A Writer's Self Doubt?

[carsonshepherd]

Why is it one word of criticism blots out ten words of praise?

Self-doubt is the biggest roadblock to my goals. A very lovely friend told me to trust myself, but I can't.

Is this something one can overcome? Or does one just drink more alcohol?

 

[Guest]

Why is it one word of criticism blots out ten words of praise?

Self-doubt is the biggest roadblock to my goals. A very lovely friend told me to trust myself, but I can't.

Is this something one can overcome? Or does one just drink more alcohol?

beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy~ ben franklin.

tip it back when you doubt yourself...share it with those you trust to behonest

then its time to celebrate by dancing to some janet jackson.*grin*

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Why is it one word of criticism blots out ten words of praise?

Self-doubt is the biggest roadblock to my goals. A very lovely friend told me to trust myself, but I can't.

Is this something one can overcome? Or does one just drink more alcohol?

Consider where it comes from carson. One word of praise from BlackS, should be worth multiple jibes from Annonamous. Any writer you respect here, who gives a good comment on your work should erase a lot of self doubt. We pump each other up, but by and large, we are honest with both criticism and praise.

You will have to learn to believe in yourself at some point, till then, feed off the good and always compare the disparaging with the praise.

Even Lauren-hynde and the Sandman get critiscism. The good ones learn from the constuctive and blow the gratuitous off. You just need some more time to learn which type each piece falls under.

-Colly

 

[The_Fool]

No critic can ever be harsher than I am to myself....

 

[Colleen Thomas]

On critics:

My favorite quote of all time:

It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly...who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at best, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

TR

 

[BlackShanglan]

Re: Re: A Writer's Self Doubt?

One word of praise from BlackS, should be worth multiple jibes from Annonamous.

Well, shucks But my own poor contributions aside, Colly is right. It's the ones I know are worth listening too - like the person who writes "Please. God. Stop this!" in the margins - whose advice really drives home. Sometimes it's painful, when I know I have executed something poorly - but damn, it feels good to see something improve vastly under a bit of helpful guidance. We've just got to embrace the joy of transforming ourselves into better writers.

The pain sucks, but it like physical pain, it's a reminder of what not to do. So long as we learn the right lessons, we prosper. But as Twain says, let's not over-generalize. "The cat who sits on a hot stove-lid will never do it again, but she'll never sit on a cold one either." Let's remember not to write in ways that didn't work - but let's never learn not to write.

(Especially not you, fedaain. Too great a loss.)

S

 

[cloudy]

On critics:

My favorite quote of all time:

It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly...who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at best, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

TR

I love that one, Colly....I remember you sending it to me once or twice.

No one is as hard on me as myself, ever. I've learned to trust people like Colly when I ask for an opinion, and have also learned that those that are too timid to respond with a name don't have an opinion worth giving any weight to.

 

[Evil Alpaca]

I love that one, Colly....I remember you sending it to me once or twice.

No one is as hard on me as myself, ever. I've learned to trust people like Colly when I ask for an opinion, and have also learned that those that are too timid to respond with a name don't have an opinion worth giving any weight to.

I wish it were that easy for me. I get particularly aggrivated when I put a lot of effort into something and get criticized by someone who probably didn't even read the whole story. I wish I could be mature and just walk away from the whole mess, but I also feel obligated to defend what I've written. I genuinely admire people who are comfortable enough with their writing to let it slide off their backs, and hopefully I'll get to that point sometime in the not too distant future.

 

[LadyJeanne]

You'll doubt yourself. You'll get over it. You'll doubt again. Focus on what you don't doubt - your need to write - and the other doubts won't matter so much.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Re: Re: Re: A Writer's Self Doubt?

Let's remember not to write in ways that didn't work - but let's never learn not to write.

(Especially not you, fedaain. Too great a loss.)

S

Giving up is the easy way out; I've tried it. But I can't just not. Probably like al ot of people here. So we do the best we can.

The harshest critic is the voice in the back of your own head that says, "You can't do it."

