A Twisted Desire

[Sweetp4u]

I awoke to the sounds of unfamiliar surroundings. I had no idea where I was, and it was so hard to open my eyes. Every inch of my body felt as if it wasn't there. A weird sensation, one I wasn't too sure I liked. Prying open my eyes, I was greeted with total darkness. Panic set in, Was I blind? Did I have an auto accident and couldn't remember where I was?
Why was it so cold in here?
I cleard my throat, "Hello" It came out as nothing more than a whisper. I tried to put my hands under myself and sit up, but could not move. What was going on?
I moved my head a little, trying to find where the sounds of moving things were coming from. "Oh god.." I feared small creatures, mice were just not my thing. Filthly little animals, pests. But it was just too dark to see.
I tried to calm myself. I was a psychiatrist, one of the sanest people in the world. Well I thought so. Letting panic rule you was a bad move. I had to calm down.

"Ahhhh, I see you are awake.."

I stiffened and moved my eyes towards the sound of that husky voice. There was a faint light shining behind him in the door way. Yes, it was deffinately a male. But who?
"What.. why am I here? Whats going on?" Still nothing more than a whisper. Groaning I attempted to roll over and once again could not.

"Be still Becca, the drugs have made you immobile."

"Drugs?" Why was I on drugs? "Please. I want to go home."

"This is your home now.. With me."

What!? I wasn't hearing right, apparently these drugs had done more than I thought was possible. I was certain he didn't just say what he did to me? Did he?

He moved towards me, sitting on the edge of the bed. A large warm hand came down and lovingly almost stroked my back,
"Do not fear me Becca.. I would never hurt you. I care for you too much to hurt you. It was you who cared for me, showed me what love was like. Showed me all kinds of things. And now I will show you things your stiff little world wouldn't dream up..Sleep sweetie, I will return in a little while.."

His lips came down and brushed my temple before he stood and exited the room as quietly as he arrived.

"Please... dont leave me down here..." I closed my eyes, fighting back the feeling of wanting to scream, cry or die.. He sounded so familiar to me. The tingles down my spine was still there even after he was gone. It wasn't total fear, and it wasn't total turned on. It was mildly somewhere in the middle.
All I could ask myself the few minutes before I slept once again was.. Who was he? Why was he familiar? Was he one of my patients?


Rebecca Smith
30
Single
Very self controlled pyschiatrist


ooc: This thread is closed to Bart and Myself, but do enjoy the story.

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

Her name was Rebecca Smith and she was my love...The one woman who understood me, gave me back my sanity...and now I was going to return the debt I owed her.

I left her resting on the singlewide cot. True she was bound hand and foot...but that was for the best...a temporary thing needed to protect her. After all...It wouldn't be long before she shed her restraints, both the physical ones AND the ones she placed on herself in her "proper" world...

A gentle caress of my lips to her perfumed skin...and I left her resting...my hands wanting to tear off the "proper" clothing and reveal the full curves underneath...That too would come...when she was fully awake and ready...

Outside, in the room next to hers I flipped on the monitors and made sure each was focused, showing me a different angle of the raven haired Rebecca as she lay on the cot.

"Soon, Becca..Soon" I promised her and moved to another screen, the one where I kept all my data on her...the computer that held the pictures...of my love..

Clicking to her file I enlarged the familiar but never boring set of pictures and began to dream of what it would soon be like...her full breasted body pressed to mine...her athletic long legs wrapped around my waist as I moved within her...Her full lips pressed to mine as I gazed into the green eyes that so enthralled me...

Hours passed.... and with a jolt I realized it was time for my love to eat, and to change into her new clothes. And new life.

Pulling the soiled shirt off I slipped a t-shirt on and prepared a quick meal for both of us...then carried two portions into her room

"Time to eat, my love" I announced with joy...our first meal together...in our new life...."And then I will dress you"

 

[Sweetp4u]

rebecca

I awoke to his voice, once again calling out to me. I flinched, wanting to move but strangely enough I couldn't.
"W-What? Why can't I move?" I struggled a moment and found out a painful way I was bound both hands and feet.
He sat on the edge of my bed, I still couldn't make out his face, there was just not enough light yet.
"Who are you? What do you want with me?!" My voice was raspy, grainy like. It hurt to speak, and I tried to clear my throat again. All I got for my efforts was a painfulness in my throat.
"Please let me go?"
Dress me? He wanted to dress me? I was dressed, wasn't I? I wiggled a little and felt the stiff familiar cotton move on my skin. I sighed with relief. I was still dressed, thank god.

