punkreader
Experienced
- Joined
- May 21, 2011
- Posts
- 63
This is actually an idea that I've kind of written some of, but only in an experimental snippet, where two female lovers (both unhappily married), after a few years of losing each other, meet (one actively tries to find the other) again in No. 1's home. No. 1, unhappy, feeling trapped in a marriage which neither she nor her husband want, and made to take care of both their daughter and the other women living in this Tribe (it's a wolf-pack, essentially, with a similar structure and very rigid laws - No. 1 is the Alpha's Wife).
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I've written them out, and posted them on my deviantArt account. Links to each of the 3 articles (don't worry, they're short reads):
Article 1: http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=Tribe+laws#/d36dw6r
Article 2: http://evfan257.deviantart.com/art/Wolf-Demon-Tribe-Laws-A2-192359231
Article 3: http://evfan257.deviantart.com/art/Wolf-Demon-Tribe-Laws-A3-196507316
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Okay, back to the plot. Anyway, No 1 is extremely unhappy, her resentful husband treats her badly, and she refuses to follow his peoples' laws. Their relationship is basically mutual dislike and serious communication issues. She tells No 2 what's been going on for however long they've been apart (No 1 and husband have a daughter that's about 2 years old). To try and ease her own lonliness, and wanting to comfort No 1 who is at this point visibly upset, No 2 starts fondling, kissing, etc. They quickly get caught up in each other, forgetting for the moment just where they are (in No 1 and husband's bedroom).
Husband, looking for No 1, finds them together. Husband is extremely angry, as her behavior breaks several laws and she hasn't "so much as touched [him] in months," and she's screwing another woman (a human! Race is a big thing in this particular world, No 1 is a half-breed, at the bottom, No 2 a human in the middle and husband is a demon, at the top - No 1 is in a high social position, the opposite of where she's been up until then), in their bedroom. He orders No 2 out, he and No 1 first try to talk about it, leading into blame-laying, and then a full-blown argument. She insults him and hits a nerve. He completely loses his temper, orders that No 2 be restrained outside (nothing happens to her, though), and forces himself onto his wife. Enraged though he is, he finds he can't finish, that rape doesn't really arouse him. Taking a step back, he sees No 1 trembling, terrified, still laying there - her face is bloody and she's beginning to bruise all over. He's horrified and disgusted with himself. Almost tries to comfort No 1, but finds he is still too angry. No 2, hearing from outside, tries to get help, but is prevented and taunted by husband in a fit of sexual jealousy. By the end, she's been gagged and had hands and ankles tied to prevent help - this bit was not ordered by the husband.
No 2 is escorted out forcefully, No 1 is in shock, and husband is in the baths almost frantically trying to clean himself ("washing away act" symbolism, maybe?) It ends there...or does it?
What do you think? I've got part of the thing written out elsewhere, and can provide a link to it, but thoughts on the scenario would help me determine "do I finish this or leave it?" Comments, any changes or things I can do to improve it? Criticism?
Thank you!
----------
I've written them out, and posted them on my deviantArt account. Links to each of the 3 articles (don't worry, they're short reads):
Article 1: http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=Tribe+laws#/d36dw6r
Article 2: http://evfan257.deviantart.com/art/Wolf-Demon-Tribe-Laws-A2-192359231
Article 3: http://evfan257.deviantart.com/art/Wolf-Demon-Tribe-Laws-A3-196507316
------------
Okay, back to the plot. Anyway, No 1 is extremely unhappy, her resentful husband treats her badly, and she refuses to follow his peoples' laws. Their relationship is basically mutual dislike and serious communication issues. She tells No 2 what's been going on for however long they've been apart (No 1 and husband have a daughter that's about 2 years old). To try and ease her own lonliness, and wanting to comfort No 1 who is at this point visibly upset, No 2 starts fondling, kissing, etc. They quickly get caught up in each other, forgetting for the moment just where they are (in No 1 and husband's bedroom).
Husband, looking for No 1, finds them together. Husband is extremely angry, as her behavior breaks several laws and she hasn't "so much as touched [him] in months," and she's screwing another woman (a human! Race is a big thing in this particular world, No 1 is a half-breed, at the bottom, No 2 a human in the middle and husband is a demon, at the top - No 1 is in a high social position, the opposite of where she's been up until then), in their bedroom. He orders No 2 out, he and No 1 first try to talk about it, leading into blame-laying, and then a full-blown argument. She insults him and hits a nerve. He completely loses his temper, orders that No 2 be restrained outside (nothing happens to her, though), and forces himself onto his wife. Enraged though he is, he finds he can't finish, that rape doesn't really arouse him. Taking a step back, he sees No 1 trembling, terrified, still laying there - her face is bloody and she's beginning to bruise all over. He's horrified and disgusted with himself. Almost tries to comfort No 1, but finds he is still too angry. No 2, hearing from outside, tries to get help, but is prevented and taunted by husband in a fit of sexual jealousy. By the end, she's been gagged and had hands and ankles tied to prevent help - this bit was not ordered by the husband.
No 2 is escorted out forcefully, No 1 is in shock, and husband is in the baths almost frantically trying to clean himself ("washing away act" symbolism, maybe?) It ends there...or does it?
What do you think? I've got part of the thing written out elsewhere, and can provide a link to it, but thoughts on the scenario would help me determine "do I finish this or leave it?" Comments, any changes or things I can do to improve it? Criticism?
Thank you!
