A question of protocol

[*bratcat*]

 

[Lancecastor]

A Guess: This has scared your spouse. It's a mortality thing. So he's avoiding going. There are lots of resources online and at funeral homes in your town for free that talk about grief for all ages. Talk to him. If he doesn't go it's not the end of the world either though.

 

[bluemuse]

He needs to suck it up and go with you. Period.

 

[Guest]

First of all, your spouse is "allowing" you to go??

Speaks volumes. Everyone should be going, it's family and there's no excuse.

 

[busybody..]

You, Brat need to suck it up

and realize his point and feelings are as valid as yours.

Dont make it a point of contention.

 

[Guest]

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[glamorilla]

no...actually there are excuses and "family" doesn't always come in the shape of blood relations and/or marital relations. for me it's a question of the legitamacy of these excuses. i think an uncaring motive should be dealt with accordingly.

try to handle things as smoothly as possible.

i do like the idea of keeping a band with you at all times when the need to dance breaks out but just not at a funeral tho.

 

[Lancecastor]

Guess #2: The death of a family member has become the stage upon which to act out a recurring drama within your marriage. I think you should be talking to him at this point, not us.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[Guest]

good point lancecastor. sounds like there are a lot of underlying.

good luck.

 

[Guest]

 

[Lancecastor]

I did, Lance. Thanks, tho.
He is going...he will be more than polite while he is there as he always is.
I am just venting here so that I don't vent at him. Call it my peacekeeping mission.

Fair enough

My condolences.

Lance

 

[Jimi]

Yup - NO excuses!

He needs to suck it up and go with you. Period.

Right On! LadyBlue!

Cathy, if the situation were reversed...

Tell him that this Canuckian MALE culturally knows the proper thing to do, and he should not "let down the side" for us!

You GO, Bratty-Gurrrl.

 

[Simply Me]

Sorry for your loss, Cat.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[weed]

Hey, BC....sorry to hear about the family loss. Good to hear your hubby is adjusted to the idea of changing his plans. Hopefully he can understand where your coming from in all of this.

Times like that it's good for every one to stay close.

 

[truegentleman]

I am sorry for your loss. And yes he should go, if not out of respect, then to at least offer support to you. Maybe his reason is that he's scared, but sometimes our own fears have to take a back seat to what is the right thing to do.

 

[brisbon]

Sorry for added trouble at this time bratcat. For some it can be a difficult thing to participate in the lives of the people around them, even when it is greatly needed. It does not make them necessarily bad people, selfish and flawed yes. (we are of course all flawed in one way or another).

I hope the trip goes well for you, and that you can give some support to your sister, even though I do not know you well, I am sorry for the terrible loss to your sister.

 

[TWB]

Funerals are more about the living than the dead.

Deciding to go is for many reasons, but the main reason is to support those who are grieveing and grieve yourself. If you were not close to the deceased, but your spouse was, you should go to support your spouse. Children can be exposed to funerals as part of life lessons.

If I had a spouse whose brother in law died, I would go to support my spouse and my extended family. Showing up is a great gesture to those who were close to your brother in law. He should go without grumble.

Ask Ann Landers.

 

[onewingedangel]

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can understand your spouses wish to stay, but cant really empathise. He should follow you to the ends of the earth out of love.

 

[Bob Peale]

Ask Ann Landers.

If you get an answer, be very afraid.

On the other side, fuck understanding. How do you feel? Its perfectly fine to want him there - I'm confused what the debate is.

For some, the decision would be totally acceptable; for me it would not be.

 

[Nora]

Brat, I understand why you want him there and I'm very sorry for your loss.

I have a few questions, as I'm leery of automatically assuming negative intent. Did he say *why* he didn't want to go? Does he have a problem with funerals (many, many people do)? Is it a seriously bad time for him to take off of work? How does he feel about funerals in general? About your family? Does he feel that young children shouldn't be "forced" to attend funerals? Does he perhaps know something that you don't? Maybe those two confided in him that they weren't comfortable about it or were scared?

If he doesn't get along well with your family, especially with your sister, it could be that he's trying in his own whacked out way to BE respectful of your loss by not being an abrasive at such a dark time.

I know what I'm saying isn't nearly what you need to hear right now. I'm sure that you're in a lot of emotional pain, and again I am wholeheartedly sorry for your loss. I guess what I'm trying to say in my usual long-winded way is to find out the whys of the situation instead of assuming the worst, ya know?

 

[TWB]

If you get an answer, be very afraid.

The Ann Landers blip was a joke.

 

[*bratcat*]