About Being Collared

[LunarKitten]

On another group I post to a very good topic came about due to a totally different type of post (it was a thank you thread the original post came from for the questioner). The original post was basically a wonderfully heart warming post from a girl who has been collared for the first time. The questioner has never been collared.

The question was basically this: What is is about being collared (or collaring someone) that is so wonderful for you? What have you been surprised about and what have you found you disliked?

This was my response:

Well, for me, what is so great isn't what I had thought it would be when I was on my own. I had thought that it would be this totally wonderful and fulfilling thing - which it is, btw, just not in the sexy, fantasy fulling way I had thought it would be. I had always known that with children the dynamic would be different from those I knew with grown kids or no kids, but had never thought about what would happen when you got in the mood to play and the older kids was still awake or the baby just would not go down for the night lol

For me, it has been a wonderful, secure, stabilizing factor in my life. I always felt kind of tilty and unsure of my place in anything - well, other than being a bottom - and very insecure in my relationships. I tended to gravitate toward those who were stronger than I, even before I discovered the BDSM community. I now feel very safe and secure and have a lot more self confidence than I did when I was single and uncollared. I know that when it's needed I will be reigned in before I get out of control, and I know that I will be praised when I do something wonderful, I know I will be cared for when I am sick and too stubborn to take care of myself, and I know that when I am out of sorts and need a shoulder to cry on it will be there with no questions..well, maybe a few questions, but mainly just his shoulder and his heart. I also know that if I go too far that I will be let known of it and not only reigned in, but the corner will loom over me *shudders*

I know this sounds kind of vanilla, but it was what I needed in my life - the discipline and the security of knowing someone is always there for me...the spanking and bondage and floggings and such are just icing on the cake for me.

 

[ecstaticsub]

For me being collared is wonderful because it is a commitment that we both made to each other. Even though we are married to other people we are made this promise to each other that my "collar" (which isn't really a collar, it is a ring) symbolizes. It mean that he owns me and I will always obey and be loyal to him and he will always value me, keep me safe and cherish me. It also means that when problems or disagreements come up we don't just abandon the relationship, we work through the situation until is is resolved.

 

[SensualMan_in_PA]

For me being collared is wonderful because it is a commitment that we both made to each other. Even though we are married to other people we are made this promise to each other that my "collar" (which isn't really a collar, it is a ring) symbolizes. It mean that he owns me and I will always obey and be loyal to him and he will always value me, keep me safe and cherish me. It also means that when problems or disagreements come up we don't just abandon the relationship, we work through the situation until is is resolved.

As a man in a Daddy Dom relationship, I was in no way prepared for the profound effect collaring my Little Girl would have on me. It was every bit if not more emotional than when I got married and saw my kids born. We complement, grow and learn from each other and had no idea how empty our lives were before we met. We are joined forever.

 

[wenchhh]

awwww, sensual Man in PA, that was really such a sweet thing to say. I'm very happy for you, that you've found such a person for your life. (hugs)

As a man in a Daddy Dom relationship, I was in no way prepared for the profound effect collaring my Little Girl would have on me. It was every bit if not more emotional than when I got married and saw my kids born. We complement, grow and learn from each other and had no idea how empty our lives were before we met. We are joined forever.

 

[Guttergoddess]

Just as each wedding ceremony is different, each collaring ceremony is different. For those of us who are not "totally immersed" in the lifestyle, it's most often a personal thing between the two parties, but I've known people who did elaborate almost wedding like ceremonies and invited other Dom/mes and subs....

The ceremony that Daddy and I had was emotional, and amazing and wonderful. We each said something special...and quite honestly, it outshown my wedding day like a spotlight vs a candle's flame.

Daddy said some wonderful things to help tie us to one another for life. I couldn't imagine my life without him, and don't want to.

 

[HottieMama]

**wistful sigh** Someday.....

 

[Guttergoddess]

I never thought I'd find the right man. To say that I'm independent and a bit of a brat doesn't even begin to suggest what a challenge he's up against. I've always considered myself a switch with mild leaning towards sub, but much more in tune with the dominant side of my personailty....he makes me see that I don't have to be in control all the time. That allowing him to make decisions doesn't make me any less of a person, that I can allow him to nurture and care for me...and still be me.

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm not sure I can imagine ever being "collared"... people speak of it as being akin to marriage, and I know I have zero desire for that again.

I guess I'm in a stage of life where I don't feel a need for outward symbols to recognize a deeply personal relationship...

 

[Guttergoddess]

I can understand that, cutie. My marriage was disasterous to say the least. The collar wasn't as important as the words that were said and the act of the ceremony. I know it sounds silly...but it seriously was almost a spirtual moment for both of us. We truly feel more tied to each other than we have ever been to any other person in our lives (and we've both been married...and well..we're grownups, so this isn't a first relationship for either of us)

 

[Bandit58]

Master and I married nearly 6 months ago, and we both wear wedding bands. I have also worn the silver choker in my av for about 9 months now.

I see the wedding bands as symbols of the commitment we have made to each other. I also wear the choker collar as a symbol of the type of relationship we have together. We had a wedding ceremony, but we didn't have anything for the collaring. That is something we prefer to keep just between ourselves

people speak of it as being akin to marriage, and I know I have zero desire for that again.

