A Question For Those Who Know

[Silent_Quill]

This board seems to be the know all of know all about sex. So I come to you guys with a question that I could not answer myself. My cousin and I are extremely close. We've confided in each other for years and years about everything. Anyways, my little cousin is getting married soon and she has confessed to me that she has kept her virginity the whole time. Well, that's no biggie, I'm proud of her for that, very rare quality in some women to do it. Anyways, she has said that her and her fiancee have "played" around with each other. In other words she's been eaten out, some fingering and ect, but no penetration. Yet, last week they stepped it up a notch with a dildo cause she was afraid it woudl hurt extremely on their wedding night. Anyways, she said that she was sooo tight down there that she could barely swallow the head of the dildo and push no further without feeling like her insides are ripped out. She asked me if there's anything else to make her looser before the classic "honeymoon" night cause she wants it to be enjoyable, not painful. Anyways, I've never been with a virgin before so it's impossible for me to say, so I came to you guys, any of you ladies or gentleman have anythoughts???

Please, serious replies only.....any help is appreciated.....

 

[Barely__There]

She needs to change to a smaller dildo, (not too small) and start gently stretching. Then, work her way up a size at a time.

There is really no way around a little hurt when the hymen is first penetrated, but if it is stretched out first, it is much less. Also, much much lubrication should be used. They need to get some "sex" gel and that will make a big difference.

 

[Nereo]

I agree with Barely__There

The use of KY gel is cold and may add to the stimulation, she should use it with a smaller dildo and apply it liberally. It may help to masturbate by a clitoral orgasm or oral stimulation first to help her relax and bring about some natual lubircation, then allow her to play with the dildo with liberal amounts of gel. But as I have heard, there is no way of avoiding pain altogether.

Tell her best of luck...

 

[KookyDooky]

Work up from 2 figures to 3. Then the dildo should be fine (with lots of lube). After a few sessions of this--with enough time to heal in between--should be what she needs.

Other than that, all I gotta say is: "no pain no gain"
Go through some pain now so that the honeymoon night will be painless. Better now than later.

Later,
Elroy.

P.S. if they take pictures or a video, send them my way!

 

[Guest]

 

[Silent_Quill]

Thanks

My cousin wished me to pass on her thanks to everyone. She will try it and let everyone know how the situation goes. Post any more solutions for anyone who might have some......

 

[TheCyberPoet]

Having deflowered a half-dozen young ladies, all painlessly, here is the best advice that I can give:

1. Lubricants. Skip KY and go straight for Wet Classic (higher slipperiness, less likely to dry out). Use way too much, for too much is still probably not quite enough for that first time.

2. Foreplay. She should have had a couple orgasms (by whatever means) shortly before that initial penetration (dildo or bridegroom). This will have flooded her body with endorphines and thus reduce the perception of pain. It will also engorge the tissues of the area with blood, helping ease the physical process of her penetration.

3. Intentional stretching -- very slowly. The tightness occurs from the vaginal spincter muscle, and that muscle can be stretched slowly just like any muscle to loosen it. Hooking a the first bend of a finger against it will permit it to be slowly pulled and stretched; two fingers will do an even better job (more than two are unnecessary). If the dildo is already small, then several days of stretching practice may be needed. In all cases, make sure the dildo is about the same size or somewhat smaller than the groom -- she need not practice on a huge phallus only to find out that she didn't need it.

4. Alcohol. Not much, just a single glass of something is enough to relax the body a tad and help without making her less than optimally aware of what is occuring.

5. A hot bath. Like the glass of wine (or other alcohol), this is designed to relax all her muscles, including those.

6. I haven't used this on a virgin, but I do know those who have (especially the medical community) -- a speculum. In some women, the hymen is particularly thick and difficult to penetrate -- she can visit an OB/GYN and request that they partially perforate her hymen in preparation for the wedding (this should happen at least two weeks prior).

Best Wishes for a good wedding and a cherished honeymoon...

=-= The CyberPoet

 

[VIKING511]

Three things

Foreplay, foreplay ,foreplay,

not measured in minutes but hours, unless you want her to always associate sex with pain, once she reaches her second or third orgasm, she will be ready and able for her partner.
If she brings him off orally or manually first he should be paitient and grateful enough to take the time.

What a treasure he has gotten himself, I wish them both luck Silent_Quill


V

 

[Feistyred16]

Re: deflowering before wedding...

.

 

[SexyChele]

Good grief - all this talk about "stretching" out her vagina in preparation for this girl's honeymoon is laughable! EE said it perfectly: The girl is nervous, thinking it's going to hurt and she is clamping up. Simple, folks. Really, a no-brainer for anyone with any remote knowledge of the female anatomy and how it works. (One reason why men should not be giving advice about what a woman feels, IMO.)

Silent_Quill, your cousin needs to learn to relax. Will the first time hurt as her hymen is penetrated? MAYBE! Pain is not automatic for all women. Some women feel quite a bit of pain, others only feel a twinge, and still others feel nothing at all. There is no reason to have her hymen surgically penetrated, unless her OB/GYN has noticed something during a routine exam.

