A reader's view

[Jazzy2]

How many ways can we talk about fuckin'? They seem to be limited. Talk about something besides boy A pokes girl B and they come like volcanos. That shit is OLD. Leaarn what eroticism is. It's more than "100 ways to f--k."

Most of the poetry here is flat because it reads as if the writer hasn't read anything beyond b-rated smut. The same f--kin' vocabulary and images are recycled so many f--kin' times that a reader could simply exchange poets' names and titles and wouldn't notice much difference.

Jazzy2

 

[P. B. Walker]

Awww come on Jazzy2, tell us how you really feel.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I happen to agree with Jazzy.

*sighs* But great poetry, like great prose, is really hard to find.

 

[Guest]

I'm actually having an emotion.

Ok Jazzy2, it would appear we are in agreement.
Perhaps we could all form a conga line and circle the poetry submissions to ward off this most foul of poetic transgressions.

Perhaps Laurel and her tech staff could provide a filter of some sort that we "Fuck" weary readers could invoke with the push of a button.

I would like mine to be expandable though. My fear of course is that it would be to much power and we all know what happens then. After a while all I would be able to read of poems would appear as gibberish.

"Before the filter"

"As I fucked my hard rod of flesh into your flower.
Our passions flowed as lava from a volcano.
Souls melded as cum erupted from my surging loins.

After

As I my of into your.
Our as from a.
As from my.

On second thought, the gibberish is better!

Then again perhaps You and me and KillerMuffin could all wear "I love poetry" T-shirts and thongs while holstering 2 inch paint brushes and armed with air powered sprayers connected to a vat of white-out.

Hey whatever works?

U.P.

 

[KillerMuffin]

So no one is allowed to have a critical opinion on the quality of poetry submissions but the Unmasked Poet.

How novel.

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Yah?

As most readers of this forum know, I also carry the moniker Unregistered.

I'm working on one K.M.

U.P.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Really? I'm working on a novel as well. I think it pretty much stinks.

Howse yours coming along?

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Depends

I have been working on it a year, revised it four times.
Everytime I send it out, I get a thank you note for the recycling paper.


Yet I remain undaunted.


U.P.

 

[tigerjen]

One beauty of eroticism is the use of double-entendre......
no need to use the f-word in it

 

[Savage Kitten]

How many ways can we talk about fuckin'? They seem to be limited. Talk about something besides boy A pokes girl B and they come like volcanos. That shit is OLD. Leaarn what eroticism is. It's more than "100 ways to f--k."

Most of the poetry here is flat because it reads as if the writer hasn't read anything beyond b-rated smut. The same f--kin' vocabulary and images are recycled so many f--kin' times that a reader could simply exchange poets' names and titles and wouldn't notice much difference.

Jazzy2

hey jazzy2,

show us YOUR money maker!

Sk~

 

[Jazzy2]

Savage Kitten--

I'm not braggin' to be a poet, but I can think of ways to describe 'fucking'. You folks think it's pretty easy. That's what I'm complaining about.

Ask your resident critic, UP about his credentials. His crits are tight and plenty of you are laughin' and noddin' behind the screen. KillerMuffin can get funky, but homegirl don't lie either.

A bad poem by me ain't gonna make someone else's crap smell good.


jazzy2

 

[Savage Kitten]

I'm not braggin' to be a poet, but I can think of ways to describe 'fucking'. You folks think it's pretty easyjazzy2

I'm not saying you are bragging. I'm just saying, if you think you can do it better, then do it. You're the one who seems to think it's easy. I'm not from Missouri but I am a "show me" kind of girl!

 

[Jazzy2]

Mistaken

SK--

Uh, huh. I didn't say writing erotica is easy. My complaint is that folks are crankin' it out assembly line fashion and most of it reads like Yugos.

Now if I told you how great your poetry was, would you ask me to prove what makes poetry good by submitting one of my own?

We're not talkin' about if I can write. We're talkin' about the writing that's here.

jazzy2

 

[Savage Kitten]

i feel ya

But, are you saying that EVERYTHING here is garbage?? or that you just don't wanna take the effort to wade thru the muck to find something good?? What is the qualifications that an erotic poem has to have to be worth reading to you?

