about nature of comments

[nakedeye]

G'day fellow Literoticans. I'm just starting off as a writer; game enough to have a go, just like you. Now this is in response to certain feedback on my first submission here; one of which was constructive and helpful criticism. The others from "anonymous" said "wordy n' shitty" and " ick, need a shower after this "... period. Personally I like and welcome honest upfront appraisal of my work. I hate platitudinarian sugarcoated bullshit. However I'd rather be enlightened on how to make my work less "shitty" in this case for example, seeing "anonymous" knows better 'n I. Do to others as you have 'em do to you. Applies to all of us, me too. So thats where I stand. Happy writing all.

Nakedeye

 

[jomar]

Hi and welcome to Lit, or at least writing here. You have encountered the dreaded troll. A beast who votes low, says you suck then runs and hides. We've all seen glimpses of him and have all felt his hatred, assumed to be drunken (troll, not us). Keep writing. If you have angered a troll you're doing something right. Unless of course you post in the Loving Wives category - then all bets are off.

 

[nakedeye]

Hi and welcome to Lit, or at least writing here. You have encountered the dreaded troll. A beast who votes low, says you suck then runs and hides. We've all seen glimpses of him and have all felt his hatred, assumed to be drunken (troll, not us). Keep writing. If you have angered a troll you're doing something right. Unless of course you post in the Loving Wives category - then all bets are off.

Hi Jomar and thanks for that matey. Well like they say sticks n stones but...etc but who cares aye. Glad to be on board..pun?? ...and yep we'll keep writing and let the trolldolls squeal n' hide

 

[TxRad]

Hi Jomar and thanks for that matey. Well like they say sticks n stones but...etc but who cares aye. Glad to be on board..pun?? ...and yep we'll keep writing and let the trolldolls squeal n' hide

G'Day Mate..... Australian I take it.... Welcome aboard the band wagon...

Stop in the AH (Authors hangout) from time to time... We have a place there to bitch about the trolls and of course AnyMouse... another form of troll and not to be confused with anonymous... Which is a comment from a person whose not a member....

Keep up the good work and stick a link to your stories in your sig line so some of the editor types around here can poke a stick at ya. In a good way of course...

 

[nakedeye]

G'Day Mate..... Australian I take it.... Welcome aboard the band wagon... and stick a link to your stories in your sig line so some of the editor types around here can poke a stick at ya. In a good way of course...

Yep an Aussie there TX. You too? So they'll gimme a bit of stick you reckon? I need a good one

 

[TxRad]

Yep an Aussie there TX. You too? So they'll gimme a bit of stick you reckon? I need a good one

Nope, I'm in Texas but I have spent some time in your country and loved ever minute of it. Been there three times working in the oil fields and screwed up all three times and came back to the states.

If you place a link to one of your stories in your sig or in a post, the wandering editors on this board will give it a look see and let you know how to improve. They're a pretty fair lot but they can bite if provoked or if you want them to...

There's a bunch of very good people around here for the most part.

 

[mypinkpearl]

Hi from a damp and chilly downunder! I'm new also and presently have three stories posted.......I am most fortunate not to have received any negative comments which has been very reaffirming, however, I have noticed of late, that the vote rankings have taken an incredible nose dive......I'm trying very hard not to buy into this writing as a competitive blood sport....but I feel so naked and vulnerable putting myself out there.....I figured the only way they could be ranking that way is if a suddenly received a whole lot of "ones"..which, though I'm no erotic Shakespeare, does seem a little harsh........

 

[TxRad]

Hi from a damp and chilly downunder! I'm new also and presently have three stories posted.......I am most fortunate not to have received any negative comments which has been very reaffirming, however, I have noticed of late, that the vote rankings have taken an incredible nose dive......I'm trying very hard not to buy into this writing as a competitive blood sport....but I feel so naked and vulnerable putting myself out there.....I figured the only way they could be ranking that way is if a suddenly received a whole lot of "ones"..which, though I'm no erotic Shakespeare, does seem a little harsh........

Welcome to the wonderful world of Lit....

Trolls have no rime or reason, they just are....

Take heart in your PC's and e-mails... they are a much better gauge of how your story is received.

 

[mypinkpearl]

I seem to have attracted an entire Grimms fairytale worth....wish they would climb back under their bridge.....

 

[starrkers]

Another freezing Aussie here (I have decided I hate snow).

Seems there's a type of reader here that just loves to knock down stories - the old tall poppy syndrome.

 

[nakedeye]

If you place a link to one of your stories in your sig or in a post, the wandering editors on this board will give it a look see and let you know how to improve. They're a pretty fair lot but they can bite if provoked or if you want them to...

.

How do I do that as Ive followed instructions and dont seem to work?

 

[EveAnna]

Hi nakedeye,

Just checked, yes your story is linked to your sig now.

 

[TxRad]

How do I do that as Ive followed instructions and dont seem to work?

It's there... But try using the Insert Hyperlink button in the line above the box... it allows you to put the name of the story in place of all the lit gooblygook.... It does the same thing but looks nicer....

I took a quick look at you story and the first thing that meets the eye is the large blocks of text..... That works in print but on a computer screen, not so well.. Limit paragraphs to three to five sentences, the eye can follow it easier on the backlit screen. I'll try and read later when I have more time...

 

[EveAnna]

It's a good attempt for a first story, it was a little short - you might be able to carry the story on from the bath scene.

