A Sincere Question about Online Relationships
- Thread starter lavender
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jass1960
Literotica Guru
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Sounds like life
Sounds just like life in the real world - stands to reason that the more time you have to spend with a person the easier it is to form a relationship.
I also think that the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is just crap.
Sounds just like life in the real world - stands to reason that the more time you have to spend with a person the easier it is to form a relationship.
I also think that the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is just crap.
I've never had an online relationship, but I want to know the answers too.
I'll tell you why I haven't had an online relationship though.
Mainly it's timing, every time I meet someone online that I like, I'm involved in a relationship. Also, I never seem to be online at the key moments. So, it's alot like playing phone tag with the emails and such.
I'll tell you why I haven't had an online relationship though.
Mainly it's timing, every time I meet someone online that I like, I'm involved in a relationship. Also, I never seem to be online at the key moments. So, it's alot like playing phone tag with the emails and such.
Jacqline
Compassionate Temptress
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Online Relationships
Wiggles: Do you have access to Yahoo Messenger? You can have a conversation live with the person you are interested ( as well as talking over your microphones and/ or using webcams). You could arrange to meet your special person as I do. Good luck!
Wiggles said:
Wiggles: Do you have access to Yahoo Messenger? You can have a conversation live with the person you are interested ( as well as talking over your microphones and/ or using webcams). You could arrange to meet your special person as I do. Good luck!
JennyOmanHill
trying hard to be mindful
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In my case, Lavender, I don't believe availability issues had a factor in our initial meeting. Once we connected, neither of us had much interest in any other one-on-one situation. (In fact, I was about to quit the chat/cyber experience at the time I "met" Oman in the hot tub.)
However, availability now has an effect on us as our schedules are sometimes different. I rarely go into the chat area at all unless Oman is there or expected there. I'd now rather spend my Lit time reading stories/poems and posting on these boards.
I did not approach Lit at all with the intention of meeting anyone. I enjoyed reading, then ventured into the chat area and enjoyed a few weeks of cybering fun. I took each cyber "experience" lightly, more like reading different stories, occasionally just discussing various topics. I'm not sure to this date what exactly drew me to Oman, but after being offline and out of contact one long weekend, I realized I wanted to be with him exclusively. We now use all forms of communication to keep in touch.
However, availability now has an effect on us as our schedules are sometimes different. I rarely go into the chat area at all unless Oman is there or expected there. I'd now rather spend my Lit time reading stories/poems and posting on these boards.
I did not approach Lit at all with the intention of meeting anyone. I enjoyed reading, then ventured into the chat area and enjoyed a few weeks of cybering fun. I took each cyber "experience" lightly, more like reading different stories, occasionally just discussing various topics. I'm not sure to this date what exactly drew me to Oman, but after being offline and out of contact one long weekend, I realized I wanted to be with him exclusively. We now use all forms of communication to keep in touch.
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estevie
Literotica Guru
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I can only speak from my own experience, but I never ever ever thought I would have an online relationship...the whole idea of it was absolutely insane. Who could do such a thing??? Then...I met Southern, it was an instant connection. Something I have never felt before and especially with some unknown guy from the internet!
I spend way more time online than he does, it has always been that way. So, I don't think it is all about availability. Just as with any relationship, online or real life, you make a connection with people and go from there.
I spend way more time online than he does, it has always been that way. So, I don't think it is all about availability. Just as with any relationship, online or real life, you make a connection with people and go from there.
Tungwagger
Fed up and intolerant
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In my case, it's more of the possibility of escaping reality and indulging in a fantasy of sorts....I never play with anyone's head.
Very rarely do I meet anyone online that I seem to make an instant connection with, but when I do, it's very enjoyable if for nothing else than to make a new friend...
Tungwagger
Very rarely do I meet anyone online that I seem to make an instant connection with, but when I do, it's very enjoyable if for nothing else than to make a new friend...
Tungwagger
lavender said:
I someone is really interested in another person, they will FIND the time to communicate. It may not be in chat at all times, but other ways to show they are thinking of them. Emails, pms, etc.