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Somewhere around the home stretch of 'Feast Of The Gods', I was plagued by self-doubt. The story was dying to be written, I knew what I wanted it to be, but one scene wasn't working, and I had painted myself into a logistical corner. I went a little wonky and started questioning the whole story. Hell, I started to question the whole series up to that point.

It all boiled down to me being worn out and unable to see anything for having looked too closely. It was stupid, I just needed to remove a sleeping character from a bed. Thankfully, I consulted Carson, who told me "Just have them throw him the fuck off the bed!". After that, I finished my rough draft in two hours. Sometimes when you're steeped in it, you just can't see ahead as well as you need to and you need a fresh perspective.

 

[wildsweetone]

Why is it one word of criticism blots out ten words of praise?

Self-doubt is the biggest roadblock to my goals. A very lovely friend told me to trust myself, but I can't.

Is this something one can overcome? Or does one just drink more alcohol?

You'll overcome it if you are determined to improve.

Learn by going through a process of editing for others; learn by continuing to write and to enhance your writing with your learning.

 

[English Lady]

carson -I think it may be something you just have to deal with -in fact it is probably something that makes you write to your very best because you are harsh upon yourself.

I have a friend who is a phenomenal writer. He writes the most brilliant product reviews, whatever he writes I read with glee, yet I can praise him to the middle of next week and he still doubts himself. No one can erase your doubts, no one but yourself. So take 'em, use 'em but don't let them stop you.

And only take criticism from people you respect. theres is the only criticism worth taking note of!

 

[rgraham666]

Why is it one word of criticism blots out ten words of praise?

Self-doubt is the biggest roadblock to my goals. A very lovely friend told me to trust myself, but I can't.

Is this something one can overcome? Or does one just drink more alcohol?

I can't speak for others but I was taught self doubt carefully and thoroughly.

Growing up the best I could expect in feedback on anything I did was nothing, which translated to "I can't find anything to complain about."

Thanks to the stories I've posted on Lit, all the support I receive from the other authours here, and all the positive feedback I'm getting from my readers I'm learning to overcome that.

So I guess the best way to overcome self doubt is too listen to all the feedback and weigh it carefully.

If it's positive, wallow in it.

If it's negative but correct, learn from it.

If it's negative because the person who wrote it is a vicious moron, ignore it.

 

[CharleyH]

Why is it one word of criticism blots out ten words of praise?

Kind of like memories of childhood. Out of all the fabulous days I ever had, the most memorable were the day I had to get stitches, the time my mother yelled at me, the moment my brother was able to beat me up and the the birthday that everyone forgot.

 

[Sunnie]

Re: Re: A Writer's Self Doubt?

Even Lauren-hynde and the Sandman get critiscism.

I'm pretty sure the Sandman is God. *nod*

But I can relate to the criticism thing, too...You just have to learn to take what you know is true about your writing and hold on to that, I suppose...

I don't know, it's too early in the morning for coherent thoughts.

 

[carsonshepherd]

carson -I think it may be something you just have to deal with -in fact it is probably something that makes you write to your very best because you are harsh upon yourself.

And only take criticism from people you respect. theres is the only criticism worth taking note of!

You're so very right about self-criticism. It drives one to be better.

I'm lucky enough to have some very smart friends (love you ladies) who help me develop my ideas and polish the rough edges. I owe a lot of my popularity and praise on Lit to their help.
Their criticism (no matter how true) can sting, if I let it. But it has made my writing 100 times better.

I think all writers are plagued by self-doubt. (Maybe that's why a lot of the greats had alcohol problems.) In the sober (and hungover ) light of morning, I can get past it. Sometimes I let it get the better of me, but I can always get back behind that keyboard and keep going.

Thank you so much, everyone, for your kind words. I'm back on the horse, finishing my Xmas submission. We all need that "Push off the bed" now and then!!

Love, Carson

 

[Mark James]

Shoulda, coulda, woulda

Why is it one word of criticism blots out ten words of praise?

Does it really matter? What matters is that once you get the writing bug, you can't stop. I write everywhere - in the doctor's office, at work at lunch time, sitting in traffic, wherever.

