A Salute To Your Penis

[shereads]

Pondering my reverence for the male package, I can't help but wonder why it's so fascinating. The balls, yes, that's obvious. That's where they keep the ammunition. But why does a feminist with a dislike of shotguns displayed in the back windows of trucks get all misty-eyed and quivery at the sight of a flesh-and-blood weapon, the Big Boy Gun, the Battering Ram of Romance?

I don't know. I only know that there's something about the Object of Worship that makes me want to study it, learn its language, understand its culture, and befriend it before it turns on me. That must be it: a primitive female survival instinct. Know the Enemy.

It is fascinating, though, isn't it? It's as if the penis, as the center of the male's drive to take new territory, is at the center of human history. War and politics and monotheistic religion...The things we blame on money are really about the struggle for male power, of which money is only a means to an end. Fencing in the herd, as it were.

Penis = Power = Territorial Disputes = Football (both sides of the Atlantic)/Cheerleaders = War/Peace = Art/Music/Literature = My Salute to the Penis

If not for the penis and its need to find, attract, overpower and defend a herd of vaginas, would there be any human history to speak of? We know there would be no Stretch Limousines or Hummers, but what else might we have missed? Other than the obvious?

If we reproduced asexually, I suspect the human race would have existed in relative peace and tranquility, like the dull-witted toga-clad surfer-dude version of the Eloi in the 1960s movie version of "The Time Machine." Not that the Eloi were supposed to be sexless; they just came across that way in the film, especially in contrast to the brawny, hairy, non-verbal Testosterone Creatures who kept them fed and happy like farm animals. Hell, even Rod Taylor looked like a sex-crazed Man-Beast next to the Eloi. They appeared to have had evolved beyond the need for a penis; maybe they impregnanted their drifty-floaty Yvette Mimeaux girlfriends by sharing a toothbrush at the right time of the month.

As long as the penis remains the key to human history, there might not be world peace, globally mandated organic farming, or a general acceptance of comfortable shoes for women, but at least there will be fabulous sex and free dirty stories.

Dick, I salute you. I'd better, if I know what's good for me, and I do.

 

[rgraham666]

Considering how little use I get out of it (although there's nothing quite like a good piss) and how often it's gotten me into trouble, I'll pass.

 

[cantdog]

Thank you, thank you

 

[Boota]

Shereads, mine is saluting you back.

 

[elsol]

My penis thanks you...

ElSol

 

[shereads]

Gentlemen, cherish your packages. Treat them nicely.

Rg, this goes for you too.

A clitoris is a wonderful gift, don't get me wrong. I read somewhere that it has over 6,000 nerve endings, which is good! I'm not complaining. The clitoris has no other function than to make its owner feel good, which is as good an argument in favor of a Creator as I've ever heard posed by a theologian. But the penis is like, all that, plus these essential functions that depend on hydraulics. Very complex piece of engineering there.

Aye, Captain, that he is.

 

[shereads]

(although there's nothing quite like a good piss)

My dad said something similar after prostate surgery, while he was still high as a kite on morphine. He answered the phone in his post-op bed and when he learned it was me, calling to see how the surgery had gone, he said:

"Peeing whenever you want to is the Fourth Great Freedom."

His nurse came in and he said to her, "I recommend this surgery for men and women alike. Morphine, too."

 

[Huckleman2000]

Here's a weird thing about the penis that I never knew until I gained weight:

It begins inside. It's not just tacked on.

So, when you gain weight, the beginning end is deeper from your outer skin, and the fucker shrinks .

Not only that, but the skin you have that used to cover the shaft, now it's extra. And it starts to move towards the end!

So, one day it's a bit colder than normal, and I'm walking from the bus, and I start to get shrinkage. And it feels weird. So I get to work, and go to the restroom to check it out. And what I see is, my standard circumsized average-length member, shrunk to nothing inside my fattened groin, looking like a little knob with a foreskin! And I start to pee, and I MISS HIGH!

so I clench my ass and hope no one notices the little puddle on the floor until I can regain some normalcy, finish my business, clean up, and exit before anyone else walks into the restroom.

