Ack!

[WickedEve]

and sometimes i drive it
by WickedEve ©

i ought to hang a tree from the mirror
to mingle scents,
you know, pine and pussy.

The above stanza is causing me emotional distress. Quick, get me the smelling salts. I feel faint and I need some iced tea. The "and sometimes i drive it" poem is okay, but that one stanza just totally icks it up. How did it get past me? I know, it was late and I was horny. God! Poets, never write poetry when your private parts are in control. It just doesn't make for good poetry.

Anyway, I have submitted an edit.

 

[BlueskyBeauty]

fu eve, i'm always horny..i still manage stuff that ain't so bad!

good morning btw..you sexy brunette!

 

[WickedEve]

fu eve, i'm always horny..i still manage stuff that ain't so bad!

good morning btw..you sexy brunette!

Hi, b.b.
I had a dream last night that you were chasing me with a bottle of red dye. We were both naked, but I'm still confident that it was not a sexual dream! The ending was weird, though. There was a close-up of a pine tree freshener.

 

[BlueskyBeauty]

Hi, b.b.
I had a dream last night that you were chasing me with a bottle of red dye. We were both naked, but I'm still confident that it was not a sexual dream! The ending was weird, though. There was a close-up of a pine tree freshener.

perhaps it was just to disguise the scent of two women at play with red hair dye!!

i think i need to ride the pony..can i slip into your av??

 

[WickedEve]

perhaps it was just to disguise the scent of two women at play with red hair dye!!

i think i need to ride the pony..can i slip into your av??

Has it been four years already?

 

[BlueskyBeauty]

Has it been four years already?

lol yep..

i think i need to shed my skin ..change my title from lesbian to
almost lesbian
not quite bi
cept the pony ride every four years
not at all straight.

i hate titles!

just call me horny

 

[Liar]

Pine and pussy. Two of my favorite things. Can't see the problem.

 

[BlueskyBeauty]

Pine and pussy. Two of my favorite things. Can't see the problem.

oh, was there suppose to be a problem??

don't you think eve looks deliciously natural as a redhead?

 

[DeepAsleep]

Eve, don't take away my boner!

~D.A.

 

[WickedEve]

Wicked Eve gave us several poems, my favorite of the three, two being automotive genre, is...
and sometimes I drive it
fantastic title! I'm so with you, I hear my dad and a bunch of guys I've known telling me about that color red, and how I won't be able to handle it. I haven't told them "fuck you" myself yet, but I will, and when I do, I hope it's half as strong as the way you did it. The only part I'm not sure about is from Flashback and on, I get that it is fractured like a flashback, but I think I'd still like it to look or feel a bit more cohesive with the rest of the poem's structure, or at least, continue the poem again, after the flashback, to give some closure. I feel like you closed the poem pre flashback, which means it didn't really close at all, which, if that is what you're going for, the openness of the relativity of you and the man in relation to the auto, it sort of works, but I'm just projecting really. I don't know, I just know it feels weird structurally at the end. Oh, and I just hated that mommy car poem, not because it sucked, but because I know it so well, and I'm rebelling against it.

Okay, that was perks' review. She didn't say a word about pine and pussy. My guess is that perks likes pine and pussy. So now I have to go rework the whole thing, at least, pine/pussy and flashback. I'll just make a note... work on pine, pussy and flashback. Yeah, that's odd.

 

[perks]

Okay, that was perks' review. She didn't say a word about pine and pussy. My guess is that perks likes pine and pussy. So now I have to go rework the whole thing, at least, pine/pussy and flashback. I'll just make a note... work on pine, pussy and flashback. Yeah, that's odd.

I liked the pine and pussy, it shows that not only do you have a ride he doesn't like, it shows you have a ride, he can't have, and between the two, is the scent of freedooooooom.

I loved that line, but then, I'm blunt n bawdy.

 

[WickedEve]

I loved that line, but then, I'm blunt n bawdy.

Yes, you are! You need to be more fucking refined like I am.

 

[perks]

Yes, you are! You need to be more fucking refined like I am.

ain't dat da truf

 

[BlueskyBeauty]

Yes, you are! You need to be more fucking refined like I am.

more reddish too!

i read the poem eve..i thought the line was great! i'm still not sure why you felt the need to take it out..

kind of sassy..saucy too, gee where have i heard that before.