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

"Yes, I'm coming" I spoke gently, happy with my thoughts as I bent over her and released her trim ankles from the wide leather straps and rubbed the circulation back into each.

"You must be hungry..and want to use the bath"

Moving to her wrists I freed the left..then the right, ignoring the way she pulled back and covered herself.

"I made your favorite snacks, thinking we could have a nicer meal after you dress" I told her with adoring eyes.

Reaching out I took her wrists and pulled her forward...

"Let me help you to the table"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Rebecca

I jerked back to cover myself, whimpering as the circulation came back into my limbs. It hurt, and I was sorely tempted to whimper more about it, but thought twice.
He grabbed my arm and jerked me from the bed, none to gently and drug my unsuspecting body to a table. Slamming down into a chair, I felt tears sting my eyes from the pain in my wrists and ankels.
"But.. Im not hungry... Who are you?" I flinched a little as he moved closer to my side, wondering what he wanted with me?! Was I held captive for some reason? Ransome? But I wasn't very rich, nor was my family. So that ruling was out? Was he some psycho killer? I wanted to slap myself for thinking that. I kept my eyes downcast, I didn't want to see his face. That would deffinately seal my doom of being killed or never let go. Or much worse!
I felt tears falling down my cheeks, I swiped a few away eying around the floor and lower half of the room for a door and a way out of here.
I whispered, "What do you want with me?" My lower lip trembling, threatening to break out crying worse.

 

[BLACK BART]

"Hush" I cooed to her, kneeling at her side as she wept.

"I know you are elated at being with me but you must eat...then dress in your new clothes, so we can begin our new life together"

I brushed the tears away with my fingers, than tried to kiss her cheek as my mother used to do...and take away the pain.

"Now eat" I told her sternly, again in the same tone my mother used... "So I can dress you"

Moving to the opposite side of the table I placed a plastic "spork" in front of her and stood watching, the glare of the lightbulb warm at my back..

 

[Sweetp4u]

Rebecca

I tensed as he touched my face, trying to soothe me but answering none of my questions. I flinched a little at the tone in his voice. It frightened me worse. That deadly tone that sounded oh so threatening if I disobeyed his command to eat.
But how could I eat? My stomach was a tensed up ball of nerves, feeling fluttery and nearly sick inside.
I picked up the plastic fork, my hand shaking so badly I could hardly put the food onto it.
I sniffled, bringing a shaking mass of food towards my mouth. Spilling a little on my blouse, I got some inside and closed my lips around the plastic.
I pulled the fork out slowly and chewed. Swallowing was nearly impossible with that lump in my throat, but I got it down and sat there motionless.
He wouldnt answer anything I asked, as if I was mute. I still wouldn't glance up at him, not wanting to see my captor's face. It might frighten me worse than I already was.
Another shakey attempt to eat and again more on my clothes, but I did not care about being clean at this moment. I wanted to get out of here. More tears rolled down my face and my bottom lip still trembled. I sighed heavily, trying to calm myself. Make the fear lesser some how, the control over my limbs better. Not so lanquid and fearful.
I was tensing up a little, wishing I could flee somewhere, some how.
"Wh-Who are you?" I whispered once again. Wondering at this man's delusional illusions about me being happy to be with him. He was utterly mad! Had to be a few bricks shy some how.

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

"We met four years ago" I supplied, amused at her feigning no memory of the special times we had spent together, the intimate moments alone.

"You were responsible for showing me the way back to life" I told her, my eyes shining as if I were speaking about something I worshipped. And in fact I did...

"I am going to do the same for you...now"

She had eaten the brunt of the meal, the rest spilled on her clothing, soiling it…and I moved beside her eager to see her in her new clothes.

