A question about fantasies

[LadyJeanne]

Fantasies - we create them, we use them, we write about them...what happens when we fulfill them? Does fulfilling a fantasy make it less compelling and erotic as a fantasy?

There was a time when I used to fantasize about women. Being straight, the idea of having sex with a woman felt a little naughty and very hot and intriguing and I would return to those fantasies over and over when masturbating.

After indulging with a friend, however, poof! I completely stopped fantasizing about women. The real life experiences were great and gave me a better appreciation for why men love to love women (we're sooo soft and luscious!), but the fantasy was no longer compelling for me.

Anyone else have something like this happen?

 

[Guest]

Anyone else have something like this happen?

Quite the reverse for me.

I had some very deep and dark fantasies of my own, for years. I kept them to myself, mostly, but did write them out, in the form of stories.

I have now had a couple of those very dark fantasies realised and the experiences in no way diminished the fantasies for me. In fact, I find thinking about them even more of a turn on now. I am an incredibly lucky woman, to have found someone who was able to help me realise those fantasies.

Lou

 

[impressive]

Some go poof, others intensify. No way of knowing which it's gonna be 'til you take the dive (so to speak).

 

[BlackShanglan]

Krafft-Ebbing (whose theories may best be described as "antique," but who nonetheless has the occasional insight of surprising clarity) sometimes uses the word "ideal" to describe a fetish that is not acted upon, and which the individual does not desire to act upon. Sometimes, he claimed, the fetish would be expressed in sublimated fashions - i.e., a "ideal masochist" might enjoy having his clothing torn or cut instead of his own flesh. But at other times it was simply a mental fantasy on which the individual did not act. What interested me was the number of patients who specifically said that they recognized their fantasies as "ideal" and did not wish to attempt them in reality - that reality would mar the fantasy itself, and inevitably be too shabby, painful, embarassing, or even foolish to be enoyable. Perhaps there are some ideas more interesting in unreality than in reality.

As for myself, I think I finally recognized my own bias when I read Talia Schaffer's speculation that at least part of Bram Stoker's sexuality was purely literary - that he derived sexual satisfaction from a complex pattern of hiding and revealing transgressive desires through his own work. Literary sexuality struck me as an excellent summation of much of my own character.

Shanglan

 

[LadyJeanne]

Re: Re: A question about fantasies

I am an incredibly lucky woman, to have found someone who was able to help me realise those fantasies.

Lou

Lucky, lucky Lou
smiles her smiles just for you.
Wake her, take her, bind her, shake her,
Quaking, aching,
what will she do?


Sorry, feeling silly this morning.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Some go poof, others intensify. No way of knowing which it's gonna be 'til you take the dive (so to speak).

Seems I might have to do a bit more, er, research...

 

[impressive]

Seems I might have to do a bit more, er, research...

I've found that it's the WHO (person) as opposed to the WHAT (gender) that determines whether a fantasy fades once realized.

 

[LadyJeanne]

What interested me was the number of patients who specifically said that they recognized their fantasies as "ideal" and did not wish to attempt them in reality - that reality would mar the fantasy itself, and inevitably be too shabby, painful, embarassing, or even foolish to be enoyable. Perhaps there are some ideas more interesting in unreality than in reality.

This, I totally understand. I definitely have categories:

- fantasy only, would never actually want to do it
- can't wait to try
- been there, done that, yes, wanna do it again and again
- been there, done that, and poof! don't think about it anymore

As for myself, I think I finally recognized my own bias when I read Talia Schaffer's speculation that at least part of Bram Stoker's sexuality was purely literary - that he derived sexual satisfaction from a complex pattern of hiding and revealing transgressive desires through his own work. Literary sexuality struck me as an excellent summation of much of my own character.

Shanglan

Literary sexuality is a form of exhibitionism - is that a word? - and a good thing, too, for the literary voyeurs among us.

 

[KarenAM]

As fate would have it, fantasy and reality are the themes of the novel I'm working on right now. I could fill up pages about it and overload Lit.'s bandwidth, but for now I'll just say that it's amazingly complicated for everyone.

