a short story

[mistyrain]

hello everyone this is my first story so tell me what you think.
enjoy
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I met candy about a year ago when i started my new job. she was black and skinny and had a body
to die for. I wish i looked as good as her. Well slowly we became freinds and we went out one
night we went to the club and candy had a little to much to drink and we were on the dance floor and candy started dancing with me and she asked if i was ready to go and i said yes the whole time my hand on her ass.
we walked to the parking garage my car was in and candy leaned on the car her long legs just wide open and I couldnt take it anymore I walked up to her and got on my knees and pulled her pantys down and just started eating her delecious pussy and I could here was candy moaning and growing. I slowly start rubbing her asshole with my other finger and she is tight as hell.I poke my finger in and out of her ass and sticking my tounge as far as I could up her tight pussy. and all the sudden she screamed and pussy juice started running down my face.
and she almost passed out. I asked if she wanted to go home and she said yes and she asked if we were going out next weekend and i said yes. I cant wait untill then.

 

[peachykeen]

Are you seriously asking for criticism, or is this in jest? Because I am trying to decide if I should be kind of nice and point out the many, many errors here delicately, or just rip you.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Ummm....PK, if you can't say anything nice...(I can't say anything nice either!)

 

[Guest]

It reads like a lesbian encounter.

mystyrain, if you are a dude, seek help from a shrink.

 

[peachykeen]

Hey, I thought I was being nice...

I totally realize this could just be some youngish person who...is...um...trying to write stuff, and that's a good thing, and I don't want to discourage that entirely. But I'm not gonna say "Hey, this is just super!" when it really isn't.

Or, this place being what it is and all, it could just be some joker tryin' to yank some chains, you know?

 

[Guest]

"I" before "E" except after "C".


That's one out of the way.

 

[p_p_man]

hello everyone this is my first story so tell me what you think.
enjoy

Don't give up the day job!



ppman