“Lets get you out of those old fashioned clothes and into your new ones” I suggested with glee, my hands moving to the top bottom of the blouse she had on.
She wore a cotton blouse that created the impression she was chest less, covered by a light jacket…Beneath it she wore a skirt that showed only her ankles, a drab green in color and as equally shapeless as the blouse.

. “These are much too restraining, like your old lifestyle they both have to go”

"No, they're just fine" She retorted in an alarmed tone, pushing my hands away.

"No, they are NOT fine, Now get them OFF or I'll take them off for you" I demanded, my voice rising to a dangerous level.

"Your new clothes are lying over there, Now change and put the old clothes in the bag...And don't forget the underwear"

Picking up the remnants of our meal I left dissapointed.

"But there will be better times, once she's aclimated" I promised myself cheerfully.

 

[Sweetp4u]

Rebecca

He just would not listen to reason, I was dealing with someone very unbalanced and very confused.
I tensed up tightly like a frightened doe when he yelled at me,

"No, they are NOT fine, Now get them OFF or I'll take them off for you"

Jerking at his threatening words, I felt my heart thump wildly in my chest. I felt paniced and ready to flee, but where? There was no where to go.

I hurried and whispered, "Yes Sir." Not wishing to anger him any further. I jumped up from the table as he left the room, shutting my tightly inside once more. I heard the bolt slide home, knowing I was locked within.

I walked over to the bed and glanced down at what little material there was there for me to wear. I stripped off everything, carefully watching the door the whole time. My hands shook so badly I popped off most of the buttons on my silk blouse. Tears dropped one by one to wet my hands and chest as I fumbled with the buttons.

Finally free, I hurried to get them off and the new ones on. I shoved my bra, blouse and nylons into the bag, anger washing over me but fear over riding it all.

These clothes were skimpy and would hardly cover anything on my petite but busty frame. Resigned for the moment, I put my skirt and underwear into the bag along with my sandals. I slipped on the tiny top and short skirt, disgusted with his choice in clothes. "Figures.." Men were one track minds.
Hopping onto the bed, I curled up in the far corner and covered myself up, watching the door.

I wouldn't take my eyes off that door until he came back in, and I seen who he was. Perhaps I could slowly approach him on healing? Lost in my own thoughts, I jerked again as the bolt slid and the door came open. He walked inside, and stood staring at me.. And I stared right back.
"Taylor...." His dark features took in my face as I looked up at him.
This was co cliche, I wanted to laugh but I was too afraid to. This man was so attractive it hurt to look at him, but because of a rotten childhood, he accepted no females into his life thanks to his mother. So why me? And Why this way? I held silent, wanting to ask so badly why..

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

"Stand up for me, Rebecca" I said softly as I entered the room, amazed at the transformation that had happened.

Without a word, her green eyes upon my face she moved...crawling over the rumpled bed covers and giving me an enticing view of her full breasts in the small top as she slid from the bed.

"I am very pleased...pleased to see you dressed and the difference it has made" I told her, my eyes worshipping her each move. "You are quite...lovely"

And indeed she was...the frumpy old clothes had hidden each full curve of her body, the full upward tilt of her breast, the trim flat stomach as it flowed into her groin...the erotic tuck of her ass cheeks as they in turn flowed to her long lean legs...


These features were apparent, revealed by the miniscule top and shorts I supplied her with, making what they hid underneath even more erotic...more desirable...more goddess like.

"Sit down, Rebecca Smith" I told her quietly, forgetting the open door behind me, the impact of her beauty overcoming me "We have much to talk about since our last intimate moments together so long ago"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Rebecca

I stood up like a wooden doll, a play thing and then sat back down as bidden.
He had a look in his eyes that was clearly mad. I was no where near certain of how this would turn out.
Fear still hovered highly in my mind, what was he capable of? What would he demand of me? Would he ever let me go?
I crawled back onto the bed, scooting as far from him as was possible.
It was dark in here with the door shut, but I could see him clearly enough to know exactly where he was.
"Intimate moments? We never had those Taylor, I was your shrink.." I whispered softly, hoping that didn't rile him further.
"But! " I hurried to go on, "I would love to talk.." Talking was much better than what he might be thinking in his mind.

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

Smiling gently I corrected her, knowing I was one of many patients she had treated...and the moments we spent together were certainly there...just buried beneath four years of caring for others.