Don't think that a penis has only one way of embarassing you! And I defy any woman to tell a pussy-story that even comes close to that level of frustration.

 

[shereads]

Here's a weird thing about the penis that I never knew until I gained weight:

It begins inside. It's not just tacked on.

So, when you gain weight, the beginning end is deeper from your outer skin, and the fucker shrinks .

Not only that, but the skin you have that used to cover the shaft, now it's extra. And it starts to move towards the end!

So, one day it's a bit colder than normal, and I'm walking from the bus, and I start to get shrinkage. And it feels weird. So I get to work, and go to the restroom to check it out. And what I see is, my standard circumsized average-length member, shrunk to nothing inside my fattened groin, looking like a little knob with a foreskin! And I start to pee, and I MISS HIGH!

so I clench my ass and hope no one notices the little puddle on the floor until I can regain some normalcy, finish my business, clean up, and exit before anyone else walks into the restroom.

Don't think that a penis has only one way of embarassing you! And I defy any woman to tell a pussy-story that even comes close to that level of frustration.

You penis is going to resent you for talking about it this way in a public forum. It's like a teenager. It wants to be independent of you, but it can't, so respect it in front of its friends.

 

[Shadowskill Knight]

Gentlemen, cherish your packages. Treat them nicely.

Rg, this goes for you too.

A clitoris is a wonderful gift, don't get me wrong. I read somewhere that it has over 6,000 nerve endings, which is good! I'm not complaining. The clitoris has no other function than to make its owner feel good, which is as good an argument in favor of a Creator as I've ever heard posed by a theologian. But the penis is like, all that, plus these essential functions that depend on hydraulics. Very complex piece of engineering there.

Aye, Captain, that he is.

My penis and I thanks you.

 

[amicus]

"...A Salute To Your Penis
Pondering my reverence for the male package, I can't help but wonder why it's so fascinating. The balls, yes, that's obvious. That's where they keep the ammunition. But why does a feminist with a dislike of shotguns displayed in the back windows of trucks get all misty-eyed and quivery at the sight of a flesh-and-blood weapon, the Big Boy Gun, the Battering Ram of Romance?

I don't know. I only know that there's something about the Object of Worship that makes me want to study it, learn its language, understand its culture, and befriend it before it turns on me. That must be it: a primitive female survival instinct. Know the Enemy.

It is fascinating, though, isn't it? It's as if the penis, as the center of the male's drive to take new territory, is at the center of human history. War and politics and monotheistic religion...The things we blame on money are really about the struggle for male power, of which money is only a means to an end. Fencing in the herd, as it were.

Penis = Power = Territorial Disputes = Football (both sides of the Atlantic)/Cheerleaders = War/Peace = Art/Music/Literature = My Salute to the Penis

If not for the penis and its need to find, attract, overpower and defend a herd of vaginas, would there be any human history to speak of? We know there would be no Stretch Limousines or Hummers, but what else might we have missed? Other than the obvious?

If we reproduced asexually, I suspect the human race would have existed in relative peace and tranquility, like the dull-witted toga-clad surfer-dude version of the Eloi in the 1960s movie version of "The Time Machine." Not that the Eloi were supposed to be sexless; they just came across that way in the film, especially in contrast to the brawny, hairy, non-verbal Testosterone Creatures who kept them fed and happy like farm animals. Hell, even Rod Taylor looked like a sex-crazed Man-Beast next to the Eloi. They appeared to have had evolved beyond the need for a penis; maybe they impregnanted their drifty-floaty Yvette Mimeaux girlfriends by sharing a toothbrush at the right time of the month.

As long as the penis remains the key to human history, there might not be world peace, globally mandated organic farming, or a general acceptance of comfortable shoes for women, but at least there will be fabulous sex and free dirty stories.

Dick, I salute you. I'd better, if I know what's good for me, and I do...."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just to return the thread to the beginning...and to make it easier for me to quote...if I so choose...

There is a kernel of truth here, that need be processed and observed.

While like the Vagina Monologue, the Penis Soliloquey, is an aria of indifference in terms of the nature of the beast.

