A question of love

[Marquis]

When do you think its appropriate to use the L word?

I am only 22 years old, but in my short lifetime 5 women have professed their love to me. Of these I have only reciprocated with two and only initiated with one.

The first time I think I was just young and excited to be with someone so compatible for the first time. The more recent time has been very different. I say this word because I feel like she deserves to hear it, but I don't know myself if I mean it.

Why do women love to throw around the L word so much? Are my experiences typical? I used to think it was a myth that women get more emotionally attached than men, but I'm starting to question that.

The bad part is, once you've said it, you can never take it back. You gotta keep saying it or it's weird.

Maybe I should just feel lucky that all these women have wanted to share something so special with me, but I can't help it if my hustle alert goes off when I hear "I love you".

I'm so confused, somebody help me out here. Sex I can handle, love is above my head.

 

[Kajira Callista]

You must understand though the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it's only the thrill of boy meeting girl
Opposites attract
It's physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore that it means more than that

What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love but a second hand emotion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

It may seem to you that I'm acting confused
When you're close to me
If a tend to look dazed I've read it someplace
I've got cause to be
There's a name for it
There's a phrase that fits
But whatever the reason you do it for me

What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love but a second hand emotion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

I've been taking on a new direction
But I have to say
I've been thinking about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way

What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love but a sweet old fashioned notion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

 

[TaintedB]

I think it's appropriate to say you love someone when it's honestly what you feel and when you're certain of it (when it feels really good to say it, not like an obligation). If in doubt, don't, and, if necessary, explain to the other person why you don't say it.

Women, too, are often on the receiving end of professions of love that make them uncomfortable because they do not feel similarly or as strongly back. The problem is that most relationships you're going to have, whether you are male or female, are uneven: one person likes the the other more. That unevenness in the relationship only become apparent over time, because at first you're both infatuated with each other. Uneven relationships only last if the more-loved party feels guilty and like they owe the lover something.

Sometime, someday, if you're lucky, you'll find yourself in a relationship where there is very strong feeling on both sides and its mutual--equal, in terms of affection. Those sorts of relationships are few and far between, but they are, by far, the best. They feel absolutely right to you. But until that time just expect yourself to end up on one end of the affection see-saw or the other and you won't be too disappointed with life...or with other people.

 

[D's mariposa]

Short and easy answers: Most women have been trained to equate sex with love so if the relationship turns sexual, it must be LUuUuUuUrRrve and other icky stuff. Second answer, we're supposed to be more in touch with our emotions and more likely to recognize love when it happens. Double

Short and hard answer: I don't know, and some of us don't say it that easily. I was so commitment phobic and weird about the L word that D tried to find all sorts of other ways to say it for fear I'd spook on him. I'm still weird about it, but I l.. lo.. er love him back even if it's still really hard to say so.

Here's another question about the L word. What's the appropriate response? The automatic response is "I love you, too." but what if you don't feel that way? (I had that once. When I didn't say back that I loved her, she dumped me. I'd rather die than be 19 again.) And it feels so cheesy to say it back to someone. Even if it IS true, it feels odd to say "I love you too." As in.. "Oh gee, well now that you mention it, I love you too." Or "Crap, they said it first, now I HAVE to say it back."

I'm with the munchkin from the email who said "You shouldn't say I Love You when you don't mean it. But if you do mean it, you should say it alot, so they don't forget." I'll never forget the look on D's face when I finally could get the words out. It was worth it. So very very worth it.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Marquis, never say it unless you're sure you feel it, because when you do feel it you'll probably that know you do. Too many people get caught up in the obligations & expectations of the L word and yes, young women throw the word around too easily.

 

[graceanne]

I don't know about other women, but my sister and her best friend freak when they hear the 'L' word early in a relationship, and normally dump the guy on his ass.

As for when to use it, I agree with incubus' sub. When you feel it, you'll know. Don't use it till then, cause as you said, once you use it, you have to keep using it.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... but I don't know myself if I mean it.

Pardon the stock answer, but if you have to ask, you don't.

Regardless, ain't a lot wrong with an honest case of lust, or a heavy case of like.

 

[caela]

Marquis, if you had to ask whether you should say it or not than you probably aren't ready to and the simple fact is (at least in my warped version of reality) that telling someone you love them shouldn't feel like an obligation.

You're right that once you've said it you can't take it back so I'd suggest being careful about saying it in the first place. If she says it first and you can't honestly say the same than just be up front about it. Let her know you like her, want her etc. but that you're just not ready to say you love her.

