A pPersonal Favour

[Dapperguy]

Thanks to everyone who contributed to the inaugural meeting of S.P.E.R.M. (Society for Promulgating Erotic Reading Materials). The supporters proved to be an enthusiastic cohort of dedicated zealots. The cheese and wine went down a treat and the silent auction achieved the Princely sum of £312. 71p, which will be used to promote our cause by the publishing of information leaflets. I must also thank the exotic dancer and his snake. He proved to be true professional. However, some beggar walked off with my Aunty’s porcelain punch bowl. Please return it. No more will be said. I raise my glass to you all and hope to see you all, in good health, in June.

 

[12oclocktales]

This is to let you know I was an attendee at the inaugural meeting referred to here, and I apologize for walking off with the punch bowl. It’s just that I thought I’d do the Society a favor by taking it home and washing all the cum out of it; some of the members seem to have gotten carried away, perhaps overwhelmed by the acronym the organization goes by, and instead of making a financial contribution during the auction, made this other deposit instead. Too bad, because from the amount of cum I saw in that bowl, if it had been money, you could print a couple of million full-color leaflets and hold the June meeting in a 5-star hotel anywhere in the world, travel expenses included. Maybe the next ten meetings, actually. That exotic dancer was very good, as you say, despite the huge farts he produced every time he bent over, which, unfortunately, was just a tad too often. I do wonder whatever happened to that snake he had, however; he didn’t seem to leave with it. I thought maybe it slithered up his ass and that’s why he was walking funny, kind of bowlegged, at the end, but then that’s probably not true with all those farts blasting out of there. Not even a snake would be that dumb to pick such a hiding place. The Gruyere cheese from Costco was fine, though starting to crumble a bit, and the wine decent (I know you had to pay the princely sum of £3 per bottle for it, so good job!). I was a bit disappointed, what with the organization supposedly being interested in erotic reading materials, that no one seemed at all interested in my Bobbsey Twins collection I brought with me. Maybe those twins, Bert and Nan, are just a little too risqué for this crowd, the salacious things they’d get up to, especially under the bed. And Freddie and Flossie, I get hot just thinking about them! Remember the one about that time they almost got caught doing that thing with the milking machine in the barn with Uncle Albert? I thought my eyeballs would break reading that, not to mention a few other parts of me, though, of course, I had to reread it about a hundred times. Perhaps at the June meeting, instead of another exotic dancer, you could show some interesting documentary films like Susie Sucks Sweden or that classic Fill Me up Till I Fuckin Burst. All in all, I had a wonderful time and look forward to the June meeting. The bowl will be in your hands by Friday, promise.

 

[Dapperguy]

What the fuck is this. I don’t believe you were an attendee, as all those who enrolled were given a password to prove they are genuine. You have not give the password at the beginning of your message. You are a sad time waster who thinks he is a forum comedian. Not so. We all laugh at you, not with you. So, Fuck Off! I find your intrusion objectionable and egregious. Do you suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder?

 

[12oclocktales]

So this is the way you treat interested parties of your organization! I certainly did have and use the password to get in, though “um” is not exactly the most secure password in existence, and is why half the people there were drunks who walked in off the street to get out of the rain. You can disparage me all you want, if that helps assuage your sorry little inferiority complex, but it will not hinder me from speaking honestly. And honestly, that pathetic little meeting was about the worst thing I’ve attended since that Meet Your New MP luncheon I attended in London a while ago, where not even the exotic dancer deemed to show up. By the way, I threw your fucking punch bowl out the window and watched with glee as it shattered into a thousand pieces on the sidewalk. I hope your ridiculous organization shatters into even twice as many pieces, and long before that sure-to-be miserable June meeting in whatever rat-infested dive you have it in.

 

[Dapperguy]

So this is the way you treat interested parties of your organization! I certainly did have and use the password to get in, though “um” is not exactly the most secure password in existence, and is why half the people there were drunks who walked in off the street to get out of the rain. You can disparage me all you want, if that helps assuage your sorry little inferiority complex, but it will not hinder me from speaking honestly. And honestly, that pathetic little meeting was about the worst thing I’ve attended since that Meet Your New MP luncheon I attended in London a while ago, where not even the exotic dancer deemed to show up. By the way, I threw your fucking punch bowl out the window and watched with glee as it shattered into a thousand pieces on the sidewalk. I hope your ridiculous organization shatters into even twice as many pieces, and long before that sure-to-be miserable June meeting in whatever rat-infested dive you have it in.

Away and shit multiple hedgehogs with their arse end first. You’re a total inadequate bed-wetter. Don’t!!!!!!!!!!

 

[12oclocktales]

Away and shit multiple hedgehogs with their arse end first. You’re a total inadequate bed-wetter. Don’t!!!!!!!!!!

No one is an inadequate bed-wetter, you fool; even one drop is adequate enough, I would think. And all the hedgehog arses in the world wouldn't be enough to out-stink the odor, not to mention the entire general atmosphere, of that first awful S.P.E.R.M. meeting.