 

[Guest]

Hell, your critics done told you

SK--

how to improve and what makes a poem good.

Much of the stuff here is mediocre not everything.

A lot of you have some drafts that are decent. In most of them, anybody can see you can write. I'm saying you can write better.

What would make something good? Hell, try being real. Write like you talk. Take an ordinary scene and airbrush it and stop dousing it in bullshit.

Like I told you when I showed up. I'm givin' you a reader's take.
Don't cost me nothin' if you don't listen.

jazzy2

 

[Savage Kitten]

Re: Hell, your critics done told you

Hell, try being real. Write like you talk.

someone told me that just the other day. the thing is, i live south f the mason dixon line. i have a southern accent. it comes out a lot in my posts, especially when i have a lot to say and i am typing fast. and as i mentioned b4, which you may not believe me, but my thoughts are almost always poetic. even about the simple stuff. I've written notes to friends and they ask me if it is suppose to be poetry.... uh no?!?! it's just a lil letter! i have too many adjectives and pronouns floating around in my head.

but i do understand what you are saying. tone it down a bit. if it reads well without it then leave it out. elementary stuff really. but, as always, i make everything out harder than what it is haha

i'm far from purrrrrrrrfect. well, when it comes to writing that is So, maybe after the holidays when i have a lil more time, i plan on doing some serious renovations to some of my poems and maybe even write a few new ones.

thanx jazzy! as pissy as you are, you might prove to be helpful *wink*

Sk~

 

[WickedEve]

What would make something good? Hell, try being real. Write like you talk. Take an ordinary scene and airbrush it and stop dousing it in bullshit.

I agree with you on this jazzy2.
Of course, everyone talks differently. That'll make for some interesting stories/poems.

Hey SK, I'm below the Mason Dixon line, too!
I have some stories that I haven't submitted that have some really good, small town, southern girl dialog! I like to write the way I talk, and write about what I know. So, I guess my next story will be about my family get-togethers where we pass around the jar of shine, and my cousins show up in their big trucks with confederate flags flapping in the breeze! Actually, I've written one about that.
Anyway, I'm gonna go write a poem without any highfalutin words in it. tee hee

 

[Savage Kitten]

Wicked Eve

Oh my gawd girl! Not 4 wheeldrives, muddin, oysters on the grill, and hunch punch?? Those redneck boys might be a wild bunch but they sure as hell know how to have fun!!

K.. wanna know my ~small town redneck philosphy~ on life?? "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!"

 

[RisiaSkye]

What if you actually talk in extended metaphors, allusions, and alliteration? I write like I talk. I just tend to speak in twenty-five cent words and obscure references.

I don't change myself for literotica, and I don't ask anyone to love what I do.

If I wrote for you, any of you, what would be the point? I write whatever pleases me; as others have noted, I have more exacting standards than many. That doesn't mean that they're better, they're just my own.

Not all erotic poetry here is mediocre, nor is it all about fucking. I've read many entries that are much more subtle and layered, more concerned with motives and desire.

Perhaps you should read more.

Just one wordy "fuck" writer's opinion.

 

[daughter]

I hear you

Ladies--

I hear you all including jazzy2. I say the same thing. Write like you talk. Writing in dialect or idioms isn't what I think jazzy is talking about. Some of the poems here are trite and sound contrived. If none of you have ever written or posted one of these, let the water roll off your back.


I'm with WE, I have some poetry that makes me cringe. Anybody here think their writing is so hot that no one can make a legimate quip about it? I take my writing seriously, but I try not to take myself too seriously. The best writers continue to hone their craft and they listen to their peers' criticism. Choose who you're willing to listen to, but please choose someone in addition to yourself.

When you change the construct of a sentence so it reads unnaturally, it sounds artificial. Mixing words like 'thee' with otherwise 20th century usage is out of place for example.

Every language has patterns. Have you ever noticed how foreigners sometimes speak using these patterns, but with English words? It sounds funny to you.

