advice for a nervous wreck?
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zipman
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Gem
Being nervous is very natural, in a situation as you described.
I have one question for you. Have you been honest in your discussions with him?
If so, then you have absolutely nothing to be nervous about (and by that, I mean the bad nervousness, not excitement).
If you have been honest with him (which I'm sure you have, btw), then this will be a great meeting, so look forward to it, don't be scared of it. Have fun!
Zip
Being nervous is very natural, in a situation as you described.
I have one question for you. Have you been honest in your discussions with him?
If so, then you have absolutely nothing to be nervous about (and by that, I mean the bad nervousness, not excitement).
If you have been honest with him (which I'm sure you have, btw), then this will be a great meeting, so look forward to it, don't be scared of it. Have fun!
Zip
Azathoth'sPet
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The first time I met my Master I shook like a leaf. I was so nervous 
. I was shy and couldnt even look him in the eye without blushing. After talking to him for about an hour though the nervousness disappeared and I remembered why I wanted to meet him in the first place. He was wonderful. The what if's went out the window and were replaced with joy. Hmm, you were looking for advice so let me see if I can try to think up something quick...the thing that helped my nervousness the most was talking about what would happen before we met. We discussed where we would meet and going to dinner and left it at that so that we didnt have to worry too much about anything else. Also, I tried to remember that if he says things will be okay, they will be. He also told me that he understood my nervousness (as I'm sure your Master told you ). Knowing that he was almost as nervous as I was (although he didnt show it) helped me a little. I wish you a ton of luck, I hope you have a wonderful time. It sounds like you two are great and will be unbelievably happy.
Good Luck
. I was shy and couldnt even look him in the eye without blushing. After talking to him for about an hour though the nervousness disappeared and I remembered why I wanted to meet him in the first place. He was wonderful. The what if's went out the window and were replaced with joy. Hmm, you were looking for advice so let me see if I can try to think up something quick...the thing that helped my nervousness the most was talking about what would happen before we met. We discussed where we would meet and going to dinner and left it at that so that we didnt have to worry too much about anything else. Also, I tried to remember that if he says things will be okay, they will be. He also told me that he understood my nervousness (as I'm sure your Master told you ). Knowing that he was almost as nervous as I was (although he didnt show it) helped me a little. I wish you a ton of luck, I hope you have a wonderful time. It sounds like you two are great and will be unbelievably happy. Good Luck
lark sparrow
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justgem said:i have mentioned this b4, but for those who do not know...
my Grv and i have been together for over a yr now. W/we have contact every day via phone/comp/and camera... He probably knows me better than anyone ever has. by virtue of O/our type of contact the only possible way to get close to someone is thru honest open communication. W/we have taken each step carefully and slowly, neither of U/us was looking for anything when W/we met, perhaps thats y O/our relationship has endured and grown. over the course of time i have fallen in love w/Him....deeply.
if anyone were to say this would have happened b4 i met my Grv i wouldve probably snorted (unladylike i know
but what is, is. many months ago W/we discussed mtg. tentitively we talked about Thanksgiving as an option. (i did not want to go to my Grv a married woman, i separated from my husband intending divorce b4 i ever met Grv, but law required a yr waiting period b4 one can file) now the time is drawing near.
i fly to be w/Him (as a single woman) for a wk nov 26th. one minute i am so excited and anticipatory i can hardly sit still.......
the next minute i am a nervous wreck thinking "what if what if what if....."
He has forbid me to bite my nails.....huff. (they r growing nicely btw) but sometimes i get so nervous i am literally shaking...
how have u dealt w/your "first mtg" w/your Dom/sub? surely i am not the only person in this world to tie herself in knots (no pun intended hehehe) over thier first irl mtg....
any advice on how to stem these fretful thoughts?
bw
gem
Nearly all of this sounds incredibly familiar, gem!
When I was swaying back and forth between eager anticipation and sheer terror, I tried to begin to couch it in terms of a great new adventure (even a grand experiment) and to enjoy the ride - highs and lows, twists and turns included - it's an emotional rollercoaster.
Writing from the assumption that you know eachother well and the visit will go fine.... Keep in mind that you and yours have built a base of knowledge and understanding of one another and have a commitment, wherein everything does not have to go perfectly (though it may!) upon first meeting.