I think availability does determine if a fledgling relationship makes it or not. But again, if you really like that person, you will make an effort to be with them however you can. Someone had pm'd me and it took two weeks for us to find a time to chat. We could have easily just let it pass, but there was genuine interest on both sides.
Some people you just click with and you want to stay connected.
Then there are times when no matter what you do, the damn relationship stll falls apart. But that is the way it is in real life, right???
Cassidy
tn_8tiv
Just Me
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Yes, time online has something to do with it. So does how the other fits your needs...(i.e. does he/she possess the qualities you are looking for).
There is just something in the way a person posts that draws me to them. Then, if I PM them and we get a little better acquainted, who knows.
There is just something in the way a person posts that draws me to them. Then, if I PM them and we get a little better acquainted, who knows.
Dillinger
Guerrilla Ontologist
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While you can't completely rule out time and availability it is only part of the equation.
How much leeway a person gives another person - how much leeway there is in a relationship - is really a reflection of how strong a connection truly exists. The stronger the connection - friendship, emotions, desire, delight - the less the lack of time and availability comes into play.
This is true of friendships as well.
How much leeway a person gives another person - how much leeway there is in a relationship - is really a reflection of how strong a connection truly exists. The stronger the connection - friendship, emotions, desire, delight - the less the lack of time and availability comes into play.
This is true of friendships as well.
Vivacia
Honorary Kiwi
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Well speaking from experience. I never thought I would have an "Online relationship" as an Ex of mine claimed he had fallen in love online and broke our engagment for this person he had never met! I didn't understand how you could fall in love with someone who you didn't even know for sure was the sex/age they said they were!
But some years later I found myself doing the same thing - I was married at the time but met this wonderful guy on ICQ, my husband knew and encouraged it. I spent ALOT of time online with him and yes, I think that made all the difference.
In the end I realised that I was in love with this man, and so I left my marraige to move in with him. But I do honestly believe that if we hadn't been able to spend so many online hrs together that we would have remained just friends, or lovers at most...
But some years later I found myself doing the same thing - I was married at the time but met this wonderful guy on ICQ, my husband knew and encouraged it. I spent ALOT of time online with him and yes, I think that made all the difference.
In the end I realised that I was in love with this man, and so I left my marraige to move in with him. But I do honestly believe that if we hadn't been able to spend so many online hrs together that we would have remained just friends, or lovers at most...
Cherry
~spankable~
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From my perspective...
Certainly, availability plays a part in the likelihood of hitting it off (or not) ... just as it would in any face to face relationship ... simply because the more time you spend learning about each other, enhances the chance for affection. What's that old saying ... "to know you, is to love you" ... hmmm?
After saying that, is availability the main reason to click with another person? Definitely not. More than likely, people we tend to spend a lot of time gabbing with are relegated to the buddy status ... as here in Lit, for example. You get to form an image of a person in your mind from their posts ... some you may be attracted to, more than others ... it's a starting point which can be extended by further one-on-one communications (same as chatting in a general lounge).
I think the immediate attraction to a person is felt in group settings ... and then nurtured through private communications. The mutual desire to spend more time with each other privately still doesn't have to result in a relationship forming ... but rather, is a testing period, per se.
If that attraction (spark) is strong enough, it will perservere even through drought. Certainly, the bond will develop faster given the effort to be available by both parties ... but, when extenuating reasons interfere, that doesn't necessarily dampen the desire. Another old adage "abscence makes the heart grow fonder" really rings true when you both feel the spark. If the feeling is weaker on one side, then the connection goes adrift when availability is an issue.
I guess what I'm trying to say is... when you feel a strong attraction to somebody, and it becomes the governing force dictating the jump in your pulse, it's more likely to develop into a relationship, not to be affected by even more available people.
