A Very Interesting Article

[James Blandings]

For an interesting take on developments in the BDSM scene over the years, may I suggest you take a look at this page and read the transcipt of the Guy Baldwin speech? It will give you much food for thought.

http://www.leatherpage.com/

 

[Frouwa_Aph]

A very interesting article indeed. It's aimed mostly at the leather gay world, but it holds true for the "regular" BDSM crowd too, IMO.
Baldwin shows clearly the 2 different aproaches and has made up his mind. I'm not that sure.
The old guard way of being exclusive (as in monitoring novices, to keep out unwanted personality traits etc) made it so hard for new people to live out their desires, but it made it a very save environment as well.
The new way, mostly through the internet, of being all inclusive, has made things easier for novices to find out about BDSM, but it attrackts wierdos as well. So now we need elaborate save call arrangements to protect ourselves.

We can go back to the old days and neither should we. But reviving the old feelings of connectedness is a good idea, I'd say. In local groups I know this is still the case, I've seen typical predators who soon found out that their approach won't work and they stayed away. But the sort of old guard monitoring doesn't happen.
I can speak only for the scene in Hamburg, but the gay/lesbian leather and BDSM scene are pretty much separated. You won't find many gays/lesbian at play parties, they have their own parties, where you won't find many straights either.
Is this good or bad? I think it's neither. Both groups team up occasionally, but that's about it. Lumping both groups together in the name of political correctness is a bad idea.

Hmmm... *end of rant* I need to think some more about it.

Monika

 

[Ebonyfire]

For an interesting take on developments in the BDSM scene over the years, may I suggest you take a look at this page and read the transcipt of the Guy Baldwin speech? It will give you much food for thought.

http://www.leatherpage.com/

Thanks James for bringing it to our attention. I am not in the leather scene, but a lot of the points he makes echo a lot of my own concerns about what has been passing for D/s in today's atmosphere.

Ebony

 

[liqournfront]

That 's the good thing about change it evolves and more people are able to identify traits as opposed to being classified. I like some things that could be traits but to be classified as S needing a D is totally outside my complete psychology.

Hi Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

That 's the good thing about change it evolves and more people are able to identify traits as opposed to being classified. I like some things that could be traits but to be classified as S needing a D is totally outside my complete psychology.

Hi Ebony

HI Liq <smiling>

 

[liqournfront]

Hi Ebony

I like the way you say my name. I would like for you to know more about me

 

[HotXBunz]

I think I shared about the time I happened into a gay leather bar in New Orleans. It was very obvious we had not set out to be there. First off we were women, second we were NOT dressed appropriately. I do not intimidate easily and did not leave. Some very kind gay man showed us around, gave us club info, net info and talked to us about the scene. Later a Domme came in and he introduced us to her. At first I felt like I was being sized up. He asked lots of questions, my experience, books I had read and the like. I guess I passed. I was so glad that I was made to feel at home.

With the net being so open and clubs being so inclusive I can see how the "magic" of the lifestyle could be diluted. I suppose it is up to each of us to create and maintain whatever community we need. This is why I come here to learn and share.

This forum is the extent of my communication with like minded people but this is just my style. I am also a solitary practitioner in my sprituality. I would like to belong to something bigger but am worried I may not "measure up". It reminds me of the old days when a lesbian had to be butch or fem. I don't go there either. I switch, is that PC in the clubs around here? Would I be seen as a wannabe, someone not serious about the power exchange that is at the heart of our lifestyle? Sorry for the ramble. I guess this thread brought up some of my issues.

I thorougly enjoyed the article. Thanks for sharing James Blandings. Would you mind if I called you James in the future?

 

[James Blandings]

James is fine, or JB.

from one of the Newsgroups, a thoughtful reply to Baldwin's article:

Subject: An "Inclusionist's Answer" to the Baldwin speech
From: TravisW travisw@pdq.net
Date: Tue, Apr 23, 2002 1:08 PM
Message-id: <0B6BE36AA8DBC869.D0BC8E0C6F322786.2BCAC551969F00BC@lp.airnews.net>



First, let me thank Mr. Baldwin for his excellent comments on his view
of some of the issues facing the modern "Leather" community. It has
been, obviously, thought provoking, as it has spread around the
Internet at a speed as fast as any speech or paper I have ever seen.
And it has brought from this media, the Internet, a great deal of deep
and thoughtful commentary on his ideas.

