About another Thread

[Native Alien]

I have been thinking about the thread where Lucky Dragon asked the women of Lit what they would do if a married man approached them.

There were some replies to that thread, that made me truly wonder how much people know about the divorce laws, especially the ones where there are unusual circumstances, in their home state or country.

I am in Ohio, and because of the circumstances of my divorce, it took me nearly two years, and way over $5,000 to get a divorce. Now, mind you this was without kids being involved ( I am childless), and no property to be divided.

I guess that might be the reason that I at least listen to married men when they talk.

Anyone else want to comment?

The Other Thread

 

[Native Alien]

Nine views and not one comment, come on people.

 

[Guest]

 

[TantaLiza]

Hey NA....

Not really got much of a perspective on the divorce scene... never married. I have had plenty experience with married persons tho...

The main thing I find hard about that kind of situation is figuring out whether to believe them or not! As long as things are honest from the beginning, it's ok but there are so many people that find it easier to lie than tell the truth!!

Sometimes it's almost easier not to get involved unless you've seen papers to back up what you've been told....

IMHO....

LizA

 

[Native Alien]

I know what you mean Liza and I would think that they would be more than willing to provide proof of the situation.

But I guess that my initial question is would you even bother to listen if approached by a married person?

 

[TantaLiza]

I know what you mean Liza and I would think that they would be more than willing to provide proof of the situation.

But I guess that my initial question is would you even bother to listen if approached by a married person?

My answer to that one then would be dependin' on the circumstances... and of course, bein' a woman, my mood!!! lol

Ya'll have a great day... I'm off to Atlanta airport!!

LizA

 

[Native Alien]

You have a great flight and may you have no turbulence on the way to whereever you are going.

 

[TantaLiza]

You have a great flight and may you have no turbulence on the way to whereever you are going.

Wish I was doin' the flyin'!! Unfortunately, I'm droppin' off a friend... finished gettin' read so I decided to pop online again for a few.

*whispers* I'm such a tease.... ~smile~

 

[Native Alien]

Then may you have a good trip there and back, and may the friend return soon and for as long as you would like.

 

[Arden]

Nine views and not one comment, come on people.

Native Alien,

Unfortunately, every married man that I've ever talked to has lied about things. So I have an altered perspective. We've all heard the 'my wife doesn't understand me' crap, and the 'my wife wont give me what I need sexually.' I wouldn't want anyone that's making excuses just to have sex outside of his marriage.

My thoughts...

If they are still living together, I wouldn't bother with him. If they were living apart, and neither had taken any steps to seek a divorce, I would be very leery. They might still get back together. If there's the slightest chance this man might get back together with the spouse through counseling, I would definitely not pursue a relationship. I wouldn't want to place myself as an obstacle in their path, and I wouldn't want the disappointment of being left behind. So in a way, I guess that self-preservation also enters the picture.

If the man had divorce paperwork on file pending closure, and he was living on his own, that's another matter.

I'm speaking from the viewpoint that it's a man that I have no knowledge of. If you know him well already, and can trust your gut feelings, it might be completely different.

 

[Native Alien]

There was a mental issue involved. That is why mine took so long as well as medical issues. No to mention costing so damned much. They needed someone to serve papers to. That is why I was thinking about this all today. Thank you Arden for your perspective about this.

 

[Native Alien]

I think that what I am asking is why women won't give at least a listen to married men. I mean in my case, I was married for nearly three years while trying to get out. Granted I had the papers to prove it. But they might have the same.

 

[Mysticcal]

Its a good question NA....for me, I have gone down that road with a married man, one that was unhappy in his marriage but no intention of leaving, and that was known up front. So no lies, anything, but I don't think I would want to go there again with anyone else. So I tend to completely avoid married men now, and unless he showed up with divorce papers in hand, would probably send him packing.

This also has to do with the fact that I am really horny right now, and frankly, I would be tempted and I would just prefer to maintain this boundary. So not even listening seems the better choice, even though I could miss out on something wonderful.

 

[Jenny _S]

Native,
I get these guys almost every day. I listen to them and hear the same stories over and over:

My wife is frigid.

My wife said I could do this (Would YOU believe that one?)

I'm getting a divorce.

This one I got a couple days ago.... My wife is in the hospital in a coma and...

I just don't believe them anymore, so why should I get mixed up in some potentially fucked up mess? There are too many decent, single guys out there. Besides... who said I was interested in guys anyway?

 

[Native Alien]

Okay so say that you did take the time to listen and he gave you one of these:

I'm getting a divorce.

My wife is in a coma.

Or my wife said it is okay.

Would you look him straight in the eye and ask him to prove it?

I know that the one man that I was interested in while trying to get my divorce did ask me to prove it. He was single at the time and still is. I showed him the paper work and we still see each other from time to time.

