Advice from Gay Men

[clio711]

So I'm a 43-year old lesbian who came out many years ago to my friends and Irish Catholic family. Some took it well, others, like my mother, did not.

Anyway, a very good male friend of mine called today to say that his 20-year old son finally came out to him and his wife (his son's step-mom). My friend and I have speculated that his son was gay for a couple years now, and my friend is totally cool with it, which is why his son finally told him.

The thing is his son hasn't come out to his mother or her side of the family yet, which is Hispanic and very Catholic. My friend told his son he could call me for advice since I had a somewhat similar experience with the whole Catholic thing and I am more than happy to talk to him. But I know that coming out as a lesbian can be very different than coming out as a gay man.

So I was wondering if you all had any advice that I can pass along to his son about coming out. Thanks!

 

[Chrissi]

So I'm a 43-year old lesbian who came out many years ago to my friends and Irish Catholic family. Some took it well, others, like my mother, did not.

Anyway, a very good male friend of mine called today to say that his 20-year old son finally came out to him and his wife (his son's step-mom). My friend and I have speculated that his son was gay for a couple years now, and my friend is totally cool with it, which is why his son finally told him.

The thing is his son hasn't come out to his mother or her side of the family yet, which is Hispanic and very Catholic. My friend told his son he could call me for advice since I had a somewhat similar experience with the whole Catholic thing and I am more than happy to talk to him. But I know that coming out as a lesbian can be very different than coming out as a gay man.

So I was wondering if you all had any advice that I can pass along to his son about coming out. Thanks!

There are many online, as well as community resources, that deal with coming out issues. Perhaps PFLAG may be the best place for him to start and seek local advice.

He apparently has a supportive father (and step-mother, I assume), that can go a long way, depending on your friends relationship with his ex.

There is some reason why he is coming out now, so it is just a matter of time before he tells him Mother, assuming he hasn't already. There are just too many variables to consider. Ultimately it has to be his decision and he has to be comfortable with it. He must have some ideas as to how she may take it (worst case scenario, at least), and understand that it could be harmful to his relationship with his mother...

I would try to stay away from lending any active advice, as opposed to just being a supportive friend for him and your friend. Suggest the various support groups, PFLAG from what I understand is a wonderful organization. And they deal with exactly these issues on a daily basis.

hth
topher

 

[clio711]

Thanks Topher! I really appreciate that, and PFLAG is a great idea. His dad and step-mom are really supportive, they are two of my best friends, which is why he came out them first. I don't really know his mom, but is dad thinks she will be more worried about them than anything else.

Thanks again!

 

[Chrissi]

Thanks Topher! I really appreciate that, and PFLAG is a great idea. His dad and step-mom are really supportive, they are two of my best friends, which is why he came out them first. I don't really know his mom, but is dad thinks she will be more worried about them than anything else.

Thanks again!

Your very welcome, and truly best wishes to your friends and his son. As you know, this is a monumental time in his life, and positive support, complete acceptance and total understanding and unconditional love means so, sO, SO much.

hugs