A Request for Feedback

[Sirens Bane]

I'm still a relatively new writer, so I decided to ask for feedback. I recently wrote a story for the Nonconsent section, and I was wondering if any of you would care to look it over. What I did right/wrong, what you liked, what you didn't. You know, that kind of thing. I've gotten a little feedback, but I feel that a wider range is necessary for future reference. Anyways, it's called Trials and Tribulations, and I hope you all like it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=125484

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Sex at its most despicable. It's anti-erotic.

I see from your comments that some people liked it, but I had to quit after one page. You seem to be able to write okay, but it's just too degrading and masochistic for my tastes. Women being anally raped with their heads pushed into a toilet just doesn't do it for me

---dr.M.

 

[Guest]

 

[DarlingNikki]

I have to agree on this one. The writing is fine but the story is way too upsetting even though I have nothing against a little nonconsent every now and then.

 

[Guest]

This is a prime example of why people get confused when their non-consent story gets rejected due to extreme violence. They see stories like this and wonder how it's any better than what they have written.

The description for the Non-consent/reluctance category says: Fantasies of control. There were no fantasies here. This story was about rape, and it didn't just happen once. Rape was rampant throughout the whole story.

You write well but this story is not erotic in any way.

 

[Sirens Bane]

I'll keep that in mind. That's not the kind of stuff I normally go for, either, but I couldn't figure out how to keep up the scare tactics necessary to the story without being far more harsh than I prefer. I was going for a rise above degredation by the end, there, but I can see, however, that I did go a bit overboard in order to get there. I guess I could chalk it up to inexperience (and more than a little sleep depredation) and try to do better next time. Thanks for your opinions.

 

[Guest]

I guess I could chalk it up to inexperience (and more than a little sleep depredation) and try to do better next time. Thanks for your opinions.

Been there, done that. I had a story that I wrote right after joining Lit that was really rough. I ended up pulling it before it was ever posted because it was too violent and just not my style.


CM

 

[muse_shesaid]

I got through it.

Nice smart ass kind of wit. It flowed better as it progressed. I agree the amount of rape was overboard but the shooting off fingers was just ridiculous.
A nice ending though.

Overall good descriptive writing skills. May need to consider content that the reader enjoys a bit more.

 

[Sirens Bane]

Thanks. As content seems to be my main problem, I'll merely have to work on that in further works. I'm glad that I got the writing part down pretty well, and the part that spawned the largest number of complaints is easy to avoid in later stories.