Personally, being the doubtful, over-analyzing and cautious person I can be, my worst fear was that meeting would be irreversible - having built the relationship without having actually met, having much invested... and eek! What if I don't like something so basic as the way She smells?
There were times while making plans to visit Her, and the time spent after making the plans and waiting, when I really tortured myself with "what if's". Some of it you might want/need/can't help but think of... but in hindsight of a great first meeting, try to keep in mind that your Master is at the very least, your friend, as well as a committed partner - all will be well and dealt with, come what may.
It's a very exciting time - try to enjoy the anticipation as much as you can. When we first met at the airport, it was alittle awkward - it felt alittle unreal, and it wasn't instant 100%connection. You have so many great little things ahead of you - your first meal together, being able to hold His hand... playing!!!!... by the time I left to return home, being with Her physically was very natural, an easy intimacy - everything that being online with Her was, but of course, incredibly better in the flesh.
And as much as it is worth it and very important... be prepared for an adjustment when you return to being back online with Him, waiting for the next visit. My phone time went up quite a bit - those pangs of missing Him will increase once you really know what you are physically missing. I had a real high when I came home, which was soon replaced with a low, after the first visit.
Best wishes for your first visit!
artful
*His eyes as an Eagle's*
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Gem,...
...just a few words here. Murphy's Laws are always in effect. How one deals with those instances, will determine their happiness. How one accepts the things that can, and DO go wrong, will show WHO the person REALLY is. Look for these things, take advantage of them,...laugh about them, and enjoy the moment.
Because of the time you have spent communicating with your Dom, I don't think either of you will be OVER expecting too much,...and that is great. Leave all your options available,...do not think the meeting needs to progress in any certain fashion, (other than SSC).
Let Him take care of the details. You will either be happy or not with the meeting,...it will be YOUR choice,...and no one elses. Have *FUN*,...*SMILE*,...*RELAX*. Have no fear,...Murphy's Laws are alive and well.
...just a few words here. Murphy's Laws are always in effect. How one deals with those instances, will determine their happiness. How one accepts the things that can, and DO go wrong, will show WHO the person REALLY is. Look for these things, take advantage of them,...laugh about them, and enjoy the moment.
Because of the time you have spent communicating with your Dom, I don't think either of you will be OVER expecting too much,...and that is great. Leave all your options available,...do not think the meeting needs to progress in any certain fashion, (other than SSC).
Let Him take care of the details. You will either be happy or not with the meeting,...it will be YOUR choice,...and no one elses. Have *FUN*,...*SMILE*,...*RELAX*. Have no fear,...Murphy's Laws are alive and well.
MasterKensbeany
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I know exactly where you're coming from
Master and I had gotten to know each other online even though we live in the same city. We talked a lot and he was very patient with me, giving me all the time I needed to get myself mentally prepared. Even so, I was scared to death, not of him but rejection. I'm not young and I'm not a beauty. I'd been painfully honest with him about my appearance and he'd reassured me endlessly that I had nothing to worry about but, in my mind there was always the possibility that he wouldn't like what he saw.
We had arranged to meet at a small casino a few blocks from my house, I walked there. I can't tell you how many times my feet failed me and I stopped dead in my tracks. I kept a running arguement going the entire way and several times almost turned back. I made myself go, telling myself that if I didn't, I might regret it for the rest of my life.
I got there and walked around the casino for awhile, looking for his face. Then, from behind me I heard the sexiest voice say "hello my pet", I turned and looked into the smiling face and warm eyes of my Master and I knew I was home. It was one of the best moments of my life. I can only hope for you the same happiness I have found.
Respectfully
beany
Master and I had gotten to know each other online even though we live in the same city. We talked a lot and he was very patient with me, giving me all the time I needed to get myself mentally prepared. Even so, I was scared to death, not of him but rejection. I'm not young and I'm not a beauty. I'd been painfully honest with him about my appearance and he'd reassured me endlessly that I had nothing to worry about but, in my mind there was always the possibility that he wouldn't like what he saw.
We had arranged to meet at a small casino a few blocks from my house, I walked there. I can't tell you how many times my feet failed me and I stopped dead in my tracks. I kept a running arguement going the entire way and several times almost turned back. I made myself go, telling myself that if I didn't, I might regret it for the rest of my life.