"Not intimate physically, Rebecca, I know that" I chided her as she pulled her knees to her chest, her long legs shining from the healthy glow of her tan, the dark cleft of her panty appearing as she peered over her knees.

"I was refering to the last sessions in which you induced the electric therapy, the sessions that cleared my mind of the confusion and let you see who I really was"

I could still feel the probes...the electrical charge arching thru me as I sat strapped into the chair, my eyes locked on Rebecca's as she watched my "treatment".

"It was those last sessions that made me realize later you understood me...and accepted me for what I was, not judging me like all the others. So you see...you saved me and even though I was put in the asylum, I knew it would only be a short time before I was able to repay the favor...I was released a year ago. A year in which I was able to watch you, see how far you had slipped from other people, and finally find the solution to your problems."

I had followed her from the table where I sat to her cot, and now sat beside her enjoying the sight of her tan skin against the black sheer fabric.

"Four years is a long time for a man to be away from the woman he loves...But I've used that time wisely, made plans for us...And in a short time you'll find out those plans" I promised her, laying my hand on her knee as I spoke...and watching the uncomfortable look that came to her face.

"In time you'll accept my touch as well, and learn to look forward to it, as I did yours in "my" sessions."

 

[Sweetp4u]

Rebecca

I remembered clearly too, he was completely lost to reality. How did he ever manage to get out?! And why was he thinking I was his love?
I had tothink clearly, and I couldn't do that with him sitting so close to me. I frowned at his touch on my leg, it was improper and unwanted. But I doubted if I asked him to remove his hand he would actually listen to me.
His mother did one hell of a job fucking him up, and now it looked like I was the one who was going to pay for it. I still was dealing with the fear, but trying hard to cover it up and not flinch away from him when he touched me.
I felt a tear slide down my cheek again, this was a nightmare. It had to be. Soon I would wake up and all would be fine again.. I waited and waited seconds ticking by, and still did not wake up.
Sighing heavily, I chanced a glance at Taylor.
"I was only trying to help you Taylor..." What more could I say? Other than let me the fuck out of here!

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

"As I am going to help you" I promised, seeing her confusion and pain "But now you must come with me"

Reaching into my pocket I pulled several black scarves from my pocket and announced.

"We can do this the hard way or easy, Rebecca, I'll let you make the choice"

Backing to the table I watched her frightened and calculating eyes and warned her.

"You don't know whats beyond that door...It might be a dead end and you'd be in worse trouble than you are now. Stand up and let me do this"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Rebecca

"What?! Wh-where are you taking me!?" I backed away from him, into the corner of the bed, my eyes franticly searching for a way out of the cornered situation.
"I.." I glanced around as he came towards me with those scarves in hand. "Please Taylor.. I don't want to move just yet..cant..cant we umm talk?" His eyes told me no, we couldn't. Fear reared its ugly head again and I began to shake uncontrollably. I scrambled off the bed, my eyes watery and holding his. I backed up a step every time he came near me, "What.. where Taylor? You are scaring me.."

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

I approached Rebecca slowly, then stepped forward quickly, grabbing and spinning her around. Bending her over the cleared table I twisted both arms behind her and apologized as I bound them.

"This is for your own good, Rebecca" I murmured, binding the wrists together and reaching for another scarf.

"You will appreciate me later as I did you" The next scarf went over her eyes, taking sight from her as I lifted her to her feet and guided her from the room.

"You will appreciate the time I spent on this surprise" I promised her, one hand placed on her ass to steady her while I pushed the doors open and guided her through a winding, deliberate path.

A large leather couch waited in the perfectly duplicated room and I guided her to it.

"Lie down here and let me move the bindings" I told her gently, lifting a set of padded manacles and letting them rattle. The chore was done quickly, the wrists untied and then moved to the manacles, pinning her overhead...Then the blindfold was removed and I stood in front of her blinking eyes.