Personally speaking, it was that way for me and my big guy ... the first time he stepped into the room, his brilliance just knocked me off my feet! ... from that point on, every other admirer just became a blur, in my mind. We had a hard time connecting at the start (work related issues) ... but whenever we could, the bond grew stronger ... and when we couldn't, he still owned my heart. I was delighted, when after just a couple of weeks, it was HE who asked to be an exclusive couple ... I felt the same way about him, but didn't want to scare him off by making any demands. Now, after a year and a half of sharing our most inner thoughts and lives together, we will marry *smiles* (face to face, lips to lips)
Of course, there are different levels of expectations and culmination of cyber relationships. Fuck Buddies can be fun experiences, too ... kind of like going through the motions without emotions though.
So ... for all of the readers who doubt that online relationships can/do culminate into reality, there are happy endings. It really isn't all that hard to believe when you have experienced it.
Just the nature of communicating online forces us to express ourselves in ways that we probably wouldn't meeting face to face. Little things get more notice ... emotions expressed with deliberation ... even a hesitation denotes concern to an in-tune couple.
There are REAL people behind the words. I guess, it's becomes what you make it to be.
Certainly, availability plays a part in the likelihood of hitting it off (or not) ... just as it would in any face to face relationship ... simply because the more time you spend learning about each other, enhances the chance for affection. What's that old saying ... "to know you, is to love you" ... hmmm?
After saying that, is availability the main reason to click with another person? Definitely not. More than likely, people we tend to spend a lot of time gabbing with are relegated to the buddy status ... as here in Lit, for example. You get to form an image of a person in your mind from their posts ... some you may be attracted to, more than others ... it's a starting point which can be extended by further one-on-one communications (same as chatting in a general lounge).
I think the immediate attraction to a person is felt in group settings ... and then nurtured through private communications. The mutual desire to spend more time with each other privately still doesn't have to result in a relationship forming ... but rather, is a testing period, per se.
If that attraction (spark) is strong enough, it will perservere even through drought. Certainly, the bond will develop faster given the effort to be available by both parties ... but, when extenuating reasons interfere, that doesn't necessarily dampen the desire. Another old adage "abscence makes the heart grow fonder" really rings true when you both feel the spark. If the feeling is weaker on one side, then the connection goes adrift when availability is an issue.
I guess what I'm trying to say is... when you feel a strong attraction to somebody, and it becomes the governing force dictating the jump in your pulse, it's more likely to develop into a relationship, not to be affected by even more available people.
Personally speaking, it was that way for me and my big guy ... the first time he stepped into the room, his brilliance just knocked me off my feet! ... from that point on, every other admirer just became a blur, in my mind. We had a hard time connecting at the start (work related issues) ... but whenever we could, the bond grew stronger ... and when we couldn't, he still owned my heart. I was delighted, when after just a couple of weeks, it was HE who asked to be an exclusive couple ... I felt the same way about him, but didn't want to scare him off by making any demands. Now, after a year and a half of sharing our most inner thoughts and lives together, we will marry *smiles* (face to face, lips to lips)
Of course, there are different levels of expectations and culmination of cyber relationships. Fuck Buddies can be fun experiences, too ... kind of like going through the motions without emotions though.
So ... for all of the readers who doubt that online relationships can/do culminate into reality, there are happy endings. It really isn't all that hard to believe when you have experienced it.
Just the nature of communicating online forces us to express ourselves in ways that we probably wouldn't meeting face to face. Little things get more notice ... emotions expressed with deliberation ... even a hesitation denotes concern to an in-tune couple.
There are REAL people behind the words. I guess, it's becomes what you make it to be.
Calamity Jane
Reverend Blue Jeans
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Time online has been a relatively small factor in any online relationship that I've had. I used to chat with LOTS of people, and I'd talk to them all day long while I was at work. It was fun, we had a lot of interesting conversations, but if the *click* wasn't there, no amount of time was going to create it.
I talk to very few people now. I can go days, weeks, months without talking to most of them, and I'm secure that the friendship will still be there. One person that I'm extremely close to only has about 2 days a week that he can talk. Sometimes we miss each other on those two days. So we make use of the time we can find, and that's enough for now. We've been talking for almost a year and whatever it is that *clicked* is still there.
Just like in my offline life, I understand that people are busy, that schedules don't always mesh, and things come up that can keep someone unable to communicate for periods of time. But if it's what you want, then that doesn't/shouldn't change.