We are creatures of evolution, which every thinking person knows, and as such, we know that we exist, here in the 21st century in only the most current moment or even minute of a million year long quest.

While the science of man can be measure in mere hundreds of years, the history of man, is millions of years.

The penis preceded prefrontal prognostication.

(I wax and wane poetic, forgive me)

The Penis is not the object of your affection, my dear sweet thread starter, it is, rather, the masculine imperative of the inner brain that is naturally unruly and aggressive.

It is that characteristic that howls at the moon, jumps off of high cliffs, dives the deepest, climbs the highest, fights the hardest, has the 'balls' to survive the worst and prosper.

It is that characteristic of male agression and stubborness that took us from our original beginnings to the edge of the universe.

Hate it, you feminists and whusses do, I know; I even understand why, it is so passe' in this comfortable egalitarian existence we enjoy.

But we brought you here, we balls to the wall, masculine bastards uncontrolled by vaginal odors and mammary tips.

Not that you would Penis Envy acquire, even in the depths of your carnal desire...(oops, poetic again) but to rule the roost, the cocks of recluse, surely the hidden dream of twats evermore?

No?

okay...

Nature/Nurture, societal adjustments, circumstances, plague and pestilence, religion and politics all take a measure of the nature of man, the animal.

It is not the Penis, my dear, but the hairy brute that beats his chest and screams at the heavens above of which he does not know, but challenges.

And we will go to the stars, with or without you.

amicus, the romantic....

 

[Amy Sweet]

Pondering my reverence for the male package, I can't help but wonder why it's so fascinating. The balls, yes, that's obvious. That's where they keep the ammunition. But why does a feminist with a dislike of shotguns displayed in the back windows of trucks get all misty-eyed and quivery at the sight of a flesh-and-blood weapon, the Big Boy Gun, the Battering Ram of Romance?



Dick, I salute you. I'd better, if I know what's good for me, and I do.

what!

Your not a manhating dyke?!


you disapoint me shereads.

 

[Huckleman2000]

A favorite movie quote that seems apropos:

From "My Favorite Year". Peter O'Toole plays a drunken matinee idol, Alan Swann.

[Alan Swann has blundered into the wrong restroom]
Lil: This is for ladies only!
Alan Swann: [unzipping fly] So is *this*, ma'am, but every now and then I have to run a little water through it.

 

[shereads]

(I wax and wane poetic, forgive me)

Sober up. I couldn't find it to salute it in that state, even if I wanted to.

I should have mentioned, for your sake and Box's, that in my professional life, I'm somewhat different than in my personal and sexual life. In an office environment, the contents of the crotch area of your trousers are of interest to me only to the extent that it entitles you to an extra 30 cents on the dollar. I've out-maneuvered and out-survived so many pompous, blowhard necktie-racks that I've lost count. Having established that I can do your job better than you're willing to, all it takes is a flutter of my eyelashes and a timely comment in the conference room to make you blush and stammer like a little girl. By the time you realize you're on the way out the door, there's scarcely time to request the return of your testicles. That's when I point out, to your dismay, that I didn't emasculate you; you did it all by yourself.

Survival of the fittest, little man. I won, you lost, and you can't handle it.

Now, where was I? Oh yes. A salute to the penises of men who deserve one.

 

[Huckleman2000]

Re: Re: A Salute To Your Penis

what!

Your not a manhating dyke?!


you disapoint me shereads.

I don't mean to hijack the thread, but Katie Holmes has puffy nipples?!
Plus, that Celtic Blu-whatever is the spitting image of Morgan Fairchild, also a puffy-nippled goddess.

Ms. Sweet, may I call you Amy?

 

[shereads]

The salute to puffy nipples thread meets on Thursdays.

 

[Guest]

Huck, your post was honestly humourous. A man who can write that way about his dick should be published (nevermind Sher). And I love O'Toole in Fave Year. I haven't noticed you about lately but I remembered you're cool.

Perdita

 

[Huckleman2000]

Huck, your post was honestly humourous. A man who can write that way about his dick should be published (nevermind Sher). And I love O'Toole in Fave Year. I haven't noticed you about lately but I remembered you're cool.

Perdita

Okay, NOW I'm blushing.

