a woman with holes- one last poem

[annaswirls]

I wanna put the poem on a reply------->

 

[annaswirls]

in came a woman
just like most
holes here and there...

without poetry in her heart
two years without breath?

wondering..
could this be the place....

free to create?
free to paint new scenery?


a community of writers, of poets?
Poets and Writers!
writing without inhibition!
without limits!
without pre-determined ideas
of who she was or what she was supposed to be...

People who cared about each other's writing?
shared, danced and played with and supported
each other's writing?

Writers allowed to experiment
learn, grow
become

Belong.



There is no metaphor, imagery or symbolism in this poem.
Insert friends, love, lies, life, laughs, growth, rewards,
contemplation, community, discouragement, talent,
encouragement, jealousy, altruism, attachment, dependence...

and then


falling through...

damaged, vulnerable, again?
damn!

Peeled.

Open
Down
writing writing

writing,
this is what I do!
flooding over
falling down


some offered shade
some offered dressing
tender friendship
some offered apples...

(some kind enough to ignore
& roll eyes in distance)

and some gave the kind of cruelty
that can only be given when one has
fallen
down
bare
exposed

intentional.


too vulnerable for this place.
skin gone


gone with
those feelings of
creative freedom
without limitations
without pre-determined
ideas of who and what she is-
safety,

gone to grow a new shell...


out walked a woman
just like most
holes here and there...

some drilled
some filled

but mostly,
just like before

_____________________________________________

Thank you, friends, you know who you are

and to those who have so generously supported my writing,
it has been so validating and encouraging..
.I am leaving here a better writer and a better person because of the relationships I have had here.
You guys ROCK.

I hope I have had one or two positive impacts while I was here and did not fuck everything up.

Please keep in touch.

I hope you can find one or two good memories of me
and be kind to let the others go... I always try to do that...
it makes life happier and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt.

There are so many things I do not understand,
and I do not think it is my time to understand them.
I am trying to learn not to push it, be open and patient,
understanding will come when I am ready.

Please this is nothing personal--

I know there are a lot of sensitive people who may wonder,
and if you have to wonder
"Did I do something cruel"
then it was not you!
You would know.

Thank you cruel one(s) for giving me the final motivation to move it on out.

anna, seattle, sibilaire... are all leaving,
I begged laurel to just delete my accounts altogether...
I was getting carpal tunnel from trying to delete my poems one at a time!



and remember

"Don't let the pigeon drive the bus!"

 

[minsue]

I'm so very sorry to read that. As one who never figured out that my favorite poets were all one amazingly talented person, I will dearly miss the opportunity to read your work. I will also miss you on the threads. I only know you from your words, but they show you to be a kind, funny, sensitive and talented person.

Best wishes to you wherever you go.

 

[Guest]

pigeons don't drive this bus

I'll miss ya, honey — you have my email and know my LJ

 

[Cordelia]

awwww, anna...

Just when I was really getting into going back and reading your poems...

Well... you have my email and you know I'll be here.

Hugs,



Cordelia

 

[Guest]

This is really sad news - I was hoping you'd stay. Who ever is driving you away doesn't deserve to feel the satisfaction of seeing you go.

I understand you must have been badly hurt or you wouldn't be doing this.

All the very best, anna. I'll PM my e-mail address.

 

[Tathagata]

I will miss you and your work
I've been in awe of your writing since I came here and I always will be.
Continue to write..you have a gift.
I wish you peace of mind and understanding
Both will come when you are ready.

I will email you

Be Well

 

[Liar]

Shiyat.

Your choice of course, but for what it's worth, I really wish you didn't. You have been a swirl of positive force here, and ypur poetry is inspiration distilled. Being a poet here is gonna be tougher without you around.

If harassed away from here by someone or other, then it's sad indeed. Bullies shouldn't win.

Good luck with everything. Keep on writing, and I'm sure I'll have your words in my bookshelf one of these days. And please keep in touch, somehow. PM incoming.



#L

 

[Angeline]

We talked yesterday, so you know how I feel.

Keep writing, that's the main thing, eh? Talk soon sweety.

 

[WickedEve]

Remember what I said, take a break, write, do your own thing, then come back if you feel like it. You have enough friends here to help cushion you from the icky people.

 

[Tathagata]

Remember what I said, take a break, write, do your own thing, then come back if you feel like it. You have enough friends here to help cushion you from the icky people.

I like when you say icky

 

[tarablackwood22]

......apples and poetry, anna.