I got there and walked around the casino for awhile, looking for his face. Then, from behind me I heard the sexiest voice say "hello my pet", I turned and looked into the smiling face and warm eyes of my Master and I knew I was home. It was one of the best moments of my life. I can only hope for you the same happiness I have found.
Respectfully
beany
LC Rough Caress
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I can't speak from personal experience when it comes to meeting someone for the first time in real life. However, I can speak on lost opportunities. Back in high school, I missed a lot of great opportunities that I regret today. Since then, whenever the chance for something comes along, I jump at it without hesitation. Time and tide waiteth (sp?) for no man, woman, Dom or sub. As a journalist, whenever I go after a story and I know I have to ask questions, I do it without fear of confrontation or the consequence of outcome. You have to go into life the same way...otherwise you tend to miss out on a great many things.
Besides, this is supposed to be a great event in your life, and from what you have said, I don't think you have anything to fear. As a great man once said "Faint hearts never won fair ladies."
And as I love to say:
"Who dares, wins."
Besides, this is supposed to be a great event in your life, and from what you have said, I don't think you have anything to fear. As a great man once said "Faint hearts never won fair ladies."
And as I love to say:
"Who dares, wins."
kayte
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gem
I rememember those feelings so well. I do know of what you speak. Master and I got to know each other initially online. We first met in chat on Lit about a year ago. We then transitioned to voice chat and the phone. Thank heavens for the AT&T card from Sam's club. 3.4 cents a minute.
He and I moved slowly. For a lot of reasons, distance, divorce, etc, (mine). We met this last June for the first time. We met for dinner. We did have another with us. I got there first, the waiting, the wondering etc. Chuckling now at the little confusion with my cell phone. You are right Art. Go with it! Murphy is in rare form for these meetings.
When I saw Him walking in, looked at Him and He at me, I knew at that moment it was ok. This would work. We had a wonderful dinner, He and I and another. We laughed, teased, and had great conversation, all of us. We also cleared the room out. We stayed until they closed. He walked me out to my van, We spent a little time together, but I had to get back to my parents..
A couple days later we were alone for the first time. I was petrified, all over. I won't go into the details, but I initially froze and fumbled. He and I laugh about it now. He and I were talking about it as we plan to see each other again in a couple of weeks. He has an unusual word He used to describe what I did/didn't do at first. I wish I could remember it.
We have seen each other several times since the first. I am nervous each time.
At first it was because I am slightly older, etc. The usual things women don't like about themselves.
Now I am nervous, as I just want to please Him. I am keeping you both, Grv and gem in my thoughts and prayers. It will go well for you. I am sure of it.
I rememember those feelings so well. I do know of what you speak. Master and I got to know each other initially online. We first met in chat on Lit about a year ago. We then transitioned to voice chat and the phone. Thank heavens for the AT&T card from Sam's club. 3.4 cents a minute.
He and I moved slowly. For a lot of reasons, distance, divorce, etc, (mine). We met this last June for the first time. We met for dinner. We did have another with us. I got there first, the waiting, the wondering etc. Chuckling now at the little confusion with my cell phone. You are right Art. Go with it! Murphy is in rare form for these meetings.
When I saw Him walking in, looked at Him and He at me, I knew at that moment it was ok. This would work. We had a wonderful dinner, He and I and another. We laughed, teased, and had great conversation, all of us. We also cleared the room out. We stayed until they closed. He walked me out to my van, We spent a little time together, but I had to get back to my parents.
. A couple days later we were alone for the first time. I was petrified, all over. I won't go into the details, but I initially froze and fumbled. He and I laugh about it now. He and I were talking about it as we plan to see each other again in a couple of weeks. He has an unusual word He used to describe what I did/didn't do at first. I wish I could remember it.
We have seen each other several times since the first. I am nervous each time.
At first it was because I am slightly older, etc. The usual things women don't like about themselves.
Now I am nervous, as I just want to please Him. I am keeping you both, Grv and gem in my thoughts and prayers. It will go well for you. I am sure of it.
Last edited:
redelicious
Bedroom Bottom
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The thing is, it is human nature to be a little nervous, despite planning or taking it slow or whatever. It's just normal.
