A question for the guys... be nice ;-)

[notherhousewife]

OK I'll try to keep this short as I know most men don't really want to talk talk talk talk talk Also I'm going to change/withhold some of the unimportant details "just incase" my hubby or his friend or his friends wife see this...

I'm an attractive, married, mid-20's housewife. Went to a BBQ with my hubby at the end of last summer, met one of his friends from school, also married with a child (they were there too, it was at their house). The only people I knew there were my hubby and our child, but I was just glad to be out of the house, but maybe I appeared shy or uncomfortable because I wasn't talking too much with anyone else? Anyway, the husband kept "checking in" on me, getting me drinks (alcoholic, LOL), seeing if I needed anything, coming over just to tell me random jokes, one time coming over to borrow my cell phone to call his because he lost it, but we were in a room with one of their home phones in it at the time and he could have just used theirs, but instead came over to use mine... Hmmm...

Anyway, we've seen them several times since, less recently because we've been extremly busy, but every time before we leave he hugs me and kisses me (once on the cheek), but I'm not a very touchy-feely person, I don't put out signals like some people do like hugging and touching people all of the time, so it can't be that. And I haven't noticed him hugging and kissing any of the other women when they're leaving (there have been other ppl there about half the times we've been with them). But he does it in front of his wife too, and it doesn't seem to bother her... So I don't know if that means anything...

The husband is always saying we should get together without the kids (he likes to drink, LOL). Most couples my hubby and I meet want to get together WITH the kids so the kids can keep each other company and play and tire each other out and the parents can sit down and relax... He stands really close to me when we talk (again, I'm not a very touchy-feely person, I don't send out that "vibe", so it's not that...) and sometimes it seems like he's going out of his way to be close to me, but I can't tell...

Now I explained all of this to one of my guy friends, but he wanted (and still wants) to have an affair with me at the time (we didn't), so I really have to take what he said with a grain of salt.

Now to the fun part. I have a HUGE crush on the husband. I mean HUGE. He is BEAUTIFUL, and he's sweet and funny and, well, different than my husband (this is a good thing, I'm bored). And I feel so childish saying this BUT... do these signs mean anything? The hugging and kisses, making sure I always have a full (alcoholic) drink, the going out of his way to make sure I'm comfortable and awkwardly telling me random jokes...? I am very perceptive about nearly everything regarding human behavior, but when it comes to guys checking me out, hitting on me, coming on to me, I'm seriously CLUELESS, I never can tell, and I also tend to over-analyze things and I don't have a clue what, if anything, the husband is after with me, so I figured I'd better get some guys opinions...

If you need anything clarified to give me better advice, just ask..

Thank you thank you thank you!!!

 

[trell]

he was flirting

I believe he was flirting with you. He might have just been playing the very attentive host at the party, but to continue the activities afterward indicates a real attraction. If you need to discuss this further, feel free to PM me.

 

[Reba67]

It sounds like he was being a good host. We all naturally flirt a little bit, even if we aren't intentially flirting.

I hug and give casual kisses to friends all the time and they are just that -- casual. A peck on the cheek in greeting or good bye is NOT someone coming on to you.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I think you very likely are reading more into him than he means. I don't see anything that would lead me to believe he wants to jump in your panties.

If you still think so, you have a couple things to think about - wrecking your marriage for one

 

[Cathleen]

I think you very likely are reading more into him than he means. I don't see anything that would lead me to believe he wants to jump in your panties.

If you still think so, you have a couple things to think about - wrecking your marriage for one

I'm with Jenny. I know you posed this just for 'the guys' but I'm chiming in.

What's going on in your marriage? You mentioned you're bored with your husband -- in what way? What's changed? Have you talked with your husband about your feelings and thoughts? Always best done outside the bedroom.

We don't often read or see clearly when we have a huge crush on someone. Everything they do or say seems to say they feel the same, it isn't always the case for sure. The chemicals in our brain are funny that way.

As Jenny said you have to consider your marriage AND his too. There are some kids involved here -- tread very softly and be smart.

 

[naamplao]

So....what was your husband doing while the husband was being so attentive??? Ignoring you??

So far it seems like being a good host to someone whose real husband is neglecting his spouse.