 

[Merrymaker]

I was just getting a feel for your poetry(me being a newbie), very sad to hear you are leaving....please keep writing.

Fare well in your future travels

~Merry

 

[gauchecritic]

Sense and a blinding headache
dots on the screen, words
at random, no stopping, no break
and mail from the blue
No kings (nor queens), knights nor lords
No candle held, no just reward

Breathe at ease and humdrum
world at bay then flashing
thoughts, loaves whole, no crumb
unleavened or risen, fill to the gorge
cast before swine, who only can hum
(they forgot the words) Leaving us, numb.

A voice and thoughts making toes curl
abusing and bludgeoning, fuck 'em,
guidelines and rules are only for girls
And this is the title bottom from top
(struggling for rhymes now, boys and girls)
A Poem For Annaswirls

Take care,

Gauche

 

[Maria2394]

cruelty, dear anna, like razors on rubber bans, pulled intensley back and forth between friends who cant find just the right foothold . about 2 moths ago i felt the same way and you told me, whaaa, suck it up,. its just votes, let the cowards do as they wish,
remember why we are here

i wish you the best, sorry about the things that have happened lately, we both need to grow

 

[lostandfounder]

It took me longer than it should have, but I have come to truly appreciate
your style and your talent. I'm sorry to see you go., but please don't ever stop
writting, you've got too much of a gift.

lostandfounder

 

[SeattleRain]

Don't tell Miss Anna I am here!

Crazy Seattle here, breaking the rules,
she always used me to break some rule or another,
the cowardess

Stopping in for a few:

Thank you for your kind words as always.

This is a good place with so many good people.



A friend said to me yesterday:

"why you are leaving is your own business,
but why do you have to delete all of your writing?"

and I could not really remember any good reasons, so until I do, I am saving my wrists and my time and leaving most of our stuff here for now.

I am just so disappointed I left right when the dude asked for stuff about sisters-- Feel free to direct him to my poem

"strip and go fish"



and thanks for the support against the meanies, I am sure she is actually a good person in a lot of pain, so I am not too upset about it. I can understand.
You know it is not the biggest reason I had to get out now.

and I really am...

I will be in touch--

seattle/anna/sibilaire yadda yadda yadda


My mind is in this perpetual state of "rollseyes" at my own silly self.




ps

maria,

It is not votes or comments. I have dealt with that before, it sucks but I know how to handle that. It is not why I write.

I do remember why I was here, one big reason disappeared, and another part disappeared with betrayal.

I do not feel free here to be able to write what I feel without hurting someone's feelings. Contrary to what you may believe, I never wanted to hurt anyones feelings or do anything but do what I do, write.

Maybe when I feel like writing about something more inert, I will come back? There are so many reasons to want to come back.



and I never put razors anywhere close to my friends.
I am not sure why anyone would.

I wish you the best too.

 

[echoes_s]

Can't pm her...Anna, I hope it wasn't me in some poem I wrote that was read wrong, that is one thing I always worry about, that the meaning might get screwed up, or message is taken wrong and only meant to be nice...on the passion thread.
You said "she"...if it was me...please send me a pm about what it was so this can be straightened out...please. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt anyone and try my hardest not to.
If I have hurt you please forgive me and talk this over...

Edit to say...crap, if I have hurt anyone this way, send me a pm and tell me. None of my poems were ever written to hurt anyone

 

[SeattleRain]

no, no no, sweet echoes

Please this is nothing personal--

I know there are a lot of sensitive people who may wonder,
and if you have to wonder
"Did I do something cruel"
then it was not you!
You would know. .....

 

[Guest]

Now we're all looking side-ways at one another. Is that fair, anna?

 

[annaswirls]

anna here to straighten it out (damn seattle)

Now we're all looking side-ways at one another. Is that fair, anna?

no it isn't.

Here is what I know:

1. A lot of people are grieving

2. People grieve in all kinds of ways

3. The way I grieve is hurtful to some and should not be done in public

4. The way some people (?) grieve is hurtful to me and I have to protect myself-- without a shell yet.

5. I am not a bad person and neither are they. Really please do not worry or blame, it is not really the reason I have to get out for a while at least.

It SUCKS beyond all sucking that we have to be grieving, but we are. I am trying to limit the amount of additional hurt by getting out, maybe just for a while, who knows.

okay now go talk about Eve's ass or something
something about sister love?

shoo abandon this thread it is not worth it...

nothing to see here

 

[flyguy69]

Well, here goes...

My very

first

post.


