A question of subbiness

[Marquis]

Would you let your Dom correct you, check you or otherwise chastise you in front of his family?

Your family?

Yo momma?!

 

[the captians wench]

Would you let your Dom correct you, check you or otherwise chastise you in front of his family?

Your family?

Yo momma?!

Infront of my mom, yes no problem. She knows more than she'd like to about my personal life anyway.

His family, well that would really depend on how comfortable he was with that. It wouldn't bother me and would probably make me even feel a bit more comfortable in meeting them as I'm quite shy and don't seem to really come out of that too much unless I'm set into subby mode, or at the very least put on a leash.

My family, well I always say screw my family. They have their openions of me as it is, and if that's how they choose to see me nothing I could ever do would make them see me in any other light, so I might as well be comfortable if they are going to judge me anyway.

Of course this would all depend on his comfort level in doing such things. I would never ask him to, but if he wished to do it, I don't think I'd have any problems. tho thinking about it and actually being in the situation are two completely different things.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Would you let your Dom correct you, check you or otherwise chastise you in front of his family?

Your family?

Yo momma?!

Marquis what would possess him to 'need' to express himself as a Dominant in this manner ?

 

[Marquis]

Marquis what would possess him to 'need' to express himself as a Dominant in this manner ?

You fucking up, obviously.

 

[brioche]

Would you let your Dom correct you, check you or otherwise chastise you in front of his family?

Your family?

Yo momma?!

Interesting question.

Especially with the brutal family dynamics around here.
*ponders*

I'm gonna go with yes. But if he was being too much of an asshole about it I'd tell him, and if it was my family, I wouldn't be the only one, trust me.
And that's the way I am. I don't hide it.

Any guy who is going to meet my family has to be comfortable with being mocked, be able to dish it back, and be secure enough to know he can't ALWAYS have last word around here.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

You fucking up, obviously.

Hypothetically If his submissive had as you say 'fucked up' then is it your view that it would be appropriate for a Dominant to act out of bounds of usual social conventions , thus making other people uncomfortable who are less accustomed with some D/s related protocols ?

I would think the man was unsure of himself, a player and disrespectful if he was to. In my opinion a responsible Dominant would not act outside of conventions appropriate for the social setting. A look of communication of displeasure would be the strongest expression I would expect if that at all. Relevant correction contained for later. Where others were not compromised.

Is the ultimate ( most submissive) submissive one that would accept the scenario as you have described it ? My opinion is no. More likely a woman well meaning with self esteem issues in 'submission' to a Dominant who lacks even the ability to act well in public. Make a nice Lit Story though. I imagine there is a few drifting about.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

He wouldn't need to. A look would be enough. Personally I'd enjoy the thrill of knowing my punishment was pending for after we left.

Having said that, My mum has altzheimer's, so if he did, she wouldn't remember.

Easy

I'm a sick little girl

 

[chris9]

Actually a Dom would have to take a few jokes about the women on my family being the dominants. I would not wish to act differently with my family, so I'd like him to leave me to it.

On the whole I could go with the 'look of disapproval' method.

 

[the captians wench]

Hypothetically If his submissive had as you say 'fucked up' then is it your view that it would be appropriate for a Dominant to act out of bounds of usual social conventions , thus making other people uncomfortable who are less accustomed with some D/s related protocols ?

I would think the man was unsure of himself, a player and disrespectful if he was to. In my opinion a responsible Dominant would not act outside of conventions appropriate for the social setting. A look of communication of displeasure would be the strongest expression I would expect if that at all. Relevant correction contained for later. Where others were not compromised.

Is the ultimate ( most submissive) submissive one that would accept the scenario as you have described it ? My opinion is no. More likely a woman well meaning with self esteem issues in 'submission' to a Dominant who lacks even the ability to act well in public. Make a nice Lit Story though. I imagine there is a few drifting about.

This is something I see a lot and in part I believe the same. But why is it disrespectful for me and my mate to act and life the way we choose to outside of our home any more so than anyone else?

Now I will grant you that there are certian social standards that I would expect to be maintained (tho I can't see myself argueing with him if they were not), but to be chastized I don't see a problem with, the same as I don't see a problem with chastizing a child in public but you wouldn't nessisarily punish them until you got home. I, personally, feel that it should translate the same with a sub. Punishment, is not ment for the general public eye, unless of course you are in a public situation where it is both welcomed and desired, but correction in the form of verbal or non verbal, ie "the look", communication, I feel, would be appropreate.

Having said that. I would no more want my dom to give me a full spanking infront of my family any more than I would want to see my mom making out with her guy on the couch.

