p_p_man
The 'Euro' European
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2001
- Posts
- 24,253
From p_p_man Bureau Chief, London.
Dateline: 28th July GMT
A_J is roofing the barn this week so I have been asked to take over the Show.
From London nothing to report apart from an anonymous e-mail this Bureau has received which has a bearing on the only story worth reporting from America.
I have received disturbing reports that President Bush is taking a month's vacation to go and talk to some cows. I say disturbing because this type of behaviour can lead to further involvement in a practice which is illegal in all countries of the world.
However we have received an e-mail which is in support of the President and which I'm printing in full here.
BEGINS
My Dear President Bush,
Do not let Commoners dictate to you how you should conduct your life. For people like us with blue blood, as you so obviously have, can talk to cows, hug trees, kiss plants or sing to cacti if we so wish. It is perfectly in keeping with our thought processes. Not for us the humdrum life. We are both destined for greater things and as such live a lifestyle which is rarely understood by others.
I well remember when I first commenced conversing with plants, first the press and then my people made me very upset with their remarks of "madness in the family" and "inbred degenerate foreigners". However I can safely say that the plants once helped me through an extremely difficult time of my life.
My pater is well known as a sharp tongued, offensive bully and the plants, in fact I should single out the roses here which I found very receptive to my problems and listened with great understanding and sympathy, helped me a great deal. So much so that they deterred me from taking violent action and gradually led me to the stage when I could look at pater without bursting into tears.
I am not saying you have the same problem with your own elder but when one is forging one's way in the world one must do what one thinks best musn't one. What?
A word of caution though George, may I call you George?, if you feel that chatting to the cattle is insufficient to satisfy your need for attention be very discreet if you decide to take things further.
I well remember one time when I had my plus fours down by my ankles having a wonderful time with a particulalrly good looking Welsh leek when we were rudely disturbed by my bodyguards who had mistaken my cries of passion for screams of help. I thought I would just mention this in passing.
Of course I don't have to concern myself with being elected and I should think that having a meaningful physical relationship with a cow would do you know harm personally. As long as you are very discreet. After all cattle don't vote do they?
So it's not like fucking the electorate.
HA! HA! Jolly good joke what? Ha! HA! I felt I just had to share it with you.
Before I go I must pass on mother's good wishes and her highest consideration at all times. She apologises profusely about the incident with the corgis (see A_J's Weekend Show No. 1) and hopes that next time you're over here you will pop in again and visit our little family unit. She promises that you will be made most welcome.
I really must go now George I can hear pater walking down the corridor and I don't think I can handle another argument just right now.
Bye Bye for now,
C
ENDS
This bureau has no real proof of the source of this e-mail but by reading between the lines and the references to talking to plants as well as the initial C at then end, we have a fairly good idea of its origination.
Whilst A_J is roofing his barn and whatever else these damned Kansas dirt farme...ahem sorry just a slip of the tongue, whatever else my Chief is going to do around the farm. I have decided to introduce a Letters page. You will find it immediately following this one.
Please contribute for don't forget this is a community show and we can only grow if you help us to do so.
Next weekend A_J will probably be back in the hot seat so until the next time.
p_p_man
Dateline: 28th July GMT
A_J is roofing the barn this week so I have been asked to take over the Show.
From London nothing to report apart from an anonymous e-mail this Bureau has received which has a bearing on the only story worth reporting from America.
I have received disturbing reports that President Bush is taking a month's vacation to go and talk to some cows. I say disturbing because this type of behaviour can lead to further involvement in a practice which is illegal in all countries of the world.
However we have received an e-mail which is in support of the President and which I'm printing in full here.
BEGINS
My Dear President Bush,
Do not let Commoners dictate to you how you should conduct your life. For people like us with blue blood, as you so obviously have, can talk to cows, hug trees, kiss plants or sing to cacti if we so wish. It is perfectly in keeping with our thought processes. Not for us the humdrum life. We are both destined for greater things and as such live a lifestyle which is rarely understood by others.
I well remember when I first commenced conversing with plants, first the press and then my people made me very upset with their remarks of "madness in the family" and "inbred degenerate foreigners". However I can safely say that the plants once helped me through an extremely difficult time of my life.
My pater is well known as a sharp tongued, offensive bully and the plants, in fact I should single out the roses here which I found very receptive to my problems and listened with great understanding and sympathy, helped me a great deal. So much so that they deterred me from taking violent action and gradually led me to the stage when I could look at pater without bursting into tears.
I am not saying you have the same problem with your own elder but when one is forging one's way in the world one must do what one thinks best musn't one. What?
A word of caution though George, may I call you George?, if you feel that chatting to the cattle is insufficient to satisfy your need for attention be very discreet if you decide to take things further.
I well remember one time when I had my plus fours down by my ankles having a wonderful time with a particulalrly good looking Welsh leek when we were rudely disturbed by my bodyguards who had mistaken my cries of passion for screams of help. I thought I would just mention this in passing.
Of course I don't have to concern myself with being elected and I should think that having a meaningful physical relationship with a cow would do you know harm personally. As long as you are very discreet. After all cattle don't vote do they?
So it's not like fucking the electorate.
HA! HA! Jolly good joke what? Ha! HA! I felt I just had to share it with you.
Before I go I must pass on mother's good wishes and her highest consideration at all times. She apologises profusely about the incident with the corgis (see A_J's Weekend Show No. 1) and hopes that next time you're over here you will pop in again and visit our little family unit. She promises that you will be made most welcome.
I really must go now George I can hear pater walking down the corridor and I don't think I can handle another argument just right now.
Bye Bye for now,
C
ENDS
This bureau has no real proof of the source of this e-mail but by reading between the lines and the references to talking to plants as well as the initial C at then end, we have a fairly good idea of its origination.
Whilst A_J is roofing his barn and whatever else these damned Kansas dirt farme...ahem sorry just a slip of the tongue, whatever else my Chief is going to do around the farm. I have decided to introduce a Letters page. You will find it immediately following this one.
Please contribute for don't forget this is a community show and we can only grow if you help us to do so.
Next weekend A_J will probably be back in the hot seat so until the next time.
p_p_man
