Advice Needed!

[mitty]

After reading these wonderful sensual letters and stories I must ask you all for advice. My wife of many years, has many good qualities, BUT she has some major sexual issues, allow me to describe them breifly. She refuses to french kiss me, no tongue allowed, she will have sex with me once every two weeks in one position only. She wont give me oral sex, too "yucky" and she is willing to recieve oral sex, one of my only outlets.
I think she was raped and had an abortion 30 years ago as we are older. I am 6 years younger but she wont talk at all about this and has turned down professional help just lately.
What is my best course of action? I have met women, etc and they love my sexual appetite. I want normal, thats all. Any advise would be great, epecially from females but anyone can comment
Thanks!

 

[PowerOfOne]

Patience

Please be patient and continue to try and talk to her. If she has been a victim of rape she will not allow herself to think about sex in ways that other people can. She will not talk to you about the past experience because it makes it "real" again to her and she will suffer the same feelings she did when it happened and that is a scary place to be.

Patience is the key and understanding. Read materials on rape victims and the trauma they go through. Use this forum as the outlet for your frustration. You can also call your local rape hotline. They are very well trained, most are victims themselves and they can offer you a wealth of information.

Keep the lines of communication open with your wife. Communicate with her even if she does not feel "safe" enough to communicate with you about intimacy. When she is ready she will tell you and you can go from there towards the healing she so desperately needs. Best of luck to you both. It is a hard, lonesome road to travel.

 

[marduk]

All i can say is love the one your with ..if she had a problem in her life then dont push the issue if she wants to talk she will it may be she is embarresed for you to know..besides you are still in a solid relationship which is more than i can say ..

 

[midas2001]

You're not alone

Hi there Mitty,

I don't really have any answers for you. Just wanted to say that you are not alone in this.

When my wife and I got married 16 years ago... sex was fine at the time. Then as a couple of years went by it seemed that she changed and although my sex drive is still very high.... her's seemed to diminish.

Things like oral sex gradually went by the wayside etc etc.

In fact I have a standing joke with people that my wife was turned off of sex by a particular food. When people say... oh my god, what the hell did she eat??? I reply "WEDDING CAKE"!

Sure it gets a laugh... but it's just my way of hiding my frustrations.

So buddy, if you get to hear of a "CURE"... let me know too huh?

All the best

Midas2001

 

[Jimbosis]

Hang in there

Hey Mitty, Midas is right. There are many guys in your situation. You read about it all over this site. The only thing I can say is keep the faith and keep working on her. The wonderful women at this site have given me hope that things may change in the future for my sex life. More than one has said that with the right amount of love and seduction things can change.

Although I do have to say, that I read a Dear Abby column that was in the paper in the last few days that really pissed me off. I normally dont read her shit because she is such an annoying bitch, but I saw something about "sex" and so I couldnt help myself. It was from a woman who's husband was sick or dead, I forget which, but she was happy that she no longer had to have sex. She said that she had "had sex 6 days a week and twice on Sundays" and now she was glad that her sex life was over. That bitch dear Abby said something like "Oh my, sex 6 days a week and twice on Sundays, that sounds like abuse!!" What a stupid comment. Anyway, I certainly believe in the first amendment, but I have read her responses before on the matter of sex, and always get annoyed because she seems to propagate that sex is not necessarily something thats needed in a relationship. Well, I would say most of the people that are on this site would disagree with her.

Whatever.... I'll stop complaining now.

Good luck Middy and Midas.

 

[midas2001]

Cool advice

Hiya Mitty,

Got your message bro' and I think you should use this forum to start the club.

Jimbosis probably has the best idea... plenty of love and attention is the key - in my position however... this is difficult due to work and sleep habits.

But give your lady time buddy... I'm sure it'll work out right in the end.

Stay cool and stick with it.

Midas2001

 

[mitty]

thanks...

Maybe the family of man is alive and well in here, thanks to all of you, I have to get over my intense anger towards her, thats the first step and maybe..... I agree about Ann Landers, geez What a stupid comment, 6 days a week seems about right to me! twice on sunday too!! I wonder if any women have a diferent take on this issue??
WE need your views!!! The mitty club has begun,
{ Id love to catch the rapist!! trust me on this!)

 

[Guest]

All i can say is that great sex is based on trust. If there are wounds she refuses to discuss you are left feeling neglected and if it were me i would also feel untrusted. I guess the question is do you love her enough to wait. I can say this, if you act on your need for sex and seek another, she will never trust you. You risk her if you do that. Is that worth it? Only you know the answer and whatever it is it has to guide your decision.