"Welcome to MY office, Becky" I said courteously, smoothing the white jacket I had donned. "We will begin with your first treatment in a few minutes, would you like to share anything with me in the meanwhile?"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Rebecca

He was on me quicker than hell and had me bound before I could do anything about it. His size and strength was three times my own, I had no prayer of ever succeeding in breaking his hold. I cried out and tried to wrench my arms free, only got them tied tighter behind my back. Panting, worn out from wrestling against him, I didn't have much fight left as he led me down so many twists and turns. I had lost all my bearings and had no idea where I was neither.
I heard a door open and he pushed me inside, shutting the door and walking me into what I thought was the center. Biting my lip, I tried not to imagine the pain that was to come. Was he going to hurt me now? Or was it later? Was he planning on washing me or was I in here to see something? I was so confused, I once again felt my lower lip tremble.
He half helped half pushed me onto a softer surface, cool to the skin.. Had to be a couch. I sighed with relief when he had started to untie me, and quickly bit back a moan of protest as he shackled me. I could feel the heaviness of the metal weighting down my wrists, but not the metal itself. It must be covered.
He jerked off my blind fold and smiled widely.
"Welcome to MY office, Becky"
I glanced around and gasped in shock. It was almost an exact replica of my office!
"T-Treatments?" I felt another tense ball forming in my stomach, "What treatments Taylor?"

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

I rolled the cart over to her and began to assemble the multi wired circuitry.

"Even though the practice was abandoned a few months after you helped me I located a working model" I told her proudly, heating the metal tips in my hand.

"And I've modified it as well" I bragged as I began to attach the electrodes to her bare skin.

"I'm glad I'm going to be able to help you!" I confided in her with a wink, flipping the first switch and watching her eyes...

 

[Sweetp4u]

Rebecca

I jerked as he flipped the switch, hot electrical currents shooting through my body. Painful, I cried out and clenched my teeth.
I shouted out in pain as he slowly turned it down and off suddenly.
Heart racing I glared at him, "I did not condone this on you! I am the one who got it stopped! And you do it to me?!" I felt a tear streak down my face as I glared at him with hatred.
"Let me go dammit!" I fought against the manacles holding my hands and tried to scoot up the couch to get my hands near enough to get those electrodes off of my skin.

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

"I said the same things, remember?" I told her, flipping the switch off and tying her legs securely as well.

"I told ALL sort of lies to stop the treatments at first" I admitted, flipping the switch again and watching the meter jump again, her cries echoing behind me as I shut it off.

"Until I finally began to see the light and admitted the truth"

Again the meter jumped and the cries echoed...and I flipped the machine off and turned.

"The machine works, I guess" I told her gently, pulling the top off her full breasts "Now I'll hook the rest of the electrodes up and turn the power up"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Rebecca

A fine sheen of sweat covered my tormented body. I felt pain everywhere from those electrodes on my skin. The currents making me ache and clench up tightly each time he hit the button.
I had only one thought, make it stop!
"Please taylor!" I cried out as he shut it off, "Please don't do this to me! I'll behave! I'll do as you ask of me!" I hated myself for begging like this, but it was the only option left to me. He removed my top as if he didn't hear me. More tears rolled down my face and hit my shoulders. He had secured my feet so i couldn't move away from this, so I couldn't reach these little things on my skin causing me pain.
"P-Please?" I whimpered softly, my eyes squeezed tightly shut.
I was thinking, or trying to rather quickly, figure out just what he wanted of me? Love? He had mentioned love before hadn't he?
"Taylor? If you love me, you would treat me kindly.. If you show me you love me, I can show you.." I gulped down, fighting hard to say these lies, "How much I love you...." There I had said it. But this was reality here, I would die if he kept this torture up. In these circumstances, it was better to lie than to let him kill me with his slow torture devices.

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

"You know...That's exactly what I used to tell the people that ran the "box"..." I confided in her "I'd promise anything when the juice was on...and then in the discussions afterwards they would tell me I had changed again, and I needed another "treatment"

I moved to the box and powered it down, then removed the electrodes from her body and pulled the top back into place.

"You think I'm crazy...out of my head and should be back in the treatment center, don't you?" I asked her as I released her wrists and ankles, stepping back from her reach.

"I may be a little off center, but I can tell when I'm being lied to. Do you think I can't tell when you're promising one thing and hoping to use it to gain something else? That was the best trick SHE used over and over on me!" I told her, keeping my voice level...restrained, despite the urges I felt to rant...

