a question for Doms/Tops/sadists

[sigsauerprinces]

when you are playing with your sub/slave..not talking about discipline, but play- when you slap her so hard she gasps and there is a red mark on her cheek...when you whip her so hard she is crying..when you fuck her ass so hard she is screaming in pain and bleeding- which turns you on more:

a: that even tho she's in pain, she wants it, she craves it, she may be crying or whimpering in pain but you can see the utter raw lust in her eyes and you know she's enjoying the sensations and wants more...

b: or that shes not enjoying it, she wishes it would stop, but she is taking it for you because you're her Master/Dom. maybe she enjoys submitting, but the actual pain and violence-she just wants it to be over.

im just curious. personally for me if i was a top, i think id enjoy it more that they wanted it and enjoyed it. id ont think id enjoy it nearly as much if i thought they hated it and were only submitting to the extreme pain because i was their master.

i know as a sub, i love to see that he is enjoying what he's doing to me...enjoying the look of pain on my face. thats why i hate to be blindfolded-i like to see his facial expressions of pleasure at my pain

*disclaimer-using a female sub for example and the sake of brevity-i know there are male subs and Femdoms

 

[catalina_francisco]

To me, edge play which I think is what you are talking about, is an extreme turn on. Not always, as sometimes a cuddle or a simple kiss on the cheeks can be a bigger turn on, depending on my mood. However, during the periods when I am feeling sadistic, edge play is an enormous aphrodisiac to me.

IMO there is a connection on mental, emotional and physical levels that is built up during those moments; it is an incredible deep connection. The amount of trust my partner needs to have in me to put her life in my hands creates an emotional bond which is unlike anything I have ever experienced.

Yes I enjoy the pain she is receiving and I am giving, also I enjoy the adrenaline feedback I get. The power rush that comes from edge play is extreme, like it should be for edge play. But the biggest kick I get is from the feedback of the enjoyment of my partner. It is the fact that she enjoys what I am doing that increases my own pleasure.

During those periods a channel is created between the two of us, energy is flowing freely and feedback goes back and forth. A loopback is made in where her enjoyment increases mine and my enjoyment increases hers. Synergy is exchanged between the two of us and in that moment the two of us are in sync with each other and a feedback flow has been created. It can be seen as going together into a sub/dom space.

I hope that answers your question SSP?

edited to add:
The partners can be considered catalysts and enhancers for each other.

Francisco.

 

[Netzach]

For me, A.

With a little side helping of B.

It's like wasabi with my sushi.

 

[sigsauerprinces]

To me, edge play which I think is what you are talking about, is an extreme turn on. Not always, as sometimes a cuddle or a simple kiss on the cheeks can be a bigger turn on, depending on my mood. However, during the periods when I am feeling sadistic, edge play is an enormous aphrodisiac to me.

IMO there is a connection on mental, emotional and physical levels that is built up during those moments; it is an incredible deep connection. The amount of trust my partner needs to have in me to put her life in my hands creates an emotional bond which is unlike anything I have ever experienced.

Yes I enjoy the pain she is receiving and I am giving, also I enjoy the adrenaline feedback I get. The power rush that comes from edge play is extreme, like it should be for edge play. But the biggest kick I get is from the feedback of the enjoyment of my partner. It is the fact that she enjoys what I am doing that increases my own pleasure.

During those periods a channel is created between the two of us, energy is flowing freely and feedback goes back and forth. A loopback is made in where her enjoyment increases mine and my enjoyment increases hers. Synergy is exchanged between the two of us and in that moment the two of us are in sync with each other and a feedback flow has been created. It can be seen as going together into a sub/dom space.

I hope that answers your question SSP?

edited to add:
The partners can be considered catalysts and enhancers for each other.

Francisco.

Francisco-you did answer my question, thank you so you're saying that you enjoy it more when she is enjoying it..if she was just gritting her teeth and waitingn for it to be over, it wouldnt be as hot for you, right?

one thing-i didnt mean edge play per se-i just used those specific examples because those are examples of things that cause a lot of pain, but yet-i enjoy. what i meant was really any pain that was intense for the sub-whatever her pain tolerance is.

Netzach- i agree that its more interesting with a little of A and of B.

is there anyone reading this who gets more turned on when their sub is obviously NOT enjoying it, and just taking it because it is their duty to submit?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... when you slap her so hard she gasps and there is a red mark on her cheek...when you whip her so hard she is crying..when you fuck her ass so hard she is screaming in pain and bleeding- which turns you on more:

Choice A and choice C.

B is to hamburger, as A is to Filet Mignon, as C is to ambrosia.

 

[Marquis]

is there anyone reading this who gets more turned on when their sub is obviously NOT enjoying it, and just taking it because it is their duty to submit?

Yes. But then again, if this was the norm rather than the exception, I am not sure if I would like it as much.

