A Touchy Horror Story in the Greenhouse - Feedback Solicited

[AffectionateGentleman]

Author: AffectionateGentleman
Title: Tendrils
Category: Erotic Horror
Link: https://literotica.com/s/tendrils

 

[yowser]

Precious

Oh, this is a sweet one.

It starts so over-the-top I cannot imagine how you will hold it all together, but you do it all so elegantly and adroitly that I am breathless.

So, feedback. Artful, well controlled prose, far above the normal standards here, and an inventive unusual plot that engages and invites the reader in - achieving the 'now what is going to happen?' tension so appreciated in any story.

I don't have much in the way of critique, it really is a lovely effort.

I am a huge fan of alliteration but you almost outdo it a few times:' perkiness of Kristi's properly bauble-like breasts, petite but perfectly perky' - I know it is for humorous effect, but it comes close to adding that last filigree of cuteness that ruins the intent.

Style and wording seem UK, but then there are American spellings - this sort of inconsistency is likely not noticeable to most readers but will stand out to a few.

Overall, splendid. Please give us more of your musings...

 

[ElectricBlue]

My god, that is brilliant. Such lush pleasure with language - luddites won't understand it, literary Litsers will.

The story barrels along, full of glee and invention, very wicked. Surely the narrator can laugh, because I can hear it!

Only two minor suggestions - shorten your paragraphs, give readers more white space; and I spotted one it's instead of its (curse you, spell checker) .

 

[ChasPHX]

Looking forward to it

Nice! I love me some erotic horror, and you've got two glowing reviews so far. I'm in! Perfect for a Halloween night at home. Will read and review here soon.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Delightfully wicked. You did a great job of establishing the voice of the narrator (plantagonist?) - it gave me vibes of Vincent Price tittering. And you kept the story tight; it's short by Literotica standards but that's fine, it didn't need to be any longer.

A few minor errors e.g.:

till it emerged in front and it's tip curled back

when you know you've got your little snack and its time to play with your food.

yes, down the little itsy-bitsy parts of an inch

And this looked like an editing glitch:

she wore her hair down in a bob today, unlike the cute little bob from the meet

But none of those got in the way of my enjoyment.

 

[ChasPHX]

"Delightfully wicked" is right. But, uh, category?

You definitely have a wonderful way with words. It was like reading a sinuous poem, lots of pleasure for the ear.

I too noted the errors that other posters have identified. And I would say that while they didn't detract from my enjoyment of the lyrical nature, I tend to hold writers who are good with words to higher standards when it comes to basic copyediting than weaker writers.

I think you got the length just right for that sort of wordplay exercise.

But I'm really interested in other reviewers' opinion of the non- consensual nature of the encounter in this story. I'm shocked, frankly, that this got through the review process as EH without even an editor's note or a tag for noncon. Is it because it's a plant? That doesn't make sense to me, because it thinks like a person.

Anyway, writers with a lot more experience on this site than I have will know the rationale better than me. It did jump out at me, and it could throw some readers off in not a good way.

Nothing to do with the writing at all, just the rules of the site and the preferences of readers to get fair warning for that sort of content.

I'm looking forward to your next story.

 

[ElectricBlue]

But I'm really interested in other reviewers' opinion of the non- consensual nature of the encounter in this story. I'm shocked, frankly, that this got through the review process as EH without even an editor's note or a tag for noncon. Is it because it's a plant? That doesn't make sense to me, because it thinks like a person.

Anyway, writers with a lot more experience on this site than I have will know the rationale better than me. It did jump out at me, and it could throw some readers off in not a good way.

That's over-thinking it, I reckon. By definition, Erotic Horror is going to go borderline on a whole bunch of things, and I don't think an author needs to sound out every one. The word "Horror" is the clue.

EH readers, in my experience, are adult enough when it comes to this kind of thing, and quite capable of back-clicking if they're uncomfortable. Other category readers might be more delicate, but I think EH readers are used to much darker stuff than this. This is a bright summer's day, by comparison. I guess it has to be - photosynthesis and all that.

But this wasn't really dark - as I said in my earlier post, some won't get it for what it is, but that's on them, not the writer.

 

[ChasPHX]

That's over-thinking it, I reckon. By definition, Erotic Horror is going to go borderline on a whole bunch of things, and I don't think an author needs to sound out every one. The word "Horror" is the clue.

EH readers, in my experience, are adult enough when it comes to this kind of thing, and quite capable of back-clicking if they're uncomfortable. Other category readers might be more delicate, but I think EH readers are used to much darker stuff than this. This is a bright summer's day, by comparison. I guess it has to be - photosynthesis and all that.

But this wasn't really dark - as I said in my earlier post, some won't get it for what it is, but that's on them, not the writer.

