Advice needed: Serious matter

[Wildcard Ky]

Something strange happened to me today, and I honestly don't know what to do. Here's what happened.

(First off, my wife and kids are out of town this weekend. It's just me and the dogs.)

In the middle of the afternoon, there's a knock at my front door. I open it, and there's a girl about 10 years old standing there, and a boy that looks to be about 5. She's carrying two large backpacks and a smaller suitcase. The boy is standing there in a t-shirt, with no shoes or socks on. I've never seen either one of them before. The girl asks for my older daughter.

I tell her that she's out of town, and the girl goes on the verge of tears. After a few seconds she says "But I have to get my grandmas". Completely confused, I ask her to explain. She says that she and her brother were walking from their house to their grandmas. I asked where she lives, and it turns out she's about a quarter mile down the road from us. Her Grandma is still about another quarter mile away. I guess that she was going to ask my wife to drive her.

I was intrigued by all of this, so I told her I'd take them. We put their stuff in the truck, but I was very slow about it because I wanted more information.

Firstly, why were these two kids walking like this? They had walked (and crossed) a VERY busy and dangerous road. Why did one not have a jacket or shoes and socks?

I asked her these questions, and she said they wanted to leave the house and go to Grandmas because Mom and Dad were fighting again, and that Dad had left. I asked why her mom didn't give her a ride to Grandmas. She said that she had asked, but Mom said she was too busy to do it. She told them to walk if she wanted to go.

Next I'm wondering why there's two large bags and a suitcase (that these kids have carried for 1/4 mile) if they're only going to Grandmas for a visit. She kind of hesitated and I asked if they planned on moving in with Grandma, and she said "yes, I packed all that I could for me and my brother and we left".

I took them down the road, and as we got to her grandmas house, she "Oh no, Jason is here. The last time he was here, he almost broke Grandpas nose".

I walked them up to the door, and they walked straight in. No one came to greet them. I stood there for a few seconds, then told her that I was going to go, and if she needed ANYTHING to come and see me. She said she would, then I made her promise that she would, and she did.

I'm really torn on this. Should I report it? I don't know the girl, but she seemed sincere in the things she said. Even though she was only about 10, you could tell that she sees herself as a caregiver for her little brother. You could also tell that he saw her in the same way. She kept a continual eye on him, corrected him a few times, and he always did what she said with no question.

Then again, she could have just been mad at Mom and did the "run away to Grandmas" thing.

Apparently, things aren't so good at Grandmas either if there's a guy over that felt the need to punch Grandpa, and he was allowed back at the house.

Thoughts? Opinions?

 

[rgraham666]

Let the authorities know.

If it had been the girl alone, I'd wondered. Both kids? There's something wrong.

Good on you for doing what you did and offering to do more if necessary.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I know I would want to call child welfare if I thought they were trustworthy in my area.
But since the kids are in Grandma's house now, I don't know what they would do, or say.

I'm not really giving you any advice, just saying I know how you feel!

 

[impressive]

Let the authorities know.

What he said.

 

[slyc_willie]

Whow, this is a tricky one, Ky.

on the one hand, there's the "it's not my business, I shouldn't get involved in anything." Dad or whoever the guy at Grandma's house is might resent your intrusion and decide to pay you a visit. After all, if the little girl knows where you live, it stands a good chance they do, as well.

On the other hand . . . .

We're talking about a ten-year-old and five-year-old. Innocent children who obviously feel they are not either comfortable or safe at home, I call to the police or Child Protective Services might keep something disastrous from happening in the future.

There's always the chance that the little girl is just looking for attention, and exaggerating a few things about her home life, and dragging her kid brother along because he'll do what she says. However, aside from a single statement about so-and-so punching grandpa, the little girl didn't try to convince you that Dad beats Mom or puts cigarettes out on junior's arm.

I'd say there's a good chance there's some neglect going on at home, possibly even abuse. Even if it turns out to be nothing serious, do you really want to take the chance?

 

[MagicaPractica]

I think you did a good job observing the situation and you should report exactly what you observed and were told for the authorities to look into. The kid went looking for help by coming to your oldest daughter and she may need more than she knows how to ask for.

 

[Wildcard Ky]

Whow, this is a tricky one, Ky.

on the one hand, there's the "it's not my business, I shouldn't get involved in anything." Dad or whoever the guy at Grandma's house is might resent your intrusion and decide to pay you a visit. After all, if the little girl knows where you live, it stands a good chance they do, as well.

On the other hand . . . .

We're talking about a ten-year-old and five-year-old. Innocent children who obviously feel they are not either comfortable or safe at home, I call to the police or Child Protective Services might keep something disastrous from happening in the future.

