A true layover...

[MissElleMoray]

It was president's day weekend. She was off to go visit her friend in Texas. She had always enjoyed traveling on her own because it gave her time to herself. She had no idea that this time she would be sharing some of her time with a stranger.

She's always on the lookout. Checking out every guy that passes her thinking to herself what would he be like? They made the annoucement to board the plane. She stood up and adjusted herself. She wore a black jersey dress, comfortable but still hott and would be good for the transition from cold Boston weather to the hot humid Austin air. She pulled up her black suede boots over her knee, lifted up the handle on her rolly bag and proceeded to the gate. She handed her ticket to the attendant and boarded the plane. She was looking forward to the long flight so she could start her book "My Horizontal Life: an Endless String of One night stands." A book she knew would make her restless but she liked it.

As she got the plane, she began looking for her seat. 7A, a window seat. When she got to her row, she saw him. A tall, older man that she felt felt attracted to in a "this is almost inappropriate" kind of way. She could tell by his dress that he must be on a business trip and that interested her even more. They locked eyes and she smiled. She stopped and started to lift her suitcase up into the overhead storage but he jumped up and said "oh let me help you with that" He lifted it with ease and put it away. "Thanks" she said with a smirk and scootched her way into the row. She sat down and crossed her legs, lifting up her dress just enough to show some thigh. She caught him looking. She buckled her seatbelt and sat back for a great flight.

Throughout the flight they had their share of glances and "unintentional" grazes. It wasn't until when she got back from the bathroom and felt his hand on her lower back guide her into the row that she decided to strike up a conversation. She asked him where he was headed. "Phoenix," he said. "I have a conference out there, how about you?" "Austin, visiting a friend." she told him. They continued to discuss their trips discovering they both had a layover at the busy Houston airport.
When they landed in Houston they discovered their flights were delayed because of rain. "Shit, i'm so close. What am i gonna do now for 2 hours?" she said. "Oh, well i'm probably just going to head over to the Continental Lounge, care to join me?" She looked in his eyes and saw his sincerity. She thanked him and agreed and followed him into the Lounge. "I'm just gonna run to the restroom real quick" she said and walked over. She went into the stall and could tell how she became slightly wet from the in-flight flirting. She fixed herself then went over to the mirror and applied some mascara and fixed her hair. She pulled up her boots, grabbed her purse and went to leave. As soon as she opened the door, she saw him leaving the men's room at the same time. Their eyes locked and she lost her breath for a moment. She lost all inhibitions and pushed him into the men's room.

The door closed behind them, he locked it and pushed her up against the door. They passionately kissed. She ran her hands through his hair as his hands were all over her body. She lifted up her left leg and used it to hook him in closer. She unbuckled his belt and ran her hands down his pants. She could feel how hard his cock was for her already and it only made her more wet. She pulled it out as his hand ran up her thigh and pushed away her lace thong. He could already feel how wet she was so he forced his cock into her. She let out a slight yell and pulled him in closer. He fucked he harder and harder as she kept asking for it. He lifted up her other leg and she wrapped them both around him, clinging to him as he fucked her senseless. He kissed her neck and she was about to scream when they heard a knock at the door. He covered her mouth and slowly put her down and pushed her into the far stall. He quickly pulled up his pants and opened the door. "Sorry, just wanted some privacy." The gentleman entered and stepped up to the urinal. She waited in the stall...trying to stay quiet. He joined her in the stall and they eye fucked as she turned around and bent over. He finished her off, both hands on her tits and cock deep inside her......

When they were done. They cleaned themselves off. They left the bathroom, went back to the table. She got her bags to leave...she looked at him and said "nice wedding ring" with a wink...and left the lounge...


LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! IM NEW AT THIS!! THANKS!
http://missellemoray.blogspot.com

 

[CWatson]

First off, there are some technical glitches to be overcome. The first and second sentences of the second paragraph are shifted into present tense, and the second needs some commas to break up the clauses. "Hott" is not a word. "Rolly" isn't either, but I think you're excused because there's no other way to spell it, and "rolly bag" gets the point across, which is what really matters in the written word. James Joyce invented gatrillions of words, and no one accuses him of dictionary-slaughter. (Of course, he was a genius. But nonetheless.)

Dialogue needs to have a punctuation mark at the end of it. Always.

"I have a conference out there, how about you?"

is correct.

"I'm just gonna run to the restroom real quick"

is not. You have to have a closing punctuation mark at the end of your dialogue; if you don't have an "end-of-sentence" mark (?, ! or .), then you need a comma. (I suppose technically you could have semi-colons or colons too, but they look weird, and the last thing you want is for The Reader to have to stop reading while s/he goes, "Okay, WTF was that.")

Finally, your story is about 25% too short. What you should put in that 25% is up to you, and depends on what you're writing. Is this meant to be a character- or plot-driven story with just some sex tossed in to spice it up? If so, you need more character development or dialogue. Alternatively, is it meant to just be about sex?--a "stroke story", as we call it around here. If so, you need more sex. One paragraph of sex versus five paragraphs of set-up is the wrong ratio for a stroke story; it should be more like one-to-one. (Jude used to write excellent shorts that were more like 1:2 of setup-vs-sex. Too bad s/he pulled all their stories off SOL.) And, honestly, I don't find the sex particularly hot. I want more concrete details--sight, sound, touch, taste, smell. I want lots more concrete details; they're part of how you make a sex scene burn the page. (And throwing some in will help inflate your paragraphs-spent-on-sex ratio, so two birds with one stone here. )

That's all I got. Hope this helps!

 

[MissElleMoray]

Thanks so much for your feedback on that! It will really be helpful! I'm new at this and I never really studied writing, it just sort of became a hobby of mine between an ex lover and me and I grew a passion for it! I will definitely take all of your remarks into consideration in my future writing!