nothing to do with her or the child." Obviously, the problem is one of education. The father needs to understand that he has two choices in the matter:
1) Pay with money.
2) Pay with hide.

You might be surprised, but a couple of instances of 2), administered by a pro who knows what he is doing can cause the reluctant father to eagerly embrace 1).

Volunteering?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Volunteering?

Not him!

He's really good at telling you what to do, though.

 

[R. Richard]

I live in the western US. From what I read you live in VA. Too far, find someone local.

 

[JagFarlane]

Not him!

He's really good at telling you what to do, though.

LOL so I see