I get ideas all day long. In fact, the more stressful my day is, the more the ideas flow.

And think about it, if a writer gets over that self doubt, isn't his/her creative career over?

I write because I'm not sure. I write because I doubt that there's anything in the world that anyone can be sure about ever.

So, while the rest of the people walk around saying, I woulda, I coulda, I shoulda, we writers take the time to write down all the things we're not sure about.

If we're really lucky (or having a good writing day), we write something incredibly awesome.

It's about not being sure. It's about that damn critic in your head that never shuts up, never gives you a break, never lets you feel that you got it just right.

But that's the price we pay for being able to write down the worlds we carry around in our heads.

What I mean to say is that, if it weren't for that loud, obnoxious critic in my head, I wouldn't have the guts to push myself everyday, just a little harder, just a little further, just a little more past that edge.

 

[impressive]

Why is it one word of criticism blots out ten words of praise?

Because posting our work is like walking down the street naked. If someone points and laughs, we want to slink back into the shadows.

Writing -- especially erotica -- is intensely personal. It reveals a great deal about how our minds work. It takes a lot of courage to hang it out there -- even "anonymously."

 

[oggbashan]

I find it very difficult to send feedback or leave PCs because unless I can be very positive I am afraid that the slightest word of criticism or unfortunate phrasing can have a disproportionate effect.

If I am asked to comment privately I will try to oblige within my competence.

I am always conscious for every one of my stories that I could have told it better. The best story is the one I haven't written yet - until I write it and see its flaws.

I have several categories for my published stories:

1. Those that were experimental. I don't care what is said about those. I wrote them to try something new. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. What I am certain is that none of the experimental stuff will work for everyone. Criticism of those doesn't hurt.

2. Earlier works that I know need revision. I should do them sometime. Criticism doesn't hurt too much.

3. Works that are 'routine' or pot-boilers. Those are sometimes contest entries, sometimes an idea that I just have to write. Once finished I consider them fair game. They can stand or fall as they are.

4. The works I think are good. They came closest to my mental image of the story and I am proud of them. Criticism, even well-meant, that is valid can really hurt if it is true and is likely to lead me to re-write. For those stories my self-doubt is painful. The lightest hint that they may be flawed calls for endless re-examination.

The type of criticism affects me differently. Pointing out technical errors such as typos and character confusion e.g. giving the wrong name in dialogue 'Hey, Sue!" when her name is 'Ann' is welcome, easily corrected and relatively painless to accept. Criticism that the character is unbelievable or would never act like that - hurts, especially is true. Criticism that suggests I should write a completely different story that fits the reader's particular sexual desires I can ignore. No. Not all my heroines are going to be sluts.

Anonymous can usually sting but not wound. That is reserved for genuine critics who have something meaningful to say. I might already know that a part of the story is flawed. Telling me so re-opens the wound.

Having said all that, I am unlikely to improve as a writer unless I take notice of the criticisms. The balance between criticism that helps and criticism that damages my already delicate self-esteem as a writer is difficult. I am grateful to those who can show my errors with tact.

Part of my defensive mechanisms is to write profusely and leave it all displayed. Then I can say to myself 'They didn't like that one but perhaps they like some of the others.' or 'That was an early story. I'm better now.'

I am immune in one area. Criticism of my poetry doesn't matter. Neither do my poems. I write doggerel for fun. Deathless poetry it isn't. I write poetry like a tone-deaf person writing music.

To conclude: The role of a critic is a difficult. Every posted story, no matter how bad you may think it is, is the author's baby. To the parent, the baby is perfect despite all evidence to the contrary. Destroying that illusion can cause real pain especially if the parent/author is fostering that illusion to protect themself.

Og

 

[carsonshepherd]

The role of a critic is a difficult.

So true, Ogg, and that's why I cherish the people whose opinions I can trust, and who help me bring clarity to my ideas - all out of their own generosity. Anonymous criticism is meaningless to me. Likewise, I hesitate to give unsolicited criticism, because it usually only makes people defensive anyway when it comes off like an attack.