Heck, he might not own up to it, but he may be a little nervous too.
Good luck and have fun.
Heck, he might not own up to it, but he may be a little nervous too.
Good luck and have fun.
WriterDom
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I've found that good online relationships adjust to real life very quickly. But I still find those last few hours uncomfortable. I can't imagine how it would be for a submissive women to travel to her Dom for the first time. The first one I met was actually trembling. That seemed to have a calming effect on me. The sub I saw for two years parked a couple of blocks away and spent about an hour telling herself she could go through with it.
I'm not a big fan of LDR, but it seems that the most interesting possibilities are always a couple of states away. Ideally, I'd like to meet for a lunch with no commitments either way. But when you allow yourself to get involved with someone far away, that step gets skipped.
I wish I had some advice, but other than making sure you have a safe call, I don't.
Good luck!
I'm not a big fan of LDR, but it seems that the most interesting possibilities are always a couple of states away. Ideally, I'd like to meet for a lunch with no commitments either way. But when you allow yourself to get involved with someone far away, that step gets skipped.
I wish I had some advice, but other than making sure you have a safe call, I don't.
Good luck!
gem, from reading your posts on other threads, you must be a sincere and thoughtful person. I'm sure your partner must be the same for you to have an interest in him.
Of course you (both) are nervous and excited. Look upon it with the same anticipation that you would a first kiss. Enjoy.
Of course you (both) are nervous and excited. Look upon it with the same anticipation that you would a first kiss. Enjoy.
Grvdigger
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Hello All and ty for trying to help gem. I know she apprecates your thoughts and yes Ricckk, she is sincere and thoughtful.
she has spoken to Me of these fears that she has and I understand them. I have no doubts on what she wants and desire and know that the doubts come from within and from things in the past. Once gem arrives her fears will be put to rest and I am sure everyone will get tired of hearing how much fun she has had here and how everything went well. But again thank you all for sharing your advice and experince with her.
My love, I know your heart better than you and you will see when you are in My arms that all will be as it should be.
she has spoken to Me of these fears that she has and I understand them. I have no doubts on what she wants and desire and know that the doubts come from within and from things in the past. Once gem arrives her fears will be put to rest and I am sure everyone will get tired of hearing how much fun she has had here and how everything went well. But again thank you all for sharing your advice and experince with her.
My love, I know your heart better than you and you will see when you are in My arms that all will be as it should be.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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Hi Gem
I wish you well in meeting your online Master, and though I am sure it will be safe and all you dreamed of, please take the precaution of a safe call, then relax and savour the moment of what could be the turning point of your life.
I was fortunate to have a very loving and devoted online Master who could only ever be that for me, no more. Because he is so special, he guided and nurtured me, then ordered me to find, with his help if needed, a real time Master. He told me he could no longer keep me from my true destiny to share my life with someone who could give me all he couldn't. It was a painful realisation for both of us, but one I will be indebted to him for, the rest of my life.
Through some funny experiences, and some not so funny experiences, I met and learnt from Master's who I communicated with and got to know online. Always there was something that didn't seem to fit for me with each one, and I often berated myself, thinking perhaps I was sabotaging the search because I could not bear the thought of becoming slave to anyone but the one I already had such a strong bond with. But I kept searhing as I was ordered to do, and was rewarded.
My Master, (and also now husband), met online against all odds. We were on opposite sides of the globe in opposite hemispheres, which to both of us seemed out of the question to consider, but something made him answer my ad, and I had the same feeling when I responded to his email. all the time telling myself it could go nowhere.
He was a confirmed bachelor, and I sworn off marriage after one divorce...and yet something kept drawing us to each other like never before. Once I admitted how I truly felt and surrended all, he was on a plane to visit, both of us nervous wrecks...not helped by the friends and family confirming to us we had lost the plot!! When he arrived, I had been pacing for an hour like a cat on a hot tin roof, rehearsing the words he expected me to have memorised, sure I would forget them instantly.
He walked through the doors, I looked up and saw his beautiful face, then we were in each other's arms and he was slipping his collar around my neck as bystanders looked on curiously. As my knees shook, and his hands trembled, I whispered the words he longed to hear, submitting to him like I was born to do. I could not believe how right it felt to be his, my usual careful, analytical self nowhere to be found.
