A Wife's Secret: A true story.........

[AnneMartin696]

Hello all,

This is my first story that I have written about my private life and hope that some of you will enjoy it. It is not split into chapters I hope it is to the point and takes you to a pleasent place afterwards.

If you would like to enjoy it you will find it here:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=154728

I would welcome all feed back for this my first piece of work.

Thank you,

Anne

 

[dr_mabeuse]

For a first story it's a very nice piece of work, but it kind of belies the title. I mean, the fact that she's married has very little to do with the story, and apparently she has no qualms about having a very casual extra-marital affair. In that, I found it kind of disappointing. She mentions her husband several times but doesn't seem especially concerned about him, and the whole thing is terribly guilt-free. If you hadn't told us she was married we never would have guessed it. She doesn't act married at all.

I couldn't help but notice that you seem to have a real aversion for commas. They're few and far between in this story, and the result is a kind of rushed and chattery feel to the prose. That's not necessarily bad; it may even be the effect you want. I just thought it was remarkable that there were so few commas in there.

It was a good story though. Keep it up.

---dr.M.

 

[cantdog]

Ann Martin 696,

That was a hot story. Affecting.

The sentences were long and unorganized by commas, though. I think the word "ago" might have been missing in the first sentence; very few other halts in the flow occurred, though, because you write grammatically. The ones that did, I felt, could have been avoided by a judicious comma or splitting a longer sentence into two.

That's the point of punctuation, to keep the reader oriented without distracting her from the flow of the story.

The eyeplay on the train was well enough done to keep up one's interest, but here might have been a good time to inventory your character's emotions about strange men and being married. Her reaction to this fellow made me think he was entitled to the woman, sexually, as a tribute. He had for some reason to be given his due. She had hardly a moment of reflection about the wisdom of it or anxiety about her own married condition. Even her response to his question at the train landing baffled me.

On a moment-to-moment basis, though, I got a clear sense of her responses. I especially liked her feelings during the oral scene, but I got her fairly clearly, in that way, as a sexual being responding, right through the story.

Many lesser details received similar emphasis to those more important. I think some tightening and streamlining at those places along with added intensity at the climactic places would be something to consider when polishing your next one. I do hope there will be a next one! Please keep working! You'll be one of the good ones.

cantdog

 

[Scribbleros]

way 2 go

Hi Anne,
This is a very realistically written story. I loved reading it.

Cheers,
Sam

 

[vargas111]

Well done. I wold agree that more concern about the husband would have made it hotter. Also more concern about the consequenses of not getting pregnant morning after pill notwithstanding.

 

[BALUS]

Bravo

A most remarkable and erotic story of a spontaneous union of desire. Realistically and lovingly recalled at the urgent pace that is befitting the nature of such an encounter. Bravo Anne

 

[BALUS]

PM

Hi again... check your PMs.
Lyn