She needs to realize that the first time might have a little discomfort involved - and that it usually fades. Just tell her to have a glass of wine if she is overly nervous to try to relax her nerves. Also, her hubby to be should move at her pace - not to "stretch" her, but to ease her nervousness.

The idea of "stretching" a vagina is ridiculous. Hell, if that were even possible, then every woman who has ever given birth would have vaginas you could drive Volkswagons through. Think about it! The vagina stretches only temporarily. She can play all night long with a variety of dildos, and still clamp up on her wedding night and experience "pain". Until/unless she learns to relax (which might not happen for a while if this pain thing is so embedded in her mind), she will always feel it is "too tight".

 

[KookyDooky]

Smoke a joint before...it will both relax her and ease the pain.

 

[madeline]

I'm totally with kooky - something about getting stoned allows you to get past the nervous/inhibitions thing and just focus on the pleasure. That, and of course, lots of forplay. Best of luck!

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

.

The idea of "stretching" a vagina is ridiculous. Hell, if that were even possible, then every woman who has ever given birth would have vaginas you could drive Volkswagons through.

SexyChele, well stated!! >>>applaudes madly from the back of the room<<< Actually, I was wondering if those VW's would be the Beetle, the Fox, or the Rabbit???
But all joking aside, I agree with you. The only problem this girl has is she has made herself believe that sex is going to be sooo painful, she is tightening up in response. If she can get over the preconceived idea that she is going to feel a lot of pain, she may find that she enjoys herself and is able to orgasm.
Best wishes to this Bride-to-be!

-kym- trying to remember when I last had a hymen

 

[Silent_Quill]

Hey Guys

Thanks for all the info. The situation stands at the fact that my cousin said that she has been fingered and never expected pain at all. Like I said, she saved her virginity (meaning everything) for her wedding night. Anyways, when her and her husband-to-be started playing around the bridegroom went from one finger to two and couldn't do it. She was that tight and it didn't work. So she moved on to the rubber dildo, she worked it and worked (her bridegroom at her out like 4 times before hand) and could only swallow the head of the dildo (and the dildo is only like 5", she wanted to start the same size the bridegroom was). This weekend she will try to expand on it and try some of the suggestions of KY-Jelly and foreplay. It's just up to her how far it goes.

My cousin is extremely timid, and does back out of things quickly if she gets worried, so I see what it coming down to is the honeymoon night. But that's just me...

 

[Noor]

Silent_Quill, your cousin needs to learn to relax. Will the first time hurt as her hymen is penetrated? MAYBE! Pain is not automatic for all women. Some women feel quite a bit of pain, others only feel a twinge, and still others feel nothing at all. There is no reason to have her hymen surgically penetrated, unless her OB/GYN has noticed something during a routine exam.
.

I agree. I didn't have pain the first time, although I did have cramping the next morning that was pretty intense. I say take the bath afterwards and pop some naprosyn or something with food just in case. It is standard for virgin brides to have gyn visits before the wedding to to make sure nothing is wrong, I would definitely do that.

 

[TheCyberPoet]

The idea of "stretching" a vagina is ridiculous. Hell, if that were even possible, then every woman who has ever given birth would have vaginas you could drive Volkswagons through.

The idea of stretching the vaginal sphincter muscle for someone who never has done so isn't any more ludicrous than practicing stretching out your legs before attempting your first complete straddle or split. It's strictly a matter of muscular range of motion in essence.

On the other end of the spectrum (birth, handballing), you are talking about the parallel of a professional gymnast whose muscles have tone and range -- being able to do a split and a straddle easily rarely means that the gymnast's muscles are out of shape to the point that the gymnast can't stand on her own, but exactly the opposite.

In birth, in particular, the sphincter dilates over a large period of time (from prior to the water break to the actual delivery), and yet still isn't necessarily feasible as a delivery path for a baby (one of the rarer of the many reasons a C-section may be carried out). And yet, it is also common for doctors to add a stitch or two just post birth to help alleviate the VW syndrome you speak of, as well as recommend exercises designed to assist in the return of this now-badly-stretched muscle to normal (not unlike a sprained ankle -- some people are more prone to permanent muscle tone problems than others).

You are right in the concept that her own fears and hesitation in this matter may be preventing her from relaxing -- I fully concur. Yet, conversely, you may be over-generalizing your own experiences and physiology onto the entire female population, and in the process ignoring what may, for her, be a reality of her capabilities and particular physiology. Only a doctor would be able to rule it out definitively, and the suggestion that she visit an OB/GYN is a very valid one (personally, I think the bridegroom should hold her hand through the entire exam as a show of support and understanding). If she does indeed have a physical limitation based on musculature or other physiology, your advice may actually induce greater pain and suffering than necessary, and that, in turn, may alienate her from the wonderful thing that sex can be.

Just think about it...
Best Wishes,
=-= The CyberPoet