 

[Marquis]

Man, this is so wrong! Girls corner you with that shit!


But what is love? She can't possibly seriously believe she loves me. Our relationship seems so sexual to me.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Man, this is so wrong! Girls corner you with that shit!


But what is love? She can't possibly seriously believe she loves me. Our relationship seems so sexual to me.

So do men.

One gender does not have the market on cornering people with that shit.

I need you because I love you vs. I love you because I need you... good rule of thumb to keep in mind.

 

[Marquis]

Oh man, this is making me feel so negative. I hope the bitch isn't reading this shit.

I love you baby!

 

[A Desert Rose]

Oh man, this is making me feel so negative. I hope the bitch isn't reading this shit.

I love you baby!

Negative or quilty, Marquis?

 

[Marquis]

Is guilty supposed to be positive?

 

[Aeroil]

no, but quilty is.
(lol, sorry for picking on you so much today Rose, but you've been an easy target)

 

[A Desert Rose]

no, but quilty is.
(lol, sorry for picking on you so much today Rose, but you've been an easy target)

I'm flattered. keep stalking me little boy.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Is guilty supposed to be positive?

I think you're feeling guilty for not having the same feelings she has. Call it negative or whatever you want to. It's still guilt... if that's what you are feeling.

 

[Aeroil]

Stalking? the easy shots have been walking right up to me it seems lol, I haven't had to make a furtive step. Plus I'm a bit bored, Mistress isn't on.
edit- LOL for above post (you edited it but I saw qulity there twice)

 

[Marquis]

Stalking? the easy shots have been walking right up to me it seems lol, I haven't had to make a furtive step. Plus I'm a bit bored, Mistress isn't on.
edit- LOL for above post (you edited it but I saw qulity there twice)

Your Mistress just imed me and said I'm to tell you that I'm in charge until she gets back. Await further orders...

 

[Aeroil]

Lol, Marquis you tried that before, and it failed then too.

 

[Marquis]

Shit.

 

[Aeroil]

Lol, marquis, you're the funniest

 

[Marquis]

Word from the mistress, she says stop kissing my ass.

 

[Aeroil]

Word from the mistress, she says stop kissing my ass.

Lol, exactly .

 

[TaintedB]

Man, this is so wrong! Girls corner you with that shit!


But what is love? She can't possibly seriously believe she loves me. Our relationship seems so sexual to me.

Are you looking for a serious answer, lol? Too bad, you're going to get one. Not because I love you, either, but because someone else in the same pickle might read this thread and be helped by some thoughtful responses. (ahem!)

There are two things I can imagine that could be going on here:

1. You have this irresitibly sweet wonderful sexy charming lovely generous absolutely adorable and lovable personality which she sees clearly and which you don't. So she's in love with the "you" that you deny. You can't understand her love because you don't think or know that you're lovable.

2. People like romance, period. They like to be in love because it feels so good so they kind of encourage it along. What I mean is that when you don't know someone very well yet, but it's real fun and hot to be with them, it's easy to project onto that person all sorts of positive qualities that they do not necessarily have. (This is especially true of submissives, who really love to worship their partners.) And then you fall in love with your flawless projection, not realizing that the real person, whom you do not yet know, is not much like what you imagine. This is a bit more common in online relationships than face-to-face ones (or at least it lasts longer in the online ones), but it happens a lot face-to-face, too. That's why there are so many songs written about this sort of thing. Some lyrics from the inimitable 70s:

"Baby, baby don't get hooked on me
Baby, baby don't get hooked on me
For I'll just use you then I'll set you free
Baby, baby don't get hooked on me."

Etc..

Oh, one more thing. The two things I listed above are not mutually exclusive. In fact the truth of this situation, based on what little I know about you so far, probably lies somewhere in between them.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't know about other women, but my sister and her best friend freak when they hear the 'L' word early in a relationship, and normally dump the guy on his ass.

LOL, this sounds like my daughter. Dn't think she freaks though, but does make it clear that though she may appreciate their sentiment is real to them, she isn't obligated to respond in like or likely to. Despite her reluctance to be lovestruck, she maintains great relationships with the guys once it is over and is never short of strong helpers and friendship through them when she needs it. ROFLMAO I was amazed at how expertly and smoothly she handled all the jealous personalities and got the best from them when a few of them rolled up to lend a hand last time I was there when she moved house....there were a few suppressed green monsters, but none dared lose it and risk displeasing her.

Catalina