A serious thread about Daughters & their Dads...

[Lil-Brandi]

I know, a serious thread from Brandi, can it be??? Yes it is! As most of you are my peers, I highly respect your opinions, viewpoints and advice. Sparky started a thread the other day that profiled me and he hit the mark square, which made me think recently, a lot! this thread is a lil' bit long and is very personal about me...so if you don't want to continue reading, thats fine!

As you know I am just 18, still in many ways a kid! I have parents that by anybody's standards were very dumb when they were younger and I am a product of their ignorance! Don't get me wrong I love them both dearly, and yes, they are very very happily married. I was born to parents that were still in high school, in fact, when I was a toddler, they would have both been way too young to be in this site! My father was 16 and my mother, 15.

It has been an interesting life thus far with parents as young as mine. Growing up as an only child with the two of them, is like having a brother and sister, rather than parents. As some of my stories have told, both came from money, both are very good looking, (still don't look their ages, but much younger), and both are very much in love!

This is where my question lies, and my concerns begin...(thank you Sparky)...

My father is now a very successful executive with a huge corporation, he is one of the best looking men I have ever seen, has an incredible personality, sense of humor, and a huge heart. I am not just saying this because he is my father, but I am saying this as a girl that looks at a man.

I have been wrapped around his finger for the last 18 years. I have been his entire world (of course with my Mom) my whole life, he has loved me like no one else ever could, he has spoiled me and taught me rights and wrongs. He was the one to teach me to ride a bike, then a car. He also has been my entire world. I love him like I have never loved a man and never will...NOT in a weird way, but a very moral one of course!

So, as Sparky guessed, I look at guys with a very centered vision. I look, subconsciously at them with the hopes they will be like the perfect man. The man that has been my sole inspiration and guider of life. With those thoughts in mind, how do you possibly get a guy that will be the one! And when does this happen?

I have had my heart broken once already, and have been single (yes single) ever since. Sure I date, but I have never taken that step to committment again. Is this why? Am I looking for that guy, that I know I might not ever find?

How do you ever get over the fact that YOUR guy, can't be like your dear Dad? And how does a young gal ever settle for less?

 

[Ambrosious]

Brandi

Originally I posted this for Blue and Madison but it applies to you to, young lady.


"Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter"



Some thoughtful information for those who are daughters, were daughters, have daughters, intend to have daughters, or intend to date a daughter.

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I'd love to do heinous things to my father requiring several weeks, assorted blunt and dulled objects, rope would be nice, a handheld torch, a fire extinguisher, and perhaps a blood transfusion to carry on the joy. My only difficulty with the situation is the legality of such activities.

I wish I had a father like yours.

 

[Angel]

Me too KM.

Mine yelled alot. That was about the extent of our relationship.

 

[CreamyLady]

My late father was a very complex person, with many good qualities and some equally heinous qualities.

On reflection, I'd really rather not use him as a yardstick against which to measure other men. They have to stand on their own merits.

You must have a great dad. You are very lucky.

 

[Countess DeWinter]

My heart goes out to all those who weren't as lucky as Brandi and myself. My dad was 19 when I was born and I've had him around my little finger for almost 33 years But I don't abuse it anymore like I did when I was an unruly teen!
I had my heart broken a few times, but I knew that the right one was out there...and I finally found him. He's just like my dad, except I can have sex with him!!

And Ambro, hubby and I keep those rules handy for when our daughters (almost 11 and almost 13 as they keep reminding us) start dating! They think we're kidding....

 

[Shylady]

Brandi,

I too have a great father, and love him very much. But I knew when I found my sweetie that he was it.. I didn't look for someone like my dad but for someone that could reach my heart.
I have now been married to that person almost 21 years and you know, it turns out he is alot like my dad.. I just didn't know it when I married him.

 

[Juliangel]

Me too KM.

Mine yelled alot. That was about the extent of our relationship.

I would like to have had any kind of relationship with my father growing up, he left my mom, after 13 years of marriage, when I was 3. So I pretty much met him when I was 21, by then I was married and had my first son.

 

[DriveSouth]

First off, I married someone's daughter and I am thankful for the fact that she learned from her dad and mom that this "love" we now share was possible. Ms. South says frequently that in ways I remind her of her daddy, flattery to me.