Yeah, maybe. I wondered about that. My latest story is in EH, but it's very heavy on the H. I wrote an author's note to that effect, and I also tagged it with "non-consent". But that still wasn't enough. Site admins added an editor's note on top of my author's note clearly stating it had elements of nonconsent. They also added the tag "nonconsent" so it was there in the hyphenated and non-hyphenated versions, just in case.

As I see it, there are two big differences between my story and this one re: consent. One is tone. My story is dark and grotesque, this story is light and playful. The other difference is in this story, the victim is not really characterized as a person with feelings or thoughts or much humanity at all. It was more like a spider eating a fly. In my story, the victim was the MC. One thing the stories have in common though, they are both pure fantasy. No one could imagine the scenarios in either story happening in real life.

But nonconsent is still nonconsent. The woman in this story was assaulted and (presumably) eaten by the plant against her will. Or at least, we aren't told that she agreed to be assaulted and eaten, or that she liked it in the end.

I think EH is pretty far from the best category for this story. Not that it's ever an easy decision, but for my money, this belongs in Non-human with a warning about noncon.

I'll say again though this has nothing to do with the writing, which is very strong, and want more from this author.

 

[Bramblethorn]

But nonconsent is still nonconsent. The woman in this story was assaulted and (presumably) eaten by the plant against her will. Or at least, we aren't told that she agreed to be assaulted and eaten, or that she liked it in the end.

I think EH is pretty far from the best category for this story. Not that it's ever an easy decision, but for my money, this belongs in Non-human with a warning about noncon.

This is definitely an EH story.

People getting killed in sexual contexts is a staple of EH on this site (see e.g. a bazillion succubus stories) and the site doesn't usually warn for that alone. I'm not sure why your story would have earned a warning for NC themes in EH, but it's possible some of the content there was beyond the norm for the category.

Non-human is more like Erotic Couplings with supernatural creatures involved. Some stories might have horror aspects, but it's not a staple like it is in EH.

 

[ChasPHX]

This is definitely an EH story.

People getting killed in sexual contexts is a staple of EH on this site (see e.g. a bazillion succubus stories) and the site doesn't usually warn for that alone. I'm not sure why your story would have earned a warning for NC themes in EH, but it's possible some of the content there was beyond the norm for the category.

Non-human is more like Erotic Couplings with supernatural creatures involved. Some stories might have horror aspects, but it's not a staple like it is in EH.

OK, yeah, I see what you mean about Non-human. I agree this story wouldn't fit there by that definition.

But this statement does not make any sense to me: "People getting killed in sexual contexts is a staple of EH on this site"

To clarify - it could be true as far as the reality of what's on the site, but it is 100% against what the rules say is allowed. The rules say the opposite; they say violence including murder and cannibalism is allowed, but only if it's not sexualized.

And I say that about cannibalism because it came up in a Halloween entry (not mine). The story got an editor's note warning of scenes of "non-sexualized cannibalism." Later, I found an old post from a moderator that made specific mention of cannibalism. It's allowed if it's not sexualized (but should be warned, which makes total sense), and prohibited if sexualized.

You said this: "I'm not sure why your story would have earned a warning for NC themes in EH, but it's possible some of the content there was beyond the norm for the category."

I think "beyond the norm" sums it up. I tried to fit a square peg in a round hole. There is a non-consensual sexual encounter that would not read as arousing, so in that alone it stretches the purpose of the entire site, not just the category. Fucking Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen is hot. Fucking Klaus Kinski as Nosferatu? Not so much. (That's not what happens in the story, but the comparison is apt.)

I need to read some of the succubus stories to better understand the nuances of combining sex with death in a Literotica-approved fashion.

 

[Bramblethorn]

But this statement does not make any sense to me: "People getting killed in sexual contexts is a staple of EH on this site"

To clarify - it could be true as far as the reality of what's on the site, but it is 100% against what the rules say is allowed.

You are not alone in noting this discrepancy. The rules seem to be interpreted more loosely for EH stories than elsewhere.

For example, here's my Halloween 2014 story. Published in Audio, because that's a trump category, but flagged by me as "Erotic Horror, with all that implies". Before submitting this one I PMed Laurel to check, because I had the very same concerns about site policy, and she said it was fine. So I know it didn't just slip through unnoticed.

And I say that about cannibalism because it came up in a Halloween entry (not mine). The story got an editor's note warning of scenes of "non-sexualized cannibalism." Later, I found an old post from a moderator that made specific mention of cannibalism. It's allowed if it's not sexualized (but should be warned, which makes total sense), and prohibited if sexualized.

And yet, the site has a tag for "vore" with extremely sexualised cannibalism stories like this one.

I have no inside line to management, but I get the impression that a lot of Literotica's moderation is motivated by the question "is there a risk that somebody could act this out and then blame the site for inspiring them?" From what I can see, supernatural/SF content that would be impossible to replicate IRL is treated more leniently than a realistic Armin Meiwes style story would be.

