A Plaything for Prostitutes

[English Gentleman]

Hi folks!

It's been a while since I posted a story, so I thought the best way to enthuse me once again would be to post one of my own stories and check out the responses.

Please, all feedback welcome.......good comments will make me blush, and bad comments will hopefully improve my future submissions!

I hope you enjoy.......

A Plaything for Prostitutes

(Please, feel free to say hello via PM or any of my threads!)

 

[drksideofthemoon]

I will preface my comments by stating that I don't care for BDSM.

Your first four paragraphs are long, and difficult to read, especially on a laptop.Your story really wasn't much of a story, more of vignette. There was little characterization, and even less of a plot.

If your goal is providing stroke material for the BDSM crowd, you may have succeeded. If you hoped to do more, I think the piece falls well short.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

1. Reading this thing was a genuine chore. I got a headache from your 20 screen-line paragraphs. All that is going to do is get you back clicks. Readers are lazy. Make it hard for them and they will leave immediately.

2. Your title just doesn't work for me. I've known prostitutes. I have friends who are prostitutes. The very last reason any of them went into the "business" was for the sex. All of them try and get paid without having to "put out." This would have worked better if these had just been a group of horny college girls.

All that said, other than the eye-strain, your writing is not too bad. You had a good idea and your dialogue works pretty well. You could have done better with a LOT more dialogue and a lot less "TELLING." As far as a "stroke" story goes it works alright. But you should work more on developing a real story and not a quick wank.

But keep it up. You are learning.

 

[English Gentleman]

Wow, thanks for the comments, I must admit, I was expecting something a bit more positive, as I think my stories are great, but then I'll admit to being a little biased!

I've taken your advice on board, and promise to do better next time. I have to be honest and say that I know my limits, and never set out to write anything more than a 'quick wank' story - I'm not looking to make print, just make as many people smile for a while!

Thanks again though, and please, the rest of you, keep the comments coming!

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Thinking about this, I actually did a Prostitute story for the Holliday Contest a couple years ago that was quite well received. It's much more raw and true to life than your. You might want to take a look.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=284099

 

[English Gentleman]

Thinking about this, I actually did a Prostitute story for the Holliday Contest a couple years ago that was quite well received. It's much more raw and true to life than your. You might want to take a look.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=284099

I will indeed....thanks babe, you're such a sweetie!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Jenny's a good critic. She holds nothing back and doesn't really care whether you like what she has to say or not, but a writer can learn a lot correcting what she points out. If you want to see the difference, compare my first stories "A Beginning for and End" with "Lost and Redeemed" and the forthcoming "Kismet, Chap 3". What she's saying is what I got from other authors and editors. In changing my style, even I think they're getting better.

You, do wot der lady tell youse!

 

[The_Fractal_King]

Thinking about this, I actually did a Prostitute story for the Holliday Contest a couple years ago that was quite well received. It's much more raw and true to life than your. You might want to take a look.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=284099

Out of curiosity. Why must the story be realistic? People's fantasies rarely seem to revolve around reality.

 

[fieryjen]

Out of curiosity. Why must the story be realistic? People's fantasies rarely seem to revolve around reality.

There is a difference between something fantastic that still makes sense within the constraints of the universe and something that forces me to suspend my disbelief.

For example, let's say I read about a scenario that isn't likely to happen in real life. People behave realistically, everything else makes sense, and the situation itself, while not likely, has a logical explanation. That's not a blunder, and it's something I can accept as a reader, and once I accept the premise, I can enjoy the story.

It's different if, in addition to the scenario being unlikely to ever happen in real life, the characters don't make sense either. Even an unlikely scenario had rules and guidelines, and if those aren't being followed, I am thrown out of the story every time. It's like a literary baseball bat cracking over my skull.

 

[sr71plt]

Out of curiosity. Why must the story be realistic? People's fantasies rarely seem to revolve around reality.

It doesn't (unless it's set up to purport that it should). There are all kinds of stories. Some are fantasies. (And the usual turn-on of a stroke story is bigger and longer, not ho hum regular.) I had a comment on one of my obviously fantasy bi stories once that said the writing was great but the situation wasn't believable--well no, it was an arousal story. But then I guess my biggest mistake was writing the story too close to the believable, not too far away from it.

There's another thread around here where the writer has been told that one of the characters is unlikable (so presumably there's something wrong with the story). Well, if the character was written to be unlikable and an unlikable character is integral to the story, that's good story writing, not bad. What the commenter apparently really is asserting is that all stories have to be cheery and happy. Well, screw that.

 

[English Gentleman]

Thanks so much for the comments folks, I've taken everything on board, now just need a little inspiration to work on a new story - anyone wanna be my muse?

Plus we seem to have a mini debate on our hands about believability - my stories are fantasy, and as such certain rules can be bent a little I believe. However, the last thing I was to do is have the reader scowling at the screen, crying out 'But that could never happen!' Kinda spoils the eroticism of it!

