Hello, so basically I've been a sub for a while and I wanted to experiment with being a Dom instead. I have a sub at the moment but I feel like don't know what I'm doing and I'm not sure what rules to set or commands to give him. I've always been used to following orders rather than giving them. Any advice for a new Dom? Also I'm female if that makes any difference
Advice for a new Dom
- Thread starter Ollie16
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cookiecat
Literotica Guru
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- Oct 27, 2006
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You say you have a sub at the moment, how'd you get this sub? You must've had a conversation along the way about what each of you liked. Is this online or real time?
Why not ask this person what they'd like? What do you like? That seems like a good start.
Why not ask this person what they'd like? What do you like? That seems like a good start.
SissySalina
Sissy Smart
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First: why are you switching from sub to Dom?
Second: you should have gotten to know the sub a little before you started this. So what do both of you like? Start with that and work toward what the Dom wants.
Third: the gender should not matter but most often does at the start of the relationship.
Second: you should have gotten to know the sub a little before you started this. So what do both of you like? Start with that and work toward what the Dom wants.
Third: the gender should not matter but most often does at the start of the relationship.
Nezhul
Angry Flufferpuff
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- Sep 7, 2015
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That always geatly depends on what your sub wants. There are no go-to advices or techniques about what you can do in a playsession. Subs are as different as anything - what works for one will completely turn another off.
However there are some advices that I can give you in general.
First, any relationship is about communication and BDSM is doubly so. You need to talk things over. Before the session talk about what both of you want, what new things you may try. After - talk (honestly) about what you liked or disliked, what can be improved and what was so awesome you wanna do that again and again.
Don't go all-in one way or another. You mentioned being a sub, so you must have liked some of it at least. Being a domme doesn't mean you can't be a sub sometimes. Or have a vanilla sex. For me, everything is important - I'm not ready to give up vanilla.
If you need it, you can get inspiration from femdom videos or stories. One thing I dislike about porn, though, is that 99% of it show a very one-sided depiction of femdom as a "commanding bitch who doesn't give a shit about how her sub feels - it's all about HER".
Needless to say, that's actually a very unhealthy attitude. In BDSM you should always put your sub's experiences before yours, need to make sure that he enjoys the session thoroughly before it's over. The Dominant has all the control, and thus assumes all the responsibility to make it fun for both.
For your first times - plan the session out in your head before you go to play. Some things may change, or inspiration may hit you in the process, but at least you have a solid plan to fall back to if you are unsure what to do next.
Before doing any fetish activity - bondage, trampling, ballbusting, whatever - read up on it on the internet. Know what can go wrng and what you need to look out for.
Have a safeword. That's obvious but many forget about it. It's much better when a sub can ask you to stop to his/hers heart's content, without you needing to check in.
Aftercare. Read up what it is, and don't skip it. Make sure your sub knows that dominants need it as well, and that he also doesn't skip it. There are people who don't like having aftercare, but most of us like it. It may be as simple as a few words of assurance, or as complex as long cuddling together.
However there are some advices that I can give you in general.
First, any relationship is about communication and BDSM is doubly so. You need to talk things over. Before the session talk about what both of you want, what new things you may try. After - talk (honestly) about what you liked or disliked, what can be improved and what was so awesome you wanna do that again and again.
Don't go all-in one way or another. You mentioned being a sub, so you must have liked some of it at least. Being a domme doesn't mean you can't be a sub sometimes. Or have a vanilla sex. For me, everything is important - I'm not ready to give up vanilla.
If you need it, you can get inspiration from femdom videos or stories. One thing I dislike about porn, though, is that 99% of it show a very one-sided depiction of femdom as a "commanding bitch who doesn't give a shit about how her sub feels - it's all about HER".
Needless to say, that's actually a very unhealthy attitude. In BDSM you should always put your sub's experiences before yours, need to make sure that he enjoys the session thoroughly before it's over. The Dominant has all the control, and thus assumes all the responsibility to make it fun for both.
For your first times - plan the session out in your head before you go to play. Some things may change, or inspiration may hit you in the process, but at least you have a solid plan to fall back to if you are unsure what to do next.
Before doing any fetish activity - bondage, trampling, ballbusting, whatever - read up on it on the internet. Know what can go wrng and what you need to look out for.
Have a safeword. That's obvious but many forget about it. It's much better when a sub can ask you to stop to his/hers heart's content, without you needing to check in.
Aftercare. Read up what it is, and don't skip it. Make sure your sub knows that dominants need it as well, and that he also doesn't skip it. There are people who don't like having aftercare, but most of us like it. It may be as simple as a few words of assurance, or as complex as long cuddling together.
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