I talk to very few people now. I can go days, weeks, months without talking to most of them, and I'm secure that the friendship will still be there. One person that I'm extremely close to only has about 2 days a week that he can talk. Sometimes we miss each other on those two days. So we make use of the time we can find, and that's enough for now. We've been talking for almost a year and whatever it is that *clicked* is still there.
Just like in my offline life, I understand that people are busy, that schedules don't always mesh, and things come up that can keep someone unable to communicate for periods of time. But if it's what you want, then that doesn't/shouldn't change.
GuyJD
"Simply.....the best"
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Well, the entire issue is confusing to me. I've heard many fellow Literoticans discuss their online relationships here but yet, they never met the so-called lover or boyfriend/girlfriend in person. But what's funny is that today (in this forum alone), Female A is calling Male A the "love of her life". But tomorrow, you'll see Male A flirting and conversing with Female B or vice versa. And now the cycle has changed.
How can you consider someone to be a lover if the love that they project to you is only on a computer screen?
In my years online, I have met numerous friends. Ironically, a few of whom were cybersex partners in the past. None of them have ever considered us as being in a cyber-relationship nor have I. Currently, I have a friend whom I had cyber & phone sex with but, to this day, we consider each other as "just friends". She always discuss her man problems with me and we vow to finally meet in person this year, despite the fact that she lives over 300 miles (5-6 hours) away from me. But we never called each other lovers.
Please, I sure as hell don't need any of that kind of drama in my life.
How can you consider someone to be a lover if the love that they project to you is only on a computer screen?
In my years online, I have met numerous friends. Ironically, a few of whom were cybersex partners in the past. None of them have ever considered us as being in a cyber-relationship nor have I. Currently, I have a friend whom I had cyber & phone sex with but, to this day, we consider each other as "just friends". She always discuss her man problems with me and we vow to finally meet in person this year, despite the fact that she lives over 300 miles (5-6 hours) away from me. But we never called each other lovers.
Please, I sure as hell don't need any of that kind of drama in my life.
Calamity Jane
Reverend Blue Jeans
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GuyJD said:
Isn't a friendship also a relationship? It's interesting to note that everyone has assumed that this was in reference to romatic involvements.
I have never claimed to have been in love with anyone from the net. There are people that I have interacted with and known that if we were given real life time together that there could definitely be something there. But I believe that face time is required to develop anything as intangible and elusive as love.
I understand online flirting... cybersex...phone sex, etc. I don't understand the toying with emotions that I perceive some people on this board and in other forums indulging in.
MissTaken
Biker Chick
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For me, the issue of time and availability is not of greatest concern.
I would submit that I have had no exclusively "online relationships", friendship or otherwise. My dearest friends on line are people whom I have spoken to on the phone or met in person in a fairly brief amount of time. (Some, only once or twice.) The attachment blossomed or grew during the more personal interaction. I don't build relationships based upon text through the glass wall.
The computer is a tool by which to locate like minded persons who may interest me. After that, the real world needs to step in.
Does that mean that I don't truly care for the health and well being of my lit "friends?" No. I certainly do care, very much. However for friendship to become long lasting and long term, there needs to be something happening outside of the copper wires. At least, this has been the case for me.
I would submit that I have had no exclusively "online relationships", friendship or otherwise. My dearest friends on line are people whom I have spoken to on the phone or met in person in a fairly brief amount of time. (Some, only once or twice.) The attachment blossomed or grew during the more personal interaction. I don't build relationships based upon text through the glass wall.
The computer is a tool by which to locate like minded persons who may interest me. After that, the real world needs to step in.
Does that mean that I don't truly care for the health and well being of my lit "friends?" No. I certainly do care, very much. However for friendship to become long lasting and long term, there needs to be something happening outside of the copper wires. At least, this has been the case for me.