It's also driving me crazy, trying to get a handle on it. I've heard stories where realizing sexual fantasy only makes it stronger, and others where it kills it.

Our brains and souls are funny things.

 

[rgraham666]

It's been so long since I got any, just getting some is a fantasy.

Lucky for me i have my smut to keep me warm.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: A question about fantasies

Lucky, lucky Lou
smiles her smiles just for you.
Wake her, take her, bind her, shake her,
Quaking, aching,
what will she do?


Sorry, feeling silly this morning.

Brilliant!

Sigline worthy, without a doubt. Do you mind if I do?

 

[LadyJeanne]

Re: Re: Re: Re: A question about fantasies

Brilliant!

Sigline worthy, without a doubt. Do you mind if I do?

I'd be honored!

 

[LadyJeanne]

It's been so long since I got any, just getting some is a fantasy.

Sounds like a job for McKenna...she's doing wonders for The Earl in his Drunk and Depressed thread.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I think a fantasy fulfilled becomes less a fantasy. As long as the only thing you have to draw on is what you imagine it would be like it's always what you want. Once you have experience to draw on, it's no longer perfect and try as you might, you will pull some of the experience into your fantasises.

If the expereince is very good or very bad or just different, it still colors the fantasy. In short, it isn't purely a fantasy an longer and may be less or more compelling. But, it's never pure fantasy anymore.

-Colly

 

[rgraham666]

Story of my life.

I'm used to doing without.

 

[Guest]

I think a fantasy fulfilled becomes less a fantasy.

-Colly

Indeed, the word he made up for it is "factasy".

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: A question about fantasies

I'd be honored!

Thank you!

 

[LadyJeanne]

I think a fantasy fulfilled becomes less a fantasy. As long as the only thing you have to draw on is what you imagine it would be like it's always what you want. Once you have experience to draw on, it's no longer perfect and try as you might, you will pull some of the experience into your fantasises.

If the expereince is very good or very bad or just different, it still colors the fantasy. In short, it isn't purely a fantasy an longer and may be less or more compelling. But, it's never pure fantasy anymore.

-Colly

It does make it harder to let your imagination run away with you once the mysterious unknown become known. Maybe it's a case of forbidden fruit being more enticing as well.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I think a fantasy can be killed if you have a perfect scenario worked out in your head, but the fantasies I have mostly are simply to try things and see if I like 'em. I don't think the good fantasies ever die or become less of a fantasy, simply because I'm imaginative and would forever be adding to and/or altering it for enjoyment.

The thing that surprises me most about mind tricks and what not are the things I thought I would hate and ended up loving. There's a real mind-bender. Thinking, going in, that you're going to really have to suffer through something that ends up blowing your mind (the good way) is a trip.

Someone tell me why answering this simple question has made me massively horny and in the mood for carpentry?



~lucky

 

[Colleen Thomas]

It does make it harder to let your imagination run away with you once the mysterious unknown become known. Maybe it's a case of forbidden fruit being more enticing as well.

Exactly. It's very rare that tasteing forbiddin fruit is as fullfilling as imagening whatmight be if you tasted it.

-Colly

 

[impressive]

Someone tell me why answering this simple question has made me massively horny and in the mood for carpentry?

Stud fantasies? (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

 

[LadyJeanne]

Someone tell me why answering this simple question has made me massively horny and in the mood for carpentry?



~lucky

Carpentry? Getting nailed? Hard pounding? Men using their tools?

 

[razor_nut]

Most often in life things are never really as perfect as your imagination. When a fantasy comes true, it could be rare that it's actually as good as you dreamed. Then again, if it meets or even beats, then right on.

Then again, isn't the exact definition of 'fantasy fulfilled' really means that it was as good as you dreamed?

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Carpentry? Getting nailed? Hard pounding? Men using their tools?

In Lucky's case you are probably talking more tongue in groove woodwork

 

[Guest]

Then again, isn't the exact definition of 'fantasy fulfilled' really means that it was as good as you dreamed?

Exactly. "Fantasy fulfilled and blown out of the water" is another way of putting it.