Second, let me say to Mr. Baldwin, I agree that "perceptions are
reality", and cannot, and even should not be argured with. So for
many, the things that were said in your article will ring true, and
their "truth" should be dealt with in a real way by themselves, and as
much of our "community" as possible, to try and change things in a way
that give them the things that they need, while not taking away from
others the things that they get.

Third, let me say that I am speaking here from "my perspective", and
saying what "I have received" from the community. I am not saying what
is "true" for all, but what is "true" for me. Each persons
"perception" will come out of their own history and their own
"reality". If one is "uncomfortable playing around naked women", for
instance, then a public play party, or an all inclusive club, cannot
possibly give them the "family" they need. Their perception of "no
family" is real for them, but is not the only reality of the public,
inclusive community. Similarly, an "introvert" perceives a party
differently then the way an "extravert" perceives the same party. The
party is the same, their realities are different. The same party will
meet the need of one, while being off the mark for another. What we
"receive from the scene", whether a large public one, or small
exclusive one, is then a product of our individual histories,
experiences, prejudices, and emotional needs. My response to your
wonderful speech, just like my response to the modern "leather
community", is, then, based on my own history, experiences,
prejudices and emotional needs, and mine alone.
Then I want to say, I am sorry if you, your friends, or associates,
or any others in this Leather community lost, or perceived that you
lost, things like:

"sexiness, cohesion, intimacy, trust, reliability, integrity,
accountability, and perhaps most importantly, a sense of family"

Because let me tell you, I found them. And I found them in this new,
inclusive BDSM/Leather community. And I found them in the Bible Belt,
in the south, in Houston. I found them with gay men, with gay women,
with het men, with het women, with crossdressers, and transgendered
friends.

I found them in men wearing leather, and women wearing the sexiest
goddamned latex and corsets you can imagine. I found them at large
leather events, and at large public parties (where the play was
obviously, and intelligently limited), and in private parties where I
bet the play included anything anyone in the Old Guard ever dreamed
of, and some things I suspect they never thought of. I found them at
large Fetish events where people think of S&M as Stand and Model in
their hot outfits.

I found them by attending the lectures and workshops that dealt with
"technique". But I have also found them in the workshops that deal
more with emotions, relationships, and power exchanges that I have
seen in abundance at S&M/leather events around the country in the
last several years.

If we were basically a technique focused community several years
ago, from what I have seen, that changed, in many places and for many
events, some time ago. I see as many "Master/Slave, D/S, Power
Exchange topics now as I do flogging 101 classes.

I found them at the monthly Dom meetings, and Sub friends found them
at their monthly Submissive meetings. I have found them in the
Master's workshops (and Sub friends have found them at the Boi's
workshops) . Finally I found so much of this in a glorious weekend
not long ago at Butchmann's Academy where there were hets, and gays,
men and women, and yes, even crossdressers, and we shared our
emotions, our fears, our fantasies, and by george, we also shared a
bit of technique.

I found them by teaching at some of those events, and having people
in those classes who were hungry for the passion that goes with the
technique. And I have seen teacher after teacher talk about the
passion, the soul, and the mind, when they discuss their flogs, their
knives, and their single tails.

I have found the family and cohesiveness at every Thanksgiving and
every Christmas the last 7 years when my home is flooded with members
of the Texas BDSM community and their families, where we eat together,
and open presents together.

I have found that family and cohesiveness every single time a member
of our local community goes to the hospital, and they are simply
flooded with visitors, calls, and cards. The email lists go electric
notifying people of how their friends are doing, and what the latest
status is from the Dr.'s office.

I have found that family and cohesiveness when people lose a job and
need help, and the community responds.