SilverVeil
Cockbiting Fucktard
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I have had 2 online relationship experiences. One good, the other a nightmare. Both men I had chatted with over a period of time. I met them both on the same day. My 1st day online. The nightmare one lied about almost everything. Where he lived, what he did for a living, how old he was, and to add insult .... even his race. I would not have cared what his race was, HE decided to lie about it before the subject ever came up. He was black and told me he was Japanese. I am not blind. I can tell the difference. That was what made it a big deal to me. That he lied about it.
He came to TX to meet me, I had offered to pay for 1/2 of a round trip ticket for him, and he said he had it covered. He said he was an anime artist and had lots of money. What actually happened was he come down, I found out what a liar he was, how old he really was and wanted nothing to do with him at all. He was stuck there with no place to go and no way to get home. I felt responsible for him being there in the first place and let him sleep on my couch till his dad came and got him. He was such an ass even my room mates began to hate him.
I swore NEVER again. The second ..... we started off as friends. We talked and shared things about ourselves. I had no idea if he was telling the truth or lying. I saw pics he said were of him, and I talked to people who he had met in r/t at a " chat room reunion " the East Coast people threw together. So eventually we started sharing deeper things about ourselves. Due to his psycho family, he had to leave the place he was staying. He had been a truck driver and had no real home, he left his things with his mom and used them when he was off the road.
I invited him to visit TX. On the condition that he come down with a round trip ticket. Since we were not romantically involved online he insisted on paying for the entire amount. I talked it over with my room mates and we all agreed that he could stay with us for the week. Well when the week was over, I did not want him to go. < neither did mt room mates, they tried to talk him into staying too > I knew I loved him. He had to go back home, but called me every day or I called him, we talked online, and then he surprised me by saying he was coming back.
He came back 3 times, and the final time was to pick me, my 2 cats and my son up and take us all with him back to RI.
The difference between man 1 ( nightmare liar ) and man 2 ( dream come true) is that we were HONEST about ourselves from the beginning.
Man 2 .... I will call him WingNut.... has 95 % the same interests as I do. We are both over 30, we have both made mistakes in past relationships, we both have a child, we are both fat, and we both love the other madly and with very hot passion !!!
We have been together 3 years now and are getting married. But if not for the internet, we might have never met each other.
He came to TX to meet me, I had offered to pay for 1/2 of a round trip ticket for him, and he said he had it covered. He said he was an anime artist and had lots of money. What actually happened was he come down, I found out what a liar he was, how old he really was and wanted nothing to do with him at all. He was stuck there with no place to go and no way to get home. I felt responsible for him being there in the first place and let him sleep on my couch till his dad came and got him. He was such an ass even my room mates began to hate him.
I swore NEVER again. The second ..... we started off as friends. We talked and shared things about ourselves. I had no idea if he was telling the truth or lying. I saw pics he said were of him, and I talked to people who he had met in r/t at a " chat room reunion " the East Coast people threw together. So eventually we started sharing deeper things about ourselves. Due to his psycho family, he had to leave the place he was staying. He had been a truck driver and had no real home, he left his things with his mom and used them when he was off the road.
I invited him to visit TX. On the condition that he come down with a round trip ticket. Since we were not romantically involved online he insisted on paying for the entire amount. I talked it over with my room mates and we all agreed that he could stay with us for the week. Well when the week was over, I did not want him to go. < neither did mt room mates, they tried to talk him into staying too > I knew I loved him. He had to go back home, but called me every day or I called him, we talked online, and then he surprised me by saying he was coming back.
He came back 3 times, and the final time was to pick me, my 2 cats and my son up and take us all with him back to RI.
The difference between man 1 ( nightmare liar ) and man 2 ( dream come true) is that we were HONEST about ourselves from the beginning.
Man 2 .... I will call him WingNut.... has 95 % the same interests as I do. We are both over 30, we have both made mistakes in past relationships, we both have a child, we are both fat, and we both love the other madly and with very hot passion !!!
We have been together 3 years now and are getting married. But if not for the internet, we might have never met each other.
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Aphrodisiac
doing laundry
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Time is some what of a factor but I don't think it makes such a big difference. Well @ least in my eyes ... I think if the person likes you enough they will look for you and make the effort to get to know you and so forth if they truly like you.