There's always the chance that the little girl is just looking for attention, and exaggerating a few things about her home life, and dragging her kid brother along because he'll do what she says. However, aside from a single statement about so-and-so punching grandpa, the little girl didn't try to convince you that Dad beats Mom or puts cigarettes out on junior's arm.

I'd say there's a good chance there's some neglect going on at home, possibly even abuse. Even if it turns out to be nothing serious, do you really want to take the chance?

You hit one of my concerns dead on the head. IF I call the authorities, it's going to take them about 10 seconds to figure out who called. I'm the only other person that was involved. I've got a family with kids here. There's the chance (albeit small) that Dad could be some raving psycho with an anger management issue.

I never got the sense of abuse, but I did get the sense of neglect from them.

 

[slyc_willie]

You hit one of my concerns dead on the head. IF I call the authorities, it's going to take them about 10 seconds to figure out who called. I'm the only other person that was involved. I've got a family with kids here. There's the chance (albeit small) that Dad could be some raving psycho with an anger management issue.

I never got the sense of abuse, but I did get the sense of neglect from them.

I suppose you could try the anonymous tip bit, but the little girl will doubtless say something to Grandma about how she got to the house. Any idiot could make the connection.

It's a quandary, Ky. No doubt about it. You have your family to think about.

How about calling your wife or daughter and asking them about it?

 

[Wildcard Ky]

I suppose you could try the anonymous tip bit, but the little girl will doubtless say something to Grandma about how she got to the house. Any idiot could make the connection.

It's a quandary, Ky. No doubt about it. You have your family to think about.

How about calling your wife or daughter and asking them about it?

I tried that. No answer on the cell phone.

I may have an answer though. A guy that I work withs wife is a teacher. I just called her because I knew that as a teacher, she'd have some kind of training in that area. In our county, there is a person at each school whose job it is to pass along things like this to proper authority. If a teacher suspects something, they tell this person, and that person gets in touch with CPS or whomever. It is set up this way to keep an individual teacher from being caught in the situation that I'm currently in. If a parent gets mad, they can only direct their anger at the school system. The reporting teacher is never identified.

She suggested that I call that person at the school (she goes to the same school as my daughter) and get them to start checking things out. That way, I'm out of the loop.

 

[carsonshepherd]

My heart would tell me to get involved. Sometimes the silence of good people allows bad things to happen and we are left wondering "Why didn't I do something when I had the chance?" Maybe nothing will come of it, but we have to do what we can. So sad for the little kids in this situation, whatever it turns out to be.

 

[SensualCealy]

If you don't report this, you will feel guilty.
If you do report this, you will feel guilty.

Do what you think is best in your heart, what would you want someone to do for your daughter if something like this had happend to her.

If you don't do anything and something happens to these kids, who is going to feel responsible in one way or another? You, right? You can ask to stay off the record since she came calling to your house it would be no different than a block parent reporting a possible kidnapping.

I wish you all the best with this, obviously you have a good heart or you wouldn't be concerned at all.

Keep us updated if you can.
C

 

[slyc_willie]

I tried that. No answer on the cell phone.

I may have an answer though. A guy that I work withs wife is a teacher. I just called her because I knew that as a teacher, she'd have some kind of training in that area. In our county, there is a person at each school whose job it is to pass along things like this to proper authority. If a teacher suspects something, they tell this person, and that person gets in touch with CPS or whomever. It is set up this way to keep an individual teacher from being caught in the situation that I'm currently in. If a parent gets mad, they can only direct their anger at the school system. The reporting teacher is never identified.

She suggested that I call that person at the school (she goes to the same school as my daughter) and get them to start checking things out. That way, I'm out of the loop.

May not be a bad way to go about it. There's no need for the teacher to mention that the kids showed up at your house, just that she suspects neglect at the kids' home.

Be on alert, though. Just in case.

 

[carsonshepherd]

More and more, I'm wishing that you had called the police before taking them anywhere

 

[slyc_willie]

More and more, I'm wishing that you had called the police before taking them anywhere

It's a real delicate matter. Ky had to be thinking about any repercussions coming back to his family.

In situations like this, there are no easy answers. If I had a family, I'd probably have done just what he did.

 

[Wildcard Ky]

More and more, I'm wishing that you had called the police before taking them anywhere

I thought about it, but I'm comfortable with not doing it. As I said, I don't have any indication of abuse. It would be more of a non chalant neglect on the part of the parents. The girl didn't seem scared. She seemed more frustrated with the same ol' same ol' situation of home life.

If I would have even had the slightest feeling that the kids faced some kind of immediate danger at home, I wouldn't have taken them to Grandmas house once I heard about Jason almost breaking Grandpas nose.