*cough cough* Oh yes I remember saying that.....

 

[catalina_francisco]

Collars are what they are meant to be to the people concerned. Sometimes they can become more important than the actual relationship they are meant to symbolize, especially for some who don't have one and have a sense of urgency about changing that status at any cost, or those who place more value on them than simply a symbol. For me it meant a lot, and because of that was not something I was willing to accept lightly, and as impossible as it seemed, had to be from the one person I expected to spend the rest of my life with. I had this sense of feeling that to collect a handful of collars from a line of relationships would for me diminish the commitment behind them....quirky, but that is me, I'm a real stubborn bitch when it comes to commitment....lol, maybe I have a reverse of the age old 'fear of commitment' phobia. Now, it still means a lot to me, but is no longer something I see as important or necessary, at least not near as serious as the commitment which is meant to be shared by all involved. Wearing a collar will not sustain a relationship as if it were a magical talisman against all evil, that takes work from both (or all in the case of poly), selflessness, listening, generosity, an ability to place yourself in the others shoes when there is pain, and the ability to express clearly if and when you are unhappy and why and without fear of punishment for speaking out...IMHO that is much harder to maintain and honour than any quickly fastened collar around an excited and anticipating neck.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/214/445100642_8ef748a524_s.jpg Catalina

 

[museofdragon]

My collaring meant a lot to me, but what means more to me is that we continue to CHOOSE every day to belong to each other.

 

[myinnerslut]

my collar means a lot to me but is NOT a marriage. it is NOT the end all of our relationship. it is NOT ***the*** thing that connects us. (that would be the way we feel about each other, not the piece of metal around me neck)

especially since we are in a LDR for many months out of the year, my collar is a physical reminder that i am his. in actuality it is a choker which i wear every day since i work with children and it has to be kept appropriate. we never had a big colloaring ceremony, he just slipped it around me neck and reminded me of who i was: his puppy.

it is re-affirmation for me that i am his, he wants me, he is in charge. there are days we cannot speak becuase life gets in the way, and then it is my reminder that i am his, even on those days we seem so far apart. it is my reminder to act in a way that he would like when i am out with my friends. it is my safety blanket when i go out into a new and frightening situation becuase i can just reach up to my neck and know that he is with me and supporting me. it is a physical symbol of the importance and beauty of our relationship. it is all these things and more. but still, not a marriage, at least for us

 

[SensualMan_in_PA]

awwww, sensual Man in PA, that was really such a sweet thing to say. I'm very happy for you, that you've found such a person for your life. (hugs)

TY, wenchhh. As GG said, it was a truly spiritual moment shared by only two.

 

[CutieMouse]

my collar means a lot to me but is NOT a marriage. it is NOT the end all of our relationship. it is NOT the thing that connects us. (that would be the way we feel about each other, not the piece of metal around me neck)
especially since we are in a LDR for many months out of the year, my collar is a physical reminder that i am his. in actuality it is a choker which i wear every day since i work with children and it has to be kept appropriate. we never had a big colloaring ceremony, he just slipped it around me neck and reminded me of who i was: his puppy.

it is re-affirmation for me that i am his, he wants me, he is in charge. there are days we cannot speak becuase life gets in the way, and then it is my reminder that i am his, even on those days we seem so far apart. it is my reminder to act in a way that he would like when i am out with my friends. it is my safety blanket when i go out into a new and frightening situation becuase i can just reach up to my neck and know that he is with me and supporting me. it is a physical symbol of the importance and beauty of our relationship. it is all these things and more. but still, not a marriage, at least for us

It does boil down to being an object, similar to a necklace, that you both like. It doesn't mean anything more than the signifigance you and your partner lend to it. The marriage analogy (for me) comes along in that a collar seems to be similar in symbolism to an engagement or wedding ring. People are no more or less married if they wear a ring; BDSM couples are no more or less bound if a collar is involved.

I'm not married; I won't wear rings on my left hand, period.

Interestingly enough, I enjoy wearing choker style necklaces, rather than longer ones, but I've made a conscious choice to not do so, as I don't wish to project an image of being something I am not.

So in my own way, I do assign signifigance to a simple ordinary object, even though I (personally) find the symbolism a bit silly.

Myabe my breakdown comes in that I don't really have a lot of security blanket sorts of things in my Life, although I refuse to be more than 3 steps away from my cell phone, as it is my lifeline to those I Love. (I even keep my cell phone within reach whilst showering. LOL) Those who are Important to me, are with me 24/7, even when they are thousands of miles away, even if our only contact is an exhausted 2 minute phone call at 1am to say goodnight. On occasion, I might slip a little token of some sort into my pocket to remember them more vividly, but it doesn't grant me any more bravery, peace of mind, or sense of security than if I'm not carrying such a tome. I don't understand the intenseness of the collar... maybe I'm just not wired in such a way as to be able to...

 

[Ebonyfire]

I do not find collaring necessary to have a viable D/s relationship with my submissive(s). If the relatioship evolves to that level, fine, but if it does not that is also fine. Others may take a different view. YMMV.