Actors on Kids TV Show console one another in "Take Lunch - Adult Programming"

[ThinkerLover]

Actors on Kids TV Show console one another in "Take Lunch - Adult Programming"

Please let me know what you think by posting feedback.

inspired by a true story, "Take Lunch - Adult Programming" is likely to be the first episode in a series of stories from the lives of actors. Suzy and Geoff are singing, dancing cast members in a children's program, but when Geoff's day goes awry, Suzy can only relieve him during lunch call, far from the cameras' eyes.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=438861

 

[poppy_cock]

Please let me know what you think by posting feedback.

inspired by a true story, "Take Lunch - Adult Programming" is likely to be the first episode in a series of stories from the lives of actors. Suzy and Geoff are singing, dancing cast members in a children's program, but when Geoff's day goes awry, Suzy can only relieve him during lunch call, far from the cameras' eyes.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=438861

On the whole, I rather liked this. Pretty original concept, likeable characters. The first third was particularly well done. But the part where you got to the sex scene felt a bit rushed - keen to get there, huh? They got into the shower, she told him she wasn't going to do it - and suddenly they were...

That part just before what I assume was the first thrust(?) was all a bit abrupt somehow - it needed a few more sentences to round it out, I think. A little more focus on the build up to the the act itself would've felt more satisfying somehow, particularly if you are going to make this into a series, this being the first time they get it on an' all.

Personally, I don't think you needed all the -- to denote changes in point of view, but I know others might disagree. I think that here it just made things feel disjointed when in fact, they weren't at all. But other than that and a few punctuation issues with your dialogue (I can elaborate if you'd like me to), this was a good read, thanks.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Not a bad concept. Quite will written. But a series? That would be like Pet Detective III.