 

[CharleyH]

when you are playing with your sub/slave..not talking about discipline, but play- when you slap her so hard she gasps and there is a red mark on her cheek...when you whip her so hard she is crying..when you fuck her ass so hard she is screaming in pain and bleeding- which turns you on more:

a: that even tho she's in pain, she wants it, she craves it, she may be crying or whimpering in pain but you can see the utter raw lust in her eyes and you know she's enjoying the sensations and wants more...

b: or that shes not enjoying it, she wishes it would stop, but she is taking it for you because you're her Master/Dom. maybe she enjoys submitting, but the actual pain and violence-she just wants it to be over.

im just curious. personally for me if i was a top, i think id enjoy it more that they wanted it and enjoyed it. id ont think id enjoy it nearly as much if i thought they hated it and were only submitting to the extreme pain because i was their master.

i know as a sub, i love to see that he is enjoying what he's doing to me...enjoying the look of pain on my face. thats why i hate to be blindfolded-i like to see his facial expressions of pleasure at my pain

*disclaimer-using a female sub for example and the sake of brevity-i know there are male subs and Femdoms

Hm difficult post - a true sadist can't stand to be with a masochist - it defeats the purpose . . . so the sadist part of the post must be mute. S and M is contradictory. Thats the only thing I can say. And who is a real sadist? Well - I can think of a recent German legal case . . . sadaism is a wee bit of a farce . . .so ok - sure, when you take someone to the edge of their boundires . . . and then stop because - well - you are not a true sadist - but as close as you can get . . . just a theory.

 

[Etoile]

Re: Re: a question for Doms/Tops/sadists

Hm difficult post - a true sadist can't stand to be with a masochist - it defeats the purpose . . . so the sadist part of the post must be mute. S and M is contradictory. Thats the only thing I can say. And who is a real sadist? Well - I can think of a recent German legal case . . . sadaism is a wee bit of a farce . . .so ok - sure, when you take someone to the edge of their boundires . . . and then stop because - well - you are not a true sadist - but as close as you can get . . . just a theory.

I trust you meant "moot" instead of "mute" - that said, moving right along!

The dictionary says that sadism is pleasure obtained by inflicting harm (physical or psychological) on others. It does not require that the victim dislike what's being done.

I know of plenty of doms who take subs to the edge of their boundaries and stop, but I wouldn't say it's not because they aren't a true sadist. There are a lot of reasons for stopping, physical damage among them, as well as boredom or just enjoying the edge play without needing to go OVER the edge.

 

[Etoile]

To me, answer A is mostly applicable to painsluts, which I am not. The reason I suffer the pain is answer B - because Daddy enjoys inflicting it on me. So I hope e would answer B! I can tell when e is really feeling sadistic, and I endure those times because I know e's enjoying it.

 

[angela146]

Since Hubby and I switch, I'll give you both answers.

He is happiest when I either enjoy it or "need" it. Sometimes I want to be pushed over the edge and taken to the point of not enjoying the hurt any more. This, in my view, is all in the A category.

He occasionally does "B" but there is a war inside him between enjoyment and guilt. I try to help suppress the guilt by reminding him that I want him to have any possible enjoyment he can have from me.

Sometimes, if he is in the right mood, he can “command” B from me without any guilt. At those moments, I feel like I would give my life to him if he would claim it.

I, on the other hand, can go for both A and B (with A much more frequent and B as a savored delicacy). I actually enjoy inflicting pain, seeing tears, hearing cries, being asked to stop, knowing that I am hurting and am grateful to hubby for giving himself over for my pleasure.

 

[Mr Blonde]

The majority of the time I want her to happily receive the act with an intensity that matches my pleasure in giving it to her.

On other occasions, I very much enjoy stringing together a series of items that I know she is just tolerating for my sake. She is hoping it will be over soon and only receiving the actions because it was for my pleasure. This can be cruel, painful or humiliating for her. She will not be rewarded at the end with anything except basic attention during aftercare. That is me exerting my will over her in a fairly sadistic way.

So to continue with the previous food analogy, it is like feeding someone a plate of food they enjoy eating most of the time, but other times deliberately gving them a pound of brussel sprouts while making sure they know there will be no ice cream for desert. I don't really mix and match within the meals. It is either an all around good meal or a deliberately painful experience.

Thinking over previous relationships, the ratio of a:b has been anywhere from 25:1 to 1:1. One might expect some sort of trend for how much I value the relationship or care for her as a girlfriend but that is not the case. My best guess is that I am intuitively pushing the submissive to test her personal limits.

 

[lark sparrow]

It's a fine line between A and B... there's no way I could separate it completely most times as it goes back and forth and back and forth again, when being stretched... and I would hope to be at one point or another way at some time. Only A could eventually get boring, only B could eventually get annoying. There's a beautiful and captivating tension in push and pull.

 

[catalina_francisco]

is there anyone reading this who gets more turned on when their sub is obviously NOT enjoying it, and just taking it because it is their duty to submit?