What monumental misfortune for me, new not only to this forum but to poetry in general, to discover this vibrant community only to witness the disapperance of two giants. Smithpeter was a remarkable writer, remarkable both for rhetorical skill and for sheer fecundity. And now Annaswirls, an artist whose creations twirl with breathtaking beauty, departs.

With such an inauspicious beginning, I worry about the karma. Perhaps I should slip quietly back outside, return to writing bad stories, and leave the writing of bad poems to others equally inept.

With only the narrowest of foundations upon which to stand, I offer tribute to these two laureates. The world of poetry is poorer for their absence.

Flyguy

 

[Maria2394]

Re: Don't tell Miss Anna I am here!

Crazy Seattle here, breaking the rules,
she always used me to break some rule or another,
the cowardess

Stopping in for a few:

Thank you for your kind words as always.

This is a good place with so many good people.



A friend said to me yesterday:

"why you are leaving is your own business,
but why do you have to delete all of your writing?"

and I could not really remember any good reasons, so until I do, I am saving my wrists and my time and leaving most of our stuff here for now.

I am just so disappointed I left right when the dude asked for stuff about sisters-- Feel free to direct him to my poem

"strip and go fish"



and thanks for the support against the meanies, I am sure she is actually a good person in a lot of pain, so I am not too upset about it. I can understand.
You know it is not the biggest reason I had to get out now.

and I really am...

I will be in touch--

seattle/anna/sibilaire yadda yadda yadda


My mind is in this perpetual state of "rollseyes" at my own silly self.




ps

maria,

It is not votes or comments. I have dealt with that before, it sucks but I know how to handle that. It is not why I write.

I do remember why I was here, one big reason disappeared, and another part disappeared with betrayal.

I do not feel free here to be able to write what I feel without hurting someone's feelings. Contrary to what you may believe, I never wanted to hurt anyones feelings or do anything but do what I do, write.

Maybe when I feel like writing about something more inert, I will come back? There are so many reasons to want to come back.



and I never put razors anywhere close to my friends.
I am not sure why anyone would.

I wish you the best too.

******* we kinda kissed and made up....and we can mud wrestle with one another just for Fool, okay? Im really sorry for dragging the dead bird out in public, please forgive me

 

[WickedEve]

Maria, Anna, you're both funny, kind, talented, and so on. Not sure what went wrong, but why don't you two discuss it gently--email or IM maybe. Then when you're both feeling better, come back. This is only a suggestion. I hate to see either of you leave or be miserable.

And you're both taking attention away from me.

On second thoughts, I don't see this being worked out gently! Maria is spitting on her palms and kicking up dirt with her shapely hooves. God, this is going to get ugly. Tath, get me some popcorn--hold that fattening butter. And there's anna fiercely writing down something. Wait, let me peek. Witch rhymes with pitch, anna. No, that's not the word you're looking for? Uh huh... Anyway, I'm moving back folks. I'm not getting any guts splattered on my nice clean AV. Look at my purdy hat. Go ahead and look. Trust me, you don't want to see this cat fight. Clothes are being pulled up and ripped off. Whose boob is that? No, don't look! They're rolling in mud and what's left of their tattered, flimsy clothing is clinging to them. People, there's panting and sweating and groping. Reminds you of high school, doesn't it?

Let's all just step back till it's over and they kiss and make up.

Okay, girls, if that didn't help at all, then bitch slap me.

 

[The_Fool]

Maria, Anna, you're both funny, kind, talented, and so on. Not sure what went wrong, but why don't you two discuss it gently--email or IM maybe. Then when you're both feeling better, come back. This is only a suggestion. I hate to see either of you leave or be miserable.

And you're both taking attention away from me.

On second thoughts, I don't see this being worked out gently! Maria is spitting on her palms and kicking up dirt with her shapely hooves. God, this is going to get ugly. Tath, get me some popcorn--hold that fattening butter. And there's anna fiercely writing down something. Wait, let me peek. Witch rhymes with pitch, anna. No, that's not the word you're looking for? Uh huh... Anyway, I'm moving back folks. I'm not getting any guts splattered on my nice clean AV. Look at my purdy hat. Go ahead and look. Trust me, you don't want to see this cat fight. Clothes are being pulled up and ripped off. Whose boob is that? No, don't look! They're rolling in mud and what's left of their tattered, flimsy clothing is clinging to them. People, there's panting and sweating and groping. Reminds you of high school, doesn't it?

Let's all just step back till it's over and they kiss and make up.

Okay, girls, if that didn't help at all, then bitch slap me.

I just want 'em both to get nekkid and mud wrastle...