We have never regretted our decision, and as each day passes, we consider ourselves blessed to have found a love so precious, a bond so deep and irreplaceable. My former online Master has remained a valued friend with my Master's blessing, and has even made a special wedding gift for us.
So my advice to you is be safe, enjoy, and follow your heart. If it is meant to be, your heart and soul will guide you, and your Master will be there to nurture and protect you. Take care.
Catalina
I wish you well in meeting your online Master, and though I am sure it will be safe and all you dreamed of, please take the precaution of a safe call, then relax and savour the moment of what could be the turning point of your life.
I was fortunate to have a very loving and devoted online Master who could only ever be that for me, no more. Because he is so special, he guided and nurtured me, then ordered me to find, with his help if needed, a real time Master. He told me he could no longer keep me from my true destiny to share my life with someone who could give me all he couldn't. It was a painful realisation for both of us, but one I will be indebted to him for, the rest of my life.
Through some funny experiences, and some not so funny experiences, I met and learnt from Master's who I communicated with and got to know online. Always there was something that didn't seem to fit for me with each one, and I often berated myself, thinking perhaps I was sabotaging the search because I could not bear the thought of becoming slave to anyone but the one I already had such a strong bond with. But I kept searhing as I was ordered to do, and was rewarded.
My Master, (and also now husband), met online against all odds. We were on opposite sides of the globe in opposite hemispheres, which to both of us seemed out of the question to consider, but something made him answer my ad, and I had the same feeling when I responded to his email. all the time telling myself it could go nowhere.
He was a confirmed bachelor, and I sworn off marriage after one divorce...and yet something kept drawing us to each other like never before. Once I admitted how I truly felt and surrended all, he was on a plane to visit, both of us nervous wrecks...not helped by the friends and family confirming to us we had lost the plot!! When he arrived, I had been pacing for an hour like a cat on a hot tin roof, rehearsing the words he expected me to have memorised, sure I would forget them instantly.
He walked through the doors, I looked up and saw his beautiful face, then we were in each other's arms and he was slipping his collar around my neck as bystanders looked on curiously. As my knees shook, and his hands trembled, I whispered the words he longed to hear, submitting to him like I was born to do. I could not believe how right it felt to be his, my usual careful, analytical self nowhere to be found.
We have never regretted our decision, and as each day passes, we consider ourselves blessed to have found a love so precious, a bond so deep and irreplaceable. My former online Master has remained a valued friend with my Master's blessing, and has even made a special wedding gift for us.
So my advice to you is be safe, enjoy, and follow your heart. If it is meant to be, your heart and soul will guide you, and your Master will be there to nurture and protect you. Take care.
Catalina
artful
*His eyes as an Eagle's*
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Re: Re: advice for a nervous wreck?
<snip>
I have quoted part of lark's message, because in my opinion,...it's *this* part that is really what you need to prepare for, more than anything else.
No matter the outcome of the first skin-to-skin meeting,...there *WILL* be a low experienced after you have met, and returned to LONG DISTANCE. It's really a bastard situation.
Know that it is coming,...prepare for it as best you can. It will happen, and how you and he deal with *that* reality may determine the ultimate success of your LDR.
I can't emphasise the importance of you really understanding this will take place,...and I assure you,...it *will*. Prepare as best you can,...it will be much harder on you than him.
There is no escape from the mental torture you will go through after having met for the first time in real life. Do your homework on this challenge,...prepare, prepare,...and prepare even more.
(JMHO),...but it's mine,...and I own it.
lark sparrow said:
<snip>
I have quoted part of lark's message, because in my opinion,...it's *this* part that is really what you need to prepare for, more than anything else.
No matter the outcome of the first skin-to-skin meeting,...there *WILL* be a low experienced after you have met, and returned to LONG DISTANCE. It's really a bastard situation.
Know that it is coming,...prepare for it as best you can. It will happen, and how you and he deal with *that* reality may determine the ultimate success of your LDR.
I can't emphasise the importance of you really understanding this will take place,...and I assure you,...it *will*. Prepare as best you can,...it will be much harder on you than him.
There is no escape from the mental torture you will go through after having met for the first time in real life. Do your homework on this challenge,...prepare, prepare,...and prepare even more.
(JMHO),...but it's mine,...and I own it.