This is a dificult one as there have been occasions when he has needed (and warned) me he requires I act as an outlet for him to give pain too until his hunger is fed. Sometimes this has gone beyond what I felt like at the time, but he knows I have endured for him, and he has been turned on. In most of these situations I try to mask any displeasure from him in an attempt to not spoil the experience for him, but he is always aware all the same, and it does not interfere with his pleasure principle most times, which I love.

Catalina

 

[angela146]

This is a dificult one as there have been occasions when he has needed (and warned) me he requires I act as an outlet for him to give pain too until his hunger is fed. Sometimes this has gone beyond what I felt like at the time, but he knows I have endured for him, and he has been turned on. In most of these situations I try to mask any displeasure from him in an attempt to not spoil the experience for him, but he is always aware all the same, and it does not interfere with his pleasure principle most times, which I love. Catalina

What she said... In both directions.

I wish my husband would do this more with me. I get some serious satisfaction from being pushed to the point of sacrifice for him.

 

[trodas]

The A and B possibilities are somewhat hard to separate It's simple to see why. We tying up your partners because on rougher play - and this is what they want (that's A) - they hadly can remain in position when it got harder (that's B)

The whole SM thing is about (at least IMHO) driving person into the intense of stimulation and punishment, that he/she never can archieve on their own will

The whole my pleasure from it is enjoying the reaction i got. Something like "just gritting her teeth and waiting for it to be over" is entierly unacceptable for me - i can't help myself, but this is definitively no-no and i will do anything (okay, almost anything) to make she moving, clinching their muscles and fighting with their restraints again
Basicaly it means that when she is just lying back camly i have to push the level a little

 

[Never]

To B or not to B, that is the answer.

 

[Shadowsdream]

It's a fine line between A and B... there's no way I could separate it completely most times as it goes back and forth and back and forth again, when being stretched... and I would hope to be at one point or another way at some time. Only A could eventually get boring, only B could eventually get annoying. There's a beautiful and captivating tension in push and pull.

I am going to pop right in and piggy back larksparrows post.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Bump

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hmmm, another example of how things can change over time...reading our responses here was interesting....he now really gets off on knowing he has taken me beyond what I feel as pure pleasure (in fact if he knows I am suffering a lot and possibly wishing it over, he enjoys it more), and I no longer try and mask exactly how I am feeling at the time from him and might even be stupid enough to tell him when I can catch a breath...but oddly enough I still end up enjoying it at some point even if it might be hours later after I have had time to put things back into perspective.

Catalina

 

[Bredon]

I'm totally turned off by non-con, or anything that resembles it-- on the other hand I like to see tears and hear cries dear confused me--

I wouldn't want anyone to only do things for my sake-- I'm a control freak but I think that I would be frightened that the line to something else (abuse?) would be getting too thin-- like- in all relationships you do things for the other person, to make them happy. That is fine. But that can become too much when you start loosing yourself in the other person, and their needs. It's a standing joke that this is the cause of lesbian bed death- both try to please the other so much that they forget what they actually want, and end up in limbo.
I always would want the sub to be a person with boundaries-- with my last sub there were moments when I wasn't so sure (I wasn't sure about my own boundaries too, which might have been because it was all so new).
Do you get what I mean? I'm ok with B when it is just "spice", but when it is an indicator of a total breakdown of boundaries it frightens me. Love is often a great destroyer of boundaries which is not always good.

I guess that was rambling--

Bredon

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[John Doe]

Both.

 

[neonflux]

Both A and B, although overall, I want my sub to enjoy it at least as much as I do...

As a bottom, I can take endure a great deal of pain and I like pushing myself farther than I think I can go - it becomes an extremely enjoyable test of endurance. I think that can become frustrating to almost anyone who Tops me. The other night, my kink partner got me to call yellow (I think this was the 1st time in our 5 months exploring BDSM). He was so happy, that it made me so happy that we both laughed and cuddled for a long time after.

When I Top, I want to push my partner. Last week, I was using nipple clips on him. He has teeny nipples and it's one of the things that he has told me he hates (he is more of a sub, less of a masochist while I am the opposite when bottoming). But he endured it for me and I knew he was doing so. I got such a thrill and sense of power seeing his eyes tear up and such a rush of love and appreciation after that he would give that to me...

Would I ever go beyond someone using their safe word? No. (Did it the first time I Topped by mistake when I didn't hear my partner say it - the only time I've felt guilty about anything I've done kink-wise - won't ever do it again.)

Neon

 

[myinnerslut]

as a sub, i'm all for being spanked, flogged, bitten, or otherwise hurt by him in the course of our activities. two or three times in the past i have actualy asked Sir to bring me to to beyond what i could handle becuase i wanted to be able to bear that for him. of course i like enjoying it, but i get a pleasure from being the thing that brings him pleasure.

 

[s_red830]

a, most definitely. I actually just read the definition of service top, and that sounds a bit like me. I do also like some elements of domination and control, but that's mostly mental for me... I'm not as big into physically proving my dominance.