I don't put out signals like some people do like hugging and touching people all of the time, so it can't be that.

Really? and you are aware of the signals that you are sending? Afterall, you admit to "touching and hugging...even a sisterly kiss" albeit in front of his spouse. There are many more signals...your eyes for example and the way you look at him, body language (do you play with your hair when you talk to him??)

Why do you mention the alcohol so many times? I wonder at that as I read your post.

My guess is that you are hitting on him as much as the other way around.

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

You mentioned

you were bored...it shows

 

[gregg4]

attention

the Dr is in: Hummm, have you had this problem before? well, ya got it again!!! lolll just kidding, but it really does sound like you must have looked bored. I did have a similar thing happen to me once, and it turned out badly. It's kind of embarassing, so i'd rather not elaborate, atleast not here.
I have an idea or two on just what this might be all about, so if you're interested in chatting about that, and maybe how you might get rid of some of that boredom with your husband, gimme a PM, we'll get it straightened out!!

 

[bighornedsatyr]

Everyone is saying the guy was just being a good host, but I don't see where you said the gathering was at his house. But I do agree that there's not much information to go on, and most likely he was just being friendly, and not trying to get in your pants. But if you hit it off with the couple, go out with them, as two separate couples, and have fun without the kids for a change.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

Tsk. Serves you right for marrying so young.

You're obviously into this guy and he can see it.

You're reading into things that aren't even there, the bloke probably feels flattered and sorry for you.

 

[PertPerth]

I agree with all the posts before me. He was most probably just 'being nice' because you looked bored was being a good host.

In any case, if he was flirting with you...I doubt you're going to find many people who are going to give you their blessing to have an affair. Harsh perhaps, but true.

 

[M's girl]

He was flirting with you already. But that happens a lot between 'good friends'. It's a way to say "hey, I really like you a lot". I am wondering what is so wrong in your relationship/marriage that you (like to) read so much into that.

Him suggesting the four of you spending some time without the kids makes perfect sense to me too and still does not say anything about him actually, really wanting time alone with you. M has kinds who are with use quite often. I love it when they are here; it's lots of fun. I love it as much when they are not, so we can have our adult time together and with friends. Visiting (with) friends is an entirely different thing when kinds are around because they tend to ask a lot of attention all the time. In our case they get all the attention they want and need when they are here because we don't get to spend time with them all of the time, but if they would be I know for sure I would crave and need some time without them every once in a while....

When you have a crush on someone you tend to read into 'things' much more than what they really are, keep that in mind!

 

[Guest]

Hmmm what to do

Well first off I havn't read the replies to your questions so hopefully this is coming straight from me. The husband is "working it" and is very interested in getting "with you". You have become infatuated with the flirting and the bumping and hugging and kissing and you have started fault finding with your husband which is a completely human thing to do.

In your case, he is flirting with a purpose, you are responding, by telling yourself that you have become bored with your husband.

 

[cloudy]

Well first off I havn't read the replies to your questions so hopefully this is coming straight from me. The husband is "working it" and is very interested in getting "with you". You have become infatuated with the flirting and the bumping and hugging and kissing and you have started fault finding with your husband which is a completely human thing to do.

In your case, he is flirting with a purpose, you are responding, by telling yourself that you have become bored with your husband.

No, he's not. He's behaving like a nice guy, and she seems to want to see something there that just isn't.

If he wanted to "get with her," it makes no sense that he would suggest that the two couples - including her husband - do things together. If it was as you say, I don't see the guy wanting to include her husband or his wife.

He's being polite. Get over it, and work on your problems at home.

 

[Evil Kirk]

Guys flirt because they want to keep "all options open". They wait for women to make the first move. Adam wanted to fuck Eve, but he waited for her to offer the apple, so history could blame the whole thing on her.

 

[tkinsc]

He was serving as a good host, but as a guy was probably flirting a bit. You are probably also flirting a bit, even if you do not realize you are flirting.

The hugs and kisses are certainly understandable. He may be a touchy feely guy. I hug and kiss a number of female friends, and wives of friends, but I don’t have a sexual agenda with the hugs and kisses

It is perfectly understandable for him to want to get together as a couple with out children. At times it can be nice to get together with another couple as adults and have a good time (nothing sexual), rather than getting together as parents.