 

[tonitits]

Native Alien,

Unfortunately for me, every married man that I've ever talked to has lied about things. So I have an altered perspective. We've all heard the 'my wife doesn't understand me' crap, and the 'my wife wont give me what I need sexually.' I wouldn't want anyone that's making excuses just to have sex outside of his marriage.

My thoughts...

If they are still living together, I wouldn't bother with him. If they were living apart, and neither had taken any steps to seek a divorce, I would be very leery. They might still get back together. If there's the slightest chance this man might get back together with the spouse through counseling, I would definitely not pursue a relationship. I wouldn't want to place myself as an obstacle in their path, and I wouldn't want the disappointment of being left behind. So in a way, I guess that self-preservation also enters the picture.

If the man had divorce paperwork on file pending closure, and he was living on his own, that's another matter.

I'm speaking from the viewpoint that it's a man that I have no knowledge of. If you know him well already, and can trust your gut feelings, it might be completely different.

I'm sorry your divorce took so long. In TX, at that time, we had a 3 month waiting period between the time of filing and the date the Judge would sign off on it. We had little property, and I'd already given him everything that was his. He got his bills, I got mine. We didn't hold automobiles jointly, so we took our own autos and payments with us. Shared custody is almost the rule, unless the other spouse can be proven unfit. I did ask for full rights as the primary custodial parent. This gave me the right to up and move out of state if I wanted to, as long as notice was given to the courts and to him. I excercised that option two years ago. (He rarely saw his daughter - maybe 3 x a year at his mom's house - and doesn't pay support)

Amazingly, he never got a lawyer - didn't even show up at the divorce hearing.

I agree with Arden. My divorce, back in '81 also in Tx, took the 3 month waiting period. No kids, no community property, etc... It did cost quite a bit because I had to have him put under a temporary injunction, which later became permanent in the divorce. He had threatened to put bombs on my and my family cars. Or to plant drugs,etc....When he came around later after the divorce and I tried to get something done, because of the permanent injunction I was told that there was nothing I could do unless I forked over more money to my lawyer and then it would have to go through the court system, etc... I was furious and my mom even talked to the justice of the peace and said " Well if he doesn't kill her this weekend, she can go file papers and then it has to go through all the legal procedures and MAYBE something will be done?" He said yes. So why did I have to pay extra for this "protection"? And how much protection does a piece of paper provide?

One of my friends in MA said that when you file for divorce there that there is a 1-2 yr waiting period of legal separation before you can file the papers for divorce. Her boyfriend had 2 kids, so after the divorce was finally granted then there was a custody battle that takes at least a year to work out.


As far as a married man approaching me, I would probably listen to what he had to say. But like so many have been burned by men who were just out to get a little on the side and had no intention of leaving their wives/families. So I would probably not act on it.

Luckily for me I have found a wonderful man and he is not married and does not have all the baggage!

 

[Native Alien]

Thanks Toni for the info. That is what I am talking about. In Ohio, there is a a year's wait for the separation, but then if there is kids or property, or you run into a situation like I did, you could be talking up to 5 years to get clear. Not to mention the money that is involved because of the lawyers.

These are the cases that I am curious to know about. I mean the man would be able to prove what was going on in cases like these. The question is should we listen and when we do, should we ask for proof? Or would we ask for proof?

I know that for me personally, from now on, married or widowed, I want paper to prove that things are the way that they say that they are. I am going to be asking for it.

 

[Arden]

Okay so say that you did take the time to listen and he gave you one of these:

I'm getting a divorce.

My wife is in a coma.

Or my wife said it is okay.

Would you look him straight in the eye and ask him to prove it?

I know that the one man that I was interested in while trying to get my divorce did ask me to prove it. He was single at the time and still is. I showed him the paper work and we still see each other from time to time.

I think it's great that you showed him the papers. I think many would feel intimidated just by being asked!

I would definitely inquire about the status of a divorce. And I'd show papers too, if asked by someone that I truly had an interest in.

Hmmm... the wife is in a coma? What hospital is she at? How long has she been there? Why is she in a coma... was it a car accident, a medical problem or did you physically abuse her?

My wife says it is ok... It sure would be fun watching the expression on his face when I ask to talk to her about it in person! Honestly speaking, I wouldn't have sex with a married man even if it was ok with the wife, there's no future in it. I'm too old to spend time in relationships that will never amount to anything.

Like Toni, I have someone very special in my life today. I spent many years alone, guarding my heart and my sanity. It was well worth the wait.

 

[Arden]

.

 

[Native Alien]

I have been known to actually say to the ones that say that the wife won't mind, that we should just go ask her about that. The expression is priceless and the very few times that I am introduced to the wife, she is usually glad to have someone take the man off her hands for a few hours. This is a normal thing apparently in poly relationships.