 

[manyeyedhydra]

I think Stephen King summed it up best when he said (apologies if i mangle the quote) "Reality can take a flying fuck at a rolling donut"

Realistic can be dull.

The prostitutes described in the story didn't feel like total fantasy figures. The raw street level prostitution Jenny talked about is only one facet of the industry. I certainly wouldn't think it impossible that the central character could find a pair of girls with such relish for the job.

My biggest problem is the complete breakdown of internal logic. Taking liberties with reality is fine as long as they still follow some rules. The twist is nice, but how the hell did she get tied up in the first place? This kind of thing is really sloppy and looks bad.

The twist is that she instigated and paid for this treatment herself. You can still keep this twist and maintain some internal logic by alluding to some other accomplice, perhaps an understanding partner, who tied her up in the first place.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Out of curiosity. Why must the story be realistic? People's fantasies rarely seem to revolve around reality.

Wow. That is an extraordinary question. It also happens to be the entire basis of mainstream Science Fiction.

There is a huge difference between people acting normally in fantastic worlds and people in fantastic worlds acting unbelievably. People are people. People act a certain way depending on their personalities. The setting in time or space makes no difference.

Azimov wrote the entire Foundation series from Caves of Steel on over something like eight novels that took place on a dozen worlds over several centuries. The series worked because all his characters, even the robots, acted in ways the reader expected each character to act.

This hold true in all leterature, not just Sci-Fi.

 

[The_Fractal_King]

Wow. That is an extraordinary question. It also happens to be the entire basis of mainstream Science Fiction.

There is a huge difference between people acting normally in fantastic worlds and people in fantastic worlds acting unbelievably. People are people. People act a certain way depending on their personalities. The setting in time or space makes no difference.

Azimov wrote the entire Foundation series from Caves of Steel on over something like eight novels that took place on a dozen worlds over several centuries. The series worked because all his characters, even the robots, acted in ways the reader expected each character to act.

This hold true in all leterature, not just Sci-Fi.

Way to miss the point completely.

You used the words "raw and true to life" which is what I was referring to. Some people simply do not see what might actually be true as realistic simply due to their fantasies or what pop-culture has pounded into their heads. Reality and realism do not go hand in hand. More over personalities are not based on what is common they're based on the individual.

If the prostitutes in the story don't act like real prostitutes it's irrelevant. The story is (by all accounts) a work of fiction, he could make a group of prostitutes that keep having sex because they're convinced that without it the CIA will murder them. The characters seem internally consistent which is all that is really needed to make them realistic no matter how far they might stray from what is "true to life."

My point is, it's a fantasy. Holding the writer up to a standard where everything must match the constraints of what is likely or common seems foolish and utterly defeats the idea of writing a fantasy (even one set ostensibly in the real world).

 

[manyeyedhydra]

It's an interesting point for discussion.

Good science fiction (or fantasy) has believable characters in an unbelievable (or at least different to our own) world. The fantasy comes from the different setting, but it's anchored by having characters behave in ways that are familiar to us.

But with erotic fiction/porn doesn't most of the fantasy actually come from deliberately having people behave in ways that are different to how most normal people behave?

 

[drksideofthemoon]

But with erotic fiction/porn doesn't most of the fantasy actually come from deliberately having people behave in ways that are different to how most normal people behave?

In my opinion, no.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

My point is, it's a fantasy. Holding the writer up to a standard where everything must match the constraints of what is likely or common seems foolish and utterly defeats the idea of writing a fantasy (even one set ostensibly in the real world).

I didn't miss the point. Write what you want and go unread. I don't care.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

It's an interesting point for discussion.

Good science fiction (or fantasy) has believable characters in an unbelievable (or at least different to our own) world. The fantasy comes from the different setting, but it's anchored by having characters behave in ways that are familiar to us.

But with erotic fiction/porn doesn't most of the fantasy actually come from deliberately having people behave in ways that are different to how most normal people behave?

Same rule holds true for fantasy, porn, erotica or whatever as for Sci-Fi. The setting, fimeframe, planet, dimension or star system doesn't matter. People still act like people would act in the here and now.

What makes the characters believable is that the DO act and reacte normally in unreal situations or circumstances.

 

[manyeyedhydra]

Same rule holds true for fantasy, porn, erotica or whatever as for Sci-Fi. The setting, fimeframe, planet, dimension or star system doesn't matter. People still act like people would act in the here and now.

What makes the characters believable is that the DO act and reacte normally in unreal situations or circumstances.

A lot depends on what you define as the here and now.

Cultural values tend to shift with time. Think of an old fashioned adventure book like King Soloman's Mines. Viewed through our modern eyes we'd see the 'fine upstanding heroes' as horrendous racists that slaughter whole herds of elephants for fun. Attitudes change.

