A Personally Controversial Decision

[TigerClaw]

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[TigerClaw]

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[snowy ciara]

I do agree with most everyone here that if I keep it and dont make it known to my SO it is underhanded.

Yup, if you're gonna do it, let her know.

Good Point here. If I was married and I could not trust my Wife with work information on our personal network I would wonder why I am married to her. If the relationship is crumbling I would make sure it stayed on a work computer or protection be put on it. Once it gets to this point is the relationship saveable though?
I can not imagine security, government info being allowed at home or on a personal environment. Even my job tries to keep information on company equipment.
Your example would have to be discussed in a relationship. I would be hard pressed to get involved with someone that needed that kind of privacy now.

First example.. I'm not saying he'd do it intentionally. But it happens.

Second example. The gentlemen who does the security moniters from home. He's the "24 hour" part of the "24 hour monitering". He gets a phone call saying that the alarm has tripped and he goes into his home computer and resets the alarm. Also, he does personal security for a few local pols. He knows who's sleeping around on their wives, who's wives are sleeping around on them. He knows got access codes to who's house. He's got scruples. But an angry SO who has access to this info and wants revenge? Hooo boy. Bad juju.. And these things do happen. On my didly squat local level it means nothing. But on a national level, there could be issues.

As far as government info, lots of folks don't have access to that. BUT. Remember the Los Alamos employee in the US that downloaded stuff from work and took it home. (Yes, I know he was trying to spy and it's all illegal but he still did itg!) If he had plugged that laptop into his home network, if he did indeed have one, any one with access to the security protocols just got access to all that info. Not good.

See your getting down to the crux of it all. Why am I concidering doing this? For a real interest, need on my part or because of the past?

Yup. Protecting yourself is good, but you can go too far.

One more thing. If you do love the SO and trust her, do you need this? Another person on this site is networked with her Dom. He has all her passwords. He has access to all her emails. When she changes a password, she volunteers the information. He has her favorites list. She does not clear her history so he can go in at any time and see where she's been. She does not clear her IM history. He does not need to go behind her back and act like Mr. Bad Cop or Mr. Mission impossible Spy Guy cause they trust each other.

 

[TigerClaw]

Yup, if you're gonna do it, let her know.
Dont know if I am going to keep it. I saw the app and was curious to see what it could really do.




First example.. I'm not saying he'd do it intentionally. But it happens.

Second example. The gentlemen who does the security moniters from home. He's the "24 hour" part of the "24 hour monitering". He gets a phone call saying that the alarm has tripped and he goes into his home computer and resets the alarm. Also, he does personal security for a few local pols. He knows who's sleeping around on their wives, who's wives are sleeping around on them. He knows got access codes to who's house. He's got scruples. But an angry SO who has access to this info and wants revenge? Hooo boy. Bad juju.. And these things do happen. On my didly squat local level it means nothing. But on a national level, there could be issues.
He is on his own home computer monitoring other peoples computers/homes? Interesting. If I had security service I would make sure they could not get into my home computer or any personal info. Same thing can be said for computer support. My first computer had a system where if I allowed it they could dial up into me and fix my computer. I never let them do it but how many others do?

As far as government info, lots of folks don't have access to that. BUT. Remember the Los Alamos employee in the US that downloaded stuff from work and took it home. (Yes, I know he was trying to spy and it's all illegal but he still did itg!) If he had plugged that laptop into his home network, if he did indeed have one, any one with access to the security protocols just got access to all that info. Not good. Now your getting into a grey area here. My home is home and work is work. My family would come first. If putting a work computer on my home network risked its info I would not do it and vise a versa.



Yup. Protecting yourself is good, but you can go too far.
Yes. You could put so many walls up as to start keeping people out.


One more thing. If you do love the SO and trust her, do you need this? Another person on this site is networked with her Dom. He has all her passwords. He has access to all her emails. When she changes a password, she volunteers the information. He has her favorites list. She does not clear her history so he can go in at any time and see where she's been. She does not clear her IM history. He does not need to go behind her back and act like Mr. Bad Cop or Mr. Mission impossible Spy Guy cause they trust each other.
I had it both ways. Nothing on my computer, network was restricted. Anything I did, saw, wrote, was open for review. Not because I felt like we should be reporting to each other but to share who each of us was.

 

[LadyG]

I don't even think it's a D/s thing. It's pure trust.

HE has my passwords, but I have his also. Do we use them? Yeah, we both delete each others spam.

Do we read each others emails? Sure, but only after the person they are addressed to reads them first.

If you really feel the need, then let the person know it's there.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Earlier this year I wondered how my environment had affected my thoughts on openness in a relationship.

My parents never kept anything secret from each other. Never kept anything Non Adult secret from us kids. Everything was open.

I posted a quesiton on a site where I know a number of ppl I grew up with. Privacy was split 50 50. For example a spouse could receive a private phone call. Casually the other spouse might ask who it was and what the conversation was about. In reality the spouse would not know for sure if what they were told was true or not. The only indication would be the persons reaction on the phone. The phone was usually placed in the middle of the home like, Living room, dinning room.

Today it seems the computer is put in a private room or area and it is considered rude to ask what did you talk about in an im or email.

Interesting, huh?

Very.

Catalina

 

[caela]

just my two cents worth here but it has been my experience that if a person is truly untrustworthy then they will be so whether they know this program is on your system or not. if a person is a cheater they will cheat, and a liar will lie. if they are going to do something dishonest then no program on your computer will stop them in the end though it may stave off the inevitable for awhile.

i hate to sound cynical and jaded but there it is.

i think your best bet would simply to be to keep the software for all of the reasons given so far on this thread, make it known it is there and then simply trust the person you are with that it will never be needed. if you have found someone who is honest and trustworthy then whether the program is there or not will have little meaning because there would be nothing for them to hide.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Oh Tiger, you can describe the many applications of the software but the real reason you wish to keep it and use it in secret is to save yourself further hurt. You are not yet over your past relationship and any new ones you enter now will be tainted by the old. This is not fair, but is often how humans work. Telling you to let go and move on won't work either, only time will heal those scars. Only you can can overcome your distrust and suspicion and in the end it will be your choice to do so.

Think of it this way. If you had had the magic software it wouldn't have prevented the hurt at all, you would just have been hurt sooner. Perhaps it would be better for you to concentrate on why the relationship failed rather than the symptoms of the failure. Why, do you think, she felt the need to look elsewhere? You are placing all the blame on your ex for her cheating, but people usually don't cheat unless they have needs which are not being met, or are being overwhelmed by the extreme needs of their partner. By extreme I don't mean in the play sense, but in the emotional sense. Having to be the only friend, confidante, lover, mother, sister etc etc can be exhausting for one person to maintain. My first husband was this way, his love & neediness smothered me until I ran for my life.

Please forget about the spy tactics, they will only feed your fears. Be honest with yourself and try to understand why your former partner was unable to be honest about her needs & feelings with you instead of just dismissing her as a dishonest person. We will try to help you all we can.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[TigerClaw]

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[esclave_PP]

I don't think I can add anything to this beyond what was already said. But in any relationship trust is key. Communication is key. As long as you have honesty and tell the person straight up this is on my system, they are informed. Does this mean they will figure out different ways to do things? Sometimes. But if they do, perhaps this wouldn't be a person to be with. Good luck and let us know what you decide to do!

 

[TigerClaw]

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[A Desert Rose]

... I am curious about the rift between men and women.

Yea well, aren't we all?


aaaaaaaaaahahahahhaha ha.

 

[TigerClaw]

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