Advertising Cliches

[scheherazade_79]

It seems that a lot of people have been complaining about tv commercials recently, and how they make unrealistic and sometimes offensive statements.

I found this list on the BBC website.

1. Men are obsessed with sex but will forego sex in order to watch football or drink beer.

2. Women are locked in a constant battle with their weight/body shape/hairstyle.

3. Career success is entirely based on your ability to impress your boss.

4. Mums are often harassed but NEVER depressed/unable to cope.

5. Any act of male stupidity (e.g. walking across a clean floor in muddy boots, putting the dog in the dishwasher, etc.) will be met with a wry smile, not genuine annoyance/anger.

6. Married men will flirt with other, younger women but NEVER act upon it.

7. Anyone with a scientific career will have a bad haircut and dreadful clothes.

8. If you work for the emergency services, you are a better person than the general population.

9. Elderly relatives NEVER suffer from senile dementia.

10. Scandinavians are, without exception, blonde and beautiful.

11. Women have jobs they never do in real life, e.g. dockworker (who looks like a model).

12. Children will not eat fruit or vegetables. Ever.

13. Both men and women find driving deeply pleasurable, never boring or stressful.

14. Men are inherently lazy/slobbish; women are the reverse.

15. Chocolate, however, will cause women to immediately fall into the languor of the opium eater.

16. High Street bank staff are (A) friends of the customers, and (B) of slightly above-average attractiveness (only if female).

17. Modern men own a cat.

18. Hot beverages have miraculous rejuvenating effects.

19. Professional people have strangely trivial preoccupations, e.g. a female barrister who is morbidly obsessed with finding a healthy snack bar.

20. All women (except stay-at-home housewives) have interesting and enjoyable careers.

21. Any over-the-counter medical product will work instantly and 100% effectively.

22. Children know more than adults.

23. Women never merely hop in and out of the shower, instead preferring to act out some sort of soapy Dance of the Seven Veils.

24. School is a happy experience for all children.

25. Tortilla chips are the most exciting experience any group of young people can experience.

26. Playing bingo is THE number one pastime among 18-25 year old British women.

Feel free to contribute any observations of your own.

 

[scheherazade_79]

27. Women who buy booster bras already have massive tits in the first place.

 

[AppleBiter]

28. McDonald's is a healthy place to eat because they have a salad or two.

 

[oggbashan]

29 Alcohol makes you instantly attractive to the opposite sex.

30 Age-defying creams make face-lifted actresses years younger in seconds and are tested on spaced-out women who would agree that any product makes them look younger if the researcher will buy them another martini.

Og

PS. If any of the products in 30 actually worked, then by UK law they would have to be reclassified as a drug and couldn't be advertised, priced or sold at such a profitable level.

 

[Guest]

I think I just want to do #23.

That soapy Dance of the Seven Veils thing.

 

[oggbashan]

I think I just want to do #23.

That soapy Dance of the Seven Veils thing.

Please don't. They don't show the thirteen outtakes where the actress slips on the soap/detergent, lands on her fanny and says 'Fuck!'.

Og

 

[Guest]

Please don't. They don't show the thirteen outtakes where the actress slips on the soap/detergent, lands on her fanny and says 'Fuck!'.

Og

(Such a graceful image.)

 

[cloudy]

There's a commercial that runs here from the cable tv company (I think) about parental controls on channels. Every time I watch it I'm struck by how stupid it is.

A man is watching television, remote in hand, and tries to change to a certain channel. When he can't get that channel, he yells "Why can't I watch this channel?"

A little girl enters the scene, and explains to the clueless father (there's one cliche) about parental controls, and that "mom" has locked that channel (there's another one - the smarter kid). She further explains that he CAN watch it, but he'll have to ask mom to unlock it for him.

Mom comes into the room, and he asks her if he can watch that channel (why does he have to ask his wife for permission to watch anything???). Mom gets an authoritative stance, and pronounces loudly, "NO," then walks off.

I don't know of any family that even remotely approaches this example.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

10. Scandinavians are, without exception, blonde and beautiful.

Your point being..? *fluffing hair*

 

[Alex756]

This one is only on cable TV

#31 - cable television is reliable and Dish systems aren't. If you have cable you will have your TV working through the worst storms but a shower and your Dish owning neighbors .... oh sorry I missed the end of the commercial cause by cable went out on a clear sunny day *grumble*

-Alex

 

[dr_mabeuse]

--All businesses are staffed by attractive, saintly young people who care only about their customers' satisfaction. The fact that they make a profit is entirely coincidental and of little importance.

--Everyone's frightfully thin.

--Grandfathers exist only to blow the fluff off dandelions with their granddaughters.

--No one ever wakes up with morning mouth or eye crust. Women wear makeup to bed.

--Coffee is a mixture of cocaine and heroin.