Your paragraphs were a little too big, too much text for the eyes to take in. The story carried itself along well though.

I'm still new to writing erotica too but I think you may have got the negative comments from someone who read your story as a 'stroke story' - ie no real storyline and straight into the sex but some on here like this kind of story. I didn't read it as a stroke story, I thought the basic story line was ok and I enjoyed it and for a first attempt, I thought it good.

I had my first story bashed as being a basic stroke story too,not by the comments on here but I got a few by email, - but that was OK with me, I had a lot of fun writing it.

Hope to read more of your work.

 

[nakedeye]

Hi nakedeye,

Just checked, yes your story is linked to your sig now.

A few initial teething probs but gettin there hey.

 

[nakedeye]

Thanks Eve n Tx for your helpful suggestions. I need to know how to refine my work so its more enjoyably readable. I guess by going back to look at my story so far, I have to agree about the bulky heavy looking paragraphs. Give 'em a bit of the ole choppin board a bit then. I plan to continue the story on from where I left it soakin in the bath so to speak Im working on it. Some great stuff on this site.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I read your story, Naked. It wasn't really a story but more of a viginette - a sex scene. Like I've said many times a story moves from an introduction along a pathway to a conclusion. This doesn't move.

That's not to say your viginette wasn't pretty well done. Your writing is not bad at all. As has been said, your paragraphs are a little long for the eyes. And you could have done with a lot more characterization and dialogue.

Next time try something longer and more developed. I think you will do fine.

JJ

//Threadjack// Starrkers... Damnit... forget the eyes. You Boob AV was wonderful //Endjack//

 

[Foxee Browne]

Nakedeye,

Your story was written well enough, but you needed to describe the naughty neighbours a bit more. Did he often listen in on them? Did he peek thro the wall hoping to see them on a regular basis? Was he secretely lusting and hoping for something sexual to happen? It ended to quickly and the shower scene either needed to be expanded or completely left off.

It is very good for a first story, keep on writing, you have a talent for it.

Just my 2 cents

 

[mjl2010]

Ignore any public comments with a one vote. You've just been slimed by a troll. Usually just little worms with no esteem, trolls type with one hand and stroke themselves with the other. You can usually tell because they can't spell their own names without typos. Other keys on their keyboards are permanently stuck because they spend all their time stroking away and it gets... ok you get the picture. Ahem.

Yeah ignore the trolls. A fact of life here.

MJL

 

[nakedeye]

......Other keys on their keyboards are permanently stuck because they spend all their time stroking away and it gets... ok you get the picture. Ahem.

......... Good one..I love it!

Hey thanx guys. What I might do then I reckon is redo the viginette-cum-story along with what you's have suggested and do a resubmit and lets see how it comes across, hey.

 

[starrkers]

threadjack: fear not Jenny, the eyes are only for one week /threadjack

 

[MarshAlien]

A few suggestions to start with

1. Motivation. Until I got to the third paragraph, I thought the narrator was some complete whacko who decided to strip down naked to go join the husband and wife that he'd been watching through the wall. Only in the third paragraph did I realize it was an orgy, and even then I wondered why these people accepted him so easily. Then it seemed that he already knew Mandy, since there was no introduction, so I figured he must already belong to this group grope. In any event, I think it would help if you established why your characters are doing something in your story, rather than leave the reader to wonder WTF is going on.

2. Sentence structure. Some of your sentences are a good bit too long, and contain unnecessary detail.

I unlocked and entered my flat, heading straight to the fridge and helped myself to a cool drink before sinking gratefully into my loungechair, unbuttoning my shirt all the way down and undoing my trouser belt to cool off a bit. for I was rather sweaty.

In the previous (first) sentence, you've stated that you've arrived home. You don't need to tell us that you unlocked and entered the flat; we'll know that when you head to the fridge. I assume that there should have been a comma, rather than a period between "a bit" and "for I" but I don't think you need the whole last clause. By saying you want to cool off, you render "for I was rather sweaty" superfluous. Finally, "heading to the fridge and helped myself" is an improper mixing of tenses. I think you want "and helping myself" or (probably better, given all the other "-ing" verbs you have in the sentence already) "to help myself.

My body trembling; my armpits becoming wet, I drew in a deep long breath, and vainly tried to fight down a strong, burning, aching sexual feeling which grew overwhelming.

This would be two good sentences: "I felt my body trembling, my armpits becoming wet. I drew in a deep, long breath and vainly tried to fight down a sexual ache that soon proved too much." It's too long and wordy for one sentence, though.

3. Finally, if you are going to develop this into a story (and you should; you show a lot of promise), you need lots more dialogue. People talk to each other a lot, and dialogue is a much more effective way to show something happening than simply using narrative to tell it.

Good luck.

 

[nakedeye]

Hi MA

I'm in the process of rewriting my story and being a novice, I'm glad to be receiving such informative feedback as you and others here are giving.
Guess I'm not doin' too bad for one who's had little formal schooling and
thats where such input is valuable and worth acting on to make improvements. Another way is looking works by other writers, ones who are experienced and how they present their story.

 

[nakedeye]

Just realized something and wondered if other writers had this tendency at least at the start. While I'm writing I often get carried away by my sexual
feelings and emotions and my very visual imagination to the point I almost forget I'm writing at the same time. Been there done that, you reckon?

Perhaps this thread should be in the authors hangout one.