Second off, I have a pretty good set of my very own daughters now and I am wrapped around each of them's little finger. They are told regularly of my love for them and told on a regular basis by Ms. South how they should be treated by a male type person. And on a related topic, I try to show them how a man can be romantic and sensitve and caring.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Wow! First off.....

You've depressed the shit out of me girl.....

I'm way older than yer dad!!!!!

(But bet I could kick his ass though - not that I have any mind to - just makin' the statement that I bet I could. These rash statements help me maintain my youthful mental thought process.)

Next thought?

I wish your folks swung! Me, the Shebabe and yer folks - doin' the nasty - rent a house down Nags Head (with a hot tub) and.... well you know.... stink the place up for a few days and nights. Hot and heavy heevin'.

Oh well a man can dream can't he?

Next on our little agenda here?

You're way young girl - I know it sounds old farty and dad like but - you shouldn't even be thinking bout "life partner Mr. Right" shit yet. Besides - look down - look in the mirror - you're uber hot girl! They allready line up for ya.

Just take your time. Take it slow. You shouldn't be thinkin' that way for another 10 years. Have some fun with some Mr. Wrongs for a while. Try lesbianism! (Just a joke!)

Just because your dad is the biggest, best tasting desert you've ever had - doesn't mean you can't go out and eat and enjoy some steak now and then.

Variety woman - variety!!!! You see - you are so damn lucky - the Lord handed you the keys to the variety box - many people, many women - they don't get handed those keys - you hit the genetic jack-pot!!!! It's damn near your duty to use those keys.

Now go on out and have some fun.

 

[Never]

 

[FlamingoBlue]

You pose a very interesting question=>

What are the qualities that you admire about your father? I'm not speaking of the exterior, but rather those qualities that you would look to for a role model. Does he have integrity? Is he faithful to your mother? Is he loving and understanding? Does he share his time with you?

If he has these qualities, then these are the positive things about him that will influence your choice of a future mate. However, at age 18, I believe that it is way too early to be looking for husband.

I always encouraged my daughter to dine on the buffet table of life, as it relates to men. To "taste" different guys, from different lifestyes and cultures. And she did.

Ultimately she bonded with a young man who is as unlike me as I could ever imagine, but who has those qualities that I hold dear to me. He is kind and loving. He is considerate of family. He has a good work ethic and good moral values. And most of all, he loves my daughter and respects her. If Madison can do it, so can you.

Talk to your Dad about your concerns. If he is all that you say he is, he will be your best guide.

blue

 

[Angel]

Blue

you are such a sweet man.

 

[Ambrosious]

Yeah, Blue

You are so sweet. I mean it. Damn, now I'm crying.

 

[Expertise]

I pray, upon all thats holy that if I have daughters, I have sons first.

If the great Karmic/Irony wheel turns as it is wont to do, I will have MANY worysome evenings. I will pay and pay and pay for the slime I was in highschool....... unless I have sons first.

Sons who will be fed huge amounts of red meat, growth hormone and steroids. Sons who will be heavily schooled in the martial arts. Sons who will realize that their hefty allowances are dependant on them protecting their sister from the type of guy I was at that age.

 

[Juliangel]

Sons who will realize that their hefty allowances are dependant on them protecting their sister from the type of guy I was at that age.

That is what my honey is training our boys to do, he was that type of guy too. Right now they worship their little sister and protect her from everything.

 

[Ambrosious]

Expertise

You are so sweet. I mean it. Damn, now I'm crying. Again.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Meat for men!

Well it's meat for men!
And men for meat!
C'mon boys we'll let'em rip and tear
Kill the beast and suck out the blood
And let's eat raw meat like we care

Let's sink our teeth into flesh red beef
Let's masticate a little veal
Sing it boys "bring on the hog!"
And skewer that fattened dog

Meat - meat - meat - meat
Meat - meat - meat - meat

Sharpen your fangs and we'll form gangs
Of roving men on the prowl for meat
And when we find the flesh we won't make a mess
Only bone and gristle are left

Only bone and gristle are left

Meat - meat - meat - meat
Meat - meat - meat - meat

This is the beginnings of a new Broadway musical I'm working on.