I don't know, personally I don't think I should have to hide how I live my life any more than anyone else. I think this deffinitly relates to homosexuals and their acceptance, and or lack of into our socity. At one point they were told to hide, and that it was not socially acceptable for them to display their love, or lifestyle infront of common folk. And now that seems to have been made the "wrong" choice and insted we incourage them to show who they are and be true to themselves in public as well as private. So why are we still hiding? If my dom so chose to I would happily walk into a room of one of our families with a leash on and his hand at the other end. He would deffinitly suffer some ridicule from my family and I would be told that I "shouldn't let him show me such little disrespect" but I would hold my head high the entire time proud in knowing that this is who I am, who I love, and who I choose to serve. If they don't get that, it's their problem not mine.

well, that's my thoughts anyway. I'll stop ranting and go sit quitely now.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

This is something I see a lot and in part I believe the same. But why is it disrespectful for me and my mate to act and life the way we choose to outside of our home any more so than anyone else?

Now I will grant you that there are certian social standards that I would expect to be maintained (tho I can't see myself argueing with him if they were not), but to be chastized I don't see a problem with, the same as I don't see a problem with chastizing a child in public but you wouldn't nessisarily punish them until you got home. I, personally, feel that it should translate the same with a sub. Punishment, is not ment for the general public eye, unless of course you are in a public situation where it is both welcomed and desired, but correction in the form of verbal or non verbal, ie "the look", communication, I feel, would be appropreate.

Having said that. I would no more want my dom to give me a full spanking infront of my family any more than I would want to see my mom making out with her guy on the couch.

I don't know, personally I don't think I should have to hide how I live my life any more than anyone else. I think this deffinitly relates to homosexuals and their acceptance, and or lack of into our socity. At one point they were told to hide, and that it was not socially acceptable for them to display their love, or lifestyle infront of common folk. And now that seems to have been made the "wrong" choice and insted we incourage them to show who they are and be true to themselves in public as well as private. So why are we still hiding? If my dom so chose to I would happily walk into a room of one of our families with a leash on and his hand at the other end. He would deffinitly suffer some ridicule from my family and I would be told that I "shouldn't let him show me such little disrespect" but I would hold my head high the entire time proud in knowing that this is who I am, who I love, and who I choose to serve. If they don't get that, it's their problem not mine.

well, that's my thoughts anyway. I'll stop ranting and go sit quitely now.

Just wrote an essay ........pfffffffffft. Long story short it to me is about behaving responsibly and appropriately in different environments. I personally wouldn't want my submission / devotion / yadda yadda judged by how oblivious I might appear to others around me in the hands of a Dominant I can only presume has no social grace or little regard for the comfort of my family and friends.

 

[cherries_on_snow]

Hypothetically If his submissive had as you say 'fucked up' then is it your view that it would be appropriate for a Dominant to act out of bounds of usual social conventions , thus making other people uncomfortable who are less accustomed with some D/s related protocols ?

I would think the man was unsure of himself, a player and disrespectful if he was to. In my opinion a responsible Dominant would not act outside of conventions appropriate for the social setting. A look of communication of displeasure would be the strongest expression I would expect if that at all. Relevant correction contained for later. Where others were not compromised.

Is the ultimate ( most submissive) submissive one that would accept the scenario as you have described it ? My opinion is no. More likely a woman well meaning with self esteem issues in 'submission' to a Dominant who lacks even the ability to act well in public. Make a nice Lit Story though. I imagine there is a few drifting about.

Beautifully said. *claps*

 

[the captians wench]

Just wrote an essay ........pfffffffffft. Long story short it to me is about behaving responsibly and appropriately in different environments. I personally wouldn't want my submission / devotion / yadda yadda judged by how oblivious I might appear to others around me in the hands of a Dominant I can only presume has no social grace or little regard for the comfort of my family and friends.

I guess I'm kinda split on this. While I respect the fact that some of my friends and family are not as open to my choices in life, I also hope that they would respect me enough to allow me to be who I am and not hide from them. Now I'm not trying to say that one is more or less of a sub or dom because they don't publicly display their relationship. Every one has their own way of expressing who they are. Personally I get pissed everytime I walk into work and have to change my normal collar for a rhinestone choker that has been designated as my "work collar". But I understand that the people that visit the restaraunt are not comfortable with seeing my every day collar so while I'm there representing the company I put on the face they wish to show. And when I'm at family functions, I do wear collar and cuffs if I like, and if they ask me about it, I spit out tiny bits of information sorta like how my mom did us kids when we asked her where babies came from. If they are happy with the "from mommy's belly" answer then I drop the issue. If they continue to answer questions, then I continue to answer.

I do see the point in that people shouldn't be forsed into seeing more than they wish to or are comfortable with, but at the same time I don't feel like I should have to tone down myself. It's a very delicate ballance and one I'm afraid I don't have a handle on yet.

