A Sense of Wonder

[intel kid]

A sense of wonder

And evereyone locks their doors around here
and I don't know why.
Are they scared that their books will try and leave
or that new ones will try and get in?
Or are they scared of drunken fools
stumbling in and assulting them in their sleep?
No, it's not that. These boys are scared of something else
pure social interaction coupled with a simple hello.

~~~~~
First poem shared. Critique it to death if you see fit.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Not here they're not so hello! One or two spelling mistakes (everyone/assault} Not quite sure how the title fits the poem but I'm dreadful at titles myself. The two 'ands' at the beginning of the first two lines need to be sorted out I think, possibly losing the first one. The two 'ands' lines 3 and 4 may read better as 'to' . Then you have two 'ors' following straight on from each other on lines 4 and 5. At the beginning you say you don't know why but then you say you do know.
Altogether though it's a very good idea just needs tightening up a bit

 

[poetedge5455]

Hi. My edit is below. I also think you should find a substitute for scared. They/cared/their
Too many 'a' sounds there. Frightened? Extra syllablle but you aren't writing in meter anyway. I would leave scared in the 'drunken fools line and especially don't use 'frightened' there because of the echoing plosive. I don't like 'boys'. It puts too snide a tone to this. And it also excludes any females where your first word in the poem is everyone.

I have to admit that the poem loses me entirely, but that's neither here nor there. I edited for mechanics, not ideas.


A sense of wonder

Evereyone locks their doors around here
I don't know why.
Are they scared their books will try and leave
or new ones will try and get in?
Are they scared of drunken fools
stumbling in and assulting them in their sleep?

No, it's not that. These boys are scared of something else.
Pure social interaction coupled with a simple hello.

~~~~~
First poem shared. Critique it to death if you see fit.[/QUOTE]

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Not sure what scene you've set here or if you've moved to the city from the country. I recall when working one summon on a seismograph crew in Oklahoma that the crew cheif just left his keys in his pickup! Is this in a setting like a dorm?
I think you've received some good feedback from UnderYourSpell and poetedge5455.
I can see the title as the opposite side of the coin to by observation above.
ANd I can't quite put my finger on it (or lack a suggestion), but the last line seems to require more work by the reader to get your sense.
You could also look at the previous sentence - do you need "it's" or "it's not that' ?
You could also replace 'the' with 'to' in either of the 'try ...' lines.

Welcome, and post some more !