Hopefully, I'll be around more, and write more too!

Long story, but recent (very recent) chapter includes a trial run with Strattera and early indications are positive. I have mixed results with psycho-pharmeceuticals, though, so I'm withholding judgement for a few weeks.

That's a subject for another thread, though. I tried to start one last night, but couldn't finish the message

But - my penis still works! All hail!

 

[Guest]

But - my penis still works! All hail!

Woo woo woo!

Perdita

 

[NoJo]

Pondering my reverence for the male package, I can't help but wonder why it's so fascinating. The balls, yes, that's obvious. That's where they keep the ammunition. But why does a feminist with a dislike of shotguns displayed in the back windows of trucks get all misty-eyed and quivery at the sight of a flesh-and-blood weapon, the Big Boy Gun, the Battering Ram of Romance?

I don't know. I only know that there's something about the Object of Worship that makes me want to study it, learn its language, understand its culture, and befriend it before it turns on me. That must be it: a primitive female survival instinct. Know the Enemy.

It is fascinating, though, isn't it? It's as if the penis, as the center of the male's drive to take new territory, is at the center of human history. War and politics and monotheistic religion...The things we blame on money are really about the struggle for male power, of which money is only a means to an end. Fencing in the herd, as it were.

Penis = Power = Territorial Disputes = Football (both sides of the Atlantic)/Cheerleaders = War/Peace = Art/Music/Literature = My Salute to the Penis

If not for the penis and its need to find, attract, overpower and defend a herd of vaginas, would there be any human history to speak of? We know there would be no Stretch Limousines or Hummers, but what else might we have missed? Other than the obvious?

If we reproduced asexually, I suspect the human race would have existed in relative peace and tranquility, like the dull-witted toga-clad surfer-dude version of the Eloi in the 1960s movie version of "The Time Machine." Not that the Eloi were supposed to be sexless; they just came across that way in the film, especially in contrast to the brawny, hairy, non-verbal Testosterone Creatures who kept them fed and happy like farm animals. Hell, even Rod Taylor looked like a sex-crazed Man-Beast next to the Eloi. They appeared to have had evolved beyond the need for a penis; maybe they impregnanted their drifty-floaty Yvette Mimeaux girlfriends by sharing a toothbrush at the right time of the month.

As long as the penis remains the key to human history, there might not be world peace, globally mandated organic farming, or a general acceptance of comfortable shoes for women, but at least there will be fabulous sex and free dirty stories.

Dick, I salute you. I'd better, if I know what's good for me, and I do.

Next time, just say "I want cock now."

 

[amicus]

ah, confessions of a ball busting bitch, I love it!

Survival of the fittest, little man. I won, you lost, and you can't handle it.

Now, where was I? Oh yes. A salute to the penises of men who deserve one.


__________________
Use the law to get a job and your ass to advance, so what else is new?

amicus the reluctant hero...

 

[Kassiana]

Re: Re: A Salute To Your Penis

Next time, just say "I want cock now."

Doesn't work. My husband just hands me our male cockatiel and says "Now you have him." Knowing our lot, someone would hand her a male budgie and then she wouldn't even have his size to console herself with.

 

[mismused]

Gentlemen, cherish your packages. Treat them nicely.

Rg, this goes for you too.

A clitoris is a wonderful gift, don't get me wrong. I read somewhere that it has over 6,000 nerve endings, which is good! I'm not complaining. The clitoris has no other function than to make its owner feel good, which is as good an argument in favor of a Creator as I've ever heard posed by a theologian. But the penis is like, all that, plus these essential functions that depend on hydraulics. Very complex piece of engineering there.

Aye, Captain, that he is.

=========================

More like 8,000 versus about 4,000 for the male, from what I've read, so can't say if for a fact, but it seems very authoritative.

The rest is a matter of opinion and taste.

mismused

 

[Kassiana]

Mmm...the taste of warm sperm...

Hm? Oh, yes. Phalluses good.

Mmm...

 

[shereads]

Re: Re: A Salute To Your Penis

Next time, just say "I want cock now."

If I run out, I will.

Did I mention that I like your pensive profile?