You said this: "I'm not sure why your story would have earned a warning for NC themes in EH, but it's possible some of the content there was beyond the norm for the category."

I think "beyond the norm" sums it up. I tried to fit a square peg in a round hole. There is a non-consensual sexual encounter that would not read as arousing, so in that alone it stretches the purpose of the entire site, not just the category. Fucking Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen is hot. Fucking Klaus Kinski as Nosferatu? Not so much. (That's not what happens in the story, but the comparison is apt.)

I need to read some of the succubus stories to better understand the nuances of combining sex with death in a Literotica-approved fashion.

I looked up your story (very well written, BTW) and I wonder if part of the issue there is that the sex wasn't particularly supernatural. The setup and the consequences obviously are, but the actual NC sex scene is mostly something that a sufficiently twisted person could emulate. But I'm just speculating.

Laurel does seem to be getting a bit more active about adding such warnings to stories than she used to be, so it's possible that standards have shifted in some way since some of these other EH stories were published.

 

[ChasPHX]

And yet, the site has a tag for "vore" with extremely sexualised cannibalism stories like this one.

Well I'll be damned. You know, I went to visit the tag portal a few weeks ago looking specifically for the word "vore" and it's not on there. I just went and looked again. I guess it's not a full list of all tags as I'd first thought. I had assumed when I didn't see it as a tag that it was a hard no on this site. So thanks for the link! Next stop, necrophilia...

It's interesting to compare tags. Hit that vore tag link, and you get a list of stories with very few red H's. But I was searching stories with the tag "succubus" and there were a crapload of H's. FWIW, after skimming through about half a dozen, I could not find even one that I liked, mostly because of weak writing.

I have no inside line to management, but I get the impression that a lot of Literotica's moderation is motivated by the question "is there a risk that somebody could act this out and then blame the site for inspiring them?" From what I can see, supernatural/SF content that would be impossible to replicate IRL is treated more leniently than a realistic Armin Meiwes style story would be.

This seems exactly right. And in the end it's pretty darn good guidance, although it does seem absurd sometimes. Someone on another thread said something along the lines of: You can't fuck a horse on this site. But if you slap a horn on it and call it a unicorn, go nuts.

And so we extrapolate to the OP story: A human cannot tie up a young nubile gymnast and tickle her to death against her will on this site. But a plant bloody well can. Now I get it.

Thanks for the thumbs up on my story.

 

[AffectionateGentleman]

Thanks to everyone for their feedback on this story.

About the category and lack of warnings to the squeamish: I looked at the various categories and it appeared to me that I needed to pick one and only one category (seemed the submission form was set-up that way). If multiple categories can be selected, then I will do that with future stories. It seemed to me that Erotic Horror was the most applicable category if I had to pick just one.

The plight of damsels in horror fiction that I have read or watched tends to be very non-consensual and often leads to death. I did have some hesitancy about the sexual part of the story, but I considered that tickle-torture isn't exactly an installment of the Saw franchise and the petting part seems similar enough to ddlg-ish bdsm stuff I've seen in porn gifs.

Two mainstream horror fiction works that seemed similar to aspects of my story:
- Little Shop of Horrors
- Invasion of the Body Snatchers

The death part of my story (which is implied in my story, not described or even directly stated) is there to conform to the genre. The plant is a monster, so it eats people because that's what monsters in horror fiction tend to do. The actual focus in my story is meant to be on the ridiculous-cuteness of the damsels and the plant's completely uninhibited lechery. The demise of the plant's victims is not something I worked out in my mind at all, but it would probably be more about being "sexed to death" than anything from a slasher film. It's Little Shop of Horrors meets Stick It.

I did want to practice using voice, and it seems that went okay. In future works, I would like to do a better job writing content that is stimulating and sensual to the female reader (though I expect I will tend toward non-consent or at least dubious-consent scenarios).

 

[Bramblethorn]

Thanks to everyone for their feedback on this story.

About the category and lack of warnings to the squeamish: I looked at the various categories and it appeared to me that I needed to pick one and only one category (seemed the submission form was set-up that way).

You are correct. The site only allows for a story to go into one category, though you can use tags to flag other relevant categories. My understanding is that part of the ongoing site overhaul is intended to improve tag-based navigation, at which point it will probably work like a de facto multi-category system, though we're not there yet.

The death part of my story (which is implied in my story, not described or even directly stated) is there to conform to the genre. The plant is a monster, so it eats people because that's what monsters in horror fiction tend to do. The actual focus in my story is meant to be on the ridiculous-cuteness of the damsels and the plant's completely uninhibited lechery. The demise of the plant's victims is not something I worked out in my mind at all, but it would probably be more about being "sexed to death" than anything from a slasher film. It's Little Shop of Horrors meets Stick It.