 

[shy slave]

I am with Rebecca on this one.

I have acted 'out of order' in front of his kids when I was upset.

He never took me to task over it at the time, but God did I know about it later.

Actually what I did was nothing to do with D/s and everything to do with my state of mind at the time.

The dynamics of our relationship are private, just like a vanilla relationship we don't air our issues in public.

I know some people show the D/s part of their lives in vanilla settings but at the start of our relationship we made a very conscious decision not to.

 

[brioche]

I am with Rebecca on this one.

I have acted 'out of order' in front of his kids when I was upset.

He never took me to task over it at the time, but God did I know about it later.

Actually what I did was nothing to do with D/s and everything to do with my state of mind at the time.

The dynamics of our relationship are private, just like a vanilla relationship we don't air our issues in public.

I know some people show the D/s part of their lives in vanilla settings but at the start of our relationship we made a very conscious decision not to.

I actually agree with this, which is why I had to ponder and go back and edit my reply once I had. But I live in a family where everybody is constantly correcting and criticizing everyone else, and if you do fuck up, you're in for a hard time before it's dropped. It's affectionate, but it does take a while to adjust to when you don't grow up in it. My sister's fiance does it perfectly, which is one of the reasons we all love him so much. In such a context, I wouldn't have a problem with things being pointed out, or corrected, because they sure as hell are by the other members of the family, but if they were overtly D/s (which I knew perfectly well was what Marquis was talking about) the loaded look or the word "later" would probably be more of a correction, because then you have to go through the entire evening knowing what's coming once you're alone. Besides, my sister's a prude. I remember there was an ad for an "anti gravity" cream that came to the house and I said to my mum, "You should get it, and you could put it on your boobs." (She's had 4 kids and lost a lot of weight). She thought this extremely amusing and told people about it but my sister just frowned at us. So maybe the tongue in cheek approach would be more effective.

That being said, I wouldn't have a big problem with it, depending on how far ir went. But I'm never going to be submissive in front of my own family. That's just asking for trouble.

I guess it depends on the relationship and how open it is.

 

[the captians wench]

Okay, I promise to keep my mouth shut after this, but you all really have me thinking here tonight.

I really started thinking about how my family would react and how much would I really be able to show them. My mom knows everything, like I've said before, and has even paid witness to some of my friends and I just sort of goofing off like we normally do, ie some hair pulling and a bit of spanking even a couple of marks with a whip all of which I enjoy very much. It doesn't really happen because I want to show off infront of her, but more she was introduced to this crowd at the same time I was and so they know her almost as well as they know me and vice versa. She isn't fond of the idea of a D/s relationship herself, or 90% of bdsm in general, but because she's been exposed to this crowd she knows a lot more than the adverage person who's not looking for that type of life. So I'm a lot more open to the idea of her sharing in all aspects of my life. Hell we trade sex tips from time to time.

Then I started thinking about the rest of my family who seem to think that my collar and cuffs are some sort of biker chick look that I've taken on, and I remembered this past christmas. One of my friend's Master came home from Korea just before Christma. She was working that day, as she had no idea that he would be home so early. He was going to be all alone on Christmas and my mom and I neither one could live with that, so we invited him to join our family. Now for the most part the relationship I have with my friends is almost like community property. Each sub/slave has her own dom/master and they all respect the wishes of the other but also extend their power to the other subs in the group. IE if you step out of place, you will be corrected by the dom closest to you and if that's not your dom, or your dom is not there at the time, the trasgrestion will be relayed to him and you will also recieve what ever, if any, punishment he so chooses. So this was a very interesting evening. I cuddled on him, as I always do and my family just couldn't accept the idea that this was not some one I was involved with. I found myself sitting on the floor at his feet a lot. I didn't think anything of it at the time, just did it. And I'm not going to go back and say that I did it because I'm a sub and that was my place, because my place is at my Master's feet, not just any master, tho I do spend a lot of time on the floor being petted. Anyway, I remember at one point, I was playing with the kids, and he started thowing balls at the kids. and of course they threw back. Then he threw them at me, and I threw back. Big ball fight, until he had enough. And so he stated such. Well me being all excited and just itching to see how much I could get away with I threw one last ball at him. He caught it, looked me square in the eyes, and said "I said enough" in that certian tone. I sat there for a minute, knowing I crossed the line, with my head bowed. Then realizing where I was, I looked up and my family was looking at me. I simply smiled and not a word was said after that, except my Grandmother asking me a bit later if he really was just a friend.

I think that's what I picture as correction, and I totally skipped over any other meaning. And this I would be okay with, in any setting.

 

[Private_Label]

Would you let your Dom correct you, check you or otherwise chastise you in front of his family?

Your family?

Yo momma?!

Isn't part of SSC that we don't force them to look at our kink straight on if they might be upset by it?