--The proper way to eat anything on a bun is to hold it in the first two fingers and thumb of each hand, squeezing slightly to make the distal end bulge. (This is no joke. An acquaintance who was in a fast food commercial told me this is called the "McDonald's Grip" and they were drilled on how to do it. He also told me that no one EVER actually takes a bite or drink of the food. They're all faking it.)

--Alcohol doesn't make you drunk.

--Hemorrhoids make you wince.

 

[Xelebes]

All washing solutions clean instantly. Calcium Lime & Rust! Cillit Bang Cillit Bang Cillit Bang!

 

[TheEarl]

All washing solutions clean instantly. Calcium Lime & Rust! Cillit Bang Cillit Bang Cillit Bang!

OHHHHHHHH, Cillit Cillit Bang Bang, Cillit Cillit Bang Bang Bang, Cillit Cillit Bang Bang, we love you. And. Our. Pretty Cillit Bang Bang, pretty Cillit Bang Bang loves us too!


All of you stay with the mental image that there's someone (with a wispy tache!) in a room in Southern England singing that at this precise moment.

Then call the men in white coats.

The Earl

 

[mack_the_knife]

Leave us not forget that:

32. Buying a new care will make you instantly happy - no chance of buyer's remorse for purchasing a $40,000 gas hog.

33. Not a single ugly person goes out to drink beer at the local pub/bar/disco.

34. College kids NEED laptops, despite the fact that they are incredibly pilferable items and delicate to boot in a hazardous environment (a college dorm) for both matters of theft and damage. How else are they going to be playing video games during their professors' lectures?

34. When the hell did a measly 120 horsepower become a bragging point?

35. Parents shelling out thousands of dollars for tutoring from some payme tutoring company are all teary eyed when their punk-ass kid gets good grades. For that kind of money, he damn well better!

36. You can hop in your 120 horsepower sports coupe and be from downtown LA/NYC/Chi, and be in the country, scooting down twisty roads in a heartbeat...

37. (Closed course with a professional driver, do not attempt this)

38. If your tool is large enough, your wife will tolerate you banging every other woman in the neighborhood/your workplace/sporting events.

39. "It's the FEEL GOOD hit of the summer!"

40. Movie, Music and TV stars are wiser than you about political matters/drug abuse/poverty/aids.

41. College-age kids need $3000 flat panel tv's to go in their ridiculously undersized apartment.

 

[impressive]

Anti-depressants make everything sunshine and roses.

 

[Guest]

Anti-depressants make everything sunshine and roses.

Yes, that is ridiculous, isn't it?

Everyone knows the true answer is rum.

 

[cheerful_deviant]

42. Cracking open a cola at the beach will instantly start a vollyball game of scantilly clad, big breasted, 18yo girls. (I tried this several times, it never worked.)

43. "Biggest Movie of the Year" anounced on January 15th.

44. When you walk into a McDonalds there will be one person from every race/religion/sex/handicap/whatever working there.

45. Women talk about that "Not so fresh" feeling with their mothers while relaxing in a canoe on a lake.

 

[yui]

45. Women talk about that "Not so fresh" feeling with their mothers while relaxing in a canoe on a lake.

46. Plugging a leak in a canoe with a tampon is a viable option.

 

[cheerful_deviant]

46. Plugging a leak in a canoe with a tampon is a viable option.

The voice of experience?

 

[yui]

The voice of experience?

Yes, but it was a rubber raft and the sucker just popped right out! I felt rather foolish.

Stalk, stalk.

 

[Boxlicker101]

47. All men are utterly inept at any household chore.

48. Women always turn their ankles when running from or to something.

49. There is always a parking space directly in front of where you are going.

 

[scheherazade_79]

50. Women on their period always want to play sport.

51. Children who eat white chocolate wear glasses and have blonde hair.

52. People in their 50s and 60s always like to do something like mow the lawn or be looking after their grandkids when they talk about the possibility of dying soon.

53. Menstrual blood is bright blue and the same consistency as water. (I find this one particularly worrying)

 

[mack_the_knife]

53. Menstrual blood is bright blue and the same consistency as water. (I find this one particularly worrying)

I asked my wife about that once...

54. Men pass out at the birth of their child (was right there for both, never even got queezy).

55. Men freak out when the wife says 'it's time'. Then they rush off in their 120 horsepower coupe.

56. Obviously that 'can you hear me now?' guy has yet to walk through my house. 'Can you hear me now? --- WTF?'

57. Wives/girlfriends are impressed as hell any time thier significant other does something halfway intelligent.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

--There are no such things as traffic jams. In fact, there's no such thing as traffic. When you get into your car, you'll always be the only one on the road, whther you're in the heart of the city or on some twisting, country road.

--Pickup trucks always carry giant crates in the mud.

--If you join the US army, they'll either teach you computer programming or rock-climbing.

 

[impressive]

People want and need their local weather forecast every 10 minutes.



If a woman doesn't WANT to have sex, she is in need of a drug to make her want it.