Yeah, I think leaving that out was the right call for this story. Not that I'm particularly squeamish but it would've been hard to do without interfering with the tone.

 

[ChasPHX]

Thanks to everyone for their feedback on this story.

About the category and lack of warnings to the squeamish: I looked at the various categories and it appeared to me that I needed to pick one and only one category (seemed the submission form was set-up that way). If multiple categories can be selected, then I will do that with future stories. It seemed to me that Erotic Horror was the most applicable category if I had to pick just one.

The plight of damsels in horror fiction that I have read or watched tends to be very non-consensual and often leads to death. I did have some hesitancy about the sexual part of the story, but I considered that tickle-torture isn't exactly an installment of the Saw franchise and the petting part seems similar enough to ddlg-ish bdsm stuff I've seen in porn gifs.

Two mainstream horror fiction works that seemed similar to aspects of my story:
- Little Shop of Horrors
- Invasion of the Body Snatchers

The death part of my story (which is implied in my story, not described or even directly stated) is there to conform to the genre. The plant is a monster, so it eats people because that's what monsters in horror fiction tend to do. The actual focus in my story is meant to be on the ridiculous-cuteness of the damsels and the plant's completely uninhibited lechery. The demise of the plant's victims is not something I worked out in my mind at all, but it would probably be more about being "sexed to death" than anything from a slasher film. It's Little Shop of Horrors meets Stick It.

I did want to practice using voice, and it seems that went okay. In future works, I would like to do a better job writing content that is stimulating and sensual to the female reader (though I expect I will tend toward non-consent or at least dubious-consent scenarios).

A solid case. It all makes good sense.

I think you'll find that well-written stories in the N/R category have high appeal for female readers, so that approach is likely to work out.

Can we look forward to more horror-ish stuff from you?

 

[SimonDoom]

I'm a bit torn on this story. On the one hand, I like the fact that it's allusive about what's going on and about the backstory and the characters, and it leaves a lot "off-screen." It probably works better that way. The reader can use his or her imagination. But on the other hand I'm wondering how a plant knows who Torquemada is. How would it acquire that knowledge? A few semi-explanatory sentences here and there might help so I can better understand who the plant is as a character. I wouldn't change the overall tone and style because I think it works, but I'm left with some questions.

You would have gotten a higher score from your readers if you'd included more explicitly sexual description of the encounter between the plant and the woman. But that would have required at least some explanation of the plant's sexual motivation. As it is, I'm curious about the plant and its motivation.

The use of language is generally good, giving the story a consistently playful but creepy erotic tone. There were some word choices that didn't fit quite as well. "Whole damn time", for instance, didn't ring right to me, given the tone and word choices before it. The plant seems to affect a high-brow sensibility most of the time (again, making me wonder about this plant's education), and that doesn't fit with it.

I'm not entirely sure what to make of the story but I gave it 5 stars because I thought it was a very inventive, creative effort and it obviously was written with care and gusto, and it deserves to be rewarded for that.

 

[ChasPHX]

The use of language is generally good, giving the story a consistently playful but creepy erotic tone. There were some word choices that didn't fit quite as well. "Whole damn time", for instance, didn't ring right to me, given the tone and word choices before it. The plant seems to affect a high-brow sensibility most of the time (again, making me wonder about this plant's education), and that doesn't fit with it.

This is a great example of different strokes for different etc. I loved the sudden appearance of the phrase "whole damn time." It certainly jumps out and I'm sure you mulled it over quite a bit as far as whether to leave or cut. It brought a big smile to my face and was a nice variation that worked for me. Though I can certainly understand the "didn't work for me" perspective.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I'm a bit torn on this story. On the one hand, I like the fact that it's allusive about what's going on and about the backstory and the characters, and it leaves a lot "off-screen." It probably works better that way. The reader can use his or her imagination. But on the other hand I'm wondering how a plant knows who Torquemada is.

It's made pretty clear that Mrs. Strumpfenfitz is looking out for the plant's intellectual growth and supports it in pursuing its interests (including the two-legged ones). Not much of a stretch to suppose that she told it about Torquemada some time, or left that TV on the History Channel.

 

[SimonDoom]

It's made pretty clear that Mrs. Strumpfenfitz is looking out for the plant's intellectual growth and supports it in pursuing its interests (including the two-legged ones). Not much of a stretch to suppose that she told it about Torquemada some time, or left that TV on the History Channel.

I think the phrase "pretty clear" is a stretch, when it comes to this story, but I'll agree that the story, as written, leaves plenty of room to imagine what's happened beyond the bounds of the narrative. I love the idea that Mrs. Strumpfenfitz (cool name) set the plant in front of the TV to watch the History Channel, for reasons one can only wonder about.

This is one of those stories that leaves me puzzled and asking questions, but not necessarily in a bad way.