 

[teresafannin]

Hi Brandi, it is hard sometimes to find a man who measures up, but they are out there. I was close to my dad until my parents divorced when I was 13. It was difficult for me & I think some of the men I dated were a reaction to feeling like I lost my dad. I made a lot of mistakes with men in my life. My first husband was very young, as I was & my second husband was looking for a mother, which I was The man I am with now has the best qualities of my dad, but is very much his own person. Both my dad & my fiancee want so badly to be able to fix things for me, unfortunately, what happened to me can never be fixed. Talk to your dad, dads can be a wonderful source of advice. My dad & I are very close now & he has been a great source of strength & advice during the trauma of losing my son. Don't ever lower your standards, but don't limit yourself, either. I am lucky in that I have 2 of the best, my dad & my fiancee. You are still so young, the same age as my son would be. As you get older & experience more of life, you will be surprised at how many good men are out there. Give yourself time, there is a whole world of opportunity waitng for you.

 

[SweetCherry]

I have a great relationship with my dad, and even though I am 27, I am STILL daddy's girl. And I eventually DID find someone who made me feel as safe and loved as my dad. I found a wonderful man who has shown me more caring and tenderness and support than anyone else has since I was about 16. When I mess up, he's always there to point out that I am better than what I'm doijng and he gives me the proverbial smack on the ass when I get REAL bad. He is my whole world outside my kids and I love him dearly for it all.

 

[Lil-Brandi]

Wow...(tears in my eyes)...

To all of you that answered this thread, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You all truly said such wonderful things. I wanted advice and suggestions and received way more than that.

I read each and every word that you all wrote, I laughed and I cried. I would love to reply to each of you individually, but realize there is just no way. There is so much I'd like to tell each of you, as there are so many different emotions shown in this thread.

I feel blessed, very blessed, after reading some of the posts, that I have a father like mine and a relationship like ours, but I already knew that. He is everything to me!

To those, I also apoligize if I brought up a sore subject. Through some of the posts I felt a pain I have never felt before. It took hold of my heart and squeezed the tears right out of it!

By all means I'm not ready to get married, sure I long for the day, but I know it is in my future. I do date and have a great time, but often wonder if I have scared off my Mr. Right, through my own expectations. I certainly hope that is not the case.

Again thank you to all the incredible responses. I never expected to come back this evening and read such heart warming and touching stories.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

You don't need Mr. Right at this age=>

What you want is Mr. Right Now. Check out the menu before you sit down to dinner.

blue

 

[Endlessly]

Brandi, I'm only a year older than you, so I know what you mean. Unlike Blue's advice, and unlike YOU really, I'm out there looking for seriousness. I was raised to be a good girl, and dammit, if I can keep the bisexual nympho porn-writing side of me tied up, I'm going to be a good girl. Besides, it LIKES being tied up.

*cough*

Anyway..

God help me if I end up with a man like my father. No other man has caused me more anger, hurt, frustration and disappointment than the man who spawned me. I look at him and I see a short temper, hypocrisy, the cause of my weight problem, selfishness, jealousy, pettishness, and a horrible gift-giver.

Everything but the first and the last belong to me as well. My patience is infinite, and I kick ass when it comes to securing the right presents for people I love.

What I do find myself looking for, unconsciously, is a man like my big brother. Now that I'm older he pisses me off to no end occasionally, but I was raised worshipping him. The things we have in common compliment each other for the most part.

Handsome.. Mindbogglingly brilliant.. talented.. artistic.. unafraid to sing in the shower.. a little arrogant.. Hungers only for knowledge and the best the world has to offer.

Sometimes when I'm talking on the phone with my NMBSO, I get weirded out because he sounds so much like my brother sometimes. Both of them, they just have-- the way.

Other things in my bro's personality keep me from talking to him that much, just because he's domineering and has no faith in his little sister.. but my NMBSO is nurturing and consciously does his best to let me fly.

I think we all take the best stuff from the best rolemodels we have of the opposite sex and look for it in others. My dream guy is someone I can have an in-depth conversation about philosophy with and then go crazy with in Toys R Us 10 minutes later. I've got it, and I learned to want it from my brother.