One does not have to be available to the other one 24/7.
One does not have to be available to the other one 24/7.
on_the_verge
agent pro·vo·ca·teur
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Wonderful Silver
Silver,
I am glad that your chances and his were very favorable and has promise to carry you all into the future. There are so many hits and misses online as well as off, but there is a lack of tonality and the physical to actually gauge compatibility, let alone attraction. Words and thoughts can carry so many meanings like the tones of one word in a language can indicate many. Online, there is a nebulousness, veils, masks of all sorts that can stumble into the darkest regions never desired. I agree that it can work for some, but being online and looking for "love" can yield so little when you cannot feel the person and I don't mean in the carnal or salacious sense. There are also too many expectations, the honesty factor and that their are a good amount of creeps online, not to mention the ones offline. Being online is also a nice way to meet others, it's safe and you can take your time with it. It's also much easier to weed the other out or even break contact.
Sometimes life can cross many planes and continents, but it is the relationship and the people involved who can control the factors and directions. I have had a few long distance relationships that were hot and so tender in the beginning, but after meeting or a period of months (for the ones that had promise) it just fizzled out for me. I imagine I cannot take the distance and the yearning to be close to someone. I guess I am too spent to write more or even dive into it further. It's been a long road and a learning experience, but I would rather keep it close to home, which means that I would rather develop it the "traditional" way, even if we met online locally. Although, meeting someone online that lives in your city is any better, but at least you can drive over or spend enough time developing the reality of it all and then going from there.
I am elated to hear and see when people who meet online have a great experience or it carries forth in a healthy and positive manner. I adore all the ones I have met, that actually shared a value, not a crooked connection over parodies.
Silver,
I am glad that your chances and his were very favorable and has promise to carry you all into the future. There are so many hits and misses online as well as off, but there is a lack of tonality and the physical to actually gauge compatibility, let alone attraction. Words and thoughts can carry so many meanings like the tones of one word in a language can indicate many. Online, there is a nebulousness, veils, masks of all sorts that can stumble into the darkest regions never desired. I agree that it can work for some, but being online and looking for "love" can yield so little when you cannot feel the person and I don't mean in the carnal or salacious sense. There are also too many expectations, the honesty factor and that their are a good amount of creeps online, not to mention the ones offline. Being online is also a nice way to meet others, it's safe and you can take your time with it. It's also much easier to weed the other out or even break contact.
Sometimes life can cross many planes and continents, but it is the relationship and the people involved who can control the factors and directions. I have had a few long distance relationships that were hot and so tender in the beginning, but after meeting or a period of months (for the ones that had promise) it just fizzled out for me. I imagine I cannot take the distance and the yearning to be close to someone. I guess I am too spent to write more or even dive into it further. It's been a long road and a learning experience, but I would rather keep it close to home, which means that I would rather develop it the "traditional" way, even if we met online locally. Although, meeting someone online that lives in your city is any better, but at least you can drive over or spend enough time developing the reality of it all and then going from there.
I am elated to hear and see when people who meet online have a great experience or it carries forth in a healthy and positive manner. I adore all the ones I have met, that actually shared a value, not a crooked connection over parodies.
Xander
Rekindled
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- Dec 20, 1999
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- 17,089
As many know here. Yes I ahve had quite a few online relationships.
Availability is important...to a point, just knowing that the other is there for you and is/appear to be honest with you, helps a lot too.
Then there is the whole, taking a step further thing, which to me, is talking on phone and the such.
However, IMHO an online relationship can only remain online for so long. I ahve always made an effort out of seeing these people IRL, and I have said it many many times.
you wont truely know if the spark is there, before you look each other in the eyes in person
Availability is important...to a point, just knowing that the other is there for you and is/appear to be honest with you, helps a lot too.
Then there is the whole, taking a step further thing, which to me, is talking on phone and the such.
However, IMHO an online relationship can only remain online for so long. I ahve always made an effort out of seeing these people IRL, and I have said it many many times.
you wont truely know if the spark is there, before you look each other in the eyes in person
