Advice needed

[Guest]

I recently had my first real relationship while away for a week working, we spent most of our time together but didn't have sex (I'm a virgin). Last night before I'm set to go and she suggests we do (she's suggested this several times but it has been implausible in the situation) I fetch the condoms put it on and she clamps up, says she's only done it once before and is a bit scared. I thought this a little odd as she was the one who innitiated it. The point is she was too nervous and tightened up, we cancelled it. Needless to say it was just a bit embarassing, especially for a first time.

We are extremely confortable with each other so it didn't destroy the relationship but as I had to go the following day there were no repeat chances under differnt, more erotic, surroundings.

The thing I'm now worrying about, inevitably, is: was it my fault? If I ever get another chance with anyone is this going to happen again? My penis isn't paticularly large, it felt awkward to do it, was this because she hand clenched up or because of it's less than amazing size (5 1/2 inches)? The questions are bothering me and it will probably give me a fear of a repeat occurance at a later date. Does this kind of thing EVER happened to anyone else. Is it fairly common or is it a freak thing caused by myself.

I am bothered by this, please give thoughts.

 

[Weird Harold]

I fetch the condoms put it on and she clamps up, says she's only done it once before and is a bit scared.

I don't think you were the problem, although you might have done better. The problem is her FIRST lover, who didn't make her first time good, so she only has a bad experience to expect.

I think that had you been in a more romantic situation, and a little less matter-of-fact about it, she would have been OK. Even in the situation your were in; a few kisses, and a lick here and there could have salvaged the experience for both of you.

 

[MissTaken]

Take your time...

I expect that WH is absolutely right. Take your time with each other, touching and exploring your bodies.....and encourage her to do the same to you.
Your fingers and tongue can go yards in terms of helping her to relax and feel good.
Hold her, reassure her, play, explore.....and move slowly.

It is my belief that it is not that actual penetration and rythmic motion that makes making love a memorable experience.....the foreplay and sweet kisses afterwards are key.

YOu will be fine. Just by nature of the fact that you are concerned enough to seek advice and obviously care for her, it will be better for you both.

 

[rambling man]

chalk it up to lack of experience for both of you..dont worry, you will eventually get that great experience we all have been talking about

btw the first time usually is less intense than you will expect..dont let that throw you

 

[Guest]

Thanks for your words people. I have always tried my best to be as romantic and nice as possible and not to pressure her or anything. I think she's absolutely great. But she pretty much suggested it. I do think the mood was lost slightly before we tried, there probably were better times to have tried when she wanted to, but those times were not really workable.

Romantic kisses had been going on for a good hour before we tried this, and a good week before that of course. I think you are quite right WH when you say the past experience has played a big part. I don't know fully how much she remembers about it, says she was extremely drunk at the time. It might even be she remembers little about what it was like and is practically doing it for the first time. I really don't know. I am however phased by it. I would imagine the situation was a lot more romantic and meaningful than the majority of first time affairs that people have. Yet it went all wrong and that is slightly worrying from my point of view. Even if (and she has said this) it wasn't really me that was the problem. If it had been the second time maybe it would have been easier to deal with.

I am glad we are comfortable with eachother enough that it doesn't really mess with the relationship at all. Except of course that I am now appart from her once again and really couldn't say how the relationship will pan out with where we live and all.

Thanks for your advice once more.

 

[Guest]

Well, I cant say much that havent already been said, so I'll just settle with: Good luck.

(PS. I expect you to come back here and tell us once you "get some" ).

 

[Julian]

Soft kisse & Smiles at Sunrise

I remember being there, in virginity & frigidity. All you can do is allow the Natural Course of the night to occur, and be prepared. Have condoms, and K-Y makes individual packets of lubricant; this is water based so you're still protected. Soft music, but nothing overly-seductive. Watch a movie together, relax, have a light dinner, so you're not gassy during the proceeding night with her.

Be, don't do. This is an experience, not a moment.

And if she says no, then comfort her, cuddle her, understand and allow her to redress and leave. All that time you can remind her how beautiful she is, inside & out.

Good luck!


Julian