A (non-sexual) poem I wrote

[ReinaJ]

Hi all, I've dabbled in poetry for years. This is one I wrote in 2000, not very long after a friend killed herself. Like it? Love it? Hate it? Please let me know, constructive criticism welcome!


I finish off my cigarette,
I throw it on the ground.
I slowly take the journey,
The hardest one I’ve ever found.
I kneel down beside the grave,
Of which your body lay.
I bow my head and close my eyes,
And now I start to pray.
I pray for my forgiveness,
I am certain I am damned.
I know not what I should have done,
I know you were my friend.
You took a walk up to the park,
You took that walk alone.
You tied a rope around a tree,
And made it your last home.
I pray that your pain’s over now,
For mine will never be.
With the knowledge that I failed you,
I Will never be at peace


Jon E. Graby
5/8/2000

 

[ChaosDAmore]

I love it. Absoluetly love it. I also had a dear friend of mine commit suicide about 5 or 6 years ago. I have always felt that I could have done more, could have been there for him more than I was. That poem sums up that feeling perfectly.

You get the gold star!!!!!

 

[ReinaJ]

I love it. Absoluetly love it. I also had a dear friend of mine commit suicide about 5 or 6 years ago. I have always felt that I could have done more, could have been there for him more than I was. That poem sums up that feeling perfectly.

You get the gold star!!!!!

Wow, you really liked it that much? Thanks a bunch Chaos, I sincerely appreciate the compliment!

 

[bimbogal]

ITs one hot poem.Nice choice of words.

 

[champagne1982]

Hi all, I've dabbled in poetry for years. This is one I wrote in 2000, not very long after a friend killed herself. Like it? Love it? Hate it? Please let me know, constructive criticism welcome!


I finish off my cigarette,
I throw it on the ground.
I slowly take the journey,
The hardest one I’ve ever found.
I kneel down beside the grave,
Of which your body lay.
I bow my head and close my eyes,
And now I start to pray.
I pray for my forgiveness,
I am certain I am damned.
I know not what I should have done,
I know you were my friend.
You took a walk up to the park,
You took that walk alone.
You tied a rope around a tree,
And made it your last home.
I pray that your pain’s over now,
For mine will never be.
With the knowledge that I failed you,
I Will never be at peace


Jon E. Graby
5/8/2000

Hi Jon, or would you rather be addressed as Reina?

Do you have any recent poems to share? I find that a lot of people bring some of their older works out to give them a taste of the light and because their own personal growth has outstepped the poetry, they wrote as a teenager, they never take the piece any farther to develop it or edit anything that, maybe, they'd like to change.

This is a moving tribute poem for your friend. Please let the forum know, either in a post or private messages, if you'd like a more in depth critique. I won't share my thoughts here about ways I think personally, on how it could be edited to convey a deeper sorrow until I know you would approve.