I have found it when people move and need someone to help them move.
(one call for help from a local email list around here will simply
guarantee anyone moving just about all the help and trucks they will
need)



I found the sexiness and passion in so many people. What is it that
you think is missing in that area? Do you expect the local large BDSM
group to offer you a public play space for public fucking and fisting?
I really don't. What I hope for is a fun meeting and great public
parties that let me do some things, while meeting folks of common
interests that might want to go to private parties where we take it
farther.

In those private parties, many of them in my home, (Dark Parties we
call them in Houston and Austin, but the same parties take place all
around the country), we have fistings, fuckings, multiple partners,
blood sports of every kind with knives, piercings, single tails, water
sports slaves in the back rooms, abduction rape scenes, and gun
scenes.

What are we missing? What passion and what deep level of play have we
left out? What great "wonderful mysteries of Leathersex" were in your
fuckings and fistings that were not in ours?When your men bent to kiss
or polish your boots in your gay bar, what subtlety of power exchange
did our women miss when they bent to kiss or polish ours in our
private homes.

When we collar our submissives, and feel the sense of pride and
emotion, what sense of connection did the forefathers have that we
miss. (ok, ok, I am not talking about Internet collars where folks
have never met-hell, I can agree with you on some things here, give me
a break)

Tell me and I will add it next time, but I am not so jaded that I
can't get off (emotionally or physically) on the what I have seen, and
what I have been allowed to share.

Maybe we don't "fuck " correctly. Maybe we don't fist correctly. Maybe
our "feelings" aren't pure, or we use the wrong lube. That's the only
thing I can think of when people tell me there is that "mysterious
something" missing, that "subtleness" of leather sex that we don't
have. But somehow we muddle through with orgasms to spare, and joy to
behold.

(There actually is another "perception" I often have when these
"mysteries" come up. That is the "perception" that just maybe, for
some folks, their perception that the "mystery" is gone, and the
"subtleties are missed", comes from a feeling that they once had the
mysteries to themselves. That it was "their game", and the rest of the
world was clueless. They were "special" because they knew what the
rest of us did not. Now the mysteries have been demystified. The
"game" is played by thousands, not hundreds. That many now know the
secret handshake, and these folks are no longer the sole "holders of
the wisdom", the only wizards, the only wise ones. So there has to
still be something that "they " don't get. Something that "only we"
get. Something that the unwashed masses just cannot grasp because they
are not the "right kind of Sneetches " . But that is another topic, so
sorry for the digression)

Cohesion? Yup, I have found that. My closest friends are in this
scene. Today I had two gay men come by to visit, just as my friendly
giant of a bi/switch male and I came back for lunch. We were all
joined as the hetest couple you can imagine from the "River Oaks" part
of town (that's our rich neighborhood) stopped by to say hi. Cohesive
and inclusive. Love it.

Not everyone in the Houston community is my close friend, but damn if
a bunch of them ain't close and "cohesive". Constantly together,
talking, sharing, eating, playing. Sharing our BDSM/leather talk.
Sharing our vanilla/work/family (kids, parents, aunts, uncles, that
family) issues. We throw events together, large events, by working as
a cohesive unit. We throw large play parties, and small private ones,
as a cohesive group of friends, sharing the work, sharing the joy. And
I go to Austin, and get the same thing and see the same things. I go
to Dallas and get the same thing. We share common interests, common
joys, common concerns. We even shared a common interest in your
excellent article.

Intimacy? By this I assume you mean the definition which says intimacy
is a "" state of close relationship".

I have certainly found that with friends with whom I share my
troubles, and my dreams. I have found it with lovers with whom I have
shared my every fantasy. I have found it with play partners in the
scene with whom I have shared brief, but oh so memorable moments of
closeness and depth.

Trust? Ok, I have probably hosted 25 or so large play parties in my
home in the last 8 years. I have hosted probably about 50 smaller,
what we call "hot tub " parties. I never lock my doors because I am
always afraid someone will need to come in to my house as a safe
house, or just for comfort. And in that time I have lost a bullwhip
(that was 6 years ago) and a pair of "vampire gloves" (not really sure
they were taken, just can't find them, and I am very,very unorganized
. No one knocks on my door, they just come in. (ok, we have what we
call the Wilson knock. You knock once and then open the door. Hell, if
I have to go to the door to come get you, it is too much trouble.