Conversely, have you ever read English from different time periods or different countries and the language while it is foreign in construction, it works because you take in account the regional or historical element that dictates the pattern?

SK, what does poetic sound like? I know what you mean about the letters. I've done as much. I bet you wouldn't talk that way in person. I think we have greater control and tend to manipulate the language more in print than in conversation. Just my observation. Of course, some have closer communication patterns written and oral more than others.

I'd enjoy poems and stories written in dialect. The challenge is to be consistent and to avoid being so heavy with the vernacular that the non-speaker can't understand the text.

Words are powerful. They convey more than their meanings. Writers are passionate about language. I took Latin and Linguistics. They're cool tools to understanding construction and patterns. If anyone is interested in improving their writing, start taking note of how accomplished writers manipulate language.

For another thread: when dialect is appropriate and how to use it effectively.

Peace,

daughter

 

[Guest]

Pissy Jazzy2

Gurl--

Are you stirrin' the pot! LOL

Everything isn't mediocre. But, like someone said, you have to wade through quite a bit to get somethin' above average. JMT and we're entitled to have and voice one.

So jazzy is stirrin' the pot. Big deal. She didn't say y'all can't write. She said it wasn't all that and a bag of chips.(How's that for writin' like you talk, SK). I grew up in the hood. We have our own dialect and idioms, too. But, being a sista and being from the hood doesn't mean I can't flip the script.

If my vernacular is too heavy, you'd be asking me to translate. Jazzy isn't saying you should talk the way she thinks you should. She's saying don't come off like you're frontin'.

Ms. Risia, I know some pretty articulate, educated folk who do speak with impressive vocabularies. I don't think you're frontin' if you use $5.00 words nor do I think you're illiterate if you use $.25 words. Whatever works is cool. Part of that requires considering your audience. The point is, writers should question how effective their language is and sorry that includes if the reader can appreciate it.

If the scribble is just for you, then you aren't interested in creating a bridge between you and the reader. That's dissin't the reader. Why should he give rat's ass what you're saying if "I write for me"? Don't masturbate in front of me and then get offended when I tell you I don't like that shit. If it's for you, jack off privately.

Alice

 

[alice]

From Language of Life Bill Moyers

In an interview with Bill Moyers, Donald Hall said:

Young people feel as if they were writing for themselves, but that's only the beginning of the poem. When it's completed, the poem is a bridge from one to another.

Alice

 

[WickedEve]

daughter

I'd enjoy poems and stories written in dialect. The challenge is to be consistent and to avoid being so heavy with the vernacular that the non-speaker can't understand the text.

I agree!
I do have stories with dialect, but of course, I don't write the whole story that way. I only use it for certain characters' dialog, and I try to use it sparingly. I try not to use any words that are too foreign to the rest of the world. If I do, I'll have to have an outsider in the story. Someone who can ask, "What did he just say?" lol Some colloquialisms like pert' near or mi' nigh would have to be explained to some people.
If you ask anyone in my town where something is, this is what they say, "That's up Long Hollow, over yonder." They add "over yonder" to all directions! Though, it would be annoying to over-use a phrase like that in a story.
Anyway, I wouldn't write a story that only the people in my neck of the woods would understand.
Well it's pert' near 11:00, so it's mi' nigh time I get goin'.

 

[alice]

Colloquisms

WE-- How about a list of colloquisms? Here's mine:

'I hear you', agreement

'I gotcha back', means I support you.

'Gurl, you ain't never lied', affirming the truth of something said.

'Whatcha thought', are you kidding?

'Get a crayon and picture me caring', often said in a catfight.

'Step correct', most often fightin' words

'Shout out' sending a hello

'You straight', You're okay. Acceptable

'How you be?', How are you?

'Poppin' his collar', he's arrogant, braggin'

 

[WickedEve]

alice, if I read those in a story, I could figure most of them out, or I may know some of them. But you got me on poppin' his collar and step correct! I love "Get a crayon and picture me caring." I'm using that one! lol

SK, no oysters on the grill here. We have pig roasts in this area.