In that case I would say it would depend on the situation and the parties involved.

My mom I think, if she could get past her "good christian girl" upbringing, would make a terrific service oriented sub. Depending on the nature of the correction she could very easily be upset. i.e. a Swat on the ass given in mock playfullness might pass unoticed, as might a comment "wait until we get home later," but a full on punishment scene? No. That would be too upsetting to my family and may cause my mother to cry, and my brother to take a swing at my D. I'm close to my family, I won't see them hurt in that way.

I don't think I would remain long with someone who would intentionally upset my or his family members.

 

[alice_underneath]

Would you let your Dom correct you, check you or otherwise chastise you in front of his family?

Your family?

Yo momma?!

Prefatory note: I don't really see this thread as a "question of subbiness". Even so, I'd like to point out before I respond that the list of things I would not 'let' a Dom do to me is reeeeeeaaaaaaaally long. I'm sure it's much longer than anyone else's here. So if you are handing out applications for Subbiest Sub of the Year, Marquis, please feel free to pass me by.

~~~~

My answers to your questions are yes, yes, and yes.

Why? Because I trust him to correct, check, or chastise me in a way that would not make anyone else in the room uncomfortable.

Mainstream people do this to their partners all the time in public. Is it considered socially unacceptable? Well, that depends on the tone, content, and duration of the message being delivered, as well as the response.

Joe reaches for chocolate cake. His wife makes a quiet, respectful comment to him. He smiles ruefully, thanks her, and picks strawberries instead.

She just checked his behavior.

Jane has a tendency to talk too long about her cases at work when she is in social settings. When she starts to drone on, her boyfriend squeezes her hand in a subtle but significant way - using a previously agreed upon signal to chastise her.

Are these examples of socially unacceptable behavior? I don't think so.

Generally speaking, people in my world are uncomfortable with overt expressions of anger, disappointment, disgust, or disrespect between partners. Something that sounds like an affectionate, gentle reminder won't raise any eyebrows at all.

I agree with Shy's comment, that couples should not air their issues in public. But given a little finesse and creativity on the part of a D/s couple, I don't see why this precludes correcting, checking, or chastising in the company of others.

Alice

 

[serijules]

Let?

Somehow the idea of "letting" Dawnie do something (or not) doesn't quite fit in my vocubulary.

 

[alice_underneath]

Let?

Somehow the idea of "letting" Dawnie do something (or not) doesn't quite fit in my vocubulary.

I interpreted Marquis's questions as asking: Would it be out of bounds in your D/s relationship for your Dom to correct, check, or chastise you in the presence of family members?

I agree that his phrasing sounds like a non sequitur if addressing behavior within the D/s bounds of a relationship.

But if addressing the establishment of the boundaries themselves, I think the phrasing makes sense.

 

[Quinn71]

Would you let your Dom correct you, check you or otherwise chastise you in front of his family?

Your family?

Yo momma?!

My opinion is that if a sub is truly in tune with his/her Dom/me...a simple look would be enough for correction. The correction would not have to be overt or explicit such as to arouse questions from those "on the outside"...be they family or otherwise.

 

[Marquis]

I'm sorry guys, I must be being totally unclear here.

What I'm asking is whether or not you would argue with your Dom in front of family or would you just back down?

What if he started it?

 

[Kajira Callista]

I'm sorry guys, I must be being totally unclear here.

What I'm asking is whether or not you would argue with your Dom in front of family or would you just back down?

What if he started it?

I'm assuming my family already knows how happy i seem with this person.
My family is easy. If you are happy and content then in their opinion you are doing it right and whatever that relationship brings is acceptable.
Would i argue in front of my family? Nope, because i have been involved in an emotionally abusive relationship that was witnessed by my family. His favorite pass time was making me upset by constant provocation in front of others so he could say how foul tempered and bad i was. If my family saw me "take the bait" so to speak, they would think i was in the same type of relationship all over again.

 

[Lilith]

Not a sub and I do not argue in public period. It's distasteful and unnecessary. We discuss things in private.

 

[serijules]

I am too well trained to need more than a very subtle look to be corrected at almost any time, and arguing is not an option, even when we are in a "vanilla" setting, I am still her slave. If I disagree with something she says or does, I'll bring it up later, in private, in a respectful manner. I would do that same regardless of the D/s involvment.

Arguing is for two year olds.

 

[alice_underneath]

Wow. In the wake of that swipe, I'd like to offer some humor from the movie The Front.

Man: Where are you from?

Woman: Connecticut.

Man: That's very ritzy.

Woman: It's very proper, anyway. I was very well-bred. The kind of family where the biggest sin was to raise your voice.

Man: Oh, yeah? In my family the biggest sin was to buy retail.