 

[a.j.angel]

For sure report it, at least give someone a heads up, never know.
And if it gave you that little niggly feeling, it did for a damn good reason i imagine.

 

[Belegon]

Trust your instincts.

The teacher's suggestion may be the way to go... but regardless, it's a hard decision. Thank you for getting involved at all. Too many wouldn't.

You did the right thing.

 

[angelicminx]

Ky, since I've been on the wrong side of CPS investigation, I have strong, personal objections to them as a whole. On the other hand, they do save a lot of children. I would definitely ask your daughter about the girl. She's bound to know something.

Just hearing you recount the experience sends up red flags for me. Something should definitely be done, and I think you are right to protect your family. Unless the family has other neighbors, or other people aware of the situation, it's likely that the family will know who called CPS. The good thing for you is, CPS will never tell the family who called. It's something that is protected by law and can't even be revealed by court order. Yet.

I don't recall the county you live in, but if you want to PM the information to me, I'll see what I can find out about the case workers there. There really are case workers out there who CARE what's best for the child, and aren't just logging time or working out personal issues through their cases. Few and far between, I've discovered, but they do exist. I have a few contacts I can get in touch with on Monday as well.

Thank you for being you, Ky.

 

[slyc_willie]

This is why I love Lit.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

I think going through the teacher would be a good idea. For one, it gets something done about it, but in the same time, it takes the risk away from you and your family. Of course, I would follow up with the teacher and find out if anything was done or any report made, and if not, then I think I would have to follow through and do the report myself. One way or another, the situation needs to be checked into.

 

[buxxxom]

You've already done more than most would, and thank you for being concerned about the welfare of others. If things are as bad as they seem, this can't be the only nor the first time something like this has come to the attention of other adults. Perhaps this time is the time that something is done to better the situation.

 

[Lisa Denton]

Pick up the phone right now!!!

You did the right thing, but only if you report what you did. No anonymous reporting of anything, save your freakin ass. Right now everyone, especially the authorities will wonder why you did what you did and didn't report it.

A 5 and 10 year old you didn't know and you gave them a ride to grandma's?

Do you know how that will sound to the cops if you are not the one telling it.

These kids could be in danger, you helped, and could be in danger yourself. Your reputation is at risk but the least of your worries. If you report it you save your reputation, nobody tries to punch YOU in the nose, and the cops don't start looking at you funny.

Let the authorities decide if the kids are safe, and know, by your reporting what happened, that you are not a danger to anyone, just a helpful person with a good heart.

JMO

 

[angelicminx]

Pick up the phone right now!!!

You did the right thing, but only if you report what you did. No anonymous reporting of anything, save your freakin ass. Right now everyone, especially the authorities will wonder why you did what you did and didn't report it.

A 5 and 10 year old you didn't know and you gave them a ride to grandma's?

Do you know how that will sound to the cops if you are not the one telling it.

These kids could be in danger, you helped, and could be in danger yourself. Your reputation is at risk but the least of your worries. If you report it you save your reputation, nobody tries to punch YOU in the nose, and the cops don't start looking at you funny.

Let the authorities decide if the kids are safe, and know, by your reporting what happened, that you are not a danger to anyone, just a helpful person with a good heart.

JMO

Yep. I was telling my mother about this yesterday, and she had a fucking cow. "Tell him to call the authorities immediately! His identity is protected, he needs to worry about accusations against him. You know that's all it takes."

 

[christabelll]

Depending on the county Wild, depends on the response...
You did a GREAT thing helping those kids... but in this day and age you MUST report it... flat out must...
I was little once in the country too... and never once did some one report the welts and bruises I went to school with on a regular basis (did that really look like a bike tread on my face?)

Lisa brought up a good point... if its YOU reporting it its far less likely that the Odd Ball Glasses are gonna come out pointed at you.
Talk to your daughter too when she gets back about her own observations of the kids...kids are some times a hell of a lot more perceptive than we are, they just dont know what to do with it...

Good Luck... and yeah CPS can be a pain in the ass but some times... just sometimes... they do prevent something worse down the road.

 

[fifty5]

Sorry to be a pessimist, but that family will never know if you reported this or not - while if there is any official action they'd still be able to guess that you did. The route followed doesn't seem to me to affect that. And they may possibly resent you even doing what you already did - or send you a thank you letter...

My take is that to protect yourself and your family, you need information. Keep ringing your daughter until you get through. If a 10-year old girl knows her well enough to have her name and address and how to find it (or did they show up at the wrong house?) it seems to me that there must be some significant connection.

And the other source of information is the authorities. If there's a real risk to you - and you need your daughter's info to assess that - I think you need the authority's advice and maybe protection. I'd advise that you go direct, not through a go between, who won't have the same power to help you and yours.