a Senna ish poem (apologies to Senna Jawa)

[Zhuk]

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[HomerPindar]

Re: Apologies to Senna Jawa

Hi Zhuk, two things about this I wasn't sure about...

The first is " - forgot" the tense of this word in comparrison to the other two lines there trips me up. Can "- forget" work? or am I missing some part of the word usage here?

the next is "back looking not" Is there a particular reason for the words to be set up in this way? its awkwardness doesn't appear to work with any other part of the poem ~ there are no other awkward word groups like this one in the poem to contrast it with.

I do like the rhyme at the end, it's off center to the rest, but i think that's to its advantage. Also, the philosophical contiplations, appearently while walking away from such seriousness, works well.

late enlightenment


i walk &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp away
forsaking &nbsp everyone everything - forgot

back looking not
nor left or &nbsp right

i walk and walk and &nbsp walk
the line of sight

halt

light

damn you meddlesome Aristotle
you were &nbsp right


- Zhuk

HomerPindar

 

[Zhuk]

Re: Re: Apologies to Senna Jawa

HomerPindar,

Thanks for the quick review.

'Forgot' is used in the sense that I forgot the world was round, I had responsibilites and that I cannot really walk away from everyone or everything. It is not connected to 'forgetting everyone'. This 'forgot' then connects later with 'light'. Well thats what I am trying to do here

'Back looking not' has two reasons - one quite obvious - it rhymes with forgot Second in Hindi there is a phrase 'peeche mud kar nahin dekhna' meaning 'not to look back' but the word 'peeche' is 'back'. I wanted to insert that cultural or linguistic difference here.

Zhuk

Hi Zhuk, two things about this I wasn't sure about...

The first is " - forgot" the tense of this word in comparrison to the other two lines there trips me up. Can "- forget" work? or am I missing some part of the word usage here?

the next is "back looking not" Is there a particular reason for the words to be set up in this way? its awkwardness doesn't appear to work with any other part of the poem ~ there are no other awkward word groups like this one in the poem to contrast it with.

I do like the rhyme at the end, it's off center to the rest, but i think that's to its advantage. Also, the philosophical contiplations, appearently while walking away from such seriousness, works well.



HomerPindar