 

[WickedEve]

more reddish too!

i read the poem eve..i thought the line was great! i'm still not sure why you felt the need to take it out..

kind of sassy..saucy too, gee where have i heard that before.

Actually, this poem and a few others that have popped up in the past couple of days, are not really worth editing. They were just... moods that got submitted. I think I'm entering a new phase now. I'm feeling all loving and sweet and I have PMS. And I just sent an email to my Master calling him monkey sugar gumdrop. Yes, I have a thing about monkeys.

I'm going to go now and write something tragic or fluffy. Or maybe both, like crushed butterflies.

 

[BlueskyBeauty]

Actually, this poem and a few others that have popped up in the past couple of days, are not really worth editing. They were just... moods that got submitted. I think I'm entering a new phase now. I'm feeling all loving and sweet and I have PMS. And I just sent an email to my Master calling him monkey sugar gumdrop. Yes, I have a thing about monkeys.

I'm going to go now and write something tragic or fluffy. Or maybe both, like crushed butterflies.

loving and sweet a new phase?

i hadn't noticed

 

[The Mutt]

Crushed Butterflies goes on the list of great band names.

 

[DeepAsleep]

Crushed Butterflies goes on the list of great band names.

I've got a list like that! We should trade.

 

[WickedEve]

Crushed Butterflies goes on the list of great band names.

Is there a crushed butterfly band or is just wishful thinking?
Actually, I really need to use that phrase in a poem.

I didn't realize his fragility
until the semi flatten him
like a crushed butterfly

 

[twelveoone]

and sometimes i drive it
by WickedEve ©

i ought to hang a tree from the mirror
to mingle scents,
you know, pine and pussy.

The above stanza is causing me emotional distress. Quick, get me the smelling salts. I feel faint and I need some iced tea. The "and sometimes i drive it" poem is okay, but that one stanza just totally icks it up. How did it get past me? I know, it was late and I was horny. God! Poets, never write poetry when your private parts are in control. It just doesn't make for good poetry.

Anyway, I have submitted an edit.

no,no,no, I hope this is a dead issue, it is an overpowering line. Is that where it came from, your private parts? It's great, mine is only good for writing in the snow, oh never mind.
If this is because of my comment, go back and read the second comment, please

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Re: Ack!

no,no,no, I hope this is a dead issue, it is an overpowering line. Is that where it came from, your private parts? It's great, mine is only good for writing in the snow, oh never mind.
If this is because of my comment, go back and read the second comment, please

I'm not happy with the poem or a few others ones I recently submitted, but I'm leaving this one alone.

 

[The Mutt]

Is there a crushed butterfly band or is just wishful thinking?
Actually, I really need to use that phrase in a poem.

I didn't realize his fragility
until the semi flatten him
like a crushed butterfly

Nope, it's a wish list. I often come across words and phrases that just beg to be bands. On the arrest forms they printed to handle the WTO protests (35,000 they printed!) their was a category called White Powder Incident. I would go hear a band of that name.

 

[Zanzibar]

and sometimes i drive it
by WickedEve ©

i ought to hang a tree from the mirror
to mingle scents,
you know, pine and pussy.

After reading the entire poem as originally submitted, maybe just make a little shift?

One suggestion/possibility:

tree hanging from the mirror
reminding me of mingled scents
you know, pine and pussy

flashback:

followed by the christening stanza.

just a thought late at night. I loved the imagery of it.

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Re: Ack!

After reading the entire poem as originally submitted, maybe just make a little shift?

One suggestion/possibility:

tree hanging from the mirror
reminding me of mingled scents
you know, pine and pussy

flashback:

followed by the christening stanza.

just a thought late at night. I loved the imagery of it.

Thank you zanz, but have you ever written a poem and afterwards it just doesn't seem worth the trouble of editing? I mean, this poem is just a poem. Not one that I cherish. I just wrote it and enjoyed it and now it's over. The poetry party train has gone on down the track and left me behind at the station... or some crap like that. But I do thank you for the suggestions and if I add this poem to my site, I'll make the changes.

 

[The_Fool]

Re: Re: Re: Ack!

...have you ever written a poem and afterwards it just doesn't seem worth the trouble of editing? ....

All of them...