I wouldn't necessarily expect people to behave exactly as they do now, but I'd expect them behave in a consistent manner within the constraints of the setting, no matter how fantastic it might be. I suspect I'm just arguing the same point from a slightly different angle though.

What I find curious is why it is acceptable to bend the rules to create a fantasy world setting, but not when creating a fantasy character.

In one case the fantasy comes from being immersed in a world that's different from our own.

In the other the fantasy comes from setting up a human interaction that wouldn't normally occur.

Maybe I'm missing something here. Maybe it's not so much bending the rules as not having a decent explanation for when you bend them.

For instance, would English Gent's story have worked better if we'd been told that the prostitutes were two highly paid dominatrices that had built up a solid reputation through the dedication and enjoyment they put into their work? How much of this information can you include in a story before it gets bogged down and becomes unreadable?

Damn, I didn't mean to go on for this long

I just found the argument interesting.

 

[Darkniciad]

I do think you can have an "exception to every rule" character pass muster under the right circumstances - the most critical being that the rest of the characters behave according to expected conventions, or at least don't jump right into the oddball's world without resistance. It's when everybody central to the story is strange that things go awry.

It's also difficult not to turn your oddball into a quirky sitcom neighbor.

I'm sitting here trying to think of contemporary examples from film and literature, but my brain is spinning in neutral from lack of sleep right now. I'm getting flashes of scenes with no actor's faces, author names, or titles

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I do think you can have an "exception to every rule" character pass muster under the right circumstances - the most critical being that the rest of the characters behave according to expected conventions, or at least don't jump right into the oddball's world without resistance. It's when everybody central to the story is strange that things go awry.

It's also difficult not to turn your oddball into a quirky sitcom neighbor.

I'm sitting here trying to think of contemporary examples from film and literature, but my brain is spinning in neutral from lack of sleep right now. I'm getting flashes of scenes with no actor's faces, author names, or titles

Yes, there is one exception - Certain kinds of Humor. Any other kind of story needs to have all the main characters acting normally.

For an example, Drk, try Roger Rabbit.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

A lot depends on what you define as the here and now.

Cultural values tend to shift with time. Think of an old fashioned adventure book like King Soloman's Mines. Viewed through our modern eyes we'd see the 'fine upstanding heroes' as horrendous racists that slaughter whole herds of elephants for fun. Attitudes change.

I wouldn't necessarily expect people to behave exactly as they do now, but I'd expect them behave in a consistent manner within the constraints of the setting, no matter how fantastic it might be. I suspect I'm just arguing the same point from a slightly different angle though.

What I find curious is why it is acceptable to bend the rules to create a fantasy world setting, but not when creating a fantasy character.

In one case the fantasy comes from being immersed in a world that's different from our own.

In the other the fantasy comes from setting up a human interaction that wouldn't normally occur.

Maybe I'm missing something here. Maybe it's not so much bending the rules as not having a decent explanation for when you bend them.

For instance, would English Gent's story have worked better if we'd been told that the prostitutes were two highly paid dominatrices that had built up a solid reputation through the dedication and enjoyment they put into their work? How much of this information can you include in a story before it gets bogged down and becomes unreadable?

Damn, I didn't mean to go on for this long

I just found the argument interesting.

You miss the point entirly. Go back to sleep. The problem is, English Gent wrote a real life story with "The Best Little Whore House in Texas" as his pattern. There is no such thing. That was a musical comedy. There is no such thing as a prostitute with a heart of gold. They are nasty bitches who are out only for the money. They steal it if they can, blow if they can't and fuck if there is no other way of getting it. Understand now?

 

[sr71plt]

Whenever I see anyone (including myself sometimes) say "there is no such thing" about any topic, I know they are way out on a limb and sawing away behind them. Of course there's such a thing as a prostitute who enjoys lots of sex and decides there's no reason not to make money at it to boot. Of course there is. There are folks to fill every niche from Son of Sam to Mother Theresa in as broad a spectrum as you want to imagine--and characters who sell books are not "the norm" characters; they are ones who are painted interestingly bent in some way or other.

 

[The_Fractal_King]

You miss the point entirly. Go back to sleep. The problem is, English Gent wrote a real life story with "The Best Little Whore House in Texas" as his pattern. There is no such thing. That was a musical comedy. There is no such thing as a prostitute with a heart of gold. They are nasty bitches who are out only for the money. They steal it if they can, blow if they can't and fuck if there is no other way of getting it. Understand now?

I like how you have managed to meet every prostitute in human history. That's an impressive feat.

Then again it's also completely beside the point. But you don't seem like the type of person that will ever manage to understand that.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I like how you have managed to meet every prostitute in human history. That's an impressive feat.

Then again it's also completely beside the point. But you don't seem like the type of person that will ever manage to understand that.

And I like how egotistic you have turned out to be. I must say, after reading your stuff you are quite unimpressive. I find you to be overly opinionated with little or no experience. I find your mouth to be much larger than your brain. And you are about 0.0000001 millimeters from being ignored.