I trust my friends and my "community" with my home, with my reputation
(I am very "out" in the community, am a lawyer, and have never gotten
"bit". ), and most anything else I can imagine. Has it always been
perfect? No, of course not. Has it been pretty incredible over the
years? Damn right.

So the modern BDSM/Leather community is not devoid of "sexiness,
cohesion, intimacy, trust, reliability, integrity, accountability, and
perhaps most importantly, a sense of family".

these things are there for the asking, for the seeking, for those
willing to find it there. Do you get them from everyone? Of course
not. You don't get it from everyone any place.

Which brings me to the "inclusiveness" thing. Somewhere you and I must
have a different meaning of what inclusiveness includes. To me it
means everyone can get in regardless of race, color, creed, gender,
sexual preference, job description, or amount of money in the bank.
All you need to come in that door is an interest in what we do. You
don't need to know things now. We are happy to have the new as well as
the elderly and experienced. No "secret handshake", no knowledge to be
shared only by the "chosen".

It does not mean we cannot hold folks "accountable" for their
actions. It does not mean we cannot kick out the dishonest treasurer,
or ban the abusive Dom, or remove the lying sub who maliciously
accuses Doms of being abusive. it does not mean we cannot expect, and
yes, demand, manners, (that is my "protocol"......mind your manners,
be polite, treat folks with respect).

The large groups have leaders that deal with those issues all the
time. If they are not dealt with, that is a problem of leadership in a
group, not a problem of "inclusion". Hold those leaders accountable,
Get folks to lead who will be responsible. I know when I have served
on a Board of one of these clubs we kicked folks out who we thought
were dangerous, or who did not respect our "community needs" such as
discretion, or who treated our members rudely . That is no more
"exclusionary", then it is "exclusionary" for a society to send it's
criminals to jail.

I love having gay males, gay females, hets, blacks, whites, asian,
hispanic, newcomers, younger folks (not minors, just "younger") and
elders, you name it, in our groups. In a day of lay offs and
downsizing, I also love having my friends who are without jobs, but
show a sense of responsibility and accountability. My turn may be
next, and then they can help me, and not remove me because I am not
"there" financially at the moment.

Having the large "inclusive" club is no hinderance to the
"exclusionaries" among us. If they want only the "best and the
brightest", they can start your own club. If they want only certain
folks, invite them. (that is what I do for my Dark Parties). I am in
no way hampered in who I invite to my smaller parties by the fact that
I belong to one or more large groups. Start smaller gruops. The truth
is they are there, and they are there in large numbers. All around
this country. In Houston, in New York, In Los Angeles and lots and
lots of smaller cities around this nation. Gay male clubs, gay female
clubs, female only clubs, Male Dom/Fem sub clubs, FemDom/Male sub
clubs. There are, and have been for years, private, invitaion only
clubs. If someone wants exclusionary, it is already out there, but
they should certainly feel free to add to it and start their own.

My worst enemy in the scene has been me, not the "inclusive
community". My own choices. My own relationships. I have, at times,
not "chosen well" and have had my share of "dependent" or
"dysfunctional" relationships . None of them seemed like that would be
the case when they started, and it damn sure was not the fault of the
community. And even in those relationships, the pluses outweighed the
minus's by a lot. Each of those women gave me days and nights to
remember into my ever closer old age.

It is not a small, exclusive scene anymore. It does not take place in
just dusty leather bars, with just gay leather men. It takes place all
around the country in bars, and restaurants, and large and small
dungeons. It takes place in large events with leather, latex and
corsets, and in small homes and dungeons with leather boots and black
tee shirts.

As I mentioned on the "Personal Journey" section of my website
(www.houstonbdsm.com) the current, modern bdsm/leather community has
been my family, and my avocation for a decade. It fed me and nurtured
me through the death of a wife, several other relationships, a second
marriage, the raising of a wonderful son, and the graying of my hair,
and the potting of my belly."

This modern leather community has given me all that some apparently
feel has been lost. As one who has received these things in great
measure, let me assure you that they are not lost. They are there in
abundance in our community.
Travis