A Questionnaire From God
- Thread starter *bratcat*
- Start date
1stTwistedSistr
Standing in the shadows..
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2002
- Posts
- 6,225
lol@*bratcat*
Excellent questions! But you didn't answer them! ????
*Cherrie*
Excellent questions! But you didn't answer them! ????
*Cherrie*
Shaq
The Libertine
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2002
- Posts
- 12,552
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, The Almighty asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions:
1. How did you find out about your deity?
__ Koran
__ My Mama Done Tol' Me
2. Which model deity did you acquire?
__ Allah
3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
__ Yes
4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity? Please check all that apply:
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Needed focus in whom to despise
__ Needed focus in whom to love
__ Fear of death
__ Needed a day away from school or work
__ Desperate need for certainty
__ Thought there had to be something other than Jerry Falwell
6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply:
__ Television
__ Other:Pepsi
7. God reputedly employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve a balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer? Circle one below:
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right (Like I'm going to risk divine wrath criticizing the almight...yeah right....I'm in enough doo doo...)
8. God also reputedly attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 your opinion of the handling of the following:
(1 = unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent):
a. Disasters:
5 flood
5 famine
5 earthquake
5 war & holocausts
5 pestilence
5 plague
5 Spam
5 AOL
(Refer to above)
b. Miracles:
5 rescues
5 spontaneous remissions
5 stars hovering over tiny towns & previously unknown hamlets
5 crying statues
5 water changing to wine
5 walking on water
5 coincidence of any sort
5 getting any sex whatsoever
9. From time to time God reputedly makes available the names and addresses of Her/His followers and devotees to selected reputedly divine personages who provide quality services and perform intercessions in His behalf. Are you interested in a compilation of listed offerings?
__ No, I do not wish to be inundated by religious fanatics clamouring for my money.
10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary)
To God I'd like to say...."You're the man!"
1. How did you find out about your deity?
__ Koran
__ My Mama Done Tol' Me
2. Which model deity did you acquire?
__ Allah
3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
__ Yes
4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity? Please check all that apply:
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Needed focus in whom to despise
__ Needed focus in whom to love
__ Fear of death
__ Needed a day away from school or work
__ Desperate need for certainty
__ Thought there had to be something other than Jerry Falwell
6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply:
__ Television
__ Other:Pepsi
7. God reputedly employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve a balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer? Circle one below:
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right (Like I'm going to risk divine wrath criticizing the almight...yeah right....I'm in enough doo doo...)
8. God also reputedly attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 your opinion of the handling of the following:
(1 = unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent):
a. Disasters:
5 flood
5 famine
5 earthquake
5 war & holocausts
5 pestilence
5 plague
5 Spam
5 AOL
(Refer to above)
b. Miracles:
5 rescues
5 spontaneous remissions
5 stars hovering over tiny towns & previously unknown hamlets
5 crying statues
5 water changing to wine
5 walking on water
5 coincidence of any sort
5 getting any sex whatsoever
9. From time to time God reputedly makes available the names and addresses of Her/His followers and devotees to selected reputedly divine personages who provide quality services and perform intercessions in His behalf. Are you interested in a compilation of listed offerings?
__ No, I do not wish to be inundated by religious fanatics clamouring for my money.
10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary)
To God I'd like to say...."You're the man!"
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