"You make yourself sound like a whore...Just because I dressed you slutty..and you thought it was the way to get "out" of your predicament. Rebecca, you dissapoint me" I told her scornfully

 

[Sweetp4u]

Rebecca

As soon as he let me go I was up and standing, shaking feircly with my temper.
"WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO!!!?" I backed up away from him, my chest heaving with my breathing as my temper rose higher and higher.
"Tell you to go fuck yourself!? Think that will get me out of this alive!? I'm not stupid Taylor anymore than you are! So cut the shit and tell me what it's going to take to get free!" I backed up against a solid wall, glaring daggers at him.
"I am NOT her! I will never be her! I am not your mother, I am Rebecca Smith! I will do what it takes to be set free. If that means doing as you ask me to, so be it. But I want free, and only you can give that to me." I stood panting now in silence hoping I didn't push him to far.

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

Rebecca stood pressed against the wall...her breasts heaving, the sheer material pasted to them by the sweat that covered her, the nipples quite obvious...

The words rang in my ears...The accusations, the insults all in the tone she used to insult me...

"No, you are NOT my mother" I agreed, the venom dripping from the words. "Otherwise you would be dead!"

The words out I felt better...and smiled.

"As for doing anything to get out of here, I know you will...But first you'll play my game...and when I'm done you'll understand..."

Walking straight up to her, I placed my hands on either side of her head, my face leaning in until we were inches away from each other..

"Do you think I'm crazy?" I teased, my lips brushing her neck...her shoulder...the line of her collar bone as it led to her breast.

Cupping a breast in one hand I rubbed the nipple thru the sheer fabric, feeling it swell as she gasped and turned her head towards mine.

"Piss off a crazy man and he might go berserk" I warned her, licking the underside of her neck and chin.

"Piss me off and I'll put you back on the couch" I promised her, the rest of the threat not needed to be spoken.

Pressing my lips to hers I ground myself against her softer body, feeling her full curves mold to mine.

"Now turn around and bend over" I said quietly, my voice a near whisper as I pulled away from her and indicated the sturdy desk.

"I'll give you your first lesson in discipline..."

Pulling off the leather belt that was wrapped around my waist I doubled it and brought it down in my hand..

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

"otherwise you'd be dead" The words made me flinch and close my eyes, gasping for air the fear setting in again.

I felt him and heard him approach, his hands slapping the wall on either side of my turned head. I kept my eyes closed willing myself to awake from this nightmare. But not jerking up in bed scared shitless happened.

"Do you think I'm crazy?" How could I answer that without getting into worse pain? He kissed me here and there and all I felt was repulsion that he would touch me thusly.

I quaked a little and did not answer, for fear any answer would set him off. No, he would know I was lying. Yes, he might put me back on the couch again.

He cupped my breast, lightly grazing my nipples and I gasped my face jerking towards his as my eyes came open. Reacting to him sexually was frightening for my own sanity. How could this monster turn me on with a single touch?!

"Piss off a crazy man and he might go berserk" The heavily laced threat caught my ears as my eyes watched his face moving around my body. His tongue ran up my neck and along my chin, answering desire awoke with in me, but I clamped it down and ignored it as best I could.

He threatened the couch and I tensed up, understanding what he meant as he knew I would. His lips came down on mine and he kissed me. I kept my teeth closed tightly and held still. Not fighting and not kissing him back either. He ground against me, his cock hard and pressing into my stomach.

I felt like I was going to throw up my dinner. How could he bet excited by this!? How could I?! I didn't know who was worse, me or him?

"Now turn around and bend over" He stepped back from me and pointed to the oak desk in the room. I paused for a moment, trying to clear my mind as to why he wanted me to bend over?

"I'll give you your first lesson in discipline..."

I couldn't believe this was happening to me! He took off his belt and my eyes widened as I backed towards the desk. It was this or the couch, I didn't know which would be worse.

My lips trembled as tears began to fall, I hurried and flipped around, presenting my back to him so he would not see my tears and fear.

My hands shook as I laid them on the desk and inhaled sharply before letting it out slowly as possible. Tensed from head to toe I stood, and slowly laid down over the desk. I bit into my lip and squeezed my eyes shut, wondering just how badly this punishment would be?