 

[subwannabe]

Well, I gotta say that you do seem to over analyze. I would also like to ad that I'm never in favor of cheating, in almost all situations. Having said those things, I was amazed at the answers you received. I actually feel like he was definetly interested in you. How much, it's hard to say. I think he went a lot further than just being a nice host. He doesn't kiss anyone else, he doesn't seem to hang around with other women, and, as you said, many other people had cell phones he could have borrowed. I wouldn't even be surprised if he lost his cell phone on purpose. This doesn't necessarily mean he really wants to have an affair with you but he certainly seems to be fantasizing about it. Like I said before, I am basically against cheating, even if you are bored. If you are that unhappy you should either try to work on it or get divorced. I think you could get in this guys pants if you really wanted it but the excitement you get out of it may not be worth it in the long run.

 

[fgarvb1]

He is attracted to you... therefore he almost certainly would jump your bones if you gave him the chance.

Come on now.

Come clean.

You know damned well you have encouraged him.

I know this because there is no way in hell you could not have feeling the way you stated about him.

The question I'm wondering is, what does your hubby and his wife think about all of this.

and why hasn't anyone said anything? or have they to each other? Is there a plot afoot?

Red Alert! Red Alert!

How long has this been going on?

I've seen this bullshit before!

 

[skeptic99]

He wants you...and you had better think seriously about the consequences. It is indeed painful when 2 marriages break up in this sort of way, and it almost never works out for the 2 people that made it happen.

If your marriage is finished do your hubby and kids a favor...and move on to being single before you get involved with someone else. And if mr touchy-feely does the same I would avoid him for at least a year. You owe yourself that.

Just my 2 cents worth - a male perspective by the way.

 

[Not Normal]

So he's flirting. Does that mean he has a real interest in ruining 2 marriages? Does it mean that he would go through with it if given the opportunity? Is he the type that would do that to his kids? Are you? Could he just be a good host and/or touchy-feely?

Some people like to flirt. Some flirt without realizing it. Some like the flirt game.

You want him to want you, You want him to make the big move so you don't feel as guilty.

You need to get you shit together with your husband. It might just be the "7 Year Itch" and not be serious. There might be big(er) issues. You need to figure that out and then revaluate your situation. Then and only then can you even consider the 'next step.'

 

[momma1968]

quite frankly everyone flirts at parties it's part of the fun.
I don't see the harm in it the majority all end up at home with their other half
I'm more inclined to think that it is harmless and your over thinking the whole thing.
keep it as a fantasy

 

[ratedr]

It sounds like he wants you but like what was said above, think very seriously about the consequences and if you are prepard to handle those if and when they arise.

 

[frenchcuffs]

There is two ways to go with this....

1) He has a crush on you. Definitely flirting....this may just be his outlet it may go no further than that. In his own mind he may be walking on the edge of naughtiness and again this will go no further.....his fantasy so to speak.

Alternative.

2) He has a crush on you. Would like to do something not sure how to go about it. He probably knows your hubby well enough and feels he would have been a better choice for you....you know "He isnt good enough for her, but I am"

 

[Ridger]

You remind me of this girl I know so here is my brutal advice. Get a divorce if your not satisfied with your husband. Don't cause strain on this guys marriage especially when they have children. You're not single and he isn't either so it's unlikely he has some sort of agenda regarding seducing you unless he really wants to throw his current life and responsabilities away like you're apparently willing to do. Also, grow up.

 

[Disrupted]

... I have a HUGE crush on the husband. I mean HUGE. He is BEAUTIFUL, and he's sweet and funny and, well, different than my husband (this is a good thing, I'm bored). ...

A "good thing"? Is there something about that man which excites you and is missing from your husband?

For that matter--in what way are you bored? My initial response would have been one of disgust, seeing how reading that part gave the impression of you being fickle-minded or shallow. However, I cannot claim to be aware of all the details and this is merely speculation.

(For all I know you might simply be in need of considerable attention or the like from your husband and his friend happens to be giving that to you since he may have noted your lack of interaction with the others and was showing concern about it.)

In any case, good luck with your situation.